When couples stand before their friends and families on their wedding day and pledge to love one another “for better or for worse,” they’re probably not thinking that the “for worse” times will come to pass. However, it is likely that most of us will have to weather some kind of storm at some time in our marriages.
The morning after our firstborn’s birth, our pediatrician came in to tell us that some of his blood work came back abnormal. By that afternoon, the ambulance crew from another city was there to take my baby. I will never forget the horror of that day as we decided that Ben should go with Landon, while I stayed the additional night I needed to recover from my C-section. I immediately felt closer to Ben than I ever had before, and it was precisely at that moment he had to leave.
The next few weeks were a whirlwind of a ten-day NICU stay, doctors visits (in a city three hours away), lab draws, and a major surgery at 7 weeks old. Add to that the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn, and it easily could have put a huge strain on our marriage. It was a very painful time, but God really used all of those hours to fuse mine and Ben’s hearts even more tightly together.
Our son a few days before surgery |
If you find yourself in the midst of a storm, here are three suggestions to help you come out with a thriving marriage:
It is certainly true that there are situations where one spouse is truly at fault {affairs, racking up major credit card bills to the detriment of your credit, etc.} but I’m speaking about the things that come about in life naturally. If your spouse loses his job due to company cutbacks, be very intentional to be encouraging to him. His ego is probably already punctured and deflated- he doesn’t need for his wife to add to the injury.
If you are going through something truly difficult, you obviously will lean on each other, but there will most likely come a moment when you are both so weak that you just can’t be the rock for one another.
Ben was so strong through the whole ordeal, until the day of Landon’s surgery. I will never forget when the surgeon came out to talk to us, Ben slid to the floor and sobbed. I was almost in a daze- seeing my strong man like that. I knew at that point that although Ben served as an awesome protector for our family, he simply couldn’t protect us from everything- we would have to look to God for that role.
I honestly don’t think any of us are meant to live isolated lives. In the book of Acts in the early church, we see church members readily helping one another. The help of others was amazing during our time of need. They brought food, they cried with us, they helped us financially, they generally loved on us in an amazing way.
Landon and me in October 2011- praise God he is doing well! |
Dear sister, if you and your husband (or you alone, if you’re single) are going through a rough spot- reach out! If you don’t have a church home, I gently urge you to find one- the people there can help nurture you through your trials.
I truly hope that it is smooth sailing in your family right now. But the reality is, some of you reading this are probably at a time in your lives where you wonder how your marriage will ever endure the trials you are having.
But with lots of prayer, your marriage can survive, and even become better through it!
The hubby and I, along with Landon and our two daughters. |
by Kelli Hays from More Bang for Your Bucks
Elisabeth says
Great post. I am single…but still a good read that I’ll store away in my memory banks for later 🙂
kelli says
Thank you Elisabeth. I love that this spoke to a single person, too.
Angela says
Thank you. I NEEDED to read this tonight!
kelli says
Angela, you are so very welcome. God is so good to give us what we need when we need it, right?
Brittnie (A Joy Renewed) says
You make many great points in this post. Thank you. God doesn’t promise that life will be easy but He does promise that He will not leave us alone to fight through the storms. Thank you for sharing your story.
kelli says
Brittnie, thanks for your encouraging words. I am very blessed to be able to share here.
Betty Draper says
Kelli, I just posted this to my fb wall……this is the best Christmas gift I could give out. The enemy of our soul is having a field day with the rapid decline of marriages. Our son is getting a divorce…our hearts are so grieved, two small children involved. You one courageous wise hearted woman….keep giving this out….marriages will be saved I am sure.
kelli says
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am saying a prayer for your son and grandchildren right now- I can’t imagine your pain. May God give you strength during Christmas.
Anonymous says
How very very true!
My hubby and I went through a 2+ yr. storm of sorts with my aging parents. Mom went to hospital for adominal pain–turned out she had duverticulitious. 2 weeks later she’s headed for rehab, the following Monday back in ICU with tacycardia, fast heart rate.
Needless to say that all lasted 1.5 months and then she went home and her dementia turned into sundowners. My 82 year old dad was left taking care of a sundowner’s/dementia 82 yr old woman who was practically bed ridden. Since I’m the closest daughter I got to take care of them & assist with errands, etc. It was hard at times with dad calling at varying time needing/wanting stuff. Got a little frustrating to say the least.
Praise God we got through it all. Best of all Mom is in Heaven with Jesus and not down here suffering. I praise God for a loving husband who put up with me and all my dad’s needs. Hubby really got me through that rough road & God got us all through the storm!
kelli says
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this.. we haven’t entered the aging parent phase yet and I have no doubt it is very trying on a marriage.
Your insight is very appreciated! ~ Kelli
Monique says
Great advice! Thanks for sharing and encouraging. 🙂
(in)courage guest post, and Salted Caramel Fudge, oh my! - Eat Pray {Read} Love says
[…] turned upside down. If we let it, tragedy can easily take a toll on our marriages. Jump over to (in)courage to read the rest of my post. I am so humbled to be able to share on this website that I have loved for over a […]