I remember that first time I saw Seth in the Student Center. His polo shirt and bright eyes, the way he exuded happiness, it sucked me in and dulled my usual attraction to the dark mysterious fellows who ignored the world and rocked a constant set of headphones. He was not a “bad boy.” It shocked me, and I thought to myself that it would be hilarious if I were so immediately attracted to him because he was supposed to be my husband. Indeed, he was.
After two months of dating, we were engaged. Now almost 12 years and four sons later, when he’s gone I sit up late, unable to sleep, and I consider how our love has stretched us, how I haven’t expected much of what we’ve become.
When we married, I married a young man that I loved, never questioning whether or not he would always care for me, but I never presumed he would surprise me at every turn. In my initial opinion, Seth wasn’t a man of mystery. He was a decided man of constants, and I was grateful for that after my youthful rebellion.
I thought I knew what our days together would look like. I thought I knew a lot of things.
Now, after miscarriages and marital unfaithfulness, after Africa and a halted adoption process, after homeschooling, downsizing, and becoming pregnant with my fourth son, now I see that I married the most mysterious, surprising man that I’ve ever encountered.
He’s forgiven when I didn’t deserve or expect it. He’s changed his mind about the things he was surest. His heart has melted and his feet stood firm in ways that have shaped our family better than I have capable imagination to want or predict.
I’m in the process of stepping back and watching this man who listens and obeys, who lets the mysteries of God run through him and about him.
I’m not good at following, but I’m learning that my husband cares so deeply for our family that he asks God hard questions. He asks and he waits for answers, and I’m writing this to say that following him has become the best decision I make, even (dare I say it?) when I don’t agree with his decisions.
Because God is faithful to lead surrendered hearts, I’m writing this to say that the “bad boys” aren’t the ones who will rock your world. My husband is the father I want for my children. He’s the greatest man of mystery. He’s the one whose story unfolds the best plot and the one who constantly surprises me.
Seth Haines, I want to follow you even when it’s hard. Thank you for loving me and our babies.
***
Now tell me about your man of mystery. How has God surprised you?
In what ways have you found yourself having to follow him even when your heart attitude or culture suggests that following is the weak way?
Betsy says
Thanks for this reminder about sticking with our husbands through thick and thin, as they change and evolve into the men that God is fashioning. My husband is also a different man today than the one I married 16 years ago! I’ve decided that lifelong marriage commitment is a grace gift from God, not something we can do in our own strength!
I’m not always good at following either, but my husband is wonderfully free about encouraging me to be the woman God created me to be and to grow in my gifts.
Amy Hunt says
Oh, girl – this is such worship, what you’re written! You’re deciding to let Him build up your groom and that’s worship. It’s scary and it’s humbling and it requires must trust and faith in what we do not see.
I’ve been learning how to follow in the past few years, and I’m seeing how it respects my groom when I do that. It’s hard, though, when I really believe with all my heart that God is calling us to something {more} and my groom just doesn’t see it. I have to trust Him, ultimately, and wait on Him. What He promises must come at His time, for I am Seeing how this *process of {my} waiting* is a necessary time of God building my groom up and preparing him, changing his heart (perhaps), and for just so much purpose. Even though I don’t See the evidence of God’s promise for this *more* by the words my groom speaks, I have to trust in following my groom and in the Now.
Rich blessings to you, Amber, as you model that sacrificial love…
Melissa says
What a beautiful love story…I wrote mine a few days ago http://www.multitaskingmama.com/2011/06/finding-one/
emily freeman says
This is so beautiful – how you haven’t expected much of what you’ve become, how in your youth you thought you married a man of constants, but the mystery has shown itself after years of love and work.
Love this. Can so relate.
Elizabeth (@claritychaos) says
what a love song, Amber. Gorgeous truth.
kendal says
this line resonates: “I thought I knew what our days together would look like. I thought I knew a lot of things.” i had no idea that i was getting on a wild ride when i said yes. i thought i was getting “safe”. and then he began listening and answering with faith to amazing god calls and it was hard for me to follow. because it wasn’t safe. it wasn’t what i had planned….yesterday was our 19th anniversay. he’s on mission in guatemala and found a phone to call me and talk for 37 minutes. and i love him. LOVE him. i am constantly surprised by how our love grows and morphs into stronger and moer beautiful.
Lisa says
My husband is not the man anyone would have picked for me (especially my parents) and he is quite the opposite of the type of guys I dated before him. And even though we’re still at the beginning of this journey (we just celebrated 6 years), I have been AMAZED to watch God working in his life and making him the husband and leader he is intended to be. I honestly never thought this “good ol’ boy” would never be the spiritual leader in our home, but boy, did God surprise me! When I quit trying to change my husband (which is a long, slow process of letting go that I still cling to now and then), God showed me how he could transform him into the spiritual leader that I NEVER would have been (or should have been). Now, his faith, daily witness and knowledge of the Bible astound me and drive me to be a better follower of Christ. What more could I want in a husband?
