Waiting in My Wings

Waiting has been terribly sweet.

“Because sometimes in the waiting for what we long for, we praise God long when the gift comes at long last. Sometimes God has his people wait long, so our gratitude becomes deeper and wider.” – Ann Voskamp, The Jesse Tree Journey

It was chosen for me – the waiting.

I choose my response.

I grew weary at the amount of “In God’s timing. . .” I’ve heard after these last 5 and half years of deep desire to be called “Mommy.” I know it’s true and best, but those words stirred up ugly responses, like a rake to my tender heart.

But God. . . He has shown me grace, a bent down hug when I stumbled into a pit. He gives me revelation that His perfect timing was not only for me, but my future children – His little children. That someday their story will be in the Book with Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Benjamin, Samson, Samuel, and John. All prayed for and believed for by their parents. All appointed for a miraculous time. All chosen before birth by Our Creator, to a specific job in The Kingdom.

All of these, the ones that were prayed for, longed for, waited for – they all point to Messiah – the One we all waited for. Who has come as promised and will come again. The waiting for His return is long-suffering, but Revelation imagery tells us is worth the wait. More-than-I-can-imagine worthy.

So I wait.

For my gut-wrenching prayers to bathe my sweet babes. . . of knowing, pleasing, revealing Our Father from birth to death, the moment of entrance matters. Every moment matters the first cry, the best friend, the favorite teacher, the split second almost car wreck, the lifetime kiss that tingles, the True Love of Eternity, the life.

I can step back and know that my years of waiting are only a blink. A wink in the eye of The Lover of My Soul. I can – without seeing – love my children, bless them, and expect them. My first act as mother – to release them to God’s timing. All In God’s Timing.

So I wait.

God’s writers don’t share what these future Mamas, of such pivotal people like Jacob and John, did while they waited. I’m assuming they felt like me. Hopefully expectant, fingers white from gripping truth, faith like a roller coaster, with visions of family around their fire, knowing God will come through on His promises. . . struggling at moments, wondering if they heard correctly when their life looks so different from those surrounding them.

The Soul Counselor tells me it’s worth the wait – for us, for the child, for His Kingdom. The longer I wait the more hope God provides, the closer He becomes, and the more grand the praise is when our child arrives.

To be grouped in with women such as Sarah, Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth and others is an honor. Friends, neighbors, and the town folk all knew their little miracle was from God. There were no other explanations.

But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly on wings like eagles. Isaiah 40:31

It’s an effortless moment to soar. Gliding on His plan-winds.

So, for now, I soar. On wings that God Himself has given. Him imparting strength and dignity, full of surprise and blessings. Moments planned when my Momma prayed for me.

I wait. Full of watchful, patient expectation. I trust God. . . and praise Him for the gift I can not yet see, but believe is coming.

By Stephanie Bryant, Co-Founder of (in)courage & Creative Mastermind at S Bryant Social Marketing

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  • http://www.lauraleighparker.com Laura@Life Overseas

    Stephanie, This is a beautifully honest post. Thank you for the grace you show in the waiting– the hopeful, expectant, trusting-anyway kind.

    I think waiting when you have an inkling of WHAT/WHO you are waiting for has its own struggles, but I think waiting for an UNKNOWN can carry it’s own unique wait, too. When you wait in the fog and have no clue what the next step of the journey will reveal– oh, that’s a hard one to wrestle with, too.

    Thanks for sharing a beautiful, encouraging post.

  • http://www.lauraleighparker.com Laura@Life Overseas

    oops . . .

    “own unique weight, too.”

    Funny how dorky you can feel when you reread a comment already posted and see goofy errors!

    I’ll be waiting for myself to learn how to proofread before I hit submit! ha ha.

  • http://www.bekahsbits.blogspot.com Bekah

    Oh my goodness…what a perfect post for me today. I’m not waiting for a child, but I am waiting, and i just sat and nodded at each word – and copied several into my journal. He is faithful, but this morning I needed to be reminded of the choice I have in the waiting – and the truth thath my praise WILL be deeper when my answer comes. Bless you for posting this!

  • http://www.becomingme.net Angela Nazworth

    Beautiful…so beautiful!!

  • Sherry

    I can so relate to this post. I have been through a long journey of infertility and adoption and we are currently waiting in the process to adopt our next child.

    Every word you wrote is true.

