We used to sing a song called “The Farmer in the Dell” when I was a kid. The song, and the game you can play along with it, ends with the cheese standing alone.
One person left unpicked.
Hi-ho the derry-o [what does THAT even mean?], the cheese stands alone.
A few weeks ago, I asked the single girls who read my blog to throw out some ideas of what kinds of conversations they wanted us to have here at (in)courage about being single. A lot of comments and thoughts later, my mind was spinning and asking how to even begin to cover this stuff.
But there was one that was a homerun for me and my life and my experience.
“What do you do when you are the last single girl in the bunch?”
[Read: I am the cheese. I am standing alone.]
I know what this feels like- I was the last single girl in my bunch. My small group at church was four married couples and me. My weekends were spent with them and their kids at sporting events or watching movies or eating Mexican food. They were my people.
They still are my people.
But before I knew it, three years had passed and I had met ZERO new single men and didn’t have a social group with anyone in my life place.
So I have two suggestions for you girls who are smack in the middle of a loving group of married folk:
Keep your bunch.
Your people are your people for a reason- married or not, if they love you well, keep them. You shouldn’t drop your friends because they get married. That will only hurt everyone in the situation. Keep them near, dear, and involved in your life.
Make some new bunches, too.
I know. You hate hearing this. Or you think, “yeah, thanks Annie. That’s not possible for me.” I’m going to argue with you on that.
Your local library has book clubs- join one. Your church probably has a singles group- go once. There are cooking classes you can take and yoga classes where you can stretch your friend making skills [you’re welcome for that pun]. The Sierra Club cleans up everywhere- try it one Saturday. Scope out online dating- many of the sites offer free trial weekends. Meet-ups are happening all the time about every hobby known to man- find one that interests you and then actually GO. Do you like sports? Google and find where fans gather to cheer for your team and then, again, actually GO.
I hate to say it, but you are going to have to get uncomfortable. I’m not saying unsafe. I’m saying you are going to have to step out of what is easy and into what is new.
I know. It’s not fair that YOU have to make new friends and your married friends don’t. It’s not fair that just because YOU are single that YOU are the one who has to be brave. It should be easier than this- it was for your married friends.
I’ve told myself all that stuff too.
But the truth is that none of that matters. Because here you are. And you have to find abundant life here- with the friends you have and the ones you are going to make.
I gained tons of courage in this area after reading How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. I learned how important it is for me to branch out and make new friends so that I will grow as a human- it is less about meeting people and more about what it does to your insides to be brave- to refuse to be the cheese.
I know you can give me fifty reasons why you can’t meet anyone new. But the challenge is this- are you brave enough to brainstorm two ways that you CAN meet some new friends?
And pray. Really. Ask God to challenge you in this and encourage you in this and show you the open doors where you can meet new people.
He will. He’ll help you and show you.
He knows you aren’t the cheese.
. . . . .
Let’s talk about it, y’all!
What are your thoughts on being the last single girl?
Married women- what would you suggest to the single girls in your life who don’t know any other singles?
Single women- how have you found ways to meet new people?
By Annie Downs // AnnieBlogs