Never was our family holiday more needed nor the timing seemingly more inappropriate. For months we had looked forward to our family beach holiday.
As our holiday drew tantalizingly close, we were struck by the bombshell of my father-in-law’s diagnosis of a relapse of leukemia. If it’s possible, this news was even more of a shock than the first diagnosis, a year to the day earlier.
Bruce battled leukemia so valiantly the first time around, through four months of chemotherapy, and five months of a grueling stem cell transplant. Having laid close to death, he had fought heroically and won the battle! Remission. Such a sweet-tasting word after a brutally hard slog.
Bruce spent a further two months regaining his strength and had just returned to work for three weeks when this latest bombshell knocked the wind from us. The leukemia was back with vengeance, and this time in his cerebro-spinal fluid. Immediate chemo was required to relieve the pressure in his brain, and yet there was no hope this time of recovery.
Judy moved in with us to be closer to the hospital. Our greatly anticipated holiday loomed with 10 days to go, and the overwhelming feeling that this was no time to lark and giggle in sunshine and surf.
Happiness, our fair-weather friend, was nowhere to be found.
Judy, in her kindness, insisted we holiday still, and as it happened Bruce was able to have a few days leave from hospital during that week. Our house, being close to the hospital and uncharacteristically quiet, made it possible for him to have respite with Judy.
Our beach-front unit was constantly filled with sound of crashing waves, and the refreshing ocean-breeze, slapping sea-spray on our faces each time we walked out on the balcony. We spent many hours on that balcony, reading, talking, eating, playing boardgames. We spent many hours on the beach too, body boarding in the surf, building sandcastles, climbing over rocks and walking along the boardwalk.
We had a wonderful holiday, but happiness remained fickle, here some moments, gone the next as our thoughts drifted back to Bruce. The only constancy was the crashing waves, ever-pounding, ever-present, in the early dawn, the midday sunshine, the coolness of dusk. And still it pounded in the black of night, when all that could be seen was the moonlight reflecting in the white foam at the waves’ far-reaches.
A few of our days were grey, dreary, and scattered with showers. These were miserable days when even the weather seemed to have sympathy with our sorrow for Bruce. Something in me expected the waves to quieten down too; to join the heavy hearts, to register change. And yet the waves took no notice. Onward they crashed, wave after wave, endless energy, a perpetual rhythm proclaiming a great constancy.
And the Lord whispered to my heart about his faithfulness.
His faithfulness is constant like those waves. Not for a moment does His faithfulness to us waver. Not for a moment is it uncertain. His faithfulness is just like that perpetual rhythm of the pounding water, showing itself over and over, declaring His covenant again and again.
Never does His faithfulness hesitate. Never does it falter. And nor is it simply a reflection of our circumstances. Rain or sunshine, daylight or the darkness of night, inward-coming or outward going tides, even wind-direction does not halter the crashing waves. They crash always and even-still.
And God assured me that His faithfulness is not like happiness, which delights in my company and flatters me when all is wonderful, but quickly disappears as my circumstances sour.
His faithfulness was established before time, in Heaven itself (Psalms 89:2) and his Love stands firm forever. He is a mighty God, whose faithfulness surrounds him (v8). Imagine it like a cloud of sea-spray that surrounds those ever-crashing waves.
Breathe in His faithfulness.
Even now, 18 months later, and some 14 months after Bruce has passed away, I know that the constancy of God’s faithfulness is forever the air that I need to breathe. There is refreshment and hope in his faithfulness.
by Emma Leitch, a total Monet
Leave a Comment
Christy says
A truly beautiful image Emma. So powerful and true. Thanks for sharing.
Emma Leitch says
Thank you Christy
Holley Gerth says
Such a beautiful, powerful reminder. Thank you!
Emma Leitch says
Thanks Holley
Emma Leitch says
Thanks Holley. And thank you for your beautiful Blog. It blesses me so often!
love Emma
Jennifer says
Beautiful! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Emma Leitch says
Thanks for reading Jennifer. bless you!
Rosanne@magqueen says
“And the Lord whispered to my heart about his faithfulness”. I love this!!
