When people find out I wrote a book called Grace for the Good Girl, one of the most common statements I hear is this: I don’t know if I’m a good girl. I think I’ve been more of a bad girl.
Being a good girl does not mean you think you’re perfect. Actually, good girls know they aren’t perfect all too well.
This book is not about how to be a good girl. It does not teach you ways to be a better girl. It will not pat you on the back for your good behavior.
This book is less about what goes on in your life and more about what’s going on in your head.
You may look good-ish on the outside or you may look bad-ish. The point is, somewhere inside, you have an idea of who you should be. And it is at war with who you are.
This book is an invitation to authenticity.
This book is a bench for the tired, a hand for the lonely, a rope for the falling down.
This book will hopefully call out to those hiding behind try-hard performances and issue an invitation to authentic freedom. Not because of my words, but because of Who they point to.
Because this book is full of my mess and maybe yours, too.
I believe women need to talk about the ways we hide, the longing to be known, the fear in the knowing. I believe in the life-giving power of story, in the beauty of vulnerability, and in the strength that is found in weakness.
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If I were to be really honest…I’d break down and cry and talk your ear off about how hard parenting is!
If I were to be really honest, I still think I want to scream to the heavens “I WANT A DO OVER!” Through all the lessons, and grace filled whispers into my soul, at moments like this when catastrophe wants to rear it’s ugly head up I want to take back all control!
I STILL think I know better than God, what I need. And then, if I were to be REALLY honest, I feel small, and alone, and scared. Full of shame that God has to waste so much time teaching me the same lesson over and over again…
…to be honest…I’m afraid of who i’m becoming even with great love from the heavens and from this dwelling place of earth.
If I were to be really honest… I still struggle w/ trying to let go of perfectionism and control. If I were to be really honest…. This sense of control and entitlement makes me get impatient w/ my Lord – the only one who knows me (and my needs) best.
If I were to be really honest…At first I thought I was too old for this book, by an author younger than myself with small children. But the truth is, so much of your message still rings true. My sons are wonderful, young, independent men, everything that they are suppose to be and I am so proud of them, and yet when I lay my head down at night, I wonder what could I have done better. And what now, for a good girl who has raised her family, what’s next for her when she has all the time in the world but would rather stay invisible rather than risk not being able to do the next thing perfectly?
If I were really honest…I’m mad at God for not changing me fast enough. That, people’s comments that I am “too hard” on myself, and that I plan too much, and that I need to relax…that as true as all of that is and as much as I know in my mind that there’s a better way of living…my heart still lives this way–I still have fears that I can’t just dismiss into the wind, and I still try to live *just-so* with hopes that if I do this, that, or the other thing right, then maybe…I don’t know…it’s just who I am Today. And though I know God accepts me as I am Today and He keeps me in this space still, to learn more about Him as my Father and not just some pie-in-the-sky-fantasy-God, I mask my feelings of being upset at Him as jealousy of others. I know the Freedom to live for me, authentically-me, and yet when other people dismiss who I am right now, I get so sad that He hasn’t changed me to be more like others, fast enough. (I know the uniqueness, I do…just being honest here…)
If I had to be honest…I would say I struggle with being a hypocrite and I hate that.
…I really don’t know how to fully live in the idea that God’s mercies are new every morning. That I don’t have to earn them. That my actions will not impress him enough to give me new every morning. That I just have to accept grace.
If I were to be really honest, the struggles I have in my faith sometimes, especially now, make me feel like I am not such a good girl, and that I’m a fraud to those who think I am.
If I were to be totally honest…I would say that I am sinking. I feel I’m drowning in my body and mind. Not able to grab hold of something ~ BUT GOD ~ I know he’s there, it’s just trying to find that strength to pull myself up and out of this water I seem to be swimming in. I think Menopause has something to do with it.
If I were really honest…I would say it is much easier for me to encourage others than myself.
I would want to quit, give up!
If I were to be really honest, self-injury is still just as much of a struggle as it was in the past, I have just become more self-controlled.
If I were to be really honest, my words would be exactly the same as they always are, because I tend to be transparent like that and it keeps getting me into trouble. I just don’t think I have a good enough memory to try to be two people at once. *weak smile*
if I were to be really honest….i wouldn’t know where to begin.
If I were to be honest… I am disappointed in myself. I do not allow the Holy Spirit to live this life through me so often. I worry and try to control way too many things. I want the freedom He wants to give me.
Thanks for sharing that Kellie. If I were to be honest, I didn’t know what I was going to be honest about in these comments, but that really hit the nail on the head. I’m disappointed in myself and feel that I don’t get “it” as a parent, housewife and mother. I mean, I have great kids who do what kids are supposed to do, but I still don’t feel like I have it all together like a grownup should!
If I were really honest… I would say that I make myself tired and exhausted because of my unrealistic expectations I have for myself inside my head.
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I let the fear of failure keep me from fully living out the God given dreams In my heart.
If I were to be really honest, I’d say that I wish I could just stay in bed and watch tv today. Maybe tomorrow too. Not every day forever, but definitely a couple of consecutive days.
If I were to be really honest…I’d realize how hard it is for me to be truly honest about me.
If I were to be really honest . . . I’d tell you that most of the things I do are things I think I should do, not things I want to do.
If I were to be really honest…I just want to be known and loved anyways.
If I were to be really honest, I’m just a big mess!
Thanks,
Shana
If I were to be really honest I wouldn’t be so afraid to share my reasons for being unsure about wanting children in the near future
If I were to be really honest . . . I hold myself to expectations far above those to which I hold everyone else. And I can’t ever reach them.
If I were to be totally honest I would tell you how hard it is going to be to leave my oldest off at college tomorrow with a hurricane coming. I would also tell you how I have messed up in my Christian walk.
If I were to be really honest . . . . people would know that, secretly, this overweight girl who looks like she could never get a boy is a girl who used to give herself to too many boys.
If I were to be totally honest I would tell you that sometimes I doubt God really does have a plan for my life. It seems so ordinary and it is hard when you can’t see beyond the bend in the road.
If I were to be really honest…I would tell you how totally insecure I am about just about everything, and that I would rather stay forever in my house than go out and face criticism or rejection.
If I were really to be honest, I don’t like myself very much. And I want to at least accept myself as God does. I don’t know why He would love ridiculous me, but He does. I forget that sometimes.
Emily, very much looking forward to your book.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that in my fear and insecurity, a debilitation has crept up that looks much more like laziness than anything else.
If I were to be really honest…this weight loss thing is really hard and when I’m not tempted by food, other temptations rear their ugly head.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that I didn’t think teaching would be that hard and that I don’t particularly want to do it anymore.
If I were to be really honest, I don’t trust and rely on God as much as I make it seem that I do.
…I get tired of trying to be the “good girl” A LOT. I often want to throw in the towel. I fix my eyes on eternity and remember why I strive but a lot of times, I don’t want to do it anymore.
If I had to be really honest, I’m not the prayer warrior people think I am. I put on the armor (like a good girl), but inside I’m trembling.
“If I were to be really honest… I never feel good enough, no matter how hard I try. And I don’t know how NOT to try.”
After reading almost all these comments… Most of them reflect … ME
I think I’m just a mess! Thank God He sees me through different eyes… If only I could see myself through His.
If I were to be completely honest….I want to stop & sit & SIMPLIFY my life instead of running around like a crazy woman saying “YES” to everything….I want to live with purpose.
If I were to b really honest praying is a struggle for me an to keep my thoughts and my mind on god. I do my best to pray and change the things god wants me to change. I look back over my life and how much god has changed me an my family an we are still a work in progress. Everyday situations try to steer me away from what god wants for me so it’s a battle to live for god but I know if I don’t give up and keep the faith and hope and love I will make it. God is my comforter, healer and deliverer but most of all he is my
abba( father) and he sees and hears every tear and cry. He sees what we can’t so my life is in his hands and I trust in him!
If I were to be completely honest …..sometimes I still lie awake and night and worry.
If I were to be really honest, I’d have to admit that I can hardly stay awake during my morning prayer/devotional time at 5:45 am.
If I were to be completely honest … I feel like I am never good enough. After all these years on earth (58), I keep asking myself will I ever get it!
If I were to be really honest, motherhood is much harder and not as much fun as I imagined… and I don’t feel like I’m very good at it.
If I were really honest….I’d tell you
I don’t really have a grip on my waiting disorder. But I’m trying my best, please know that. It’s the toughest battle of my entire life…& I’m not willing to lose my life to it. I have 2 little girls that are watching me. Please Lord…
Jackie, I’m praying for you today
Hang in there, Jackie. Jesus is walking this road with you. You are not alone. He will carry you when you get too tired to walk yourself. Just close your eyes and feel Him next to you, holding your hand and guiding you. I am adding my prayers to Jennifer’s.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that on most days I don’t want to do this anymore!
If I were to be completely honest…….I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like the “me” I used to be got lost along the way after I had my daughter. When I have free time on my hands, I do the things I feel I “should” do, not anything that I “want” to do because I feel guilty. I’m not sure why I punish myself that way and would like to understand why. I also think getting older SUCKS!!
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that I don’t know how to let myself grieve the loss of my second pregnancy last week…and I know that that’s not okay.
so sorry for you — hugs
So sorry for your loss. When I had an ectopic pregnancy between my two girls, I felt like no one acknowledged my loss, so if it wasn’t real to them, it was difficult for me to grieve like I knew I needed to. A loss is a loss, no matter how early or how far. You are in my prayers.
