He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed. Psalm 107:29 (NIV)
The box landed with a thud on the floor. With scissors, I loosened the tape and removed the final remnants of my parents’ belongings.
I held their wedding rings in my palm and wept as my mother’s diamond sparkled in the filtered light from a window.
Grief can be tender at the most surprising moments, even years after losing a loved one.
Unwrapping other items in the box, I discovered the memorial book for my Aunt Margaret who died at the young age of 22. She was my mother’s only sister, and I am her namesake. Margaret was in a fatal car accident while she was working as a summer missionary on a reservation. Every Christmas Eve, which was Margaret’s birthday, my mother cried.
I never fully understood the massive impact of Aunt Margaret’s death until after my mother died.
What a surprise to hear my mother question God on a recorded speech she gave during a church service in 1979. Such raw emotion and candor:
“At my parents’ request, these words were carved on my sister’s tombstone, ‘Thy will be done.’ Somehow they helped assuage my parents’ grief, but these words stirred up angry feelings in me. I asked God, ‘Is this the way you reward someone who loves you and serves you? Did you really care about Margaret’s life? How can I ever pray and mean it, ‘Thy will be done’ in my life too? I had to make peace with the will of God.”
Those same words echoed in my own heart when my mother discovered she had a terminal illness several years after my dad had died from a massive heart attack. Why would God call her home just as her book about grief was being published?
Her final book, When Grief is Your Constant Companion: God’s Grace for a Woman’s Heartache was published the same month she was diagnosed with leukemia. My mother still had much of her life’s journey to share with others, and now her voice would be silenced.
My mother, however, had made peace with the will of God after her sister’s death. She taught me that even though we may never understand why bad things happen in life to good people, we can rest assured that no circumstance or tragic event is ever beyond the redemptive power of God.
For the past six years, I have been an adult orphan, attempting to put a tangible handle on the intensity of the intangible. I wanted to complete something that my mother had not been able to complete.
She had shared with me her wishes to one day speak with the driver who had lost control of the car in which Aunt Margaret was killed. She wanted to let him know that she forgave him and that God had redeemed this tragedy for the good. She was at peace.
My mother wrote many inspirational books and even established a summer missionary scholarship fund in honor of my aunt. Before passing away, my mother learned that the driver had become a pastor. However, she couldn’t remember his name, and any information was tucked away in one of the hundreds of boxes in storage.
As I turned the yellowed pages of my Aunt Margaret’s memorial book, I shouted to an empty house. “I found his name!” My dogs were startled at my enthusiasm and rushed to my side.
Googling the name of the church that was mentioned in the article, I dialed the phone. The church secretary answered, but my hope crumpled with her words. “I am so sorry. He died a few months ago.”
In that moment, I cried out to God. Hadn’t I found this information for a reason? Please, God, don’t close this door. When I shared the story about Aunt Margaret and my mother with the church secretary, she graciously offered to give me the name and number of the widow.
First I called my oldest brother, and together we contacted the driver’s widow. My heart sounded like a percussion section as the phone rang. What am I going to say? What if she doesn’t even know about Aunt Margaret? Will she want to talk with us?
My brother and I introduced ourselves. God had already prepared the way. The widow knew all about my Aunt Margaret. In fact, Aunt Margaret was the one who had invited her to become active in church again. The widow shared that her husband had carried guilt about Aunt Margaret’s death, but he experienced God’s grace and became a pastor, leading a church for forty years before passing away. Aunt Margaret had been a positive influence in both of their lives.
“My mother just wanted your husband to be at peace about what happened.” I spoke the words my mother had wanted to share. “And she died at peace.” My brother led us in prayer.
United in faith and by the past, we lifted our hearts to God. We thanked Him for the precious lives of Aunt Margaret, the pastor and my mother and for the restorative and redemptive way in which He worked through them.
We also sent her a copy of my mother’s final book. Isn’t it amazing how my mother’s book about grief will minister to the widow of the driver in whose car Aunt Margaret died over sixty years ago?
God stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of my grief were hushed.
Leave a comment by midnight Monday and you’ll be entered to win a copy of Margaret’s new book Pearl Girls: Encountering Grit, Experiencing Grace. The book includes stories from women who have found unexpected hope and love through difficult circumstances. Proceeds from the book benefit charities and you can find out more on the Pearl Girls site.
Leave a Comment
TeriLynne says
I cried my way through this … thank you for sharing such a beautiful story of grace and mercy. I cannot imagine the depth of your loss but what an amazing story of God’s faithfulness!!