  • http://www.teamdanica.com Monica Snyder

    Stephanie, So much waiting in my life. I recently wrote about it here http://www.teamdanica.com/2011/01/wait.html Our three year old is still in her Minerva brace and wheechair following brain surgery and spinal fusion. My sister sent me this poem AGAIN, a sister who waited through seven year of infertility and had this hanging on her refrigerator all those years. Thank you for this reminder on a Friday morning that seems so long already . . . God is working in the wait!

  • http://www.northernskyart.wordpress.com Beth West

    Lovely Stephanie. I pray that you will soon emerge from the wings and delight in the dance of motherhood. Thank you for sharing how the waiting can hold a beauty of it’s own. I don’t usually think that way about that which I wait on. Good food for thought.

  • http://arttvisionz.blogspot.com Angie Platten

    Tears come as I read your story, remembering my own wait and I hurt with you in yours. I was married 13-1/2 years before I held my first son. I remember the pain in the wait. Oh the heart wrenching pain in the wait. But something magical happens when that child is placed in your arms. The pain of the wait seems like seconds instead of years. I’m so, so thankful for modern medicine as I am now the mother of two boys, ages 9 and 11. I wish I had spent more time praying for my children instead of mostly praying FOR them. I wish I’d spent all those longing moments praying for the character of God to be formed in them deep. I did pray this but I wish that had been my constant waiting prayer. A little story… when I finally was pregnant, I prayed for a redhead so anyone that would see them would know they were mine because our hair matched. What color my babies hair was literally was the first question I asked the doctor when he delivered my son, Sam. I was so thrilled .. AM so thrilled to have a son with the most gorgeous red hair ever. And I now get to tell him how much God even cares about those little, seemingly insignificant things we pray for. That when God gave him red hair, it was God showing me how much He loved and cared for me by answering my prayer for something so silly, but He just likes to delight us! When I picked Sam up from school yesterday, I watched him walk to my car through my rear view mirror and offered up to God, “Oh God, he’s so beautiful! Look at his hair shine in the sun! He’s so beautiful. Thank you for my beautiful son!”

    I’m confident that your time will come. And in the wait, pray for all those things you want God to form in your child’s character and ask God to teach you and give you wisdom how to foster those things when the time comes. He will! You will be richly blessed and the depth of gratitude for the prize will astound you.

  • http://lesliemartinyoung.blogspot.com Leslie

    Such a sweet, sweet post! Thanks for sharing. It brought this scripture to mind:
    “Though you haven’t seen Him, you love Him; and even though you don’t see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your soul.” 1 Peter 1:8-9

  • http://Www.withjoycarey.blogspot.com Carey

    Beautiful said. My heart waits with you. With joy, Carey

  • http://puttinggodfirstplace.com Ashley

    Truly a beautiful post packed with truth. I have also been on a journey to become a mommy, we’ve been waiting now for just over 5 years. I love the Ann Voskamp quote you started with,

    “Sometimes God has his people wait long, so our gratitude becomes deeper and wider.”

    I hope that this waiting will help me to truly cherish my role as a mommy and cherish the time I get to spend with my children.

    I know that for some reason, unknown to me at this time, God is having me wait. I know that He is planning something wonderful, and way beyond what I could ever imagine.

    For now I wait, and expect greatness!

    My husband and I are looking forward to the possibility of becoming parents, later this year, to three children who are currently in foster care. We are overflowing with excitement at what is to come!

    Thanks for sharing your heart!

  • Becky

    Dear Stephanie,

    Thank you for sharing. This is a beautiful post and just what I needed to be reminded of this morning. I am not waiting for a child but I am waiting for a couple things that I, too, believe are coming. But the waiting is difficult and I get discouraged. But, as happens so often, God uses something (today, it was you) to encourage me to wait and trust and to keep believing. He IS faithful!

    Blessings,

  • http://www.embracethejoy.blogspot.com michelle @ this little light

    What an absolutely beautiful post. I wish I had such strength and faith back when I was waiting. I pray with you. Someday, your wait WILL seem like the blink-of-an-eye in your time, too: we waited 6 years for our son, who’s now 4. Now, we wait for SLEEP! :o) Love your blog.

  • http://www.missionarymomma.wordpress.com Sarah W

    This really spoke to my heart today. I waited for my first born as well. I can now see the bigger picture, God’s plan. I am passing this post on to a few mommies who I know need to be encouraged by this too! Blessings!!!

  • http://www.iliveinanantbed.blogspot.com I Live in an Antbed

    Beautiful! Your testimony bring Him Glory! Thank you!!

