As I put-zed in the kitchen, slowly stirring the brownie mix, I listened carefully.
Thirteen seventh grade girls, sharing their heart on the topic of relationships; relationships with family, friends, authority figures, and even “those that don’t fit into the friends category.” It was our church’s annual discipleship weekend, and our family hosted this group of girls in our home for two days.
Wow, was it loud, yet so full of life, laughter, hope, passion, silliness, but most of all, girls whose desire was to know our Savior more. Girls whose hearts were pointed to Him, yet struggled to understand that true identity.
Do you remember seventh grade? So many tangled emotions. Things seemed so complicated; pressures overwhelming.
Friendships were a sensitive matter, and parents didn’t know a thing. (I try and remember that perspective, as the battle wars for the hearts of my own children.)
As I continued stirring, I processed confidences the girls shared around their intimate circle. By opening our home, they were able to open their heart. This tech savvy’s generation deals with failures on such a heightened level. When I was in seventh grade, slight verbal gossip behind ones back, is now this generations’ Facebook status. Humiliations are public fodder, and emotions are continually fragile in the wake of the all knowing cyber world.
I continued to listen.
Comparison, loneliness, popularity, fitness, self image, self worth…
“I don’t measure up.”
These were no longer seventh grade girls voicing immature concerns, these were the cries of women of all ages. Struggles whispered throughout the generations. The packaging may be smaller, but the tape being playing is the same whether 12 or 112.
How is it that the master manipulator, this father of lies, plants those seeds of inadequacy at such a young age? How can we break this bondage of lies that root so young? The fertilizer he uses burrows roots that dig deep and destroy. How can we counter those feelers that sprout in the oddest of places?
I ask the same questions we all do. Questions that echo again and again.
Only one way.
The girls turned to God’s Word and discussed verses that identified who they were in Christ. Do they understand the power in those truths? My heart cried. I wanted to shake them, and let them see into the heart of someone who knows these words are the only life affirming, life giving, life changing way to counteract lies with truth?
The only way.
The brownies had cooled by now; their stomachs and noses called as the aroma filled the air. I knew they’d demolish them in just moments, but as I cut each square, I claimed God’s truths for their life, for my life, for my childrens’, and yes, yours.
This weekend was about more than just a social bonding time (although I am all about that). It was about feeding their tummies, their souls, and encouraging a life long love affair with the Lord.
Through the eyes of seventh grade girls, life revealed struggle.
Through the eyes of this mom, experience notes only His truth can replace lies.
Truth that needs to be poured into ones Life. Truths that I need to repeat again and again.
Lord, I am Accepted.
I am Your Child. I am bought with a price; I belong to you. I have been redeemed and forgiven. I am complete in You.
Lord, I am Secure.
I am free from Condemnation, and any charge against me. I can find grace and mercy in time of need.
I am Significant.
I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life. I am God’s co-worker. I am God’s workmanship. I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.
Jen, from Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, writes as a woman whose life has spanned four decades now, but who often is just that seventh grade girl re-wrapped in a much larger body.
Leave a Comment
Rachel Tatem says
I remember all to well 7th grade. . .
It is funny the struggles never go away.
Patricia/nyc says
Fabulous post…as a mom of a 6 yr. old, though these issues appear to be far away, they are really not…thanks for this!!
Cathy says
This hits so close to home for me. i am fixing to turn 50 and I still struggle socially because of the way I was trained by my peer group to think of myself. if kids only understood how much they can hurt or help others with their words and actions towards others. Thankfully I have found my true identity in Christ and that makes all the difference. However I do continue to struggle with interacting with people in the social context of life. If only everyone could see themselves and others through the eyes of God. Cathy
Jen (Balancing Beauty and Bedlam) says
Cathy – you are so right. I wish we could hold up the mirrors that speak truth to them and force them to see exactly how God sees them, but only He can woo them, so we pray.
Teri @ StumblingAroundInTheLight says
Yes, such a blessing with age & time & a few wrinkles…we get to taste God’s tender truth of His generous love for us.
And oh, doesn’t the mommy-heart ache with longing to impart that to our children! Seventh grade, 8th, 9th…and still, her angst trickles forth with tears: “am I pretty enough? do I fit in? does anyone really like me?”