Oh sweetie… I’m so sorry. I’m praying for you. (((hugs)))
If I were to be really honest, I just don’t want to do one of the things that God has told me to do.
If I were to be completely honest….many nights I still lie awake and worry.
If I were to be really honest, I am ALWAYS afraid of not measuring up and that I’m somehow getting it all wrong.
I’d say that many times I pray for God to speak to me about what to do when he already has…I just may not have liked his answer. Also, sometimes I hide Ben and Jerry’s in the bottom of the freezer. I better stop here. 🙂
If I were to be really honest…I keep beating myself up for where I am spiritually and emotionally. How could I let myself get back to this point of wanting to give up when I know how awesome it is to walk close to Jesus every breath? Why is it so hard to just do the little things I know I should do every day?
If I were to be honest…I have been a “Christian” since kindergarten but am just beginning to grasp grace.
If I were to be really honest, I would admit I don’t think God is big enough to handle my dreams.
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I wish I could start over, but knowing everything I know now. I know God uses our experiences to teach us & grow us. I just want to have it all figured out now.
If I were to be really honest I let worry and fear stop me from doing things. Simple things. But always what if I do it wrong?
If I were to be honest I’m not happy with the way I acted this morning when faced with frustration from an angry child… I’m scared for him .. I’m scared for me… Jesus help us…
Hi Tina,
Thanks for being honest here about your fears. When my children were small I could have/should have, written the same thing. It took a long time for me to ask for help.
I am glad for you that you are asking Jesus to help. He will. I also pray for peace for you and for ways to learn how to be so that you do not have to be scared for him and you.
Please talk to someone about this, ask Jesus who, and keep seeking God and looking for books and people and whatever ways you can learn to act in healthy ways…
Maybe I am overrreacting to your words because of the knowledge of how I mistreated my own children. I remember thinking; I don’t want to behave like this, why do I react like this, who can I tell, everyone will hate me, they will take my children etc etc. I loved my children but I still did not know how to be a safe parent all the time. I did eventually seek help in all those ways and when they were 6.9, &11 things became so much better. My biggest regret is not asking for help sooner.
So forgive me if I overreacted to your words
blessings to you and your family
If I were to be really honest, I can see the things God is doing in my life to change me and I’m pretty stinkin’ terrified. The funny thing is that He’s answering my prayers; asking Him to help me live without fear.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that this good girl struggles tremendously with forgiveness.
If I were to be REALLY honest I would say *I can’t be really honest with my feelings on here.*
if I were to be really honest, I think you would be surprised at how much I struggle with loneliness and sadness..
If I were to be really honest… I’d admit that the reason I don’t start the things GOd has been nudging me towards is because I’m lazy. And scared out of my mind about what it will mean for me.
If I were to be really honest… I’d walk away from something that I’ve worked really hard for – a good thing – because I know that even in it’s goodness, it’s not what God has called me to at this stage of life.
I’d say being really honest is really HARD!
I just ordered a copy of your book from CBD… and would love another to share… I have a feeling this may be a great one to loan around.
Blessings on the journey~
I’d say, I don’t always like being nice.
If I were to be honest…I really struggle with the brokenness that comes with salvation. I still want to appear “good” and “perfect” instead of weak and broken. I want to be able to minister to others and share my story, but I’m having a hard time finding the balance. I’m seeking His guidance and I’ve come so far, but still there are those days, weeks, months…Oh do I ever need your book.
If I were to be honest … I am frustrated that my family isn’t following me along the path of a healthy and God-centered lifestyle … and I’m afraid I’m not good enough to keep it up myself!
if i were to be really honest, i would tell you that i think too highly of myself and therefore experience a keen disconnect between god and me.
If I were to be really honest I don”t think I like me. If I were to be really honest I think if people were to know the real me they wouldn’t like me either.
If I were to be really honest…. I’d have to say that I don’t like me so much. I don’t like the person I’ve been and the person I see myself as today. I know that God forgives my sins, but I have a really hard time forgiving myself. It’s hard to accept God’s grace not having done anything to deserve it. This is a battle I struggle with every day and it’s a lesson I wish I would learn once and for all. God’s grace isn’t earned or deserved; God’s grace just is because He loves us all so much.
If I were to be really honest…
… I’d admit to being lonely.
If I were to be really honest…..I would say I’m sorry. I need you. Please come back.
If I were to be really honest…I know I am not in control but that does not matter because the things I can control I am too lazy to do anything about and then, depression rears its ugly head… again.
I am afraid of being hurt… again
If I were to be really honest…I would tell you that I struggle with anger and impatience with my small boys, and I despise that about myself.
If I were to be really honest … I’d say that I am just so tired. Tired of trying so hard to do things right … tired of not starting things because I am afraid of what the outcome might mean … tired of doing this parenting thing on my own … tired of being lonely. Tired of my life and this season … and wanting to feel alive again!
If I were to be honest, I’d say my greatest fear is wasting my life. I can’t imagine how it is that I find myself over 50 with a mostly empty nest….what now?
If I were to be honest I’d say how sick I am of living in guilt because of the fear of how other people look at me. I’d say I want to live my life in the grace of God, and let that direct my life.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that I can feel my hind end growing as I type.
I have no friends.
I would love to be your blogging friend >3
If I were to be really honest I think most of my life and reactions are colored by rejections that I’ve gone through in the past 7 years. Even though I know God loves me unconditionally, and that I am accepted in Christ, I still expect people to bail on me and decide I’m just not worth the effort to love and befriend.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that I really care too much what other people think of me.
If I were to be honest, I’d say that I think God must love other people more than He loves me.
If I were to be really honest, I have know idea who I am anymore.
If I were to be really honest, I’d probably say what I felt to people around me, but that honesty wouldnt’ get me anywhere. Honesty and change are all in the delivery and I’m afraid I am of the tactless and blunt family. So I find it safer to stay quiet and wait until my ire has died before I dare speak about the subject.
If I were to be really honest, I’d admit that I’m WAY too judgmental of others – especially when I have no room to talk.
If I were to be really honest…I’d admit that I don’t trust God enough, and still strive to make things turn out the way I want.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I’m a mixture of insecurity on one hand and too much pride on the other – if that’s even possible.
If I were to be really honest, I would have to admit I struggle daily with anger, pride, selfishness, and procrastination. So thankful for His mercies which are new every morning. I fall flat on my face daily and need Him to pick me up again.
If I were really honest, I’d admit what an insecure little girl I am inside and how desperately I need a steady stream of affirmation from people.
If I were to be really honest, I’m tired and wondering if all I do really matters.
If I were to be really honest . . . I’m tired of feeling guilty for perceived, self-imposed and unrealistic expectations.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I lost my sense of purpose and direction, and I am not happy with my life.
If I were to be honest…I feel like my life is held together with duck tape. =) (I have 2 boys.)
If I were to be honest, I wouldn’t be able to post my actual name, because I am too embarrassed of the one seemingly insignificant (in the grand scheme) thing that is a huge barrier to my relationship with God. Oh, how I wish for physical perfection.
If I were to be honest: you would need a lifetime and a whole forest worth of trees made into tissue for me to go on and on about what all is wrong in my life. On one hand I feel like I have so much I should be thankful for, but I have such a hard time dealing with stress and disappointment that even what should be small thing totally overshadows all the good things in my life. Oh how I wish I could figure out how to change that. I WANT to be happy…
If I were to be really honest……I’d confess that I get SO annoyed with my married friends when they complain about how much they have to do. I feel like they forget that they have a partner in life. I have no one. No one to help with housework, yardwork, grocery shopping, etc. on top of working a full time job, which most of them don’t do.
If I were to be honest, I would tell you how badly I want to matter. And how terrified I am that I don’t or won’t. I’d also tell you that, no matter what anyone says, I feel like I am nowhere near a real writer.
id cry and say i feel like my marriage is over; if i were to be really honest that is….
If I were to be honest, I would say that I am tired of uncovering wounds I didn’t know I had. I honestly thought I had found freedom and healing from some major strongholds, but little things keep rising to the surface.
I am very excited to read this book!!
If I were to be honest, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and I’m having a hard time trusting God with that.
If I were really honest, I don’t enjoy parenthood most days. I just want to lock my bedroom door and scream, “this is not what I signed up for!”, even though I guess I didn’t really know what I was signing up for at the time.
You are totally not alone…if I were being honest…
I were to be honest, I’d admit that I don’t have enough guts to fill in the blank.
If I were really honest, I am so far from who and where I want to be. I may look like I have it all together, but I don’t. And I’m afraid I’m completely falling apart…
If I were to be really honest, I don’t know who the real me is.
If I am really honest, I would admit that I am still searching for God’s fingerprint on my life and what I am suppose to be doing- I’ve been given much and feel like I am doing little to give back. My mind never stops thinking which makes my soul weary.
If I were to be really honest, I’m not sure I know how to be really honest.
If I were really honest, I would admit I need help sometimes instead of just trying to do everything myself.
Very interesting assignment and thought provoking….
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that sometimes I can’t breathe because the fear catches in my throat… fear that one day I’ll fall apart and everyone will see how DESPERATELY I need grace.
