For the past three years my husband and I have been building a church family in a community where we previously didn’t know any one. The state of Washington might not be considered a foreign missionary land, but it sure feels like it to a homebody like me when you move to a place where you don’t know a soul and are given the seemingly monumental task of starting a church from scratch. People don’t generally go to church in the NW, so you’ve got to be bold and creative in building community.
Finding and building a community is hard, really hard. I get that. Especially for people like me who are happiest as reclusive introverted homebodies. Making the effort to reach out and connect isn’t easy, and sometimes its extremely inconvenient, but as a follower of Christ, it isn’t really an option. God created in us a need for community.
If there is one thing I know about building community, it is that to be successful, you have to have two things: an open door and someone to go through it. An open door is one in which you have provided a safe, comfortable, welcoming environment for someone to enter in to a community where they may not know anyone. Building community is a two way street to be sure, but someone needs to make the first move by creating the open door environment.
This spring our church’s women’s group hosted our first ever community Craft Day in conjunction with the in(RL) event and (in)courage. While we didn’t have a big team or budget, our goal was simply to create a space where women who didn’t previously know each other could feel comfortable enough to sit together at a table, put together a simple craft, eat chocolate and talk.
Our small team of women putting on the event poured out their creativity and love for their community by providing the Craft Day setting with a chocolate fountain, crafting tables with fabric to make flower pins, and tasty food. They opened the door to community by setting a comfortable environment.
The brave women who attended reached out to us in return by walking through the open door and opening their hearts to new friends! Friendship building takes two people willing to make a step. And on Craft Day, we met right in the middle, over our chocolate dipped strawberries and flower pins.
In just a couple of weeks, our church is starting a new MOPS group. We are providing another open door to friendship. We are praying for even more women to take that important brave step by walking through the open door and meeting us in the middle where we can get to know each other!
A local community of friends is SO important, sweet dear ladies, and it can’t be built when we choose to stay home instead of participating. Oh, it is so tempting to stay home sometimes, isn’t it? There have been times I’ve set the stage for community and women were too tired or too busy to meet me in the middle. They didn’t realize the divine opportunity to encourage others by their presence.
I know we are all really busy and have so much going on. But I encourage you to make real community building a priority in your life. Set aside time for it. God designed us to grow and thrive as followers of Christ in community. We need each other more than we might even realize!
Be a door opener or one who walks through the doors. Either way, you’ll be a blessing to someone else and in all likelihood you’ll BE blessed.
Leave a Comment
Eileen says
So often when I read post like this, my heart sinks, deep at first. The open door is not the problem. I grew up learning how to “give” all kinds of gatherings. My mother taught me the art of a home that was welcoming no matter what was going on when the door was closed. My mother had a great gift of being a gracious hostess and making a gathering welcoming.
The problem is when you have to require people to take an extra step in order to have a safe gathering. Living in a bubble because your immune system is shot, is no easy task. Helping people to understand why they cannot wear their favorite perfume, or why their laundry soap makes your throat close down, or why if they go some place else first and all the scents and fumes they bring will make you not able to breath, so they cannot visit other places first. All the demands for a safe visit offense others when they have not taken the time, or do not want to take the time to understand and make the visit safe.
Living with a depressed immune system is a chronic illness millions of Americans live with daily, the threat from something that seems benign, but is not is a matter of survival. How do you have an open door, if you have to be so careful about what comes in that will affect your health? Every gathering exposes potential risk that is life threatening, but to others it seems like a personal choice, not a matter of health risk.
If there is not compassion extended towards the hostess that is in a life or death situation, the hostess often gives up trying. There can never be that great gathering of friends and family because they have all grown tired of the measures that have to be taken to visit safely, so they do not come. It is not that the door is closed, but that it seems too much trouble to go through the steps in order to have a safe visit. No one ask to be ill with such a thing, so why are we isolated, not by personal choice, but by survival.
In order to thrive one needs the physical contact with others. When this kind of illness plagues a home, the one person who is brave enough to come, realizes the burden on their shoulders, the heavy burden to be the one and maybe the only one who is the life line for this person to thrive. Where are the 99 in the sheep pin to go after the one?
It has been proven in orphanages and nursing homes, that touch is required in order for children and adults alike to thrive. Yet, there are so many lonely people in this world because sometimes it requires something extra in order to step outside our selves to extend the hand of fellowship. It is this lack of willingness, which hurts, that I am not worth the extra effort, so I put myself at risk and put my life on the line in order to just have a hug.
Nevertheless, often I ended up in the ER not being able to breath, or near unconscious, just for a hug. A voice crying in the wilderness, like the tree that falls in the forest when no one is around the only one to hear the sound, is God alone. A poet once wrote, “A leaf falls, loneliness.” E.E. Comings knew that no two leaves on a single tree falls together. When God alone provides all in order to thrive and survive it created physical isolation from others and it is not seen because no one is around to see it, but is that true. Just like the bully in the school year, people lower their heads and walk away, not wanting to get involved. Then the church wonders why they are losing membership. The act and art of fellowship is not being taught. The Bible tells us God as a reasonable duty of our love commands it. We are told how can we say the love of Christ is in us if we see our brother or sister in need and do nothing about it. A person will extend their hand only so often before out of protection, they will stop extending it, not because of the hurt but because of the behaviors of others who send a message, they are not worth it.
We do not realize how business comes off to others, not having the time. We can make time for things that are important to us, so the message is clear, we are not important enough for others to make the time or effort for a safe visit. The door is not closed it stands wide open, no one is walking through it.
Donna Rose says
Eileen, thank you for being willing to share. I will pray for you!
