It took me a long time to realize the toll it was taking on me.
Because the truth is, I love to hear people’s stories. I have a Master’s degree in psychology to prove it.
But I also have a history of seeing life through fear-tainted glasses.
It pains me to admit the way it still affects me, because it would seem that a girl who loved Jesus the way I do would just be able to get on the plane without checking the weather reports repeatedly. She wouldn’t sit, back against the terminal wall, while her friend (thank you, Heather) strokes her hair and tells her if we need to stay, we’ll stay.
I had tears running down my cheeks and I told her I had to get over it.
She spoke softly, and the words fell gently but with much weight.
“And this is part of your life now…”
Yes. The irony of the plane and the girl who doesn’t want to speak is laughable. I did laugh, I think.
But then I looked back at the weather patterns.
It’s part of my life.
All the babies that didn’t wake up from naps and the ultrasounds that bring tears and all of the mommies and daddies who cry…
I need to feel community with these sweet sojourners, but I have realized that sometimes I need to take a step back. With the best of intentions, I had backed myself into a corner where it felt like babies never woke up from naps, and doctors only had news that destroyed lives.
It was making me lose hope.
It might be a different scenario for you-maybe divorce or abuse, or any number of things, but I’m willing to bet you have felt it too.
That voice in the back of your head that whispers, “Why did you ever think your God was good to begin with? And trust Him? You must be out of your mind…”
You may have named that voice, as he most certainly has one.
But you also have a voice.
And you don’t have to watch the weather patterns to know the One who controls them.
You just have to believe He does.
I have realized that for me, sometimes enough is enough. It doesn’t make me a bad person to say, “I don’t think I can read any more emails like this for a little while.”
But it’s not just the emails. I think sometimes in our humanity we are drawn to that which confirms the worst about life. Buildings explode. People are sold, abused, and killed. Planes fall out of the sky.
I’m not trying to paint a morbid picture here (and to those of you in the fetal position vowing you will never click on an (in)courage post again, take heart…), but I think sometimes we need to call it like it is.
Life is hard. Hope is elusive.
But God wins.
His good, never-failing, constant, abiding, true, deep love…it wins.
And by actively choosing to recognize that, even if it doesn’t completely swallow my fear the way I wish it did, helps me evaluate my days through a different lens.
God wins.
When I’m lost in my thoughts and I can’t move my back away from the terminal wall, He will still win.
When the call comes in the middle of the night and I’m fumbling for the phone, sweating in terror, He will still win.
It doesn’t mean it will always look how I wish it would, and it often doesn’t. I’m face-to-face with a huge fear in my life right now that I wish I could just erase and pretend didn’t exist. But I don’t want to shrivel up and miss the beauty for the ashes.
All this madness…it isn’t forever. Thank you, Jesus, it isn’t forever…
I’ve run so hard, in so many directions, for so long…and I just need to remind myself that the race is not finished here. These momentary losses are nothing compared to the spectacular truth of eternity, and my life should whisper that.
Have you felt the sting of this life, friends? Is there a place in your life that you need to hear this reminder today? I speak from a place of ultimate humility, but with the confidence of a King’s daughter.
Set your sights on that truth, no matter the battle.
Your Father is coming to win the war…
By: Angie, Bring the Rain
Leave a Comment
Judy says
Oh yes, life’s sorrows cause me to long for eternal glory too. The hope of renewal and joy, and the knowledge that this is momentary are God’s mercy in the dark, but I also think slower, less engaged days can help us find joy in the here and now.
That perspective can easily be lost in the kind of ministry you have with so many who have walked the way of loss. I’m praying that God will still your heart with His peace, that you will feel free to rest through some quiet summer days and leave the world’s screaming losses in His care awhile. Faced with hungry, needy crowds, even Jesus retreated to the mountain to find refreshment, guidance and strength from His Father.
Natasha d says
well said, Judy! We need to remember that Jesus needed time to be still and quiet and pray and we do too!!
heidi says
“I don’t want to shrivel up and miss the beauty for the ashes.”
beautiful. thank you. this spoke to my heart today.