P.S. As to my parents, after some family drama recently, I finally heard them tell my husband face-to-face “we don’t want another son-in-law” and “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to our daughter”. GOD IS GOOD!!
Cassi says
I can soo relate to this piece. Your line “He was not a “bad boy.” It shocked me, and I thought to myself that it would be hilarious if I were so immediately attracted to him because he was supposed to be my husband. Indeed, he was.” I thought those exact same words when I met my husband.
And am now learning who he truly is and not just the labels I put on him.
Thank you for the post
amy marie says
thank you for sharing this 🙂 when i met my husband we were 15 and 16 in high school. he was greasy, long haired, and foul mouthed and i fell hard. somehow the cheerfull pomp-pomp yielding, flag twirling, bright gal of me saw in this quiet, aloof artisty, dark guy of him, a future husband, even when he was everything opposite of what i wanted out of a man. we grew our high school days together and gave my parents the headache of a lifetime. our senior year was, i thought,our graduation into a life apart. tired of being the one who encouraged him to do right i broke it off. eight years later i got a phone call from him, having not really kept intouch and not running around in the same crowd i didn’t believe him when he said, ” God is my everything now. ” i thought yeah right! he must have heard that i love Jesus and am now choosing not to date anymore until God places my husband before me and asks for my hand. having just learned of courtship and tiring of the loneliness of it, and turning down seemingly nice enough date prospects, i told him if he wanted to take me out he could bring me to the next church service, wich turned out to be a christmas eve service. we were married the following may! he has been surprising me ever since by showing me his trusting and obeying and being a man of God =) my love for my youthfull mysterious man has bloomed into my love for the mysterious man chasing the God of Mystery. i so apprciated your post! it has reminded me how blessed i am to have the man i have. thank you so much for sharing this beautiful post and for reminding me of wonderful mysterious man in my life =D
Sarah Mae says
Amber, this is so beautiful. I am very much in the same boat with my husband. 🙂
Renee Smith says
Amber – this is just AWESOME. As a natural “leader” early in my marriage it was so very difficult to follow my husband. I thought I knew what we needed, and I thought I knew the direction we should go. But the more control I’ve consciously surrendered, the more he steps up to become the true man of my dreams. I am amazed at how my choice to follow him, builds his sense of purpose and worth. Thank you for sharing!!
Holley Gerth says
Seth is a good man. We love you and him and you’re four. My Mark is a good man too–I tell him he has his feet on the ground so I can keep my head in the clouds. I’m glad to walk beside those feet wherever God takes us.
Susie says
I met my husband when I was in 8th grade – he was in 9th – I came home and exclaimed to all who would hear “I met the man I’m going to marry!” I have never loved anyone else, I have never been interested in anyone else, and although I’ve been on dates with other people (2) I have never “dated” anyone else. In fact, after 3 dates with a guy when I was 19, I said “This isn’t going to work. Someday, we might get married and have kids and then HE will call me and I’ll leave you faster than I can hang up the phone. I don’t want to do that to you or the kids. So, this is goodbye” He was hurt, but not surprised.
I stalked my man, I drove by his house, I called and hung up, I found out where he was and drove by. I wrote him letters. He finally answered and we went on a date – our second date in 3 years. I was in HEAVEN! We got serious, I got pregnant. I thought he would leave then, he actually packed stuff to leave, then I told him that I didn’t want or expect anything from him. I was happy to be pregnant and if he wanted in or out, either was fine. He said “I don’t know what it is about you.” we’ve been together since. Through good and bad, rain and shine, his father’s sudden death, my mother’s cancer fight and her death, through terrible jobs that we hated and years of unemployment. We’ve made it because we wanted to – no matter how much we wanted to strangle each other or how goofy in-love we felt. We never wanted to split up. I told him in the very beginning that if God wanted us together, what we wanted would not matter one tiny bit – and I truly feel that God wants us together until our last breaths – and hopefully beyond. He’s my best friend, my protector and provider. My rock, my heart and my biggest fan. I thank God every day- even the bad days – that He put us together.
LoraLynn says
Oh, so many words come to mind about my man. We met when I was 18. He had much to learn, but I could see the man he would become. We often laugh because my dad first didn’t approve because he didn’t want me to make a “mistake.” So now i often call Andrew the “best mistake I ever made.” And my dad, eventually, came around. I secretly think he likes Andrew better than ME now. 🙂
Turns out, Andrew became very much LIKE my dad.