If I were to be really honest I would tell you I have overspent on my credit card and sitting at the computer with a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach as I don’t know how I’m going to tell my husband or how I’m ever going to pay it back.
I’m so scared I can’t even pray right now and feel like crying.
Can you return some purchases and get a refund? If you can get a refund, get them as quickly as you can and then you can tell hubby the truth and tell him you tried to fix it. Then cut the card up so that you don’t do it again. You can do it. It will be hard, but you can. I will pray for strength for you. God bless xx
If I were to be really honest…..I would tell you that it is a FULL TIME JOB always trying to be the “good girl” when I just want to be ME…..whoever that is!!!
Honestly, I am so sad inside.
If I were to be really honest, I would say I am not happy with where we attend church.
If I were to be really honest, I wish I could fast forward the next six months of my life – not have to live them out but just casually drop back into existence after everything was said and done properly by someone who wasn’t me but could do the things that I have to get done.
Or, if I were to be really honest, I would talk about my failures a little more.
If I were to be really honest…the thing I hear the enemy telling me is that everyone will one day discover that I am really a fake, that I am not really what they think I am and that I am living a lie.
if i were to be really honest…..i would say i’m so tired :/
If I were to be honest, I’d quote from Twila Paris: “People say that I’m amazing, never face defeat, but they don’t see the enemies that lay me at Your feet. They don’t know that I go running home when I fall down, they don’t know who picks me up when no one is around. I drop my sword & look up for a smile, cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.”
If I were to be really honest I would say it scares me to have people I know read my blog. What if they see something they don’t like in those intimate posts and don’t like me as a result?
If I were to be really honest, I think I am a pretty great person. I hear voices in my head that say otherwise, but my spirit cries out that I am a woman of great talent and insight, that I DO have something valuable to say, that I am NOT perfect and I mess up all the time but that I am not defined by my mistakes.
I am overwhelmed by the sadness expressed in the comments. How sad that Satan has women so convinced that we are not all we are cracked up to be. And yet – God sees women of strength and value and great talents and beauty. All we see is failure and imperfection and sin.
I did have to consciously choose to write something positive about myself – my first instinct was to go to the dark place of my soul and live there. I have spent many a year there – but NO MORE!! As I choose to live in the truth of who I have been created to be – I am a child of the Living God, a beloved daughter of the King, a woman given a great gift of a family and friends to love on and share my God Given gifts with – I am beginning to believe it!
Oh, Thank You Jennifer S.! For your words of affirmation! I too, felt the sadness after reading all these posts. The women that God created us to be are being robbed of the freedom we have in Him to maximize our strengths,
be thankful, loving people and lay our fears and weaknesses in His lap.
Thanks for reminding us that we are
daughters of The King!
Amen Sister!!
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I love Jesus, but the Father scares, offends, and maybe even fails me.
If I am really honest I will admit that I don’t deeply trust that God wholeheartedly wills my good. I am afraid that in this season where my dreams must be out off, that I have been forgotten and He doesn’t care at all.
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I feel like I’m having trouble making friends.
If i were to be honest… I feel like a failure as a mother, wife, and Christian. I am totally empty and have nothing to give.
If I were to be really honest… you’d know how, though I love being able to stay home with my kids, and though I truly LOVE my kids, I struggle day-to-day with actually LIKING my kids.
If I were to be really honest, I often question God’s motives and decisions a lot more than I know that I should. My faith is strong, but it’s also weak. In the deep places in my soul, in the places I know that should be filled with the faith and trust in God, sometimes there are still those empty holes, those places where I sit back and wonder if God’ s ways really are right and good and true and perfect because of all the tragedy that I see in everyday life. I don’t understand fully, even with all of my faith, why God allows the things He does. I don’t understand the answers to the questions that I have. I don’t understand His solutions. And that is where my faith is weak and untidy and fragile. As strong as my faith is, sometimes what looks like strength, is really this good girl trying to look like I understand at all. It’s in those times, in those fragile moments, when I’m the one crying out to my Father saying I don’t understand but help me to understand, God. And He does. In His time and in His ways.
If I were to be really honest, I wrote 5 different things for this entry and deleted them all wondering if they were interesting enough for hundreds of other women to read. If I were to be honest: I struggle with comparison.
YUP! That one hit home, Ginger.
If I were really, really honest I’d tell you that the reason it’s so very hard for me to have close friendships with women is that I don’t trust them. I’d tell you that my fear is self-protecting and shallow, but that the loneliness of my fear feels safer than the risk of rejection and hurt. I’d also tell you I just hate it this way.
If I were to be really honest…
I thought I’d have more figured out by now but I feel more lost today than ever.
If I were to be really honest, I would admit that lately I have said to myself, “If I had know how hard things would be with my marriage, I would not have married my husband.”
If I were honest, I’d tell you that I teach others about prayer, reading the Bible, and having quiet times with God, but I rarely do those things myself. Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I hate just being a good girl, but I don’t know how to be anything else.
If I were to be really honest, I would admit that fear has a larger hold on my life than I ever want anyone to know. And it’s the stupid kind of fear, the kind that I’m afraid to let go of, because if I let go of the fear, then maybe that makes room for what I fear to happen. I chase myself in circles.
If I were to be completely honest, I would have to admit that I want my daughter to be much less of a “good girl” than I was and still am, and much more of the authentic and real person that I hope to someday be.
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I’m just a scared little girl. Scared that my 5 (3 of them now adults) kids won’t be all they were designed to be. That my homeschooling was a failure, and they won’t love Jesus like they need to to survive in this world. That they aren’t equipped or won’t know how to get equipped, and they will ‘miss it’. I’m scared that I am not all I need to be, and that I am not ‘doing’ enough. I’m scared that I might just let it all go and then what?
If were to be honest… This life scares the pants off me! My trust in God fails me often, and I am always take over for Him. So glad He loves me with all my mess and forgives me every time I think I am bigger than Him!
If I were to be really honest, I’d admit that I’ve asked God more than once, “What were You thinking?!?” since my Mom died. I KNOW that His plans are perfect, but sometimes it’s really hard to BELIEVE that, you know?
If I were to be really honest, I’d say that I’m tired. I’m tired of always being the good girl. Of being the one who picks up the pieces (and the dirty of underwear), of always being the one everyone can count on, of always doing the right thing, of always…being good. If I were to be really honest, I’d say that I’d like to drive my car really fast down a long straight road, roll down all the windows but keep the air condition on, turn up the radio really really loud, and just drive. Away. Just for a little while. Away from all the things that are expecting me to be good.
Pshew. I’m spent.
Oh, sweetie pie, do I ever get that one. There were so many times when my children were growing up – and I was picking up dirty underwear (and too many other gross things to even mention) that all I wanted to do was RUN, run, run. Just for a few hours, maybe an overnight. Somewhere – ANYWHERE – but where I was, smack in the middle of the mess. But I never did. Later, I did learn some ways to care for myself – but oh, how I wish someone had told me that was important back then. So…I AM TELLING YOU THAT. It’s really, really important for you to figure out how to do it. (I know you know this, Laura B – you know everything, you are so wise.)
If I were to be really honest, I’m afraid that I’m not important enough to betaken care of by God, and yet I know I am blessed in many ways. I fear for my future and for that of my family.
If I were to be really honest… the facade I put up would crumble before your very eyes. I’m not quite as put together as I attempt to appear to be. But that’s where grace comes in and saves the day. I can’t wait to read your book, Emily!
…I must say that Im realizing many of my life decisions & patterns good & bad whatever the case may be were based on fear & not faith. Lord, please increase my faith & take away fear, it has no place in the heart of your beloved.
If I were to be really honest – To believe with all my heart, mind and soul – The deepest desire in my heart is from Him. Yet for fear – I hesitate.
oops – website said communication failed. I posted at 10:38 again…. My bad
If I were to be honest, I would stop holding back and let out who I truly am. I hide so much behind a mask. Perhaps it’s perfectionism, perhaps I don’t want to disappoint. But, I am ready to let it all out.
If I were to be really honest – To believe with all my heart, mind and soul – The deepest desire of my heart is from Him – Yet for fear – I hesitate.
If I were to be really honest, I’d say that as a broke seminary grad who was raised off her dad’s small-church pastor salary….I sometimes just wish I had money.
If I were to really be honest, I always wonder if anyone really likes me for me, or just for who I am trying to be.
If I were to be really honest, I always feel like i’m missing something.
If I were to be really honest, you’d know I spend more time angry with God than anybody else these days.
if i were to be really honest…i would stand up to my mother in law. she’s a wonderful person really but she has this idea of who i am supposed to be and i just am not that. and i avoid confrontation like the plague and when she gives me her advice i just quietly listen even though its so far from what i believe.
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I wish for a different life sometimes, however I know you only get one shot at this precious day….this moment…and I’m grateful for that.
diana x
If I were to be really honest, fear feels stronger than faith in my life most days, even though I’ve been walking with Christ for 24 years.
I wonder if I am forgetting to trust Him for the goodness and trying to be good by myself.
If I were to be really honest — I’d have to say that most days I just don’t want to be alive. I get up every day and do this life, but my heart isn’t in it. I try, but I just cannot seem to make it through this.