Caprice says
Thank you Angie, for your words of humility. It’s amazing how God has brought me here to this online community at such a time as this! I literally was in bed in the fetal position last night, with tear-filled eyes questioning God, and doubting that life will ever be happy or glorious for me again. And as I drug myself out of bed and forced myself to open my laptop, there your words sit waiting for me to read!
Thank you Angie!!
Lee says
Thank You Angie ! Thank You Caprice for sharing too, I pray that Jesus lifts you up right now ! He burdened my heart to tell you that YOU are seated in high places, and His angels have been deployed to carry you through to His awesome vision of glory for your life ! He makes all things new ! Love in Messiah, Lee
Casey says
I totally get what youp are saying. Hugs girl
Kerry @ Made For Real says
Oh this gives me chills – in a good chills kinda way. Angie I was literally just thinking about you, or I’m sure it was God putting you in my mind, lots lately. And not because I know you well or even really at all, but your stories and honesty in past posts have touched me so deeply. Finding the gems of life that come out in others’ writing and slowly learning about them as a person, is such a gift to me.
This post relates to what I just wrote about on my blog recently – with you and many others in mind. It’s unbelievable how God knows what needs written and talked about before it even happens. Master designer at work, no doubt. I love your real. And I’m so thankful for God’s intentional “irony” … I seriously almost wrote to you recently, now I wish I had!
You just made my day and it’s only 9am!! This must be a great day in the making – I will cherish it.
Julie Sunne says
You penned beautiful words of hope, Angie! Thank you.
Debbie G says
“Life is hard. Hope is elusive. But God wins!”
Wow! Those nine words say so much!
Thank you for all you wrote and shared here today.
I can really relate to so much of what you said.
Gina says
Thank you so much for letting us see and hear from your heart! It is so refreshing to hear from people that are not superficial….they are real. Thank you so much for being real with us! You let us know that we are not alone in whatever we are going through and that there is hope!
Words cannot express……
Blessings to you and your family!
-Gina
Elizabeth says
Oh how beautiful this is. I see daily more and more how very beautiful truth and honesty are. Life is hard. God wins. I just want to rest there. And thank Him that He sits on His Throne, He is in control, and He has already won the Battles. But we feel weary, worn out and we do despair. Going back to lay it at the cross. Its a moment by moment by moment process for me. Bless you for writing the truth so eloquently this day. Grateful….
Dana @ Cooking at Cafe D says
There are triggers that remind me of heartaches.
Girls laughing in car.
Seems innocent enough.
Dark pouring rain.
Sometimes the fields need it.
Sometimes if can be hard to not empathize too much when hearing someone tell a story. To not re-live.
But, while these sad and tragic things DO happen. They are rare.
And, it’s a good reminder that HE made every drop of rain that falls.
He also made the rainbows.
Lesley says
THE WAR HAS BEEN WON!! And we are Victorious. This resonates with my soul today. Thankss for being willing to share your heart…lots of “us” are there too. It helps to know I’m not alone. Praying for you friend.
Mari says
Thank you for your words and transparency. I am a social worker and a sensitive girl. I counsel sexually abused women and I come to moments where I feel as you described, that every man out there is an abuser and there is only bad. I have given myself permission to not read or watch movies abot this topic b.c it does impact me…and Im learning that that is OKAY.
Beth says
Beautiful! Your words lifted me up and shifted my perspective – just what I needed to hear today!!
maria says
Hi Angie – yes, we have fear but we are growing and He is here with us and He is coming!! I can so relate to these feelings and I appreciate the reminder!! BTW, you are in my prayers for the possible ADD issue – do not fear!! My son was in that same situation, and I was a wreck – we changed his diet and it has worked miracles – thank you, Lord! Read the book by Dr. Natasha Campbell McBride or google on youtube! It’s called It sooooo helped us!
Tina says
My friend,
I am in a place very similar to you right now. I will pray for you, please pray for me. You said it best, GOD WINS. May it permiate my heart.
Your sister in Christ,
Tina
Jennifer says
Thank, Angie! I have to park my mind on those powerful truths of His Word, or I would drown.
Wendy says
YES! Been there after living with a pessimist for 20-years. But glory to God, He has set me free and placed other persons in my life with a more positive attitude. He is chaning me everyday.
Linda says
Thank you so much for that Angie. Your humility and strength of spirit is beautiful.