  • http://www.sojournerway.wordpress.com Beth

    Thanks for sharing your manna of revelation with us- it deeply encourages me. So often I have felt things “withheld” in times of waiting. But God was really giving me of Himself so richly, so fully. And- He has been keeping me all to Himself as well- and He loves us THAT much to do so, before we get spread thin with husbands and children; we get these sweet seasons where He keeps us all to Himself before He releases us into all He has for us. His love for us is so great, so deep, so wide, and so long. Thank you, Stephanie- I have been really encouraged while reading of your testimony. Many, many blessings to you :)

  • Danielle

    Stephanie,
    I normally don’t post on blogs that I have read, but after what happened to me this morning, I felt compelled to share it. I am in waiting..almost 4 years, one miscarriage, one laparoscopy and one diagnosis of Endometriosis (stage 4)..and still waiting. There are many other details that would take too much space here to get into. But each morning I have my quiet time with the Lord, except this morning, because my girlfriend called me super early and we got to talking..mostly that I was 3 days late for my cycle.

    I’m excited wondering if it is our month only to find another 30 minutes later that my cycle had arrived. Discouraged to say the least but mostly relieved that I didn’t have to wonder “am I or am I not” anymore, headed upstairs to check the e-mail and disapointed that I didn’t have my time with the Lord on the day I needed it most. Wondering how to feel, asking the Lord what to do next and wanting to put my feelings to him and be obedient.

    Then I received my daily e-mail from incourage with your blog. It was like the Lord was sitting right in front of me speaking to me. Everything I needed to hear was there on the screen. Grace, a reminder, wings to cradle me this morning. All I can say is…God is SO faithful. Thank you for your words this morning, God used them in my life in an amazing, abundant way, just in the PERFECT TIME…when I needed it.

  • Faran

    Stephanie,

    You know me and know my path is different than yours. But oh, the waiting. That I get. Y’all are frequently in my prayers and I so appreciate your gift with sharing what God is doing in the waiting. It is an raw and honst encouragement to many.

  • Beth Williams

    Wonderfully, beautifully written. Waiting for anything is soo very hard. His timing is perfect and makes the wait worth while!

    Thanks for the encouragement!

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  • http://mistywagner.blogspot.com misty

    This is so lovely… and such a good reminder. I need reminders…

  • http://rootsbelowskyabove.blogspot.com/ Morgan

    What a strong testament to your unending faith…so very admirable how honest and trusting your words are. My last post reflected these same thoghts…the sweetness is in the middle! http://rootsbelowskyabove.blogspot.com/2011/01/sweetness-is-in-middle.html

  • http://www.momssharpeningmoms.com Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms

    “My first act as mother – to release them to God’s timing. All In God’s Timing.” ~these words, Stephanie? So beautiful and poignant! Oh my! I wish I would have had them in my heart when my husband and I were going through our own season of infertility. I eventually came around to believe this, but not ’til I had done my ungraceful share of kicking and screaming and gnashing of teeth.

    I’m praying for you right now, beautiful girl. Love you much!

  • http://jennipearl.blogspot.com Jenni

    I clicked over here from a re-tweet of a re-tweet of your tweet…..needless to say I don’t often do that. I guess God wanted me to hear this reminder today.

    I’m not technically yet waiting for my children….but waiting for the husband that must precede them. :-) And some days I wait so poorly. I too tire quickly of “In God’s timing. . .” and “it will happen…..” Those words aren’t enough on days that I need a partner. When I need a shoulder to lean on or cry on.

    But your words today were a gentle reminder that it is and will be worth the wait. Even more so if I wait well….

  • Lauren

    The wait is definitely painful, but if it’s anything like the reunion I get with my husband after each deployment, the abundant love I will have for that future child will be overwhelming! I read the story of Hannah (oddly enough my husband’s name is Samuel) every night for encouragement. Reminding myself that God DOES hear, and that in faith there is hope, helps me to get through each day thanking Him and clinging to Him more than ever. Stay strong!

  • http://www.lifeastwo.blogspot.com Thelma

    Stunning, beautiful, moving…

    We were in the waiting for years as well, sweet and bitter in turns. Some would say we still wait, as our arms are still empty and we are still two, but our miracle has come. Deep, unfathomable peace…
    Slow, tender healing of a broken heart…
    A rekindling of hope
    and joy. Sweet, tangible joy.

    Thank you so much for posting this!

