So often we see our failings as liabilities. Or others failings as liabilities.
There’s the girl who had an abortion. There’s the girl who committed adultery. There’s the girl who walked away from her husband. There’s the girl who got so drunk on her own power and influence that she forgot who she was.
I think, however, if you ask any girl who has failed {and failed big} and has allowed God to return her to grace, you’ll find that those failings are not liabilities but they are assets.
Maybe you are one of these girls.
Several years ago when I created some terrible situations in my own marriage, I came out the other end of it a changed person and we came out a changed couple. In the months that followed I wrestled with a lot of things, but the one piece that is, even now, hard to work through is
If I could change it and go back, would I?
Yes. And no.
My life was so different after, and my new life was so distinct in the aftermath of it all that I don’t know what my life would have been had we not experienced those hard days. Would I trade this newness for life without it?
Yes. What I did was wrong.
So. very. wrong.
My addictions were horrible and my heart was a mess and I know God can do big things without our sinning to add to the mix. So yes, if I could go change it all, I would. I wouldn’t have been the betrayer, the hurter, the wounder. I wouldn’t have chosen the path of destroying. I would take every minute of it back.
But No. Without the wound, our relationship would never have experienced the kind of renewal that it did. I would not have fallen in love with Jesus in the way that I did when I became the rescued. And without my experiences I would never have the authority to speak to others in the midst of the same pain. Without what I’ve walked through I could never give counsel to a woman over a cup of coffee on a Thursday morning.
It’s an upside down idea. And one that is eternally hard to swallow: that God uses the deep dark to create the very, very good.
“In my deepest wound I saw your glory and it dazzled me, ” St. Augustine said.
Because Your strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Your glory is made beautiful in my wound.
Your beauty is made evident in all of my failings.
My liabilities are made assets because of Your love.
Who better to counsel a woman through depression than one who has lived through the dark night of her own soul? Who better to help someone walking through marriage recovery than a person who has seen her own returned to health?
In this upside-down Kingdom, our liabilities are made into assets for Him. Our sins are turned into glories for Him. He redeems what has been lost and takes back what has been stolen.
He does this kind of crazy stuff every day.
So we must remember that there’s not a one of us who is any bigger liability than any other of us. My betrayals can be used (have been used) for helping couples knit themselves back to one another. And all of our failings can be turned into things that He can reach in and use us for what is good and true and perfect.
Has God used your weaknesses and wounds for His glory? How has He redeemed your own failings?
Leave a Comment
Lisa H says
Hi Sarah,
I completely understand and relate to thequestion would I go back and change any of it? I’m the same, yes, and no. But with that I wouldn’t want to trade the life I have now to not have what happened to me back then. So I’ve accepted that my past is just that, my past. I cannot change it even though I want to forget about it. I can’t do that either because even though my past was bad, and had lots of hurts and issues, it has helped make me who I am today.
My biggest fear was having someone find out about my past because I was raised to believe–tell no one what happens in your life! Then God worked HARD in me so that I was forced to tell someone or else I was going to interally explode. Once I got through the worst healing process I’ve ever experienced, He started using me little by little to tell others my story. There are other people out there who need to know they can get help and survive it! I hate public speaking, bad anxiety over it! But with help from a trusted friend whom God put in my life through all of this, I gave my testimony in front of our church-twice! I spoke to our high school class, I gave devotions in our choir on songs that just pierced my heart, and I spoke just recently at our quarterly women’s gathering……..by this last opportunity, my anxiety only hit me just prior to speaking–not weeks in advance! So, its getting easier to get up in front of folks but not easier to tell them what I do. God keeps telling me, I have a story to tell and I need to share it. Someone needs to hear it.
So I wouldn’t trade my life today to avoid all that happened causing me to need to go through the years of healing I went through
Sarah Markley says
thank you for this honest and vulnerable comment, Lisa. I agree, someone needs to hear your story!! Speak it! =)
Kristen says
Thank you for this reminder, Sarah. I especially loved the line “that God uses the deep dark to create the very, very good.” The enemy loves for us to keep our secrets, our shame to ourselves. But when we open up and share with others, more vulnerability can come of it, more openness and more light of Christ.
Sarah Markley says
thank you! and yes, the enemy loves to take our secrets and use them. I love that God uses them for great things!
ro.elliott says
Just full of truth and hope…Oh He is our great redeemer…there is nothing He can’t redeem…we just have to let Him. I was just talking to a young wife in a very difficult marriage…I shared this very thing with her…would I change some of the heart aches I have been through…yes/no…those heart aches have now become treasures…jewels formed in the fire…and for these treasures I am thankful. great post…blessings to you~
Sarah Markley says
i love that, there is nothing he cannot redeem! thank you =)
Luna says
Dear Sarah,
Thank you for your message that brings life!
Sarah Markley says
thank you luna!
