I have written on this subject so many times, yet I still need to be reminded of it daily. I need to be reminded that God only has my best at heart, even when He seems so far away. I have been rereading a book (Stones of Remembrance) that I bought when I first found out that I had brain cancer. Upon reading the things that I wrote in the margins, I wonder to myself “where did that girl go?”
The girl that had rock solid faith.
The girl that did not doubt, because she relied whole heartily on her Father.
The girl that trusted her God through the worst diagnosis and prognosis imaginable.
As a I continued to read, I came across the words below:
Crossing Over Our Jordan River
We don’t know when God will get us over the river. We don’t know how God will dry the riverbed and allow us to cross. But we do know, by faith, that he will act on our behalf. And while we wait, we remember.
We remember our Red Seas, the places where God has parted the waters for us, the impossible places where God came through and the Enemy was defeated
We remember who brought us through.
We remember whose we are. We belong to Christ!
We remember that God’s delays are not delays of inactivity, but of preparation. He delays, but he does not deny. While we wait He prepares us for His answer according to His perfect, preordained plan.
We remember and link up with like-minded, stronger people who are going in the same direction. We cant afford to attempt the waters of Jordan alone.
We remember to tell our children, and our children’s children that they may see the mighty hand of God and take courage for the rivers they will have to cross. They piggyback on our faith when we share the stories of God’s mighty acts in our lives.
We remember to offer encouragement for our friends who walk beside us along the way
In the margin next to it I wrote in bold capital letters “Remember these words when you doubt, because you will doubt. Satan will attack your heart and your mind, he is the master of lies and deceit. Guard your heart, because there will come a time when you will not feel this strong.”
Those words spoke volumes to my heart right now, especially since tomorrow marks 9 months that we let go of our 9 year old daughter and released her into His hands.
9 months of pain, grief, anger, denial.. 9 months of questions with no answers.
Yet I still have to remind myself that during these past 9 months, He has also brought comfort, healing, rest, and peace.
He is still God. He is still sovereign. Our steps were planned long before there was time. I don’t understand His ways, but I trust His ways.
I don’t understand His will, but I know that He will not abandon me, even when I run far away from His heart and plans for my life.
“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out; plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. ~Jeremiah 29:11”
He still has it all under control….