“We have not to die; we are dead. What we have to do is to accept our death…” T. Austin-Sparks
The yelling and the fighting and the spill and the stench of another urine mess collide.
My body tenses; my brain hurts. The anger is crawling through my gut and inching to my fast thumping heart. My eyelashes are wet, but suffocated by eye lids that are fiercely trying to dam the oncoming flood.
My lips whisper in desperation, “help me God, I can’t be a parent today, it’s just too hard.”
{Deep breath}
It is here, in the mundane, in the dirty daily messes that I live; that I choose to live (because more times than not I actually love it).
“Being a visionary in the mundane is very hard” my friend Sally once told me. Yes, it is.
And some days it is really hard not to break. But you know, I’m learning to be more like Jesus, and it is in the broken times that I can most relate with Him.
“Having given thanks, he broke the bread and said, ‘This is my body, broken for you’…” 1 Corinthians 11:24
You see, it is in the breaking, the broken, that He answers my prayer of desperation. When I break, He fills the cracks. When I’m broken, He fits me back together new.
A new put-back-together life in the mundane can change the world; a new put-back-together life can change everything.
When we die, we live. He told me so.
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.” Mark 8:34,35
I have chosen the mundane to reach eternity; it is where He has put me. It is in the mundane that I will die to live new; that I will find joy in the broken and help in the cracks. In my weak, He graciously breathes into my weary spirit life.
{Deep breath}
My blood calms. A pinch of water and salt slip past the dam while the rest fall back. I push my palm into my chest to quiet the throbbing. Eternity is in this moment. My response matters.
I open my eyes, take another breath, and let Him smile through my broken one.
I will live because He does.
“You cannot pass on what you do not possess.” Sally Clarkson
Love, Sarah Mae, SarahMae.com
P.S. You couldn’t pay me enough money or offer me the most amazing of dream jobs for me to leave home. As many wise women have told me, “The days are long {sometimes very long}, but the years are short.” I want to capture the days.
Need more encouragement during the long days? Check out Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe.
((clap clap clap)) YES! That’s it! That’s exactly it, Sarah Mae. In our attempt to put life in our dead selves we forget that we’re already dead…dead to sin..Christ IN us, the hope of glory! Why lug dead carcasses around all day when His breath of Life is in us and we can walk boldly through this fabulous Life in Him..as a child of God, as a wife, as a friend…as a mom. Love the visual painting you gave here. Man o Man girl that was deep, love it!
Lisa, so interesting to hear that perspective: “Why lug dead carcasses around all day when His breath of Life is in us and we can walk boldly through this fabulous life in Him…”
You and I emailed last year about coming out of churches that were difficult. The church I attended was lawless while I believe you dealt with legalism. Coming out of that lawlessness drove me to the other end of the pendulum where I was bound by perfectionism – but God is freeing me and I am learning to receive grace. Let me tell you, it has been SO freeing. I still struggle, but even having those glorious dips into grace when I finally remember to receive is like dancing without a care! It frees me to love BETTER. It’s amazing! 🙂 I’m getting back to my first love – I can’t even put into words what that is like – especially now, being able to share such joy with this awesome family God has given me. My husband and 5 children. Wow.
So thank you for that perspective because I totally felt like I was carrying a dead “me” because I wouldn’t let go of it so I could enter into the life God has called me to.
Oh Christin!! Yes, I have been on both sides of that pendulum. Before Christ was revealed in me I lived in major lawlessness. Then went from that to legalism, trying to make my life better, but I simply exchanged one form of bondage for another. For the first time in my life I am understanding what it means to rest in Christ. It doesn’t mean we’re lazy and lawless again, we just realize our identity is in Christ..and not in ourselves. It’s the only balance where I know Christ loves me. And it has nothing to do with me trying to achieve His acceptance. He accepted us before we were born. The thought of that takes all my pride away. Yet because we are humans, we will face ‘self’ each day, but when we rest, self dissolves.
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Good words for every Mama to hear because we’ve all been there. Thank you for this, Sarah Mae!
I have heard a couple things about the mundane: we can make them beautiful. We can invite the glorious into the mundane.
Yes, it is tough. Yesterday I was trying to teach my preschoolers (3 kids, 5 and under) and it was HARD. Almost impossible!! My husband encouraged me to keep at it. So today, I am. Today I try something different that might work better, even if it takes more time: work with each child individually. So we’ll see how that goes.
I tell you what…sometimes I ask God why He chose me for the task of raising a big family. I LOVE my children, but I’m not real good about being patient or selfless.
But, God is molding me. ((Hugs))
This post is like a cool breeze bringing refreshing and hope. I can SOOOOO identify! Thank you for sharing raw honest truth! Janine
I love Jesus because in Him alone is where beauty IS found in the broken; the life in Christ doesn’t make sense, which to me, is why it makes PERFECT sense! Good encouragement this morning, Sarah Mae :).
To encourage the young moms who are going to relate RIGHT NOW to your words–“this…too…shall…pass….” Sometimes those words encouraged me the most; that whatever trying, mundane times are challenging you to your core, they won’t last forever. There’s life and perspective shift found in focusing on the eternal (and fleeting nature of life seasons).
I’ve been there, done that….I should totally have the tee shirt :).
Thank you, Sarah Mae! So true & so needed!! Also, LOVE the addendum….AMEN!
Sweet Sarah Mae, I love the beauty in broken you…how it spills out and over all of us, washing us in grace, letting us take that deep breath of love so that it fills our lungs again, reminding us that the hard (like a seed) often holds what matters most. And in seeds too, the breaking leads to the life and glory. Thank you for your words, thank you for you.
