Heart in the Snow

I have written on this subject so many times, yet I still need to be reminded of it daily.  I need to be reminded that God only has my best at heart, even when He seems so far away.  I have been rereading a book (Stones of Remembrance) that I bought when I first found out that I had brain cancer.  Upon reading the things that I wrote in the margins, I wonder to myself “where did that girl go?”

The girl that had rock solid faith.

The girl that did not doubt, because she relied whole heartily on her Father.

The girl that trusted her God through the worst diagnosis and prognosis imaginable.

As a I continued to read, I came across the words below:

Crossing Over Our Jordan River

We don’t know when God will get us over the river. We don’t know how God will dry the riverbed and allow us to cross. But we do know, by faith, that he will act on our behalf. And while we wait, we remember.

We remember our Red Seas, the places where God has parted the waters for us, the impossible places where God came through and the Enemy was defeated

We remember who brought us through.

We remember whose we are. We belong to Christ!

We remember that God’s delays are not delays of inactivity, but of preparation. He delays, but he does not deny. While we wait He prepares us for His answer according to His perfect, preordained plan.

We remember and link up with like-minded, stronger people who are going in the same direction. We cant afford to attempt the waters of Jordan alone.

We remember to tell our children, and our children’s children that they may see the mighty hand of God and take courage for the rivers they will have to cross. They piggyback on our faith when we share the stories of God’s mighty acts in our lives.

We remember to offer encouragement for our friends who walk beside us along the way

~Stones of Remembrance.

In the margin next to it I wrote in bold capital letters “Remember these words when you doubt, because you will doubt.  Satan will attack your heart and your mind, he is the master of lies and deceit.  Guard your heart, because there will come a time when you will not feel this strong.”

Those words spoke volumes to my heart right now, especially since tomorrow marks 9 months that we let go of our 9 year old daughter and released her into His hands.

9 months of pain, grief, anger, denial.. 9 months of questions with no answers.

Yet I still have to remind myself that during these past 9 months, He has also brought comfort, healing, rest, and peace.

He is still God. He is still sovereign. Our steps were planned long before there was time. I don’t understand His ways, but I trust His ways.

I don’t understand His will, but I know that He will not abandon me, even when I run far away from His heart and plans for my life.

“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out; plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.   ~Jeremiah 29:11″

He still has it all under control….

  • http://dawn-musingsofamoderndaymom.blogspot.com/ Dawn

    I am beginning testing for MS next week, half scared out of my wits especially as my husband leaves for Massachusetts on Monday to begin his new job while my son and I remain in PA to sell the house, alone. Yet not alone for the wonderful circle of friends God has surrounded me with, and He reminds me He has me in His hands and comforts me as I read your post this morning. He will carry us through…Much love and gratitude for your post today!

  • Natasha

    Thank you for this today, Heather. So much I take away from this and the reminders of my Healer, my Strength and my Comfort.

  • http://ajoyrenewed.blogspot.com/ Brittnie (A Joy Renewed)

    This is a great post and so encouraging. I linked to it on my blog today. Such inspiring words and reminders!

  • http://thisladywrites.com Clacy

    Very encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve added her book to the list of books I want to read this year. I think I can gleam much from her words of wisdom.

  • http://artfultrillium.blogspot.com Eileen Jennings

    Thank you for this post, as I needed it so desperately. In 1985 I was given 6 months to live, God intervened, yet it has been a struggle to survive sense and sometimes I forget where I need to look.
    Mrs. J.

  • http://www.thedontlovedare.com Audry Cece

    such a great reminder Heather. thank you so much for this post!

  • http://www.holleygerth.com Holley

    Beautiful, Heather. Wishing I could wrap m arms around your brave, faithful heart today. Love you!

  • Patty

    Reminds me of a song which I do not know the name of but some of the chorus tells you. OUR God is our God even to the end.

  • http://www.farfromflawlesslife.blogspot.com Missy June

    I used to bank on my own ‘rock-solid’ faith … but I’m learning that true faith only happens when there is a measure of doubt. As you said, we can trust God even when we don’t understand Him. Sometimes doing so when it doesn’t make sense from our perspective – to me, that is rock-solid faith.

    I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet girl and thankful for the peace and rest you have been able to find. There is so much of this fallen world that I cannot understand and to witness others walking with Him is a great encouragement.

  • sheila

    Thank you my friend. I am feeling crushed under the weight of grief as my marriage falls apart. I am hurting and I think back to the last 10 yrs as I trusted and had faith that God was able to heal my husband and take us through this toghether. I went through the pain and anguish of losing my 3 nephews 2.5 yrs ago, and today Camron would have been 10. I feel left. But I know I haven’t. So I will remind myself of God’s faithfulness and provision and love and surround myself with others. Thank you again. In God’s Love, sheila

  • http://www.lauraparkerblog.com laura parker

    Wow, Heather. Your story is so incredibly powerful. I can not imagine. And there are definitely no words, really. Thanks for sharing your heart, for still standing on Jesus, for still claiming “His goodness in the land of the living.”