I am praying for you as I read these sad words. Please find your way to a good counselor and talk this out – get to the bottom of this despair. You are too valuable, too precious to live life feeling this way.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that grace is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. It was so much easier to dot every i and cross every t. To feel I had more control. To think that my coulottes instantly made me moral. To feel that God loved me because I was such a good girl.
But, honestly, I wouldn’t go back to that life for nothin’. Nothing! I’m so glad Christ loves me regardless.
If I were to really be honest – I would say that I am ashamed of being unmarried and pregnant and I am scared to death of being a single mother!
You’ll be okay. You can do it. You will be a good mum. Don’t worry about what people think. That’s not as important as what God thinks. Tell God how you feel and He will make His face to shine upon you and you will know His grace and that’s all that counts. <3 <3
If I were to be really honest – I’d have to say that a lot of my feelings about who I am and whether or not I like myself or feel confident are tied up in the number on my scale, the size of my dresses or pants, and how I look in pictures…I know God wants to redeem this… but its pretty gross and self centered..
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you how most days I feel like I’m failing everyone in my life…especially God.
If I were to be really honest I would say that I still struggle with my self-image, feeling beautiful, it limits my life in so many ways…i just don’t know what to do sometimes…I sometimes feel confident and secure and other days a ball of emotions, insecure, and so broken… ahhhh! Thank you Jesus that you’re not done with me yet!!!
If I were really honest…I would tell you that I feel like I rarely measure up.
If I were to be really honest I feel like a big lie
If I was really honest, I would show you my heart and all the hurts inside.
If I were to be really honest….I’d say that I’m angry at the fact that I’m pregnant at the same time as my sister in law and we’re both having boys. I’m angry that God thinks I can handle taking hit after hit and nothing every working out for my husband and me. And if I were really honest, I’d say that sometimes I feel like God’s just forgotten about us.
If I were to be really honest, I’d admit that I struggle to be joyful always and not complain about how hard things are sometimes.
If I were really honest…I would ask…is heaven going to be hard too?…sometimes it “feels” as if God is all about more pain, trial, and hardship…
If I were really honest …I just want to know that who I am is ok, really believe it deep down in my heart, not just in my head.
f I were to be really honest…I get angry when I have a spiritual epiphany because I didn’t “get it” before. It was right in front of me but I didn’t “see” it. So instead of relaxing into the truth in Christ, I waste time and breath being irritated about the wasted time. It is so stressful to be “flesh and blood.” Then it hits me again…I need God. I need to abide. I am not perfect and that is good because if I were, then I would not need Him…the One who made me just as I am. The One who loves me and called me “when I was yet without strength.” This is GOOD.
If I were to be really honest. . . .I have an anger problem.
If I were to be really honest, I feel so inadequate and insufficient to do what God has called me to do.
If I were honest, I’d admit that I’m a little ticked that He has me in a season of waiting when I’m desperate to go and do. No explanation, just silence and waiting.
Totally understand this. I’m right there with you!
If I were to be really honest, I really don’t think I’m called to be a teacher.
If I were to be really honest, I would be admitting that I CANNOT do it all no matter how hard I try….
If I were to be really honest, I would admit that I am not perfect……
If I were to be really honest . . . I’d have to confess I like checking tasks off of my to-do list better than dealing with relationships. Checking off is easy, relationships hard. But that said, relationship reap a much better reward!
If I were to be really honest, I’m not sure what God is calling me to do right now other than to wait on Him!! It’s hard in the waiting but it is great to feel His joy and peace even though my life is upside down!
I’d tell everyone how lonely it is at this stage of parenting. My kids are 15, 12 & 9 and its so much busier than they were little. No time for thoughts or getting together with friends.
If I were really honest I would admit how I love summer vacation and how i get really sad when my triplets return to school in the fall.
Ditto that!! I always thought I was alone on this… I LOVE my family & freedom!
If I were to be really honest . . . I want to be a writer and just have the opportunity to serve God with my words . . . all . . . day . . . long!
If I were really honest I would admit that after my miscarriage that I still don’t like pregnant woman, that even with time it still hurts more than I imagined
If I were to be really honest… I’m not really sure what to do with my life right now.
If I were really honest I would admit that I yell at my kids way too often… and it makes me feel like a failure as a mom.
It I were to be really honest, I would tell you that I should have just had an only child. I don’t deal well with stress, and having three littles aged 3 and under nearly put me in an institution. Thankfully they’re all mostly-grown-up now, and we all mostly survived; but it wasn’t pretty for a while.
If I were to be really honest, I don’t think I could ever stop “caring” what other people think.
If I were to be really honest, I am a chronic worry-wart, rather than believe God will take care of everything, I feel the need to have everything within my own understanding.
If I were to be honest, I don’t know if I’m more afraid that God will or won’t answer my prayer soon!
If I were honest, I’d say people are HARD to love. People are Hard to be kind to, and people don’t always love you back… It’s a hard thing to grasp, this loving with nothing in return. Weather be a parent-child relationship or a friendship. Regardless of the motive, when a kind deed is done, all want and long for acknowledgment.
If I were honest I’d tell you that I’m ready to get married and have my own family.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that I have never been really honest with God, myself or others. I hide behind a mask of my own making. It is a lonely masquerade, a desperate charade, a midnight walk in the mist. I know no one and no one knows me. I do have hope though, the big reveal is not too distant.
If I were to be really honest… the tension that I hold within my body would drain out.
If I were completely honest, I’d admit to some decidedly immature emotions and fears – like jealousy when someone else’s writing is singled out, like fatigue with the never-ending role of care-giving (from kids to grandkids to elderly moms), like foot-stomping impatience with my husband’s inability to READ MY MIND please, after all these years together, like deep-seated insecurities about doing it ‘right’ all the time and never feeling like I quite ‘get’ it – or that anyone quite ‘gets’ me. But then, I’m seldom that honest. Whoops – the cat’s out now.
If I were to be honest….sometimes I’m scared that I will never fulfill my dreams, that I will disappoint God and everyone around me, that I will always feel that pang in my heart when I look in the mirror. If I were to be honest, I would say that I’m afraid I will always try to be the “good girl”.
If I were to be really honest… I would admit how unhappy I am with certain areas of my life. My house is an unorganized mess and my husband is continually wanting to work on our marriage, but I’m in denial that there’s anything wrong.
If I were to be really honest…I wish I could let down my walls and not worry what people think of me. I can’t live for everybody else. I need to have confidence in who I am in Christ and allow myself to be genuine. I’m really not as put together as I try to portray myself to be. Really, I’m a mess without Jesus!
If I were to be really honest, I struggle loving people the way Christ loves me. I want to be selfish with my time and energy.
If I were to be really honest…I dislike this military life; I’m scared to be myself; I’m scared I won’t find another woman here to confide in (my husband and I are living overseas, and he is presently deployed); I’m fearful that I will never be a mother; and I could go on and on and on…
I’d say “I just don’t feel like it”
If I were to be really honest, I would say I am exhausted. I am a single mom, and realizing that it’s all my mistakes through my whole life that has left me in this place. Question is, yes, you can be made new in God, but you still have the consequences of your choices.
Ahhh dear Trish….. You are right about consequences BUT you need to know that even though you can’t go back and have a new beginning, you CAN, from now on, have a new ending!
If I were to be really honest…I’m sick of being the strong one. The one who makes sure everyone has what they need, the kids get to church, my parents are taken care of, that my husband is happy, I want to take care of me for once. I want to be healthy, and live my life doing what I am called to do, take care of my kids and home, not having to work 10 hour days just to make the mortgage.
If I were to be really honest….I would admit that I am my own enemy to my self esteem. All too often, I let myself believe that I am not worth the price He has already paid. I let the negative grow and take root and shout so loud, it’s all I hear. I am happy on the outside for all to see. But inside, I am slowly slipping inward.
If I were brutally honest … I would tell you that I was really jealous of you after reading yesterday’s post. I long for open stretches of time to fill with doing things like taking pictures, especially doing it with someone who would enjoy doing it with me. I also am jealous of people who make an impact … like you are doing and are going to do with your book. I know that I impacted eternity by raising two wonderful children who work for God professionally, but I am in the fall of my life and I wonder if what I am doing is what I need to be doing because a lot of the time I am just rushing around.
If I were to be really honest, I would say I am exhausted and worn out. I long for more than a few moments per week to myself. I long to have a clean house and to be able to stay on top of my responsibilities. I am stressed most of the time. To be honest, there is a lot going on behind the smiles and front I put up.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I don’t feel beautiful.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I really do need help even when I say I don’t.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I am going to be 25 years old and I still don’t feel like a woman. I feel like a i’m 17 stuck in a 25 year old’s body and I still struggle with the same mindset that I had when I was 17. If I were to be really honest, i’d say how ridiculously frustrated I am about that.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that I barely hold it all together.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you I’m not as strong as I make you think I am.
If I were to be really honest, I’d admit I have more doubts than I usually acknowledge.
To say No and not feel like I then had to explain why……….
karen
If I were to be really honest, I’d admit that I hated having the reputation of being a “good girl” and really, really wanted to be a “bad girl”. Wanted it enough to do very stupid things because being the good girl didn’t get me what I thought I wanted.
If I were to be really honest, I’d admit that I am petrified to just be me.
if i were to be really honest… i’d tell you how much a mess i’ve made with $ and that some days i’m scared.
