I have a friend. She lives in an amazing house. She has well-behaved children and more than enough money for every need and want. Oh, and she's beautiful.
And if all that isn't enough, she's a wonderful person, who gives to the poor, defends the weak, serves others. She has an amazing life.
I used to think it was better than mine.
You don't have to be a genius to realize that some people have it better than you. You only have to be human.
It's in our nature to compare our bodies, our hair, our homes, our lives to others.
I wish I had a bigger _________, more __________ like her.
I've never seen this reality more than in the blog world. Women compare. We compete. We covet.
And we grieve God when we do.
The cost of comparison is high. When I compared myself to my friend, it only magnified my own insecurities. It only left me feeling discouraged. It created a desire in me to be something other than I am.
There is only one me. I wasn't designed to look or act or be my friend. God created her, called her to something. I have my own job.
Comparison to others affects our motives. When I first started blogging, I read what others were doing and I tried to replicate it. I thought I would be successful if I could just repeat what I saw. But I found the more I tried to be like others, the more I lost who I was supposed to be (plus it didn't work!) I couldn't accomplish what God designed for me as a blogger because I wasn't being myself.
I was muting my own voice by trying to mimic the voice of others.
As believers, we're all in a race. But in our mindset, a race signifies a competition, one against another. But we aren't competing against other believers for the prize. We are running towards the prize of Jesus. There isn't a trophy podium for first, second and third place. We are all first place winners by finishing the race.
I'm never going to have a house like my friend. And no matter how much I try, I'll never have her body (insert another cupcake here). But that's okay. I'm not supposed to.
It turns out that her life isn't really better than mine. It's just hers.
A year ago, she started a blog, but didn't write on it one time. After a few months, she emailed me and said, "I wanted to have a blog like yours. But I just can't do it. It's not me."
She has her job and I have mine.
I wouldn't trade our lives for anything.
by Kristen, We are THAT family
ABOUT KRISTEN WELCH
Kristen writes at her parenting blog, We are THAT family, and offers an honest mixture of humor and inspiration. Her first book, Don't Make Me Come Up There, a book for busy Moms, will be in...
{ 53 comments… read them below or add one }
Well said. Thanks for the encouragement to just be ourselves. It’s who God made us to be.
These words could have come from my own fingers!
I have thought….felt….and wished just these things!
I don’t REALLY want to be anyone else! But my flesh has felt that twinge of comparison.
I had to stop and regroup. Being me, is all God expects of me. Why should I want to be anyone else?
Everyday, I’m trying to celebrate who I am and who I am in Him!
Great post! And it’s so true! I want to praise God by being the “Me” He made me to be!
I came to the same realization with a friend of mine; that I was coveting her and it was a sin. In doing so, I was telling God that what He gave me wasn’t right or good enough compared to what He gave her.
That post spoke right to me! I’ve felt this way so much of my life, I almost think I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t know who I am anymore, but I’m learning to. Bless you for this post!
Yes!
Isn’t it funny how we often see someone else’s life as better than our own, and there they are thinking the same thing about us. This is a great post, Kristen. Thanks for sharing!
I needed this post today! It’s so awesome you wrote it!
I think all women need this little reminder. Maybe we should print this post and carry it in our purses!
Yes, exactly this.
Steph
A lovely post that rings so true. While I know it, I need to be reminded. Especially when I’m visiting other blog homes.
I really enjoyed your post, thank you.
Dana
Wow, thanks for that this morning! I have to tell you, this is the 3rd time in as many days that I’ve heard this message. I think God may be trying to remind me that I’m not in a competition with others!
Our pastor spoke from 2 Timothy 4 Sunday night and about Paul running the race and finishing the course. He pointed out that the KJV says “I have fought a good fight, I have finished MY course, I have kept the faith:”
My course. Not someone elses. :)
Then I heard it from Beth Moore yesterday in our homework for her Bible study we’re doing!