    I especially loved this part you highlighted about passing on our own God-stories to our kids: “They piggyback on our faith when we share the stories of God’s mighty acts in our lives.”

    Such a great reminder to keep passing on those stories . . .

    Thanks, again, for sharing.

  • http://www.kathycheek.com Kathy @ In Quiet Places Devotions

    God has given you such beautiful words to share with us out of your pain, and acknowledging Who He is and Whose we are, I am glad I am His, I wouldn’t want to go through pain and loss without Him!

  • http://www.shh121.wordpress.com Sarah

    I love these words you wrote: I don’t understand His will, but I know that He will not abandon me, even when I run far away from His heart and plans for my life.
    I so often run away. Some days I get farther away than other days, yet He is always there, even as I run.

  • Cathy

    Heather, I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever. Thank you for your faith and your witness and sharing your overflowing heart with me through your blog.

  • Lynnebee

    Dear sweet Heather, I have followed along on this difficult journey that the Lord is taking you through. I have cried (and rejoiced) with you thru reading your blog. I hurt for you today, and all I can think of is the new song by Casting Crowns “Wedding Day”…when the last tears we will ever cry are finally wiped away. Love you and praying for you always, In His Grip, Lynnebee

  • LaSonnia

    Your words are such a blessing and encouraging. I love this… “We remember that God’s delays are not delays of inactivity, but of preparation. He delays, but he does not deny. While we wait He prepares us for His answer according to His perfect, preordained plan.” That place of inactivity IS the most difficult to endure. If we stand still and allow God to handle ALL of our cares and worries it will work out in our favor. God knows, He cares and He’s working it out!

  • Kathy Scott

    Your ending of the message was such an encouragement. Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life verse but you put it into perspective as I realize all that comes into my life is planned by God for His purpose and it is well with my soul.

  • http://www.perceptionsandpassions.blogspot.com Kaitlin @ Perceptions & Passions

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    For some reason the thing that stuck out to me in this post was that you marked nine months after losing your daughter. Nine.

    It is also the amount of time that it takes to create such wonderful life in our beautiful bodies.

    And yet, like a beautiful reminder of God’s imperfect timeline, these numbers become meaningless.

    For, God passionately created your daughter infinitely before you the nine months you concieved and carried her.

    And you will grieve infinitely after the nine months since your loss as a mother (until you meet again in heaven).

    But, in God’s perfect time, all will be made right.

    You are one strong momma. Keep being a light.

  • http://www.nebraskagraceful.blogspot.com Michelle Derusha

    Praying peace and faith for you, Heather. And thanking you for this honest post today.

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  • http://onewomansthoughts2day.blogspot.com Katharina

    I am so moved by your words, by your experiences. Blessings and love to you and all those you care for.

    It is in the deepest and darkest of our times that are faith is often questioned and tested. God brings us to the light again, not for him, but for us to see, that he was leading the way even in the dark.

  • hall family

    Thank you for writing this post. Out of your diffucult circumstances you are being a blessing to others. We buried our newborn daughter this month. It is so dificult to walk this journey. I cling to scripture and the promises given. Jesus is the original promise keeper. Psalm 18:2 ” The LORD is my rock and my fortress.” Psalm 68:19 “Give praise to the Lord. Give praise to God our Savior. He carries our heavy loads day after day. Selah” NIrV (Children’s Bible)

  • http://kingsdaughters21.blogspot.com Angela De Souza

    You are an inspiration and a very beautiful woman. x

  • http://Majorinthegraceofgod.blogspot.com Dale Carroll-Coleman

    Beautiful, lovely and chosen…. That is who you are. Nothing will slip by the Master. He holds the way for you. Thank you for sharing!

  • http://juliesunne.com Julie Sunne

    Thank you, Heather, for laying your heart on this page. Walking beside one another through our doubts, our fears, and our triumphs is what community is about. So thankful to be connecting with you in this community. Praying God’s peace continues to settle on you and His strength carries you when yours fails.

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  • http://www.luv-2-organize.blogspot.com Stacey

    I’m so very sorry for your loss =[. Your devotion touched my heart soo sooo much today <3. This past year had been beyond full of trials. Loss of business, difficult marriage, health issues, and now the loss of James – one of the awesome young men in our sons band that lived with us three days a week. I have learned so much through Jesus throughout these difficult trials. He truly is a friend that sticks closer than a brother & He loves me more than anyone. He offers peace in my heart when the world thinks there should be no peace. He carries me through these trials =]. Thanks so much for this amazing devotion. You are in my thoughts & prayers. If you are Facebook please check out my page called Childhood Cancer Awareness. Would love for you to share on our page =]. Love – Stacey

  • http://gmail Barb Wall

    Thank you so very much for sharing–wish I could give you a big hug–Blessings and Peace, Barb

  • http://nishasrandomanythings.blogspot.in/ nisha

    heather your posts have so much faith and belief in them,,wish i could believe in lord the same way without blaming…i love your posts.. keep writing …as they help people like me to never give upon our God..prayers and love,Nisha.

  • carol

    It is a good thing to reach the end of one’s self…