The hurt was so deep, I didn’t even know it was there. Thank goodness, I thought to myself, almost everyone we knew was finally out of the dreaded “wedding stage” and into the “baby stage”.
Well ahead of the curve, I’d passed through the milestones of early adulthood before any of my friends…but that meant by the time they started down the aisles, the pain in my heart had started slowly growing.
I couldn’t even tell it was there at first…I just knew I didn’t like weddings.
It didn’t help that my husband knew enough people that at one point we were going to so many weddings, we had stopped traveling for any other reason. Our world revolved around these “celebrations”.
One morning, everything changed.
For the most part, all was quiet on the invite-front, but every now and then one would still come in. My husband innocently asked me if I’d RSVP’d to it. I couldn’t believe how snippy I got with him from just that one question. I had not RSVP’d and did not plan on doing it until much closer to the deadline, I explained, very pointedly. You never know what might happen between now and then to save me, I was thinking.
After we went back and forth a little bit, him stating why it was very important for us to go (this is a good place to add that he loves to watch his friends get married…LOVES it), me trying to defend myself, but just getting more upset, I started to understand this was something deeper.
Aware that I needed to pray, I retreated with my Bible. God started re-tracing the hurt. Years and years were unpacked and as they were exposed to the truth, the more embarrassed by my pain I felt. Shamed by the darkness in my heart, I wanted to run and hide.
He gently showed me the story behind my sadness anyway. You see, I never got to be a bride. Never even got to try on a dress.
We married quickly (in jeans!) on the side of a snow covered mountain. It was beautiful, but it left a longing in me I didn’t even know was there until that morning The pain of never having had a wedding, so powerful, I thought it might wash right over me in that moment.
I knew The One who could speak the truth into that dark crevasse, where no light had been for so long, was ready and willing, I was just taken aback by how strong my feelings were, and I was ashamed. It was a whopper of a 1-2 punch by the enemy, not only the shattering lies of envy and hatred Satan had placed, but then the shame that kept them firmly rooted in that dark soil.
I sat there with God…Him, patient as always, waiting for me to again realize, life through Him is really the only way. He wrapped me in His mighty love. I finally opened my Bible, hungry for His living word. Not knowing exactly what I needed to read, just knowing I had to see His words…to have them in front of me, to drink them in, get them down deep in my spirit.
God led me directly to Psalm 45. A wedding song.
Truly a God moment. I was reminded in that instant that someday I would indeed be a bride…in a heavenly marriage. I sat in tears for a long time. God took each little shard of hurt, down to the last splinter, and gently removed it from my heart.
It was then my heart rested and I knew I would never look at a wedding the same way.
“The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord.” Psalm 45:11
By: Christine, Living Joel 2:25
Leave a Comment
Amy Hunt says
He’s so amazing, isn’t He?! How He uses our story for such purpose. How He leads us ever closer to His heart and His love for us. Truly miraculous. Every day miracles in our story of life.
Rich blessings, Christine, as He shows you the purposes for your story.
Christine Wright says
Thank you for your kind words Amy.
Jennifer says
He is so so good. I love when He leads us into the desert and speaks tenderly to us (Hosea 2). Thanks for reminding me of His tenderness. I’m quick to forget.
Christine Wright says
Funny you should say that, the Valley of Achor has been running through my mind lately. He makes it into a door of hope…thank You God.
Natasha says
Beautiful story of His grace {and the hope of a breathtakingly beautiful wedding to come!}
Christine Wright says
It does take your breath away to imagine it! Sometimes I just sit and smile. : )
Lisa says
Everyone’s wedding and marriage is unique. There are those who might be envious of the simplicity and beauty of your mountainside wedding. Love it!
Christine Wright says
So true. My wedding was intimate and peace-filled. I could sense God’s presence. Thank you, Lisa, for reminding me.
Elizabeth says
This God of ours amazes me daily, His love transforms us, heals us, captures us, cleans us, and renews us and restores. Thank you for your eloquent words, this post and your beautifully told story, so personal, of His love. Thank you for your honesty. grateful here
You will encourage with your authenticity. And you have.
Christine Wright says
Thank you Elizabeth. I will keep your words close when those panicky feelings of, “What in the world did I do? That came out all wrong!” rise up. : ) He heals all of us in such beautiful ways…I just can’t help but smile and trust, knowing His plan for us are so, so good!