If I were to be really honest, I’d admit that I feel completely unqualified and unequipped for any of the “roles” I play- as a wife, as a mother, and in my profession.
If I were to be really honest……I’d admit that my life is nothing like what I wanted it to be and I don’t know how to change it. My only joy is my kids and other than that, my life is meaningless.
If I were to be really honest, I have to say that sometimes I hate myself. I try to be a good girl, and a good daughter. I feel so miserable when I cannot be all that my mother wishes me to be. I’m sad that I cannot be there for her. And, at the same time, I’m angry. I hate that life brought us to this place where we are now. I hate that bad traits were handed down to me — it’s so hard to fight against them. I fail more often than not and every time I fail, I hate myself. It’s a constant struggle. For the most part, the world doesn’t know what my heart is. I just try to do the best I can and sometimes, it’s not even my best. I just put one foot in front of the other and trudge on in life. It shouldn’t be like this. But, it is.
[That was more than what I meant to say and less than what I need to say. Scary to post this.]
If I were to be really honest I would say that I truly truly am thankful for the painful process of sanctification in my life. I complain. I argue. I thrash against the pain. But if I’m honest, I know that God gives me such times to make me more into the image of Jesus. And I’m thankful.
If I were to be honest, I’d say that it always feels like I take one step forward, and then about fifty steps back.
if i were to be really honest i would call my brother and sister and ask that they participate in the daily chores of my parents life here, it makes me sad to be the only one caring for them.
If I would be really honest, I would quit work, stay at home with my kids, travel and start a landscape photography business.
If I were to be really honest….I’d admit that it’s lonely being the last single one among my girl friends and I wonder when it’s going to be my turn to find my husband who was perfectly selected by God. When do I get my chance for happily ever after.
If I were to be honest, I would say that most people don’t care enough about truth to stand up for it. Most times it involves getting out of our comfort zone and maybe even losing something in return. Truth is..we can’t handle truth!
If I were to be honest, I would say that most people don’t care enough about truth to stand up for it. Most times it involves getting out of our comfort zone and maybe even losing something in return. Truth is..we can’t handle truth!
If I were to be really honest… I’m afraid that my best effort won’t be enough.
If I were to be really honest…I would tell you that I’m completely exhausted. And while I’m so busy running around doing things that are supposed to be important, I’m missing what really matters. One of my biggest fears in life has become my reality and I have no one to blame…but myself
…I feel like a bad wife, mom, friend…but all the ways I try to change don’t seem to help.
I suspect you are not a bad anything. I know a special person named Kirsten in my life and this sounds like something she might say … or any of us might say. But she is a wonderful in so many ways. All of us fall short sometimes .. it’s Adam’s fault. But through God’s grace, He sees us only to the degree we look like Jesus.
…that i secretly want to drop out of grad school, get married and lead worship for the rest of my life.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I sometimes care more about how things look than how they really are.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you I’m a lot happier today than I was 7 days ago.
if I were really honest, I’d admit that I really don’t want to homeschool…that somtimes I feel like I’m suffocating when I think about it…that I feel like I don’t have any options…that I’m dreading turning into a “homeschool mom” and that I’m secretly jealous of moms who can put their kids in preschool and school and not feel the load of guilt and judgement that I would if I did.
If I were to be really honest…I would probably lose about half of my facebook friends and twitter followers because the things that cross my mind would make Chelsea Hanlder cringe.
If I were to be really honest… I would tell everyone that I keep on goofing up things and God keeps “fixing” them up so that things are okay and somehow I get the credit for “having it all together”…. So not true! (But ,thanks!)
If I was completely honest….I’m not sure people would know what to think. I keep a lot of my true thoughts buried, so as not to upset people.
If I were to be really honest…I would admit that while I know how I am supposed to always turn to God first and trust Him, it is so much easier said than done sometimes.
If I were really honest…..after my miscarriage in April, I’m still sad and still pretend that I understand that ‘these things happen’ even though there’s a piece of me that will never be the same. I feel jealous yet happy for friends who are pregnant or just found out they are. I feel like I’m being selfish when I have these thoughts then I feel guilty.
If I were to be really honest…I don’t know how my mom or my mother-in-law raised three kids with their husbands off to war, when my life seems so much less complicated.
These comments are sobering and I wish I could give each of you a hug.
If I were to be really honest…I would tell you that my daughter is what keeps me the happiest.
If I were to be really honest . . . I don’t think I’m teaching my son how to be Christ like enough. And definitely not by example.
if I had be to honest I would say that I covet too much and I wish I didn’t because it makes for a discontented life.
If I were to be really honest… I’d say that coming up with just one thing to be really honest about is really hard right now. There are so many. My poor self esteem. My sense of losing myself. The fear that I am not as “good” of a person as I should be. The list goes on and on… but my strength is in Him. My life is handed over to God because He can lead me wayyyyyy better than I can lead myself.
If I were to be really honest… I would tell you I’m tired, not fed up tired, worn out tired…
If I were to be really honest …. I’m not anywhere near as confident in myself as I try to appear.
If I were to be really honest…I would have to tell you that I am beyond stressed and scared of homeschooling, but at the same time, very excited to start our first year!!
If I were to be really honest . . . I go to Jazzercise, not because I want to excise, but because I just want some time to MYSELF!
If I were to be really honest…I would admit that I am so weary of trying to survive and all the broken things on minimum wage jobs (car, house, my sewing machine that is my means of work, and now my body with a tumor), that I don’t know if God IS truly in control. I just know that I don’t have the strength to be. I want to look like a woman of great faith, but I don’t think I really have Great Faith.
If I were to be really honest… I would tell you that sometimes I struggle with comparing myself to others.
If I were to be really honest I would tell you I’m constantly finding something not good enough with my character. I disguise my mental abuse (of myself) as “being humble” but at the end of the day I will never allow myself to be good..a good mom, wife or follower of Christ. Oh and I’m not a very good friend..not as good as I could be.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you I just want, no need, to know authentic grace. I want it to become more than a word. I want it to be the epicenter of my being.
if i were really honest….i care way too much what people think of me, and not nearly as much about the people themselves.
I am thankful to everyone who has left a comment I am encouraged by your honesty and equally troubled by how many of us bully ourselves.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that although I’m honored that people have found me and my writing to be uplifting during my battle with cancer, and that some people have said it’s brought them closer to God, I also feel like a fraud. Although I want to always believe the faith-filled words I truly believe when I write them, and I desire to have a faith as strong as the one others seem to think I have, there are many times when I’m so terrified of death that I begin to question not only God’s plan for me, but whether or not there is a God and Heaven at all. If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you how I’m scared to admit how weak my faith sometimes is, and how I’m finding that being diagnosed with cancer has not only caused me to fight for my physical life, but to fight for my spiritual life as well.
If I were to be really honest, my “friends” could never believe my real story and I am certain they would judge me if they knew.
If I were to be really honest, I complain about my weight too much, think about past wounds too much, wonder about what people think too much, and not talk to God often enough.
If I were really honest I would say I am feeling like my load is nearly too much to bear….helping my mom and dad as they are struggling with cancer and a hip replacement/volunteering at church in the capacities of worship leader and teacher/ homeschooling my 7th and 11th graders and teaching 2 co-op classes and toting the kids to hockey and dance class/ helping my oldest transfer to a new college and learn bus routes and the logistics of a very large campus/ cooking and cleaning and being a helpmate to my hubby and beginning a women’s study group and working to lose some major weight and yes, take care of three pets…..BUT…But, God will not give me more than I can handle and so I am breathing and taking life one step at a time 🙂 As I write these things out I see that I NEED GRACE, and lots of it!! Blessings everyone!! Becky J.
If I were to be really honest I would tell you that getting divorced was the best decision I have ever made. It is one I know God led me to and I have absolutely no doubts about, which is more than I can say about my earlier decision to get married. His grace redeems and restores!
If I were to be really honest, I wouldn’t try to protect people so much from how sick I am and just let them see.
I also understand you!
smooches,
Larie
If I were to be really honest…I am not sure that I can handle all that I want to do in life…I can never find enough time for the things I want to do after taking care of all the things I need to do…
If I were to be really honest I would tell you that the my feelings of hopelessness and discouragement keep filling my heart and head. I am ready to blow, but fear the outcome of my choices…
If I were to be really honest…I would tell you that I love my husband and that I hate how my default attitude setting towards him is negative. I would tell you even though I know we are perfectly matched, sometimes I am afraid I made a mistake because we are so different and those differences frustrate me and sometimes they are all I can see. And then I remember that his brokenness is the same as mine, really, even though his takes a different form, and I think about how patient he has been with me and my brokenness, and I just wish I could love him whole.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you how hard it is sometimes to put one foot in front of the other.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that while I read my Bible most days, I don’t consistently pray. Which bothers me. I’m not a “I need something, I better pray” person, it’s just not a habit, and it’s entirely my fault. 🙁
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that I feel responsible for my daughter’s stillbirth. I felt like there was something wrong for days before but didn’t say anything out of fear of being that crazy pregnant lady who ran to the doctor for every little thing. So I sat it out at home and she died. Maybe I could have saved her…
Oh, Kat… though I haven’t experienced your trial, I know myself well enough to know that I’d feel exactly the same. Praying you will find comfort in the knowledge that EACH life is in God’s hands.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that there are days I am so tired I never want to get out of bed. But, God has called me to an amazing journey. I am scared, nervous & excited all rolled up into one.