Linda Robison says
Wow, I have a degree in psy as well, and even tho that is not my day job, my whole life I have loved hearing everyone’s story…I could so relate to your post and my life is affected by my fear (of everything) and it all seems like bad news after turning 50….recently a scare with my mammogram and I could barely breathe…..praying for you and waiting for your next post as I’m sure it will help me.
Barbara says
Thank you….you have made me feel not so alone in my struggles to hope and trust in the “giver of all good things” who I know in my heart of hearts does all things well.
Janelle@AStoryofGrace says
Thank you for being so open and honest Angie. One thing really stuck out to me – “But God wins.” Yes, He does. God always wins. Thank you for that reminder today.
Liz says
That’s it!
Through everything.
God wins, Amen!
cathy chambers says
Hey, I know how that feels, but through a very difficult number of years, me and my daughters chose in the dark to cling to our heavenly Daddy, and look for a glimmer of joy in each day. God showed me through that really tough time that He was walking with me and gave me little gifts along the way to remind me He was there and in charge. He gave me one sea turtle on the beach one morning, lovely sunrises over our field and deer grazing under the God lit sky. He gave me a firefly show one night that was amazing. I am closer to God now than ever before, because I had to trust Him completely and He never let me down.
Mary T says
I felt so compelled to reply to this. I saw this title yesterday in my email and new it had to be read when I could really concentrate on the words. I am so glad I did. You sent me the hope I was looking for. I am going thru some really terrible times right now – been unemployed since Dec and just got the call yesterday that my car will be repo’d probably tonight or this wknd. Spent the night in the ER due to the stress….. But I am getting off track. With all thats been going on I have been feeling like God isn’t here with me. I even went to my church late yesterday evening just bawling and asked the pastor to help me find Him. When I read this, it was words I needed to see. THANK YOU! I feel God a little more than I did and I know I will have Him completely back when I stop stressing over everything and let His will be! Bless ya’ll for what you do at (in)courage!
Katy says
Dear Mary T…..I pray that God wraps you in His peace and that everything gets better–what a horrible few days! Jesus, please wrap my sister Mary T up in Your arms and help her to feel Your love and healing presence…please grant her Your peace and encouragement during this very strenuous time….show her that You are here with her, walking right beside her, and will never abandon her…help her to keep feeling Your presence ever more strongly! In Your Name I pray, Amen. Hugs!
Diane Bailey says
Similar thoughts were going through my head this week as well. Thank you for sharing.
Katy says
Oh, Angie, what a beautiful, life-giving post–thank you so much! God wins–that’s the bottom line, the reminder that we all need! Thank you for such essential Truth! Blessings!
rebecca says
thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings so openly. i have struggling with a few things as well, but keep reminding myself of the TRUTH—-He is who he says he is & He will do what he says he will do.
Jen Gunning says
I nearly lost my life over a battle for hope (nearly 10 years of a barren womb and 2 lost babies had dragged me into a very dark place) until God showed me that I was trying to gasp air through a straw of worldly hope…”maybe yes, maybe no, maybe He’s not that good after all, etc.” I could never understand what people meant when they said, “My hope is in the Lord” if that’s what it meant. Better to go it alone, than be crushed by that depth of spiritual despair. A precious friend showed me the Biblical meaning of hope one day…”a confident expectation of good things to come.” Once I realized that it was truth to expect good outcomes from my Father’s love, darkness shattered and I came back to life. So much of our world tells us to hedge our bets, prepare for the worst, be ready to accept defeat. I lived that lie boldly, practiced it and polished it daily, and it nearly took me away. Today I hope boldly and every day He takes my breath away with His amazing grace and good plans. Just one example, my barren womb turned fruitful (a few months after learning about Biblical hope) and we just celebrated our triplets’ 7th birthday. Truly, He has plans for our days greater than anything we could ever hope for!