Praying for you!
Angela says
Wow, that was very powerful. Thank you for sharing it!
Deb Martell says
I’m taking a class on grief and trauma (I’ve had much in my life) and just wrote a post on grief yesterday. The Lord continues to keep it “in my face” and I am praying for His calling and will to be revealed to me. Many have said I should write a book. Not sure about that or where to start, but if it is within His will, I’m sure it will happen. I’m very interested in your book and your mothers and have already visited your site a few times. Thank you for your transparency and sharing your story.
Annette says
God’s sweet circle of mercy that you and your mother could comfort the widow of the one who took your aunt from you. So wonder-filled, so perfect in timing, so like God. My tears are for His goodness this morning, as I read your testimony of grace.
I am part of your upcoming blog tour for Pearl Girls, so don’t enter me in the drawing. Just know I can’t wait for others to read your inspiring new book.
Thanks for sharing your heart today.
Desiree says
Thank you for sharing this story. It always amazes me when God reviels how such deep hurt can be worked out for good. His plan is much, much bigger, then anything we can fathom. May He bless you and your family.
Val says
I really resonated with this. I lost my Mama 4 years ago as well. Grief is hard. It’s not the wrapped up package people expect it to be. Your Mama sounds like an amazing woman and so do you.
Caroline says
I am learning to acknowledge those quiet moments God gives me and to find His healing in them. Thank you for sharing.
Stephanie (in Chile) says
This ministered to my heart in a special way today. Thank you.
Robin in New Jersey says
Excellent post. Thank you for sharing.
Michelle says
Powerful! A challenging year for my family has really stretched me into a more positive person who is able to find the good in the most trying times.
{This Time Around} says
This is an amazing post. And beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
HveHope says
These words… “For the past six years, I have been an adult orphan, attempting to put a tangible handle on the intensity of the intangible.”… are a painful, deep truth and yet (you so beautifully describe that) they are delightfully ‘corrected’ in Christ.
As an only child ~~ who was by the bedside for my father’s last breath; and who was my mother’s caregiver (she lived in our home) in her last years (she died in her sleep in her bedroom downstairs) ~~ I felt the sting, and, a strong connection with what you have written.
From the ashes of these losses (and others), has risen … HOPE in Christ (the brother that I never had), and, HOPE in God the FATHER of the orphan.
His mercy has been astounding, and I am grateful.
Thank you, Margaret, for your loving gift of words,
HveHope
Linda says
Your story was very encouraging to me. In August my sister passed away from cancer at age 72. Her 45 year old daughter said to me that she was too young to be an orphan. I am going to try to get your mother’s book for her.
The day after my sister passed away, my 38 year old son was killed in a bicycle accident. I know he is with his Heavenly Father and his earthly father and is at peace. His father died in 1985 and he never really got over it. It is still hard to deal with his dying in such a horrible accident. His brother is also having a hard time. I am going to get a copy of your mother’s book for us as well.
Within two days my son and I each became the only sibling remaining in our immrdiate family. He has been so strong for me and concerned about me, that I am worrying about him and his need to grieve.
I have been fortunate to have so many people of strong Christian faith around me and praying for us, Shortly after the accident I received the first notice from (In)Courage. There have been too many things that have happened to be coincidence. I believe our Lord is finding ways to bring me comfort.
Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you and your family.
anja says
beautiful, edifying, and redemptive
Lela Paden says
Beautiful…. Your words touched my heart.
Nikki says
What a beautiful story that illustrates how all our lives are woven together in Christ.
I lost my Momma 6 years ago. I miss her.
Thank you for sharing her story, and your story with us.
Phoenix says
I look forward to a time when my waves of grief will be hushed. Thank you for sharing your story.
joanna rummel says
I too am a adult orphan, my parents are both gone and the only grandparent I ever knew my grandmother passed away 6 years ago. I long for to have a parent in my life now. Even though I am a parent myself, I miss them so much. Thank you for sharing your story.
Joanna
~Grace & Peace says
I am in tears. What a beautiful story. I am amazed at how God worked through the circumstances. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry your Mom is no longer around. Mine passed away from cancer 5 years ago but I find myself crying and missing her. ((HUGS))
Bonnie Gray | FaithBarista says
Wow, Margaret. You have a way of telling a story with only the gems picked out for us.
I was very ministered by the arch of how your mother’s grace and grief touched yours, and how it circled back to the widow of another man’s grief and grace.
