How to Fall in Love Again
He lays his hand on my bare shoulder.
Water drips from the tips of strands tousled and tucked and a rivulet runs down the small of my back. He kisses me dry.
“I have no idea what to wear.” I’m paying him no mind, standing before the closet with my towel, mumbling words. Hangers clatter.
“This skin you're wearing is pretty beautiful.” His stubble finds the curve of my neck, then the gentle lips, them making their way.
“No…" I laugh, embarrassed, try to squirm out of those arms wrapped around, reach for a dress at the back, stretch far away. “Don’t be silly…. I just need something simple….”
Lips pull away.
I can feel him still, arms around me, tensed, steady. I know. What words will now come. I close my eyes in the waiting. He says them slow, low, and they run down my spine…
“When I tell you that you are beautiful…”
His hands on my shoulder, he turns me, and I can’t look, too ashamed.
“You said you’d hear me.”
“Yes… I remember. What you said, how I could be a better wife.” Deep breath, open eyes, open heart. I look into his, faces naked before each other.
“I know…. When you say I’m beautiful…. I’m to believe it. Receive your love.”
This is always the hardest.
We lean and our foreheads touch, breath mingling. We’ve only found this place through a trail of years.
Rarely do I want to receive love just as it comes, soundless rain in late April light. Love falls softly; it cannot be forced. I have tried. That just about undid us.
Funny, how love, this thing muscular and the only eternal, this bridge between our souls, it will sag sorely under pressure, love can’t bear the weight of our expectations, cracking at the joists where I slam foot in demand, where I peer laser sharp in the over analysis. Our bridge has near split, swayed and only grace saves us.
The days and the years, they teach me the startling; love can’t be strong-armed by the tongue. Love isn’t a function of communication. Love’s a function of connection; the gentle whoosh and rush of the blood through the veins, the tender connecting of the one flesh.
Poor communication doesn’t disconnect souls. It’s the disconnected souls who poorly communicate. I am learning.
Words may only magnify the fractures.
It’s the souls that laugh.
That let eyes linger and the fingertips meet, that find their way back to the beginning and share the values and the relive the memory and the flame every morning. How we first fell and ignited. Can I call that place home?
_____
Fall in Love in Four Minutes A Day
It only takes four minutes a day to move into a deeper heart place. It only takes four minutes a day to connect in soul intimacy; to breathe in oxygen for the other half of my heart. Don’t and I too begin to suffocate, the death heave. I wish someone had told me in the beginning.
Four Fixations
Four times a day think on love. When I leave the marriage bed, leave the front door, when I return to front door, return to marriage bed. These are the four critical archways of time in our day. Touch or whisper a sweet nothing when passing through these gate points, and we walk into hours of closeness. Forever love fixates like fresh love.
Four Embraces
Four times a day, wrap up in husband. Embrace fully and hold each other’s eyes. That’s all. Repeat four times daily. The one flesh breathes best when the skin pores are close; connected.
Four Affirmations
Four times during the day, thank him. For working faithfully to provide, for hanging up his towel, for putting gas in the van, for making this heart skip a wild beat. Look for the ways to thank him and watch how moves closer.
“Thank you.” I stand on tipped toes, hair still dripping, brush his cheek with the words, my lips. “Just for this.”
Love comes in the surrender, the falling.
“You mean, for this?” His eyes glint and he kisses too long, and we’re a laughing mess and love is more than words. Love is the life-weaving, a braid of a three fold cord, Love Himself in the center.
Our fingers lace.
_____
Q for U: It's Friday. We could we fall in love again this weekend! What's your plan?
Can you receive love? Can you give it?
Inspire us with budget-savy, fun date ideas -- Inspire us with your own love story! And if you aren't feeling in love... let us know. We'd count it a privilege to hold you gently in prayer...
4 minutes times 4 affirmations, 4 hugs, 4 fixations = Fresh Love!
Oh Ann... this post speaks so deeply to me. We're on the verge of leaving for a long weekend away to reconnect, and I needed to read this. To know it's more than just getting away for some alone time, but for finding time to "move into a deeper heart place".
Thank you. Thank you.
Posted by: Corinne | 10/09/2009 at 12:27 AM
My love of 30 years has been away on business all week. He comes home tonight. I am going to think about how wonderful he is all day and then I am going to hold him tight tonight.