Mindy Bowman says
This is amazingly similar to the story of my friend who was infertile and wouldn’t come to visit me in the hospital after I had my babies. She would even get mad at me when I got pregnant. God gave me the wisdom, patience and grace to be a good friend even while we were both struggling with our opposite situations. Thanks for the reminder of how He has blessed my life so much!
Lt. says
A wise woman shared her words of Wisdom with me one Beautiful morning. As it pierced my Soul it also made it more Greatful then every.
“Never want what you do not or can not have. Embrace an Enjoy what you have.”
Deb Kennedy says
I just love your writing style, and the honest sharing of your experience.
May I be so bold as to suggest that another step to heal this pain within you is to actually give yourself the gift of BEING a bride?
Find a lovely white dress at a consignment store, or borrow one from a friend. Meet your husband on a beach, in a park, or in a church, and gather your close family and friends for a simple renewing of your vows. Have your moment! It needn’t cost a lot in dollars, but the joy of sharing this dream with your husband (who loves weddings, anyway!) and your friends & family will be a testament to the love God has for you. After all, He gives us the desires of our hearts. <3
malakea says
I was going to say the same thing…have a renewal ceremony comlete with a simple wedding dress, friends, music, scripture and say your vows again or make new ones….I did that and it was so special.
maria says
My thought too…have a wedding, renew vows, wear your dress, remember the marriage supper of the lamb and enjoy!! He always brings us through to healing when we are willing to sit and hear Him!! Thank you for sharing!!
Brooke Burger says
We did that too, for our 15th Anniversary. My father had been upset with me when I first got married and did not attend. Relations with my parents were strained for just a few months. They apologized to my husband and I publicly in front the the church at that time, but it still felt good to have my dad walk me down the isle for my 15th. We also got to have a reception then. We couldn’t afford it the first time. It was a wonderful celebration with church friends!
Christine Wright says
I love that, Brooke! What a beautiful story! : )
Drey says
I came to suggest the same thing. Have yourself the wedding of your dreams now Princess!
Roxann @ In The Cool Of The Day says
He’s so compassionate! I love how God did that for you, and I happy you shared the story with us. I’m excited to see how your second wedding day unfolds 🙂
Darcy @ Message in a Mason Jar says
What a beautiful story of God meeting with you and talking you through this tender issue. He is so attentive to our needs…and I’m glad you were attentive to His call to read His Word and hear from Him. I’ve had some very similar moments in this past year, times when God has directly answered a silent cry of mine by giving me a specific, encouraging word from my husband, a spot-on Bible verse, or even a perfectly-timed financial provision for what seemed to be an insurmountable problem. He is not so far away!
Just Me says
Oh, wow…..
Lynn says
Oh Christine,
The tears and how I could reach through this computer screen and hug you. The Lord is so greatly honored in your words… in your life. Thank you for sharing your heart, life and Jesus with us. With me. Hugging you. Lynn
Christine Wright says
How dear you and Dineen are to me…for all the times you made me cry with your beautiful, heartfelt posts on your site, I’m honored that you stopped by.
Joanne Marsh says
You’re not alone Christine. I got married in knickers, tank top and sparkly shawl. I know in heaven I’m going to have the sweetest wedding gown that doesn’t compare to ANYTHING this world has to offer!…even if I’m not a really fancy dress person I know God will give me the PERFECT ONE! Loved your article. God is truly good and I LOVE watching and hearing how He works in people’s lives as well as my own. The Bible IS LIVING…just wish EVERYONE understood that. HUG
Christine Wright says
Joanne, your post made me cry! Your dress will be perfect…far beyond anything we could imagine! The Bible is living…I hear you, girl! : )
Big hugs!
Erin says
Thanks so much for sharing your story. God loves us so much and I pray He continues to bathe you in His goodness, love, and fills your heart with joy.
Beth Williams says
Christine,
Just like you I never had a wedding. Hubby had been married before and really had nothing to wear (formal wise). We ended up in a court house saying I do with my parents there.
It didn’t bother me then, but every so often when I hear of people planning these nice weddings I do get a little jealous.
I know I will be a beautiful bride in a shimmering white dress one day & get to see my heavenly King of a daddy!
Kimberly says
Truly encouraging! I love how when we area ready and willing God with show us the the places there is hurt and come in to heal us and speak truth.
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Corena Stacy says
I know this pia
Corena Stacy says
Sorry. I was going to say I know this pain. Thank you for sharing yours. God loves us so much!
Lisa-Jo@thegypsymama says
Beautiful powerful words here. Thank you for this vivid image and great reminder.
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