Amazing. God reminded me know that my grief will somehow reflect grace in ways I’ll never see. I can trust in His redemptive ways.
Thank you for sharing.. and I’m loving the title and premise of your book. What a legacy of grace your mother and Aunt Margaret left you, both by your namesake and your message.
Lori Ruiz says
What a touching story. Thank you for sharing.
Deb Stubbeman says
The story of your mom forgiving the driver touched me deeply. I lost my husband 3yrs.3mos. ago. He was hit head on by a young man. Two witnesses state that the young man jerked his car over in my husbands lane. Due to an anynomous phone an investigation was started. There was strong evidence the young man was attempting suicide. The young man was in a coma for awhile. After meeting w/ a lawyer and prosecutor several times I met the family and spoke to the young man. It did not go to trial but the young man did do a very short amount of time. While he was in prison I worried about him constantly. He was near my son and nephews age. I had such mixed feelings. I prayed for him and his family. After he got out I felt like I had to meet w/ him. I had to forgive him and tell him so he and I both could move on. It was the most difficult thing I ever did. I was physically ill right before I met him. My husband’s mother and I are both Christians but thought the young man deserved totally different things in regard to the accident. The young man and I talked. I told him I forgave him and wanted him to have a good life. As soon as I walked away I feel relief. I am so glad I am a Christian and that I let God lead me completely forgive him.
Even after being w/o my husband for this long I still feel lost, incomplete, and alone. I do feel grief is constantly w/ me.
I can’t wait to read your mother’s book.
Thank you.
God Bless.
Jeanne says
I feel very alone some times. I think if I were to die tomorrow only my husband and Dad would willingly show up for my funeral. My brothers would probably have a reason not to make it and my friends, well, their lives would be too busy and full. I sit and wonder at times how I accumulate friends who are needy of me, but when I need them their lives are too full of activities. I long for a relationship with a woman or women and this equally given of love, energy, time and commitment. Am I meant to be alone in my journey in this world, other than my husband who adores me? Am I being ungrateful?
deb @talk at the table says
This was one of those stories where as a reader I came away feeling honoured. To know that people with such dignity and faith live and breathe and inspire us.
Thank you for sharing in such a graceful way, and best of everything to you .
Marsha says
This was so beautiful and encouraging and full of the hope of our Lord. Thank you for ministering to my grieving and healing(!) heart!
Christine says
Thank you for sharing such a powerful and encouraging story.
Julie says
What a beautiful story of how God truly is in control and does use all things for His glory! It’s amazing to see all the pieces come together and how so many people are touched by God’s love through one event.
Thank you for sharing this. It touched me deeply. God bless you!
Fiona@ A little bit of honesty says
Thank you for sharing. Losing my parents is something I fear a lot – I know they will be going to heaven – but I fear the whole grieving process, and even though I am not close in miles to my parents, I am close to them emotionally. But I know this is something I should not fear….I know God’s plan is perfect and I know He can hush the waves of my grief, when that time eventually comes.
Kristin says
What a great story! Thanks!
Nicki says
Love this quote:
“Faith is believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse.”( Philip Yancey)
Awesome story, thanks.
Ioana says
this story is movie like. but i am glad that it actually happened and you took a step further and visited and invested yourself in that widow. and i am grateful i got to learn about your aunt Margaret’s influence.
Marilyn says
I love the transparency of this story and that the writer took the time to write it. (So many stories go untold!) I thank God for the places it is taking people as they read it. God is in it all.
Marilyn says
To JEANNE: i don’t know you, Jeanne, but your words had a ring of familiarity for me.
Is it a common thread for “people people” (those with a real heart for others – I sense this in you) that they hear the cries of others and step right up to help, but in their own time of need there’s nobody stepping up for them?
It’s a feeling of INVISIBILITY and it’s very lonely. And then, on top of the loneliness, there is a sense of guilt over resenting the absence of others. It is a vicious cycle.
I have had to ask God to speak into this for me several times in the past year. It has been a hard but rich path. Cling closely to Him. See what He says to you about this.
Faye Scott says
I read this again today and was so blessed by the messages in this one writing: grief, forgiveness, God’s grace, God’s mercy, healing. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful message with all of us!
godrealized says
Bad things happen in life as the whole cosmic system is governed by inscrutable laws of Karma… as we sow so shall we reap… nothing less or more! If they were only happiness in life… all would become monotonous… meaningless! Only when we suffer… we understood true value of happiness… never otherwise!