Lisa says
Thanks so much for posting this, Angie. I too have a Masters in Psychology, love Jesus, and have struggled deeply with fear – fear of cancer. Not really fear of pain or dying, but fear of leaving, fear of abandoning my 8 year old daughter and 4 year old son. Fear that ugly devastating cancer will take mommy away, as it did my mother (ovarian) and my mother’s mother (lung). It has been heavy and exhausting. Gas pains would send me into panic attacks because I would believe that a tumor was growing and causing a possible whispering symptom. I too had to stop the emails about Ovarian Cancer awareness and stop reading emails with prayers requests for people with cancer. I just couldn’t take it. Until recently. Just very recently God has helped me come to new places of peace, through various means – scripture verses, encouraging words from friends, routine medical testing, and even a dream, so very powerful, which concluded with an angelic nurse who told me (as I shook violently on an exam table with fear) while chuckling and tears flowing down her face, “Lisa sweetie, you are not going to die. You are not going to die” Anyway, thank you for writing and for your recent book about coping with fear. It has really helped me to be able to identify the lies the enemy wants me to believe so I can counteract it with the truth of what Jesus says and wants me to believe. God bless you and keep you…
Becky C says
I am so filled each time I open one of your email. You write to my heart during this time of sadness. It has been a long struggle and I want to give it to God, but it takes so long, it takes so long, and it is so painful, the losses.
I can now look back and see some small steps forward from a year ago, though it doesn’t seem so today, the remnants of my life still trying to take form. Why does it have to take so long? I know He is working in me and will lead me to the place where He needs me most, but I still feel very lost and want to see the end result NOW! Oh, how impatient we have grown, how this helps to build only hopelessness.
I pray now, each day, for peace, for hope, for joy. It is there you know… joy, if you take a look around, there is joy everywhere!
From time to time I find myself in despair or near it and I take out my Joy Journal once again, to remind me that there are so many blessings right in front of me. I should rest in them for awhile and let the Lord knit my path.
May God bless and keep each of you this day. 🙂
Angela says
Oh Angie, I don’t know you, but I may as well. Fear is my biggest sin. I don’t trust that God is good the way I am called to. My fear hinders me from living the life God blessed me with. I spend my days constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know God loves everyone, and I believe I am his child, but a part of me is so fearful of his plan for me. Or how I may have messed it up already.
I keep recalling stupid decisions from my youth, and I cannot accept that God has wonderful plans for someone that surely doesn’t deserve wonderful plans.
God bless you for being so honest about your fear, it helps so many to know we are not in this alone. I love your books and your blog, what a help they have been, especially as I have been healing from another miscarriage. You are a wonderful woman.
Becky M says
If I didn’t believe God wins, I would curl up in that fetal position and never move . . . sometimes I am so afraid I do that anyway. Thank you for your words.
vicki says
Tired eyes watch
as early morning light
streaks across the sky.
But as the first rays
of the sun appear
there is Hope –
memories of blessings
stored up by God
waiting to greet the new day.
Ears strained from listening,
welcome the silence of the dawn,
and a lone bird
tweets sweetly and
there is Hope –
memories of blessings
stored up by God
waiting to greet the new day.
Anxious thoughts are stilled
to contemplate the power
of a day being created
just for me
and there is Hope –
memories of blessings
stored up by God
waiting to greet the new day.
an aching heart reaches out
in the gentleness of daybreak
and finds LOVE waiting, and
there is Hope –
memories of blessings
stored up by God
waiting to greet the new day.
My spirit is restored
wrapped in the promise of love
love freely given
wrapped in God’s new day blessings.
THERE IS HOPE!
Trudi says
I work for a ministry – we get prayer requests via internet, phone, email…and sometimes, yes, it all gets too much. When so many people are suffering loss, cancer, broken marriages, car accidents, poverty-related concerns…yes, it sometimes becomes too much! Sometimes I just thank God that He in his wisdom included that verse in the Bible “Greater is HE that is in you than he that is in the world” – we so need to read those words, don’t we? By reaching out to hurting moms especially, you’ve heard so many sad stories. This weekend I attended a wedding of a coworker – 4 years ago, her twin nephews were born much too soon (6 months) and for over a year I read every carenet posting – all the struggles, would they live, would they see, would they walk… And now…tears filled my eyes as those two little boys, glasses on their noses, walked down the aisle with their big sister the flower girl – two little ring-bearing miracles!!
Roxann Morgan says
This is filled with hope and I was blessed by it. Thanks Angie!