Thank you for sharing. I had one of those days yesterday, and I can completely relate to the words you expressed.
thank you thank you thank you….your words definitely encourage me and help me keep at it…love it!
Thank you for this beautiful, REAL post, dear friend. After cleaning up puke for the last 4 days I needed to read it.
It might be a mundane life, but it sure is beautiful! xoxo
“Eternity is in this moment. My response matters.”
So well said…
My favorite part too…so often we forget such a simple thing
Loved this line, too. Adding it to the wall so I can remember it.
Lord, Jesus help me to always “Suffer Well.” [Matt Chandler] People are watching my reactions! Lord help me to maintain a healthy balance of mundane and Joy.
Thank you Sarah Mae for shining the spotlight on the mundane!
xo
Sarah Mae,
I get you! I also love your friend’s quote about being a visionary in the land of the mundane. It is tough, but it is doable. Love the addendum.
Beautiful post today Sarah Mae. From a grandma who prayed almost this exact prayer for my parenting children today. Esp love the addendum!
Oh, Lord, did I relate to this post. I remember the day I went to my room and collapsed on the floor in sobs, saying over and over “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m soooooo sorry.” I wept and prayed and asked for forgiveness for all my shortcomings, which were many.
My son has autism, and for so many years I felt so responsible for “curing” him. I believed that if I just had a mustard seed of faith, I could move the mountain of his autism. Along with every treatment that became available, I prayed. And the failure of every treatment was my own failure of faith.
Those were dark days. And if I still thought I had any control over my life, God added more children–a daughter who could have been the poster child for ADHD, a foster son with autism/mental retardation, a foster daughter with “issues,” and finally the last daughter, whose issues were so mild, I called her my rewards card kid.
Don’t get me wrong. I love all my kids with the fierce passion we all know. But I know about feeling broken and being brought to my knees over and over until I learned, as Marianne Williamson wrote, that perhaps on my knees was where I should stay!
I needed this today, probably more than anyone could ever know. Thanks for your words.
I don’t think there is a parent out there who cannot identify with every word of this post. Beautifully done.
Oh, have I been there!! And you are so right. So wise. He is Glorified when we allow Him to train us to walk in not only peace but joy, even in the most mundane. You are sowing seeds of the Divine as you minister and serve your eternal little beings. Well done, Faithful Servant.
Hi Sarah! God has been telling me lately: “Keep fighting, keep breathing, keep living anyway”. From a Cee Cee Michaela song. Some days seem more difficult than others but we have to keep fighting, breathing and living anyway. It’s given me comfort…
Sometimes I wonder if there is any other way for me to learn these lessons. He knows how best to reach in and yank out my selfish ways. Daily. Broken. But grace is bigger. And it does a world of good.
Thanks Sarah Mae!
Thanks Sarah Mae for this post, as a single mom I can relate to the days that I just feel so overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do. I found when I invite God into the mundane moments, the tedious moments than I start to see the beauty and the blessings I have. Thanks for this post.
~Nicole
AMEN to that sister! I feel so inadequate on most days…but He has placed me here, in this time, with these children and I am striving for them to see Him in me daily….
I read somewhere “Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be broken”.
I love what you said “When I break, He fills the cracks. When I’m broken, He fits me back together new.”
It would be better if we can be flexible, but our fleshly tendencies lead us more to be broken, especially if we operate in our flesh instead of the spirit. So when we break, He fills in the cracks, and He fits us back together new. Cool.
I have also heard another analogy for this, a littel differently. We are like an earthen vessel. When we have imperfections and stresses, we get cracks in our pot. It is through these cracks that Christ that is within us can shine through for others around us to see. If we had no cracks, no flaws, there would be nowhere for the light to shine, for His grace to overflow…
Bernice
http://livingthebalancedlife.com/2010/recovery-slow-and-steady/
this is sweet…so sweet…so true…so beautiful…such a wonderful way to capture mama’s hearts that want to make what we are given count…
i wrote a poem “when butterflies dance…”
http://findtheflametofan.blogspot.com/2010/11/when-butterflies-dance.html
about choosing to receive His grace in my brokenness and the encouragement of my mama in heaven as I love my littles…
blessings always, abby:)
Oh, sweet sister…how I feel the heaviness of your heart on days like this. Days when I’m quite certain I would rather die than clean up another diaper explosion or sweep the floor yet another time in 2 hours.
And then He swoops in and rescues me. Every time.
Thank you for so honestly baring your soul…it has encouraged mine!
Blessings!
I can relate. Far too well some days. And these are the days I break and give it to God. Sadly, these are the days when I beat myself up the most at the end of the day, though, asking God to forgive my impatience. It’s hard to be a Mom but yet easy at the same time.
Nell
Our boys are now grown men, but I still live in the “mundane”. I love your posts. They always remind me that God has called me to be His homemaker and I love it. I’ve had the career. I’ve been the striver. As I settled into homeschooling and being at home, I loved it. After the boys grew up, I still loved being at home.
I’m calling it His Divine Mundane Adventure! You truly bless me in your mundane. Never doubt that 😀
“Being a visionary in the mundane is very hard” my friend Sally once told me.
Hey, beautiful sister, Sarah Mae! … That is me working my way through my every day. 😉
I love how you share from the trenches, out of a heart that breaks for Him. What’s flowing out is beau-tee-ful and lifegiving.
Thank you! I have been on the brink of breaking often lately!!
[…] the rest on (in)courage […]