  • http://jamilynnkastner.blogspot.com/ Jami Kastner

    We too are “waiting”… not for the same thing as you are waiting, but waiting all the same. How eloquently you expressed the feelings of all of us “waiters”.

    I am praying that soon your arms will be full and your ache will be satisfied. That before you can blink you will be bleary eyed with exhaustion, unsure where your waistline went, COVERED in sticky messy dirty fingerprints, and LOVING every single second of it. God bless you!

  • http://livelifeartfully.blogspot.com Jennifer

    I have not had experience with infertility and it breaks my heart that so many women do. Your post is so beautiful & I love how you say it’s an honor to be part of the mothers in the Bible who waited so long for their babies. I loved that thought.

    I am waiting for a child in a different way. 5 years ago we lost a child to miscarriage. I believe I will get to hold my child in Heaven, and am waiting for that day….. somedays it feels like the longest wait possible. I’m sure the longing and the yearning is similar.

    May God bless you for sharing your heart in this way.

  • Karen

    This post is wonderful on so many levels. THANK YOU!

    I also need some help. I have a sweet friend who is desperate in her waiting. I would love to send her this post, but do not want to be insensitive. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

  • http://www.rethinkingmythinking.com Angela Mackey

    Stephanie,

    When we talked, I wondered, but didn’t question. The emptiness behind the words, “I don’t have kids yet.” It echoed, it resonated. It is for us waiting for God that I am writing the book, that I am writing the blog, that I am walking this road again and again. I pray in the waiting, yours and mine, we find joy. In the waiting we find peace, in the waiting, we grab hold of who is bigger than our longings and rest in His plan. As we do, like you said “we soar.” Thank you for sharing this with us. I am praying for you and all who commented on this post. I am praying for God’s miracle of birth. Either in our hearts or in our bodies.

    I have written my journey http://www.rethinkingmythinking.com and the blog I am combining with that one http://www.difficulttoconceive.wordpress.com

  • http://melindatodd.com Mel @ Trailing After God

    This really spoke to my heart on something I am working for and dreaming of. I am waiting on the Lord and it is so hard not to get down in the pit, discouraged, and be anxious. Praying for you sister in Christ. May your dreams come true!!! ♥♥

    Blessings,
    Mel
    Please feel free to stop by: Trailing After God

  • http://www.caniwalkwithyou.blogspot.com sas

    i loved this post. i have been waiting too. it has been ugly at times… but so good too…

    thank you for the reminder when you wrote the line:
    To be grouped in with women such as Sarah, Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth and others is an honor. Friends, neighbors, and the town folk all knew their little miracle was from God. There were no other explanations.

    this is so true for me as i am currently pregnant, by God’s grace it was unassisted, and i have made it much further than other pregnancies, something i started to think wasn’t possible.

    for us there is really no other explanation other than a great miracle from a merciful God.

    thank you for sharing. this waiting stuff has been lonely too. and it is always soothing to know someone else is going through similar… though i also wish you weren’t!

  • http://www.thehendersonstory.blogspot.com Joanna

    What a beautifully honest and well written post. Thank you! You have my prayers!

  • http://owlhaven.net Owlhaven (Mary Ostyn)

    Dear Stephanie,
    Today I held my sister’s baby in my arms and I cried. My sister who’s wanted to be a mom since she was little, but who got to her mid-30’s without marrying. Who finally got married at age 35. Who two years later now has her precious little Grace. I don’t know what God has for your future, but I am certain that it contains grace. Because He is a good God.
    Praying you peace and joy as you wait to see your plan unfold.
    Mary
    Psalm 20:4

  • Pam S

    Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing this with us. I read the first few lines and burst into tears because I felt like God had given me an answer to a question I’ve been asking for a long time. I am also waiting for something, but I kept asking Him why it wasn’t yet my time or why not me. Reading your post has changed my perspective. Thank you again, you have no idea how much your story has touched me and changed the way I think. Thank you.

