It seems that my life is one big “what are you trying to teach me, Lord”. I have fallen on my face so many times that my knees automatically go to that position. I have screamed until I have nothing more to say. I have asked so many questions and cried so many tears… yet I still don’t have all the answers.
I often think on Psalms 13:1 in my darkest times. “How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?”
But then my spirit pushes me to verses 5 & 6 in that chapter: “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.”
I become restless with the lack of answers, the lack of my desires, the lack of control. I look all around and see people with normal lives, normal families…and I long for that normalcy.
Yet I fail to look at the beautiful wonderful gift that is my life. I fail to see all of the joyous moments that no other family will have because they are not my family, they do not have our “issues” and they are not living our lives. I am taken aback because in my fear and trepidation, I fail to see the bigger picture. The picture that the Lord has painstakingly painted for my life.
I want to be restless for Him. I want to know Him, really deeply know Him. I want to praise Him with a song that is so beautiful to His ears. I want Him to speak, whisper in my very darkness. I want Him to be the keeper of my heart.
I want to rest in Him.
I know that there are those of you out there who feel the same way I do. You are tired, you are broken, you are bruised. You are hiding behind the mask of perfection.
That mask that is supposed to protect you….. it is destroying you.
Take it off and truly rest in Him. I will be the first to tell you that I, in no way, have it all together, in fact I have a lot of unanswered questions about this life. But Strong faith is not built on perfection. It is built on the trials that we face and the questions that we ask. It is formed in the way we choose to face those trials. Those questions draw us into a deeper relationship with our Father.
Circumstances in our lives can make or break our relationship with Christ. There have been many times that I have wanted to throw in the towel and truly give up on it all.. But that gentle voice that is my Saviors calls me back, takes my hand, and leads me on.
He can do that for you too.
In fact, He longs to do that for you.
Won’t you let Him?
By Heather, Especially Heather
ABOUT ESPECIALLY HEATHER
Heather is a brain cancer survivor who lives life on the edge. She loves her family, her bald head and, most of all, her Savior’s grace. She lives in the sunny yet very humid state of Florida with...