If I were to be really honest, I’m just doing good enough to get by…not really thriving…just merely surviving.
I’ve always described myself as a good girl….I can’t wait to read this book (and meet you at relevant!!)
I’ve struggled with the fear of my husband being unfaithful…but for anyone else who has struggled with that, meditating on the verse that starts out..”Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are lovely, just, pure etc.” has really helped me a lot and also placing my complete trust in Jesus alone.
I understand you!
smooches,
Larie
If I were to be really honest… I’d tell you I keep score in my marriage, mostly with myself. I want to be “good” (i.e., encouraging, life giving, builder upper full of positive things to say). And when I’m NOT, when I’m “too emotional” or just “too much” in general I think I’m loved less. This is more of a reflection of how I see my relationship with the Lord, it honestly has nothing at all to do with my husband, but oh how I often believe the lie that it does.
Honesty… I am so burdened down with this world of care… Struggling!
To be honest ~ I worry over many things instead of letting the Lord take care of them.
If I were really honest, I’d tell you that I struggle with anger… Anger at my husband too many times… Anger at my kids too many times…
Why do I let anger control my life? Especially with those I love the most?
I need to give this to God!
If I were to be really honest, ______I would not have gotten married just to “run away” from home and then had kids with a man I really didn’t love.
smooches,
Larie
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I’m simply trying my best… And with His help, it’s enough.
If I were to be really honest … I’d admit that I don’t actually enjoy the slog of full time work and commute that is my life – I want to adopt children and home school them as a stay at home mum.
If I were to be really honest, you would know that I feel like a failure in every thing…..as a mom, a wife, an employee, a housekeeper, a friend, a daughter, a Christian. I just can’t seem to do it all.
If I were to be really honest, I need to read my Bible more. which right now, is zip. I need the word so much right now.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that I don’t rely on God as much as I know I should. I struggle, fall down, and then realize that I was trying to accomplish the task all on my own.
Thanks for the chance to win!
If I were to be really honest, I would sob on your shoulder over the death of our good friend Mark. After 2 years of battling cancer, he found eternal rest today. I want to be happy and celebrate for him, but my heart is hurting more than I expected it to.
Praying for you and your friend Mark, Bridget.
if i were to be really honest, i’d put on a tutu and dance!
If I were to be really honest, I would admit that grace mystifies me and I worry that I will never get it – that I will be a prisoner in my perfectionistic, people pleasing persona…
If I were to be really honest ,I’m sick of it all & don’t think I’ve done anything right.
if i were to be honest….. life is not easy!
honestly…I’d admit that I’m afraid to try new things without feeling pretty certain I will succeed.
If I were to be really honest- I am SO glad my son isn’t getting married this weekend. SO very thankful that they figured out it wasn’t right before it was too late… God is so good.
To be honest…. sometimes, I just don’t feel like going to church. It’s not that I don’t love God or don’t love my church (although I haven’t always loved my church), I just feel like sleeping in or watching TV instead of leaving the house.
If I were to be honest… I would probably admit that I’m doing better than I let myself feel, that I love my life more than I allow myself to, and that despite my “hang-ups”, I am a pretty awesome person.
I am thirty-five, single and childless. If I were to be really honest I’d tell you that makes me feel worthless, purposeless and completely alone. There is nowhere that I belong.
If I were to be honest…I would share my hurt with a friend who hurt me deeply rather than putting on my “smile” and self-protecting walls. ….and that I ate a bunch of chocolate while I thought about writing it out here in the open…..ugh.
I would tell you about the weight I want and need to lose and then tell you that I make absolutely no effort to exercise and do something about it! And after that I would probably have a whole list of things I could tell you . . .
If I were to be really honest, I think I would have even fewer friends than I do now.
…admit how unhappy I really am.
If I were to be really honest, I would have to say the ups and downs of life in the past year have strengthened my relationship with God and my husband.
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you that I wish I could live my life up to this point over again. There are so many things I’ve done, said, didn’t do that have shaped who I am today. I would tell you that I am still carrying a lot of baggage from my past and that it’s getting really heavy, but that I am not sure how to be who I am without it. And I would tell you that although I believe God’s Word to be true, I still cannot grasp my head around the face that He loves me.
If I were to be honest, I’m thankful that I see how ‘bad’ I am, even I’d everyone else thinks I’m ‘good’. I would rather see my sinfulness than live thinking I’m ‘good enough’ … As if good enough is ever good enough…
if i were to be really honest…i deserve nothing i’ve been blessed with in life because i’ve failed God time and time again. but the God i serve isn’t interested in what i deserve. He’s interested in His grace. and it’s only by His grace…that i am saved.
If I were to be really honest…I’m pretty terrified about this little girl that I’m having in November. What if I fail at this? How do I raise a daughter to be everything I’m not?
If I were to be really honest, I’d have to admit that it looks like this school year could have really great potential. I’d also have to admit that in my own mind, I guess I was limiting what I thought God could do. He is opening my eyes a little wider every day — and it’s only DAY TWO! =)
If I were to be really honest I’d tell you that the only thing I am truly confident in is my ability to appear confident. And if I were to be really, really honest I’d tell you that I am not as strong as some people think I am. They have no idea of the fear, guilt, and sadness I endure behind this smile. Thankfully I have Him to make me whole.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I am totally blown away by all of the wonderfully insightful comments. I can relate to so many of your fears, hopes and dreams. I am encouraged to know that I am not alone in most of the things that I worry about and feel that I have failed at. Thank all of you for your honesty. Lately, I have been feeling useless and unnecessary. My kids have flown the coop and are starting their own lives after I have dedicated my life to raising them. How dare they!!! Now what do I do?? I know God has a plan and I just hope that I have the courage to follow his path when it comes to me.
If I were to be honest…people would know that I am not as nice as I seem. If even some of the thoughts in my head came out of my mouth – what an eye opener that would be. Hmm may be the curse of the good girl….
If I were to be really honest… sometimes I have a hard time trusting Jesus. Not “trusting in” him, but trusting that his plan for me is really good. After both my parents, faith-filled God-trusting christians, died long painful deaths from disease, I ask, why would my fate be any different? I am certainly less righteous than they were. How do I overcome this? Anyone?
If I were to be honest, I’d tell you that there is freedom in becoming the YOU that God made you to be and that it has nothing to do with being a good girl. It has to do with knowing that you aren’t good at all without Jesus at work within you.
I am an adult child of an alcoholic and I’ve spent my whole life being all things to all people. There isn’t a more exhausting role to try to live. I am so thankful for the grace that Jesus has poured out in my life…for the mentors that he has put in my path and for the counselors that have spoken truth that has set me truly free.
I can’t WAIT to read this book and hand out copies to every woman that I can.
If I were to be really honest, I would be embarrassed at how much I’m looking forward to this book. Cried when I watched your video about it the 2nd time…I’m convinced that I have no idea how much God loves me-and I don’t know what Grace is, but when I think about it I think the Lord is telling me that “it’s ok…He just loves me…and he’ll find a way to tell me.”
If I were to be really honest….I don’t think I live enough in the grace of God, and I don’t trust Him enough in my moments of worry and fear!
If I were to be honest…I’d say that I don’t have it as together as I like to think I do.
If I were to be really honest… I don’t like being in control all the time. But I feel like it’s always expected of me and so the idea of not being in control bothers me too. Also, worry and fear makes me shrink back and engage when I should.
that should say not engage when I should!
If I were to be really honest… I’d be afraid. Afraid of how you would react if you knew the ugly that hides in my mind and pops up when no one is looking and I’m hoping against hope that it won’t come. Afraid that you would think I’m strange, that you wouldn’t understand, that you might label me and shy away from me. So I’ll be honest… I’m usually only partly honest.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I am not exactly happy with my life.
But God is in control!
If I were to be really honest I’d wonder if the good girls are worse than the bad girls?
If I were to be really honest…I deliberately (sometimes by action, sometimes by inaction) shoot myself in the foot when opportunities arise to use my gifts/talents, because I am more scared of the changes success might bring to my life than I am of the status quo. And I am disgusted with myself for that.
If I were to be honest with others in my life right now, it would probably make things harder than they already are.
If I were to be honest…I would be living out loud.
If I were to be really honest, I would say that I struggle with worrying about what everyone is thinking about me, especially at work… but I’m honestly trying to get better at realizing that I am doing my very best!
If i were to be really honest, i am not a perfect person, i was not worthy to be loved, i didn’t feel i had purpose in my life. But God transformed me and even though i don’t always have all the answers and i make huge mistakes sometimes God will NEVER LEAVE ME. And that alone is enough for me.
If I were to be honest, I would tell you that I am so tired of doing everything for everyone and feeling used. And then when it is time for some fun, nobody calls to include me. I feel worthless. I am trying to leave it all at God’s feet, but it is hard sometimes….
If I were to be really honest, I am emotional right now. I struggle with feelings of unworthiness and don’t understand why things have happened in my life as they have.
If I were to be honest… I would say that the fear of failure paralyzes me in every aspect of my life. It is a struggle of trying to meet a standard that is unrealistic! but I know that day by day God is breaking those chains and allowing me to be everything he has called me to be, not by my own strength, but by his! 🙂
If I were to be honest…I fear that my husband and my differing views on so many things in life will always keep both of us from truly becoming who God created us to be.