Now you Kristen! :) Thanks again :)
Thanks for the reminder and little “kick”. Thanking God for MY life.
I can relate to this… I’ve memorized this scripture, so that in those moments of weakness when I want to throw my “pity party” I’ll remember – When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. (2Cor.10:12b)
so guilty of this.
And I try to excuse it because i am being jealous of good things. That maybe i am being more pushed in a good direction than jealous. But mostly i am just jealous.
This helped me remember that they aren’t necessairly my things.
I struggle with this almost daily…
I’m trying to understand what makes ME special in God’s eyes. I KNOW I am, I just need to start acting like it, instead I’m constantly comparing myself to the woman you mentioned AND the woman you are:) I realize that this doesn’t please God…I pray for HIS eyes to see myself the way He sees me and to embrace the life He has for me! So much of it relates to my perspective of what this life is about. Instead of looking at what this temporal life can do for me, I need to be looking at what I can do IN this life to point others to Him and bring Him glory…
Thanks for your encouragement in this!
Oh my gosh – thank you for writing this! I think its something we all try to know is true but its oh so hard to believe and live everyday! I needed this today!
Thank you!
Thank you so much, Kristen! I think we all can use this reminder often. I shared this on my blog in hopes that many will read it.
Brightest blessings,
Pat
(Native Texan :-) )
Thank-you so much for this. I recently had a similiar thing happen to me at a birthday party for my sons’ friend. I must admit I felt less than as I toured her home, because my house is truly a ‘humble abode’ compared to hers. Yet as I read this post, I realize that she is who God made her to be, and I am who He made me to be. How true it is that in God’s eyes, my role in this world is just as valuable as any other. That is something that I can rest on and be fine with. Thanks again!
Goodness, if that isn’t the plain truth. We’re always comparing. Always longing, when truly our hearts are longing after Jesus. If only we could become more aware of that, then we would be less aware of what others have. Thank you for your encouraging words!
I love this. I need this. Thank you for this!
You made so many good points in this post. I was nodding my head over and over. Never have I competed more than in the blog world. I have been honest, just not to myself. Thank you so much for helping me see clearer.
xoxo
Jane
Kristen, this is so timely. I do compare much too often. And the grass is always greener. Thank you for your encouragement.
I don’t know… I’m not convinced. Some people just DO have it better than others. Maybe I’m just being juvenile, but it’s not fair. Her kids will turn out better than mine simply because she has better advantages than me. (not in wealth, but in her great upbringing and access to good, helpful relatives who are always there for her and her kids).
Thank you for this post. Very timely for me and very well said!
Amen. I am the youngest of 6 kids, and the other five are very successful, established business people with spouses and children and beautiful homes.
I am homebound, with no job or potential, living in a small condo. But it was probably one of the best things that happened to me. Because I have no possibility to compete or obtain a life like theirs, I no longer envy it. It’s given me the freedom to be happy for them and find the joy and blessings in my own, simpler life. I hope I would have gotten to that point anyway, but I really do think being stripped of the ability to compete or adjust my life got me there faster.
As much as I’m confined, it is freeing.
Thanks for this!! Just what I needed to hear today.
thank you…just wanted i needed today!
i love this and needed this!! perfect timing … thank you for touching me!
I loved these words. So perfect for me as I am wrestling with comparing myself with all these really great women around me. Thankfully God has been reminding me that my story is my story and I need to live it, not someone elses. Thank you for posting these words.
We are all given what God has intended for us, not a bit more or a bit less. We just have to work with it and nurture it. Our strength comes from the sacrifices we bear well, like not having “the bigger ______, or the _____________ like hers.” That’s what really counts. We can’t grow in grace if we are constantly going to covet what others have and do. But, to love who we are the way God intended, well, that’s just about perfect. I’m still working on it.
Great post! Thank you.
Umm…. I think her life is better than yours? Why is that so unbelievable?