Posted by: Julie Cortens | 10/09/2009 at 04:18 AM
We've been married almost 10 years (in December) and these words place enormous perspective on my heart..."When you say I’m beautiful…. I’m to believe it. Receive your love.” How often I have been unable to receive his love...to believe that he does in fact love me.
Oh Ann now you've got me thinking...I needed to read this. In this place.Aas we prepare to celebrate 10 years of union. Thank you.
Posted by: Jessica | 10/09/2009 at 05:55 AM
Dear one,
You write the poetry of love like few others; my own breath catches and I wonder how...if...when...I can allow myself to move in this realm.
Interesting timing, we're going to a marriage conference this weekend. I was surprised when my husband initiated it; it's been a long time since we did something like this. I asked him "Why now?" and he just said, "Can't a husband just wanna make his marriage better?"
Twenty-two years...three kids...three moves to different cities...a few job changes (for both of us!). And pressures from all of the above. It's too easy to suffocate under it.
You've spelled out, and beautifully so, i n t e n t. I think without realizing it, a marriage can drift before anyone even knows there's a chasm; these simple intentional steps--requiring only thinking about it and "little nothings" provide a canvas for connection simply.
Sometimes that's not easy, though ;).
BTW, my favorite lines? These nuggets of wisdom :) ~~~
"Love isn’t a function of communication. Love’s a function of connection..."
"Poor communication doesn’t disconnect souls. It’s the disconnected souls who poorly communicate."
xo
Posted by: Robin ~ PENSIEVE | 10/09/2009 at 05:59 AM
you know this website is so powerfully written...and I am just pondering the truth within this post especially. So easy for us to forget to connect - but oh, so important for us to remember!! Our "budget-savy" date is a night away camping...and if you can't get away for a night - just build a campfire in your backyard, roast marshmallows, etc. looking into the eyes of your soul's love through the flames of the fire, cuddling when it gets cooler, licking the sticky marshmallow off his lips... :)
Posted by: Michelle | 10/09/2009 at 06:10 AM
Thank you, Ann. What a good reminder - and great ideas - to receive love and keep falling in love. Too often the monotony of seven years and three kids and laundry and dishes get in the way of "us" having time and energy for each other. But I will be reminded now by 4!
Posted by: Abbie | 10/09/2009 at 06:18 AM
Corrine -- Oh, have such a weekend! May you have a meaningful, memorable time away, connecting hearts in needful ways...
Julie -- You make me smile! Perfect!
Jessica -- Oh, yes. Do I know it. Why is it so hard to let love come? You are not alone, Jessica. May your 10th be one of receiving his heart of tenderness for you, my friend.
Robin -- may you be blessed this weekend with a deep connection. My, how that man loves you! So true: we drift and don't even know it. I do. But to daily, intentionally, reconnect hearts in simple ways... Blessings on your weekend, thoughtful Robin -- may you fall head over heels in love all over again...
Posted by: Ann Voskamp@Holy Experience | 10/09/2009 at 06:19 AM
Michelle -- you make me blush, laugh! A campfire in the backyard and some marshmallows... I like it!
Abbie -- that monotony can steal the wonder, yes? Sso many years dreaming of what it would be like to marry this man. And then to take it for granted! Yes, 4 for Fresh love! Let's do it!
Posted by: Ann Voskamp@Holy Experience | 10/09/2009 at 06:23 AM
Your words made me cry because here's one whose husband has never told her that she was beautiful; freezes out any attempt to hug or embrace; couldn't understand why any man would feel it his responsibility to make his marriage better; would attend a couples conference only in a coffin! Yet is still a good provider, a good father and a kind man. Those of you whose husbands freely offer love and tenderness accept it!! You are very blessed.
Posted by: Scotty | 10/09/2009 at 06:28 AM
Scotty... My eyes well too... You are SO Soul Beautiful... Would love to reach out, cup that lovely face of yours and whisper it, again and again. And your heart affirms your husband and all things good and kind in him. You shine, so beautiful!
Thank you. For gently speaking truth to your sisters. We hear you... love you... appreciate you.
You've deeply touched my heart today.
Indebted,
Ann
Posted by: Ann Voskamp@Holy Experience | 10/09/2009 at 06:42 AM
That scenario, those words, they are all part of my life. I can't gracefully accept compliments from my husband. It makes me ashamed, embarassed...and we've been married 29 years. Thanks for this. I will be reading some of your other things, too.
Posted by: Southern Gal | 10/09/2009 at 06:47 AM
This line caught me up: The one flesh breathes best when the skin pores are close; connected.