If I were to be really honest…..I would say that being an adult scares the life out of me. And I’m 50 years old-shouldn’t it come easier by now?
If I were to be really honest… someone might get hurt. I would complain long and loud and true, but it is only part of the truth. It is also honest to be thankful for all that is good. So I honestly hurt, and I honestly thank Him. Not just for the hurt that draws me to Him, or for the comfort in it, but for the reality that hurt is only a part of life, and there are so many other gifts, showered daily on me in love. Like bright blue skies scattered with clouds all pillow-fluffed… and trees dancing in the wind, and protection, and love. Oh, yes, Love!! His love! There is nothing better. Nothing bigger. There is nothing more honest than His love. If I were to be honest, I would focus on his love more than on anything else, Wouldn’t I?
Thank you for the reminder that God’s love is just as true as the hurt is.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you how hurt I have felt by people who were co-leaders and leaders in my life and how they didn’t truly support and/or believe/trust me and in fact, at times, judged me at my weakest.
If I were to be honest… I would say that somedays I feel like the ungodly are influencing me instead of the other way around – the way it should be
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that I feel super inadequate in this season of life that I’m in right now, mentoring girls at my missions school, but the amazing thing is that, yes, that might be true, but GOD is SO much bigger than that, and He is going to use me through all of my weaknesses. Praise Jesus!
If I were to be really honest…..I’d break down and cry and tell you that no matter how many girlfriends I have, sometimes I feel completely alone.
if i were to be really honest… all the things i started to put here i deleted. there is always that tinge of fear that if i AM *truly* really honest, everyone will run away screaming!
If I were to be really honest… I’m a mess and work way too hard trying to cover it up!
If I were to be really honest,
I would tell you that I am angry. Downright, flat-out, pissed off. I am truly becoming the LAST single woman in my circles, of which there are many. I can think of two other friends who are 30+ and remain single, and one of them is a “reason” if you’ve read that book. It makes me ANGRY that some of the people around me are finding matches and making permanent commitments and I can barely get a date much less a relationship. But as a Good Girl I know I ought to “wait on God” and “use this time to prepare” etc blah yada whatever. I’m tired of the platitudes and bumper stickers. I’m coming around the bend to a point at which I am going to start telling people
“If *you* don’t know someone you could set me up with, then do NOT tell me there “are good men out there” and that I just haven’t met the right one yet. If you don’t have proof of single, available, responsible-adult men, then I don’t want to hear a peep out of your mouth.”
Wow, here it goes….If I would be really honest: I feel USED by many (friends and family). I’m tired of supposely christian friends letting me down and when ever I go thru any difficult moments they are not around or you don’t hear from them. It has been especially difficult over the years with losing parents, grandparents and relatives and where are they???? They want to be your friends on facebook and see your posts but can they even reply back or simply respond, I’m praying for you or I care. Most relationships are one sided and as long as you are doing things for them or they want something from you then you may hear from them. I feel USED! Also, don’t ever leave a church because FRIENDSHIPS will ENDS. I could NEVER understand why people will have nothing to do with you because of leaving a church or what church you may attend but Praise God he’s always with you and will never leave you. My strong faith is always my hope, strength and comfort for me, my husband and our daughters. He is the one who will carry me thru ALL things. Thank you, Jesus for your LOVE and PROMISES! …..Putting the past behind and moving forward…
if i were really honest…I was saddened by how hurt we women are and not sure if I was more relieved or depressed by all these comments. I’d promise to be more kind to myself today and give myself another change. I would choose to let myself live without taking in all what other people say that press me down. I would fight the urging feeling of wanting to hide and be visible instead.
If I were to be really honest, I’ve realized that my 16 year career is not my passion and it scares me to death. How I want to just write and spill my heart to God, and don’t know where to begin. All the success in the world is meaningless when it does not ignite a soul to “just be” …
If I were to be really honest, I would have to admit that I don’t converse with God daily knowing it refreshes my soul. I don’t ”make” time for reflection. I believe I’m a bad girl as I don’t show my spiritual side to others and find it hard to admit to others I need it.
If I were to be real honest, I want to change the world and know that that also means changing myself first. This is a daily seeking.
If I were to be real honest, I love to write, but fear how it comes across.
Thanks Emily!
Brooke
If I were to be really honest I would have to confess that I am right back in a pit I just climbed out of and its covered with a web of lies that I can’t see clearly through or else I am avoiding what I fear to see…I need grace this very moment, I am desperate to live the way he wants me to.
If I were really honest, I’d admit that most of the time I feel like I’m failing at life, and I keep thinking I have everything that I ever wanted in life, but why am I not happier about it?
If I were to be really honest I am amazed that there are over three hundred gorgeous souls here who love God and are baring their very selves here honestly and in so many of them there are bits of myself. I wish you had books enough to give all of them one and I am so in need of one too. I think God must be so proud of each confession as there is a real cry for more of Him!
If I were to be really honest…..I would say that I feel more insecure now in my thirties than I did when I was a teenager.
If I were honest, I would say that I hate being deaf sometimes. Wow– never really put it in that statement before…… : )
If I were really honest…. I would say I Am Lonely…. Empty Nest…. And wondering… Praying…. What is next ? … And then there are the panic attacks…. Which makes me wonder WHY? What purpose— What Good can come from these ???
I’d be by myself.
If I were to be honest, I worry too much about what people think and the expectations (real or perceived) that they have of me. I don’t want to disappoint others, and especially not God. The drive for perfectionism and rest found in grace cause me to be extremely double-minded at times (as in the book of James). I find it hard to accept grace when the worry and doubts assail me. It’s a tiring sway, this tossing back and forth. It sucks the LIFE right out of my life!
If I were really honest…I would say I am mad at God for not providing a way for me to be a stay at home mom.
If I were to be really honest… I love hearing the Word of the Lord, the voice of the Lord, and moving in the prophetic because I love Him so much. But I don’t always want to say what He gives me, or do what He tells me, because of fear of man – fear of being rejected, ‘yet again.’
I wonder where the like minded people are that are passionate about Christ, because He’s passionate about us? After two divorces (not in my theology), the fear and insecurity that has tried to overtake me because of it, has been tremendous. I don’t enjoy church much anymore, because of the judgments of people (never mind the reasons behind the divorces, that I didn’t ask for each one; and the “line in the sand that what drawn” over abuse that I am upholding and how GOD says HE still calls me virtuous because of my strong stand against hidden unrighteousness.”)
People say to me “You have an Elijah spirit”, or you are a “Deborah”… I hear what Father says, and it is true – yet the cost to walk in that level of committment with Him has been tremendous. I wish I didn’t want the love and acceptance of community SO much – that it makes me waver when I have to take such a firm, hard stand FOR righteousness – and then hear responses like “you’re too serious”, “you are too intense”, “you don’t know how to enjoy life or have fun”, which makes me so angry at the accusations – when my heart is longing for community, and I love people, family, and fellowship. I remember times like Job “when fellowship was sweet.”
Those comments, those kinds of days, I want to run into a cave somewhere and not ever come out – “church people” at times, are way worse than dealing with folks that are outright unsaved.
My love for the Lord keeps my going forward, even when my tender heart is beat to pieces by people’s judgments (false)… and like the above – when I feel compelled to but am tired of “explaining” or being made to feel I have to “justify” my life. I choose to believe His Voice when He whispers that HE knows, and HE has set me free from condemnation, not only my own of me and when I fail Him, but especially free of others…
I believe He turns things around ~ the waiting has been excruciating. Including awaiting His declaration of innocence, or vindication – where He shows somehow, that I am not guilty of all these things with which people charge me ~ and it’s like Job, with Job’s friends ~ waiting on God to restore the double (which HE has promised).
Honesty – HE is worth it all ~ but I didn’t have a clue when I said “Yes Lord” the upheavals that were coming into MY own life. It has scared me. I’m tired of being so “set apart for His purposes” that is becomes loneliness. 🙁
If I were to be honest…I’d say that sometimes I really want to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom. This working mommy guilt (especially whenI have to travel like this week!) is killing me!!
If I were to be really honest, I would be at peace with who I am instead of wishing to be a mix of what I consider the best traits I see in everyone else.
I have this same tendency and it makes me see myself as inadequate in almost all that I do. But did God not purpose each of us differently in personality and in talents, that we are unique and as Christains we should love everyone’s individualities as proof of His existence? Who I am, what I do is not a formula devised by son of man, but by Son of God.
I’d admit my fears about staying single forever and how that’s twisted up with how I think God views and treats me- even though I know He loves me and has only my best in mind.
If I were to be really honest —- I’d share my insecurities about raising my children.
If I were to be really honest, I wouldn’t have a friend left in the world.
If I were to be really honest, I would admit to myself that I am not as put together as I pretend to be.
If I were to be really honest, this whole honesty thing — the deep down kind that sometimes only God knows about — is often really, really hard for me. And I often don’t want to do it.
If I were to be really honest.. I’d admit I have too much judgement of others and not enough grace.
If I were to be really honest I would be ashamed to admit some of the thoughts that go rampaging through my mind.