Dear Anonymous,
I’m sorry you’re not convinced….You’re right, it does seem like some people get all the breaks, but I believe God is Sovereign and while our earthly lives don’t always make sense, it doesn’t change WHO God is. You are His and he loves you just as much as her.
Dear Joe-
I disagree. Her life isn’t better. It’s HERS. And I was jealous. The end.
Thank you…we all have blessings…and you’re right…God called each of us to bring to the table what we have to bring. And that is enough even if it doesn’t always FEEL that way. Help us oh Lord to be thankful for the blessings we have. Help us to be satisfied that that is enough.
Yes, yes, yes! I constantly struggle with this. The really sad thing is that sometimes I don’t even see it until I find myself subtly wishing for the other person to be ‘taken down a peg’. “Hmph, her children are so perfect…I hope her kid doesn’t get (insert honor that she is certain they will receive) so that she knows what it’s like to have a child who doesn’t sail through life.” I can’t imagine how much that grieves God’s heart. It’s an ugliness I cannot hide from. It’s an attitude I have to lay before God on a daily basis, asking for his help to contain it.
Oh How True!
As a teenager I had a friend who was taller, slimmer, more beautiful and more clever than me. What was worse was that she was so lovely you couldn’t help but like her! I was so envious.
We all went off to college and met up at the end of our first year.
She floored me by saying how much she had envied ME whilst we were growing up! Why?? Because she felt I was so much more “together” and had more of a sense of purpose than she did! (I’m a Teacher – I was born a Teacher and so I went to Teacher training college!, she was never sure what she wanted to be)
Moral of this story I guess is to just be who you are!
Ann-Marie
A wise women once said:
“You know those women who always look impeccable, whose houses and cars are always clean, whose nail polish is never chipped
Amen! You always have such great advice and substance to your writing.
Excellent post. Thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for this topic! I needed to read this today!
If it was God that “made us to be”, then why did God make us with the ability to be envious? If it’s the devil makes us envious, then why did God make the devil? If envy makes you feel terrible, then don’t correct this for the sake of Jesus, correct it for yourself.
??? I never understand believers. Your God makes no sense.
If there was no God, would it be ok to be envious? I don’t understand what this has to do with God. As I said before, if God made us, then he made envy.
You are an amazing woman.
Your words bandage up old wounds.
Love you…
Thank you for this post – it speaks the truth to a part of us that we would rather pretend is not there.
To the anonymous poster above me – I understand where you are coming from. As a mother who has to work outside of the home, I always feel that stay at home mothers have a life that I will never have and I am always envious. Yet, the truth of Kristen’s post (I think) is that we cannot see what God sees – we are just pieces of a puzzle and the puzzle does not work if we are all the same piece. It is still a struggle to find peace with where God wants us in life, but I have to believe that there is a higher purpose that I may never see or understand.
Oh my gosh, girl. I so don’t compare to most women to the point that I am always so close to throwing my hands up in the air. I’m disorganized, forgetful, messy but I try to work hard every day and never give up. I never sit down, yet I’m always busy. Somehow, I never have that clean house most seem to have. ARgh. So yes, I compare myself, my skills, all the time.
the jesus story is a myth. your life is worse because you believe it is worse. not because some man in the sky made it that way. there is no comfort there. when you die your body including brain (the mind) will be eaten by worms and magots, or burned, or floated down a river and eaten by fish. then you will cease to exist. this world is all there is.
Thanks for sharing this! I think many women secretly struggle with this so I appreciate your honesty. Even if others seems to have more advantages in life (that’s a worldy view by the way)- we have our own life and our OWN purpose in it. We are where we are because of what God has planned for us.
http://www.jennyostell.blogspot.com
Thank you for this!
So true! We are to be…US! And as a woman, it is a great role and God gives us each our own talents and gifts! Thanks for the reminder!
Cars and houses are not cheap and not every person can buy it. But, credit loans was created to support people in such kind of situations.
Blasphemy! Hehe Just kidding! I’ve read similar things on different blogs. I’ll take your word for it. Stay solid – your pal.
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