Makes me wonder how often the Bridegroom attempts to embrace his bride with His love and finds us distracted.
Thank you, Ann, for kindling afresh pure and undefiled love.
Posted by: @ngie | 10/09/2009 at 07:32 AM
Maybe reading this and doing this will help us. Thank you for the 4 ideas and for keeping us in your prayers. That's all I can say for now.
Posted by: Cheryl Sims | 10/09/2009 at 07:38 AM
Oh, Ann. Thank you for your inspired thoughts and words. It is a challenge to keep pores close when your husband doesn't want to be close. Thirteen years, a beautiful daughter, and yet his struggles overshadow and permeate what could be our intimate partnership. I gladly accept his words. It's his actions that I sorely miss. So I look for my Bridegroom to fill in the holes.
I will continue to pray. Thanks for your encouragement.
Posted by: Desire to be Proverbs 31 | 10/09/2009 at 07:44 AM
Thanks Ann.After 31 yrs we have been married our life is so hectic lately that we to are taking free moments to connect. Sometimes even I have a hard time receiving. But working at it is so worth the effort. I think a bon fire on the beach and some us time is coming up next weekend.
Thanks for the shove and encouragement Ann.
Posted by: Kerry | 10/09/2009 at 08:05 AM
This spoke to me deeply. (That's a typical reaction to anything with the Ann Voskamp stamp. Thank you, thank you for your ministry of words!!)
This time of year, our home can be a place where these two bodies share a house and a bed -- rather than two souls who share a life. He's up early with the pigs, out extra-late in the ready fields. And I'm busy with my own list of "must-dos" that seems to grow in the fall.
Somehow, we leave each other in last place. Two nights ago, we had to purposely stop the spin-cycle of this home, and rest. We just sat, talked, held one another. That was it... And that was everything.
Low-budget date ideas??? This fall, for me, it's late-night rides in the John Deere combine. It's feeding the kids early once in a while and waiting to eat supper late with him by candlelight. It's sending him an email this morning to tell him how much I love him. Which is exactly what I'm going to do right now ...
Posted by: Jennifer @ GDWJ | 10/09/2009 at 08:12 AM
This made me cry. Thank you for baring transparent soul and speaking truthful reminders to those of us who struggle with affirmations of beauty or love . . . you touch dark places with light.
Posted by: Hillary@dark :: light | 10/09/2009 at 08:49 AM
Oh Ann,
This is so special! It is a profound, wide open, powerful, deep and rich exhortation to be purposeful about love . . . like God is! It is also excruciatingly beautiful and honest. What a treasure--both it . . . and you. Thank you!
Shaunie
Posted by: Shaunie Friday | 10/09/2009 at 08:51 AM
Hold us in prayer, dear Ann. That with 28 years of loving and living we may find fresh love. That the mundane, the routine be exchanged for the revitalized and refreshed.
God bless you for this...powerful and hope-full!
Posted by: kimberly | 10/09/2009 at 09:14 AM
Ann, your writings are captivating!!! I'm going to go squeeze my husband tight right now!!! Thank you for taking the time to use your gift to inspire me!
Posted by: Lori | 10/09/2009 at 09:20 AM
Oh how beautiful and what a gentle reminder on this gray and disconnected day.
Thank you.
Posted by: Deb Martell | 10/09/2009 at 09:20 AM
Thank you for making me take time to stop and think about this. God Bless You.
Posted by: Deborah | 10/09/2009 at 09:23 AM
We're celebrating our 10 year anniversary today. I did a little pondering and navel-gazing about it over at my blog: http://www.vitafamiliae.com/?p=2453
Posted by: Lora Lynn @ Vitafamiliae | 10/09/2009 at 09:27 AM
Ann,
I lurk at A Holy Experience and am so often moved by your gift with words (By the way, too many think it's just a gift, but I know you hone God's gift with hours of sweat, work, practice, thought, and prayer).
I admire/envy/long for a closeness like you have with Farmer Husband. Sleeping apart, never communicating, staying here for dear son, feeling so empty and alone, it's hard going, but I keep going, trusting that somehow, some day, things may be better. At the same time, you encourage and cause sadness in the hearts that are lonely, but we need to hear it.
Thank you.
Posted by: Janet | 10/09/2009 at 09:38 AM
This is a wonderful post. Thank you.
Posted by: Chrissy | 10/09/2009 at 09:50 AM