If I were to be really honest I would tell you how I struggle with giving God complete control of my life. While I was growing up I didn’t know God and made a mess out of my life… He has transformed all of my mistakes into something good. Why do I still feel the need to control? I don’t want to walk in fear but walk as a saint, loved, forgiven, His daughter…
If I were to be really honest…..in everything I do I never feel like it is good enough and there is always something more/better I could be doing.
If I were to be really honest…..I would tell my friends that I am scared about my daughter leaving for college next fall, and how my life will change dramatically as a result of becoming an empty nester. Everyone tells me it will be great, and I believe that it will. But the transition is scary.
I could use some time with a girlfriend, a scrapbook table and a real good ugly cry right about now.
If I were to be really honest, life is HARD! Even with Jesus holding my hand!
If I were to be really honest…I’d have to admit that my first, strongest instinct was to answer this question with something funny instead of something hard. And that maybe I try to be funny all the time because what’s underneath seems to ugly to reveal.
Whew. Don’t enter me in the giveaway. I just couldn’t resist playing along with your question after reading the beautiful comments here.
If I were to be really honest, I would admit that i am tired of shying away from doing anything (leadership, my purpose) because I am afraid of judgement by peers and even family of not doing something the formulated or conventional way or even perfectly.
If I were to be really honest…. I would admit that I get mad at God because I have a job I hate, my husband and I can’t afford for me to stay home as a housewife like I want to, and I really have no idea what I am suppose to do with my life to glorify Him.
If I were to be honest – even after reading all of these comments I still can’t. The habit of weighing and measuring before opening up is strong. I know truth in my head, but letting go and living? It has taken me ever so long to learn the act of “being safe”. Now I’m supposed to tear that wall down? If I were to be honest, I would say that I can’t. It simply isn’t safe to do with anyone other than God. For that, I’m sorry.
If I were to be really honest…I would be MORE out spoken about my geniune LOVE for the Lord and my little family. Also, I would admit my how very hard I am on myself.
This is a tough piece of honesty to put out there: I’m jealous of gals who have lots of friends. Girlfriend nights, weekends, etc. sound like so much fun. I wish I knew what was wrong with me….because I think I am a good friend to have and I like to have fun.
If I were to be totally honest, I would say that sometimes I resent having to be the “cheerleader, holiday maker, in charge of everyones happiness” mom all the time.
If I were to be really honest–I’d admit that I struggle with choice God has made for my life.
[…] “The point is, somewhere inside, you have an idea of who you should be and it is at war with who you are.” – Emily Freeman […]
… I would admit that even though it is not a career (and maybe my college degree was a waste?), i am more happy being a stay-at-home mom than anything else i could imagine.
if i were to be really honest, i’d say i wish i felt more confident of what His purpose for my life is.
There’s a part of me that really likes being a little bit bad.:)
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that it is so hard to keep my heart right through this hard time.
If I were to be really honest, I would admit I am tired. Tired of always appearing like I have it together while wars rage in my head. Tired of not being true and honest with others about whats going on in my heart and mind.
If I were to be really honest, I would tell you that I don’t know if I ever want to have kids. When I consider being a mother all I can see is the way it would hinder the life I would like to live. Yet I’m scared to admit this to anyone, because it seems so isolating. Most people seem to expect women want to and have a need to be a mother and if I don’t agree or fit in with that mindset, then that makes me a selfish outsider.
If I were to be really honest I’m still ‘trying’ to earn grace…
If I were to be really honest, I’d have to admit that it took me 31 years to figure out that I will never have it figured out. 🙂 Grace needed now, more than ever.
If I were to be really honest, I would sleep for a week and let the chips fall where they may. In the middle of your book and loving it! Can not wait to get copies to others!!
Bless you !
If I were to be really honest, I spend more time on my outer beauty than I do on my inner beauty. *pretty face, ugly soul*
If I were to be honest, an overwhelming fear of failure keeps me frozen in one spot, afraid to take steps of faith to experience the bigger and better God has planned for me.
If I were to be really honest, I’m lonely a lot and a little frustrated with life at times. I moved to a new spot about 5 months ago with my two children and husband. He travels a lot and I get lonely easily, my kids are little so I start to go bonkers. I’ve met a few moms, but don’t feel accepted into a community yet. I know this is a time where I should grow closer to my savior, but sometimes it just feels so hard I want to cry.
If I were to be really honest – I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough.
If I were to be really honest… I would tell you I often read faces, body language, and blog comments to determine what their definition of “honest” is, and then allow that definition to determine my level of vulnerability. But that’s not how it works with God, who desires truth, “in my innermost being,” Psalm 51:6. Have mercy on us Lord. We bring our trembling hearts to You.
If I were to be really honest…..I would tell you that I’m struggling with anxiety. And even though I find moments of peace through prayer and seeking Him in the word, I still want Him to remove the thorn completely.
If I were to be really honest… I would admit that I’m on overload right now. I’m so afraid that I’m going to drop one of the balls that I’m juggling. Because of that, I’m a little more stressed, which means I’m a little more cranky… *sigh*
If I were to be really honest…..I would say that I’m lonely and overwhelmed and fail on a daily basis. I want so much to change but don’t know where to start.
If I were to be really honest, I would admit. I would admit that I’m afraid to trust. I would admit that I don’t have it all together on the inside, regardless of the facade that I present on the outside. I would admit that I am afraid that my world will come crashing down on me if I don’t pretend that I am strong. I would admit that my deepest desires are to be vulnerable but that I run from it because I fear that I’ll end up rejected and alone. I would admit that as messy as I sound, Jesus has already brought me so far! I would admit that it’s scary to be a work-in-progress. If I were to be really honest, I would admit!
if i were to be honest…..i’d tell everyone how hard it is to put on a happy face when depression has me wanting to crawl into a hole and hide. i’d tell them that even though my hope is in jesus, depression is very real and it can be deabilitating at times, no matter how hard you fight it.
If I were to be honest, I’d admit that I need to get my act together and start eating healthier that will result in some weight loss and a happier me.
If I were to be honest, I’m afraid of failure but I think I’m afraid of being successful even more. I’ve become so isolated that I lost who I am. Praying and knowing God answers now scares me, but change is necessary and only good comes to those who love God, so I will go on trusting in Him and letting Him transform me into who He wants me to be.
If I were to be really honest… I would admit that I can’t believe how overwhelmed I get with this whole parenting thing. I had no idea I would find it this difficult. (And my kid is super awesome.)
If I were to be really honest, my heart really hurts.
If I were to be really honest….I’d say how badly I want to be married!
If I were to be really honest, I’d tell you how bad I am at procrastinating. (And how much I hate myself for doing that.)
If I were to be really honest, I’d say I struggle with contentment and trying not to be jealous of people who “have it all.”
WOW! If I were to be really honest, I would admit that read most of the other entries first. I have never been the good girl. I struggle with Christianity on a daily basis. I question God and his “plans”. I question whether God even exists. I believe in the Bible as a good history book, but still balance on the fence as to whether I believe everything in it to be true or at least the truth as they knew it when it was written. I see good things and think there has to be a God and then something terrible happens and I want an explanantion as to how MY God would allow it. I have never been the good girl, but I am doing my best as a parent to raise two great ones!
I would say that I’m worn out and there are too many days I’m tired and lazy and don’t put the time and energy into my faith, my home, and my family as I should.
If were to be really honest I would admit that I am afraid of being rejected.
I would say that I fear failing in anything that I’m not good at right away, so I just don’t even try.
If I was to be completely honest I would say that I am terrified of driving and I avoid it at all costs. I then feel like such a burden to my family and I feel inferior to all the other mums who drive their children around and go on errands with such apparent ease. I don’t particularly like that about myself. I tend to hide my fear of driving like a guilty secret. Thank you for the opportunity to be honest and to get it out in the open. I would like to add my name to your follower list.
If I were to be really honest, I would confide that I fear that my family will drift away from each other and we’ll mistake each other as strangers because we haven’t taken time to really know each other, connecting long enough to have a sense that we belong.
If I were to be really honest, my friends would know i’m not as smart, tough or godly as I let on to be, especially in my role as mommy-o. Oh the images we portray to even those friends that love us unconditionally and worse to God! And yet God does KNOW us, AND LOVES us unconditionally anyway and still we pretend or worse hide.
If I were really honest, I would say that just when I start to find myself again and get comfortable in my own skin, starting to see myself through God’s eyes, I lose myself again.
If I were to be honest I would ave to tell you what a failure I feel like almost daily. spiritual failure that is. It seems that no matter how many times I face the same trial I always manage to blow up at the very person I am trying to lead to a closer walk with our Lord OR I just completely fall apart and allow Satan to pull me under with his awful lies. I doubt the power of my God and His behind the scenes work. I lash out at the very One who holds me in the Palm of His Hand. It feels terrible and I feel so ashamed and such a spritual failure.
I feel like I’m not enough.
Simple enough. I’m not a good enough worker, I’m not a good enough mom and I’m not good enough at taking care of myself.
If I were really honest…..I would know that it is not my fault that we can not have children. However, I can not shake the feeling that I don’t deserve this great gift.
love it all… and the seagull :o)
[…] is a good girl, you ask? Well, a good girl isn’t perfect. Oh no. She knows her own shortcomings all too well. It’s a girl who creates her own safe places to hide – whether hiding behind good […]
Honestly, my Life so far has been caught up in how I ‘look’, rather than how I ‘feel’.
How shallow!