Second, I’ve learned that following means doing so even when it hurts. Even when I think he’s wrong. I trust him enough to believe that he has wrestled with his decisions. That he knows when his decision will hurt me. But if he chooses to make that decision (because he still believes it’s in the best interest of me and our family) then he will make it. He will be sad, his stomach will tie in knots, but he will do what is BEST. He will protect me. Even when it hurts.
I love him for it.
Sandy says
I met my husband only 4 months after the sudden death of my first husband. It was a connection at first sight, how can that be??? God meant us to meet that is all I can say. Now 23 years later I look back at some of the crazy things we have done and wonder how I could have lived without him in our life. Even buying a childrens ferris wheel and traveling to Arizona to spend time one winter! I was not a “carnie,-woman” but God brought us there to spend the last months of my sisters life with her using that goofy ferris wheel. That is only one of the many adventures he has taken me on, but by far the most far out to many on the outside of our marriage I am sure. He listened to God and followed His nudge, which gave me the joy of spending quality time with the one that influenced me more in my walk with Jesus than anyone in my life.
Danelle says
http://heseesme.wordpress.com/2011/03/10/gummy-bears/
I wrote this on our 11th anniversary in March. I am surprised that every morning I wake up loving him more, even when that seems impossible to do.
Love this post Amber. Love to you!
Teri @ StumblingAroundInTheLight says
Every day, still surprising me…the boy I married, ever becoming the man God created him to be. I said “yes” without question, without analysis – passions burning, better-to-marry, guileless in love – naively trusting without even recognizing the trust that resided. So much fear, so much doubt, imprinted from too many years of father-hurts. And even so, God gave; my beloved held strong, inviting trust, igniting covenant to endure the years and trials and sorrows and joys.
Wrote about our renewed covenant, here (guest posting for Laura Parker, Life Overseas):
http://freeagentmommy.typepad.com/blog/2011/06/being-fed.html
Thanks for the confirmation, the encouragement – to practice gratitude for the gift of my man!
Mary-Elizabeth says
Many times over the last while, I have questioned God as to why he has given me my man as the one for me. I struggle with our differences and our circumanstances. Thank you for the reminder of the perfect fit my husband is for me. God has given me the right person for me and I thank him for that.
Heather says
I met my Marty when I was nineteen and we were both college undergrads. I really relate to how you were immediately attracted to your husband because he was indeed meant for you. I felt the same thing when I first locked eyes with my sweet husband. He is the answer to my girlhood prayers and I believe God made him just for me. Three kids, a move out of state, and nineteen years later, he still makes my heart smile.
What I’m Reading says
[…] My favorite marriage post of the week::: Love For The Mysterious Man […]
Robin Dance says
What has surprised me most is his great need for me. Mine is a man of strength and determination, and that he needs, wants and loves me most sometimes steals breath. Sometimes it’s even too much.
What a pitiful complaint!
“God is faithful to lead surrendered hearts” gives me hope time and time again.
I love the way you write your love for your man :).
Katie says
Some of us are not blessed with Seths. Some of us have husbands who leave.
But God, man of mystery, always stays, always remains in love with me, always sees my flaws as opportunities, and always surprises me with grace.
He makes all my tragedy into possibility. God’s vows to me are eternal.
Angeline Mariyosh says
Wonderful, Wonderful…..most wonderful wonderful…..yet again wonderful…..and then astonishingly wonderful. In Std IX , I started praying for the man who would be my hubby…God assured to bring a man in my life who would be beyond my imaginations and my dreams. I blindly trusted in God.
Today am totally dumbstruck !!!
We share a life filled with love and joy. Every day unfolds beautifully.
Sara Sophia says
The best romance is the one God gives.
I read this story like its Jane Austen here and now.
You move me as always.
Love you so very very much,
Sara Sophia
Wendy Fehr says
I had to consider your question carefully, and, even now, I’m not entirely certain I’m answering it or still thinking about answering it — it took an entire book for me to tell what my husband has done for me.
Following my husband does not seem to be following to me. My husband does not lead through demanding or cajoling. He does not lead through decision-making or assuredness. He does not exude confidence or even certainty at times. He leads through doing. Many times he had surprised me by admitting his weaknesses and failing and repenting sincerely. He leads through example. And as I watch him striving to become a better person, trying to follow God as best he can, I cannot help but want to be a better person too. This is how my husband leads.
Katie @ Imperfect People says
This is so sweet I love it! I have a similar story. I always fell for the bad boys…but my good boy husband is the one of the best gifts God ever gave me!
Loving my Mystery Man | Chocolate Covered Daydreams says
[…] Every morning, I have the joy of starting my day out by reading the blog (i)ncourage […]