I’m quite smitten with the guy I married. He’s downright sexy, for one thing—though you better not eyeball him long enough to know whether you agree! 🙂 He’s smart, funny, interesting, loving, hard working, talkative, and godly. We spend as much time together as we can—going for bike rides, sitting at the park with our kindles, watching a movie or the football game with our kids, or praying for the people and ministries of our church. Who knew marriage could be so good?
I sure didn’t … until six years ago. That’s right, my first marriage ended in divorce, and Larry and I are relative newlyweds.
Divorce is awful. It hurts not just the two people who break their vows (it was one of the worst thing I ever experienced), but their children and extended family and community of friends. It even hurts the culture around them in subtle but significant ways. And I’m convinced it goes against God’s plan every time.
And yet here I am blissful in a way I might not have been without going through the big D. How do I make sense of that? How do I counsel others whose marriages are falling apart? I still haven’t figured it all out, but I can hold up warning signs:
Do Not Enter: Don’t turn down this road if you can avoid it. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that divorce will solve all your problems. The consequences of divorce still weigh heavily on me, and my life is still intertwined with my ex-husband’s.
Yield: Let go of your selfish desire now and yield to God’s will in your life; give your spouse the right of way more often than you take it. My current marriage takes just as much work as my first one required, I’m just better at it this time.
Slow, Children at Play: Wait a little bit before you make this decision; let the dust settle. Consider whether your children will be carrying the heavy load that you’re desperate to throw off. I may be happier in this marriage, but my kids don’t have mom and dad in the same house—and it certainly affects them.
I want to be sure people hear this message from me: It’s true that I have recovered from my divorce, but only because God makes all things good. Imagine what he could do if we stuck to Plan A.