Lisa says
This is an amazing message. I think it can apply to any kind of challenge or trial in life. While we are going through it, it is so difficult, but looking back we see our growth in God and wouldn’t trade the experience and growth for anything. (Well, most of the time anyway).
Sarah Markley says
i agree Lisa! =)
Melissa says
This is a concept I’ve actually been pondering for the past few months. Things I’ve seen as crushing failures, traits I have that I’ve seen as detrimental, what if all of those things are part of a bigger story God is going to use for good? It’s a very freeing revelation. There are still some things I don’t understand, but at least now there’s the hope that God can see the whole picture and He has plans to “prosper you and not to harm you, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a hope and a future.” 🙂
Sarah Markley says
yes!! i think so!
and it is very freeing, right?? =)
Kerry @ Made For Real says
Sarah, I applaud you for writing this because, really, isn’t this something we ALL need to be reminded of? Yes!! I was just thinking recently about going back in time and changing things if I could – and would I want to. Not so much. As you mentioned, the past circumstances and choices bring us to where we are today. And I’m grateful for that. My today is so much better than my yesterday, or my long ago. Praise God! And my marriage IS richer and fuller through the tests of time. And I think my life in general is, too. We grow in our weakness, unfortunately, but also, thankfully. He offers us that grace for a reason.
Sarah Markley says
my today is richer too. thank you for the comment!
Heidi says
This is a beautiful post. The lyric “most often, it is joy that breaks the heart” comes to mind as I read this, because I, too, was the destroyer and the wounder at one time. I thought my heart broke back then, because of that evil, and in a sense it did…but I’m beginning to see the true meaning of “broken” only NOW, with the healing and the return of joy. Beautiful post, Sarah…thank you for writing it.
Sarah Markley says
thank you heidi! thank you for reading it!
Lisa E says
Sarah,
Thank you for sharing such a powerful, personal story! I know it has helped so many women. Evil wants us to keep our secrets in the dark, and the Truth will always set us free! A dear friend of mine tells me, ” we are only as sick as our secrets.”
My “secret” was my alcohol abuse, which led to lies and deception, and self hatred. I can now share my story with others, how only by the grace of God I am sober today and have been for the past 8 years plus.
Lisa.
Sarah Markley says
i love that lisa. we are only as sick as our secrets. what a piece of wisdom. thank you so much for your comment!
Beth Williams says
I know that God has used my experiences–good and bad–for His glory! Through tragedies I can tell people where to turn for help in their trials.
There have been many times I thought about going back and changing a ton of things. But would it make me who I am today? Would I have this testimony? Doubtful!
Good thought provoking post! Thanks for the honesty!
Sarah Markley says
i agree beth!! thank you!
teresa says
Thank you.
Donna M. says
Sarah, My friend you said it all so very beautifully. I have been reading your blog since the beginning, what a blessing it has been to me. In the mist of the pain we so often become trapped. In order to move forward we need to grieve what has been lost, forgive, hold on to faith and trust the Lord to see us through. It is quite a journey! I held on tight…..found the Lord in a way that words can’t express and with his love I’m strong enough to help myself fully heal by helping others heal. Being able to share with someone who has felt similar pain and made it through was a huge comfort to me. Just wanted you to know that over the years I had read MANY books, Cindy Beall’s book was by far the best. Reading her words was like hearing myself! Although our stories were different the pain was just as equal. I sent a box of her books to my Pastor with a note of encouragement tucked in each book from me. God is good! Those books have indeed been a blessing. It was your blog that first placed that book in my hands! Thank You!
Sarah Markley says
thank you so much Donna!
Pamela says
I am intrigued by your mention of this book – title please ?
Thanx
Donna M. says
Pamela, the book is ” Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken.” The book is by Cindy Beall.
Kaitlin @ Perceptions & Passions says
Sarah, as always, a beautiful post. Perhaps the secret lies in relishing in ALL that this World brings to us as long as we hand it over to the Lord to transform it; just as He has transformed ourselves, we must offer each piece of fabric to allow Him to sew it all together. 🙂
Sarah Markley says
yes! and what a beautiful picture! =)
rjb says
Oh, the struggle between that Yes and No! I know it well. II Cor 1:3-4 have a whole new and deeper meaning when you have “been there”.
Sarah Markley says
yes it does. thank you rjb!
Steph says
Thanks for your awesome words once again!!!
I thought I could end my affair without the shame of everybody finding out and I was so wrong. Once I confessed to my husband and pastor, they tried to keep it quiet for my sake. But it all got out and it was ugly. We lost friends and eventually changed churches becasue of it.
As much as I wished it never happened and even with all the pain and shame it caused me and my family…. I would not change what happened because my husband and I now have a full happy life together. Not the fake marriage that we tolerated for the kids.
I used to dred the day our children grew up and left the house because I was worried that without them, we would realize the marriage was truly over. I don’t dread it anymore and I am looking forward to spending time with my husband once they go off to college.