Such strength you have found with his faithfulness. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
Emma Leitch says
Thanks Roseanne! I pray you feel His great faithfulness throughout your life journey too. Love Emma
Kim says
So very powerful..We’ve been on that same journey with my sister in law who died only 3 months after her stem cell transplant where my husband had been her donor. I was one of her caregivers, and on this journey I realized that you take nothing for granted…especially time…it was the worst of times yet the best of times…we packed so much in that short time…we wanted no regrets….I ache for her presence & it’s been 8 years…I realize that God is the same today tomorrow & forevermore and his love is constant..it’s what sees you thru the storms of life & makes you grateful for each day that you have been given….what you do with that time is up to you…make the most of it…it may be your last you spend with the one you love.
Emma Leitch says
Thank you Kim for your words of wisdom. Yes God and his love is constant and He sees us thru the storms. I pray He, in his faithfulness will continue to poor balm on your heart as you cherish your sister-in-laws memory. Much love, Emma
Heather says
This was so beautifully written and as with all things from God, in perfect timing. A wonderful reminder that even though we waiver, He never does! Thank you!
I would like to ask where you were staying, though, as the thought of hearing the waves crash on the shores from my hotel room or condo would be ever so delightful!
Emma Leitch says
Hi Heather,
Thanks for your comment. I live in Queensland, Australia and we were staying at Caloundra on the Sunshine Coast about 1 1/2 hours north of Brisbane. The place where we stayed “Pandanus court” was right on the beachfront as you can see from the photos. The roar of the ocean was so loud and comforting.
Love Emma
Janet says
Lovely to see a fellow Aussie on here! Great article Emma!
Love from Janet @ Footprints xxx
Emma Leitch says
Thanks Janet, love your work @ Footprints magazine 🙂
Merissa says
Thank you for this post.
It is so good to be reminded of God’s faithfulness. I am currently living in a place where it is cloudy and rainy all the time. There is also a lot of mist that covers the mountains these days I have felt how circumstances and surroundings have caused me to feel sad and lose hope. But evermore I am learning to cling to His promises. The other day I saw a tiny little rainbow peek through the gray cloud cover. This morning I woke and the sun was shining over orange, green and red forest and then there is the mountain. The mountain is always there, even if you don’t see it on the misty cloudy days.
God reminded me. He is always with us. Never will he leave us nor forsake us.
Emma Leitch says
Thank you Merissa, your analogy of the mountain’s constancy (like God’s faithfulness) under the circumstances of fog and rain is beautiful. I love how God blessed your heart with a day of sunshine and colour after the dreariness of the rain. There is something especially beautiful in sunshine after rain: the air sparkles and the earth feel so clean. May your keep seeing Jesus all around you.
love Emma
Teresa says
“I know that the constancy of God’s faithfulness is forever the air that I need to breathe.”
Emma,
You write so beautifully, and with such confidence and gentleness. Our sorrows open up a whole new world to understanding God’s faithfulness and sovereignty. I was just sharing yesterday with a friend about God’s faithfulness in my life during the last 15 months since my 12 year old son was tragically killed. Never could I have known the coexistence of sorrow and joy and the sweetness of the air I breathe now that I truly understand His faithfulness and His love for me.
Emma Leitch says
Dear Teresa,
Having my own three children, 11, 10 and 7, I cannot imagine the pain you feel at losing your beloved son. Thank you for sharing of God showing you the sweetness of his presence with you even in amidst the deep sorrow of your loss.
I pray you know ever more clearly and deeply the love of the Father who shares your pain. God bless you.
love Emma
Holly Gibson says
Beautiful words Em 🙂 What an amazing picture of His faithfulness xx
Emma Leitch says
Thanks beautiful Holly! love em
Beth Williams says
Eloquent wording Emma. I love the image of waves crashing & the mist being God’s grace!
Delightful picturesque wording!
Emma Leitch says
Thank you Beth. Bless you.
Claire says
very touching and very comforting. this is my first time reading in courage and i will be back.
Anonymous says
Hi Claire,
So glad you’ve discovered (in)courage and love it. I sure do too!
Thanks for your comment. love Emma
Amy Hunt -- a {Grace} full *life* says
Your telling of this story is such beautiful worship.
Emma Leitch says
Thanks so much Amy. Love Emma
Jami Kastner says
AMEN! that’s all I have to say. AMEN!
Emma Leitch says
Thanks Jami. Bless you!