  • Stephanie

    This was a post full of grace and beauty. Thank you for sharing such deep places of your heart. I am a Stephanie too. I too am waiting for my empty arms to be filled. May God help me to be graceful and wait in hope. Bless you sister. xo

  • http://cherylweston.blogspot.com/ Cheryl

    Thank you so much Stephanie for sharing your heart with us. I too know the pain of waiting for a child, and watching while everyone around me experiences the sweet joy that motherhood brings. Whilst my waiting isn’t medically related (not that i’m aware anyway), it’s of a different nature, because God told me to wait. We’ve been married now for almost 8 years, and a few years ago I went to a ladies retreat. During the weekend we picked one other lady to bring a word of encouragement too, and during the ‘sharing’ time another girl (who I didn’t know) said that while mine wasn’t the name she’d picked, that she felt that God had pressed on her heart to share this verse with me: “And because the midwives feared (were obedient) God, he gave them families of their own” (Exodus 1:21). Unknown to this girl, at the time God had been calling me to obedience, to honour him by leaving all we had to study abroad, and to keep stepping out in faith for him. She’d carried that verse around with her for 4 years, and amazingly I was married for around 4 years at the time. God has a specific plan for my life at this time, and all he asks is my obedience. I know that when this season is over that my baby will come. I don’t know when, but I believe in Him who is greater and who holds all of my seasons in his hands. God bless you xxx

  • http://www.hopefulleigh.blogspot.com HopefulLeigh

    Stephanie, this is so beautifully written. Even though we’re waiting on different things, your words resonate with me. I too am choosing what my response will be during this season and I am trying every day to make it a response of hope, trust, and patience. I’ll be praying for you during this season and looking forward to the day of rejoicing.

  • http://somecallthemsticks.typepad.com Amy Lu

    Stephanie, I am in my second 6 years of waiting.

    There was a time during the first 6 years that God spoke to me. He led me to the moment when a child would be placed in my arms, and bade me to note the seemingly infinite joy of that moment. And then He said “Borrow from the joy.”

    After that, in those moments when my arms physically ached from carrying around all that emptiness, when the list of pregnant friends grew to over 25, when all those milestones came and went… I borrowed from the joy. I quieted my heart, and with my Savior holding my hand, I walked into that future moment when a babe would be placed in my arms and *wallowed* in that joy.

    And after 6.5 years, the moment came true. And my daughter’s birthmom placed her tiny little body into my arms (full at last). You know what? I had spent years borrowing from that joy, but the joy in that moment wasn’t diminished one little bit! It was just as intense and complete as if I had never borrowed a drop. Maybe I was just able to carry it with me and bring it to that moment? I don’t know. I do know that God was Good. He was Good in the waiting and he was Good in the fulfilling.

    I will pray, dear sister, and anticipate your day of joy with you! (((long hug)))

  • http://calculatingblessings.blogspot.com/ Steph

    Stephanie, I love your post. My dearest friend has been carrying this same burden for exactly five and a half years too. She is amazing, and this is her heart’s desire. My heart aches to see my best friend have to walk this road. We have cried, and prayed a lot. I love how you ended your post..truly inspiring.

  • hynz

    Stephanie., I enjoyed this article so much that I made it my blog title. It spoke to me. I hope you dont mind.

  • http://www.pensieve.me Robin ~ PENSIEVE

    Stephanie,

    Oh…sweet friend…this might be your most stunning word-share of all. Though I knew what you were writing about today, I wasn’t prepared for its depth, beauty and poignancy. Your perspective blesses me though I’ve not been in your position. Your perspective honors the King. Your perspective must challenge and encourage many!

    So thankful you chose to pen these words for the edification of others. We all are blessed.

    (And I’m praying for you this morning as you continue your flight today. Blessings and safety as you spend the day in London…on you way….to Africa (and more….).

    MUCH love, all’s grace,

    ~ Robin

  • http://spunkybw.blogspot.com/ Awaiting a Child of God

    I needed this so bad. Thank you for this post. I am cutting and pasting it onto a Word document so I can read it often….I need to read it daily to remind myself of everything you mentioned. I have been strong over the past few months but find myself struggling right now. This was so healing for me to read. You were my God sent today:) Thank you

  • Becky

    I am the blessed mother of two adopted children, now ages twenty-five and twenty-three. I am currently with my daughter awaiting the birth of my first grandchild ( a girl).
    My husband and I were married for fifteen years before we became parents, and I know so well the longings in your heart. Keep praying and keep pressing on. God truly gives us more than we could ever ask for or imagine.

  • http://WWW.redletterwords.com Dee Kasberger

    trusting, waiting and believing with you! xoxo

  • Amanda

    This is such a beautiful post. I read it and just cried. You were able to write out everything that my heart has been feeling. My husband and I have been married 10 years and God has promised us children. We are holding onto His promise and we are waiting patiently. I cannot thank you enough for this post.

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