And His answer, if I can help her listen: “Precious one! You are My Beloved!”
Thanks for your gentle words of truth, Jennifer!
Jen (Balancing Beauty and Bedlam) says
Teri – I can’t even begin to tell you about that mommy-ache. It’s been one of those weeks where the aches have been ever so present.
Nicole Smith says
Wow! Beautiful post. This is where my heart is – middle & high school girls ministry. Their hearts are so fragile, and that age can be so tough. I remember it, and I’ll never forget it. It’s amazing that when it all boils down, all of us woman have the same thoughts and worries regardless of age. I never thought of it that way – thank you for sharing!
Jennifer Schmidt says
I am so thrilled there are women like you whose hearts beat for youth ministry. Thank you for pouring into their lives again and again. 🙂
Becky says
God’s grace and your time are awesome.
As I view this, our 7th grader- to- be in a few months is also reading your entry on another laptop by me.
I struggle daily with the harm caused by mean spirited young girls to each other. I am so trying to balance my own thoughts as I observe our church circle of girls interact with teachable moments. Trying not to pass along my own judgementalism and cloud her discernment of the actions of her peers.
The evil one desires to break us down at any age. We must not let him do so!
I myself experience many of these issues with my own “friends.” Currently as a family we are questioning friendships of many years. Filled with attached clear fishing wire strings and ladden with rejection, unkindness, blatant disregard for requests of help.
I have fell my frustrations and dissappointments are road blocks causing me to stop and place my focus on God instead of man.
As I heard a quote from Chuck Colson on Focus on the Family this week, “Fight evil with good.”
Jen (Balancing Beauty and Bedlam) says
As I think of a mother/daughter team reading this side by side, it melts me.
As believers, we are all in this together, but it’s amazing how even in our own circle, those choices and actions range so much.
Thanks for your words.
(P.S. Chuck Colson is a wise, wise man. :))
Naima - http://billiondollarcourage.com says
This is a great post sharing the voice and lives of children. I wish the US school system would create or accept more programs designed at assisting kids with identifying themselves and developing courage and life skills.
Keep it up Jennifer, thank you!
Dying to Live,
Naima
http://billiondollarcourage.com
Meg says
Wonderful post. You could not pay me to repeat the 7th grade! Oh I just wince when I think of the real pain that entailed. One thing I will say though, how on earth do those girls all look so pulled together!! I sure never did when I was their age. 🙂 Beautiful photo of beautiful hearts!
Heather says
I read this and remember where I was just two years ago and I am now 34 years old….so it carries on for years but the good news is I found my true confidence in Jesus and it’s amazing how much he transforms us! Being a stay-at-home mother and running a daycare in my home has allowed me to share Jesus and his love even with “babies”! I think what kids learn growing up and see is what they carry with them. I think prayer and example of Jesus is what is going to show our future generation how to be more confident! Thanks for your posts! I just found this blog and I am truly already blessed by it:)
Izabela says
This post is priceless. Thank you. It will have me deep in thought and prayer tonight.
brenda says
the one who deceives does not like this one. i am unable to post or to send as a message.
Kim J says
Thanks for this post. I lead a small group of girls this age. I am looking for a “study” for us to do on these very topics. Can you make a recommendation?
Jen (Balancing Beauty and Bedlam) says
Emily Freeman, one of our incourage writers, has a book coming out this fall, “Grace for the Good Girl.” You can find out more about it at http://www.chattingatthesky.
I highly recommend it, as well as Nancy Demoss’s book, “Lies Young Women Believe.”
http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com/
Hope this helps,
Jen
Jen (Balancing Beauty and Bedlam) says
Oops – a punctuation mark was accidentally included. Here’s Emily’s blog with details on her upcoming book.
http://www.chattingatthesky.com/
Intentionally Katie says
I loved this post! As I scanned 51 “Balancing Beauty” posts in my Google Reader (I am SO behind) I was actually thinking about how I miss some of the personal stories and mom-of-6 wisdom you wrote about in your early days. Then I stumbled upon this post. Love it. Exactly the reason I began reading you so long ago. XOXOX