Sarah Markley says
steph, i love that you and your husband are looking forward to an emptier nest. i hope God blesses your new freedom together!
Claire says
“Your glory is made beautiful in my wound”.
What powerful words.
I long to know the truth of these words. I still harbour my own secrets, and I long to know the freedom that God can give from these. I’m still struggling, beating myself up time and time again, falling more times than I can count, but I’m clinging to God’s grace because it alone can save me.
Thank you for sharing this today.
Claire, Ireland
Sarah Markley says
Thank you Claire.
you are not alone. i woke up in the middle of the night two nights ago beating myself up over mistakes made. and i fail more times than I can count. so much.
thank you for your honesty in your comment. it’s hard to be so vulnerable.
Amy Hunt says
Trusting He uses every bit of our story for purpose is beautiful worship.
{hugs}, friend.
Sarah Markley says
thank you amy. and YES i agree!
Jennifer says
Yes, He absolutely turns all my wounds, all my bad choices and fall into darkness, into beauty, light and hope and joy. I write about this often. I must. It is the beginning of me. Thank you, Sarah, for this post.
Sarah Markley says
thank you Jennifer!! =)
Cortne says
I can’t thank you enough for your words. They are always so full of grace, mercy, stregnth that I know you have only gotten from God! You share so openly the good, bad and ugly and it’s both inspiring and humbling to witness. Thank you for continuing to be a testimony of all God has done for you. Made me think of this “What you meant for evil
God intended for good.” We are so blessed to have a God that can take the broken pieces of our lives and create a beautiful masterpiece. That’s what he has done for you and me and so many others.
Cortne says
I can’t thank you enough for your words. They are always so full of grace, mercy, stregnth that I know you have only gotten from God! You share so openly the good, bad and ugly and it’s both inspiring and humbling to witness. Thank you for continuing to be a testimony of all God has done for you. Made me think of this “What you meant for eviIl
God intended for good.” We are so blessed to have a God that can take the broken pieces of our lives and create a beautiful masterpiece. That’s what he has done for you and me and so many others.
Traci says
(sigh) The painful truths we have to bring to light to see the grace in turmoil, the redemption in submission, the strength emerging from our weaknesses – the concept of “liabilities to assets,”…so much power in that. You’re so right – only through our humanity and our shortcomings can God’s amazing grace & love really permeate and change our hearts.
Thanks for sharing!
Katie @ simply[his] says
I needed to read this, yet I find myself torn between the wanting to read it and the wanting to put it away. Sharing the past is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. He’s used my secrets to change me 100%, but I’m hesitant to share with the world. Fear, of course. Praying for direction…
Thank you for your words here, Sarah. And for sharing your story. 🙂
Janelle@GraceTags says
God can turn our mess into a message, for sure. He’s completely amazing in that way.
Janelle
Susan Gaddis says
Another great post, Sarah.
Things I’ve done and the things done to me provide the motivation to cling to Jesus tighter. There is change, growth, and healing in that long embrace. I don’t know if I would ever grow into his image if I had not experienced “stupid” and “ugly.” And I still am.
Diana Denis says
Sarah, I’ve been reading your posts for some time now and with each new post I feel the Lord washing me and reminding me that I’m not alone. Reading about the restoration in your life encourages me on such a deep level. I applaud your courage to share your story, to use it to bring Glory to the one whose grace IS sufficient and to remind women like you (namely me) that God has a purpose and a plan and that our mess can become a message of hope for someone else.
I have recently been struggling with the same question. I would love to erase some areas of my past but at the same time I have to wonder if I would be where I am now with the Lord. I don’t know that I’d be willing to blot out some choices if it meant that in return I’d have a less intimate relationship with the Lord so for now I’m grateful for second chances and restoration in my marriage and in my mind. God is good ALL the time! THANK YOU FOR THIS.
Laurie says
My pastor sent me this website truly amazing I love it… I really feel the need to share and I hope that’s ok… It will be a year in July since I married my husband, and moved my children and myself from California to Colorado.. It has been the most terrible year ever… I have made numerous mistakes and don’t know how to forgive myself and at this point my marriage is falling apart… It all started in October of 2012 when my husband and the church I worked at found out that I had stolen money from them, I lied to my husband numerous times, and text my ex boyfriend sexual gestures… My husband and I were going to counseling and trying to move forward… I became severely depressed and started taking an anti depressant.. I could feel myself becoming more and more angry and frustrated as time went on.. In May of this year I took Klonopin and had a severe reaction to it and ended up completely destroying my husbands house, and send my ex boyfriend a message on Facebook… I was so out if it that I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for three days… Upon returning home and literally remembering nothing that happened my husband says that our marriage is on a daily basis and depends upon my behavior…. I still find myself very needy and insecure which are feeling and emotions that I have never before experienced… I just hope and pray that God can save my marriage and change me into the person he wants me to be… I don’t have a clue as where to begin… Thank you for allowing me to share…
Laurie Smith