OLIVIA says
DONNA
I READ YOUR MSG AND I FEEL FOR YOU. IT HAS TO BE THE WORST SITUATION FOR YOU. I HAD A QUICK THOUGHT, WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE TO BEGIN WITH MAYBE 2 WOMEN? IF YOU COULD LET THEM HEAR YOUR WORDS THEY MAY FEEL THE COMPASSION OF OUR GOD AND AGREE TO YOUR LIMITATIONS FOR THE REASON OF BEGINNING A FRIENDSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN’T GET OUT.
LOVE OLIVIA
Melissa @ The Inspired Room says
Eileen, I’m so sorry that you have this added struggle with building community. Certainly there are all kinds of issues people deal with that make it more challenging to connect, but the need is still there for the open door and someone to walk through it.
Your local community building will not look the same as a chocolate night and it isn’t as simple as just showing up, but I pray there will be awareness of your need and women in your community who will take the extra precautions necessary to walk through your door, call you on the phone to encourage you, or do whatever it takes to wrap their arms around you and include you in whatever way possible.
Thanks for sharing your heart so we can be sensitive to being women who open doors and walk through them even when the effort required is greater.
Kacey says
This a great reminder and call to action. It’s often easy to complain about the lack of community these days. Sometimes, though, we need to be the one to create those opportunities to build new relationships. I know I’m guilty of indulging my introverted side as well so it takes a lot of intentional effort on my part to reach out to others.
Melissa @ The Inspired Room says
I know I’m always blessed and impressed by women who see a need in a community or church and are willing to be the one to meet it! It certainly does require intentional action and self-sacrifice!
Beth Williams says
I’m working on building community at work. I have this co-worker who has been through a lot this past year with children moving out then back home (2 at once), starting a new job, learning new software, moving another child across the country during your Christmas break, visiting aging parents across the country, etc.
This week I invited her to see a Chonda Pierce, Christian comedian, with me after work one Thursday. She accepted and is bringing her oldest daughter. That is the daughter who at 28 had to move back home, no job & most friends from college are married and having children. Tough on both sides.
I figured that they could both use a Girls’ night out so we are getting together with 3 people from my church and going to enjoy the night!
Melissa @ The Inspired Room says
Beth, I love that! You are a door opener! Thank you for reaching out to someone who needs you and providing a safe way for them to reach back. I’m so glad you shared with us, I love that idea.
wanda says
What a great way to reach out! I love it!
My husband’s family (brother/wife & parents) all moved to Washington state last year. We are all so far apart but do try to keep current in each other’s lives. I know that the first priority they had once arriving in Wenatchee was to connect with other believers. They are loving Washington & their church family there.
Your post reminds me, not to be afraid to reach out! And if you’re scared, throw in chocolate…it makes everyone brave.
Vicki Emmerson says
I live in Roy, Wa, and was wondering where in Wa you are located? I would love to venture to a crafting day & make new friends. Are you close to my area? Thank you for the writtings, I enjoy them so much.
Melissa Michaels says
Our church is in Bremerton! Not sure where Roy is but you would be more than welcome to join us any time 🙂
Helen says
How do you make the flower pins?
Melissa Michaels says
They are really simple! Guess I should do a tutorial on them. We mostly just were winging it and the patterns we did have I think we just found on Pinterest :-). I am not much of a crafter so when I do something, it has to be EASY! I just folded and layered fabric circles (we bought pre-cut quilting circles) and then stitched them together.
Here is a link to a bunch of them on Pinterest, just click on the photos for the tutorials:
http://pinterest.com/search/?q=flower+pin+tutorial
Hope this helps!
Christina R says
I too live in Washington and was wondering where you are! I would love a craft day!
I am busy building a homesschool community. It is work but it is so worth it. I am naturally introverted so it takes an extra dose of God’s working each time I venture out to meet new people and sometimes it is exhausting. But I do enjoy it.
Melissa Michaels says
Good for you! We are in Bremerton and I’m sure we’ll do another craft day soon! Would love to have you if you aren’t too far 🙂
Lisa says
It is so much easier to be the one who attends than the one who creates. You are so brave!
Dana Butler says
Love your heart and all that you are doing! I’ve been on both sides of the coin – the one planning when the others didn’t prioritize…AND the one who was a little insecure and so didn’t make community a priority. Wow… as an introvert who really does LOVE people… this stuff can be tough!
Anyway, thanks so much for your thoughts today. 🙂
Charina @ Pondered Thoughts says
Love this post and love your heart! Thanks so much for this!
Donna Rose says
Thank you, Melissa. I live in Argentina, but your comments were a help to this introvert. Great ideas.
Debra Bacon says
Melissa,
I really enjoyed this post. A Pastor’s wife too, I have experienced the “building from scratch,” as well as “reboots” as they are often called. Either way, it takes a lot of effort to reach out to your community at large, while attempting to build a community within a community.
Our first Home Missions work (from scratch) was 2100 miles from my familiar home, community and friends. It seemed overwhelming at first. Then we began to open doors offering community prayer walks for all beginning at the green, or square of the city. They continued to grow, as did out church community. I have sweet memories of some very special times with beautiful people. I did a lot of leaning on God, as He helped my husband and I see how to create open doors for our community at large.
Thank you for your post.
Blessings ~ Debra
Melissa Michaels says
Thanks Debra, so good to hear your stories!
Keri says
I’ve been following your blog on FB for some time and had NO IDEA that you are a Pastor’s wife, or that you live in WA! After I read that in this post, I had to dig through your blog to find out more. Your church plant sounds amazing. And, as someone who has lived in many places, building community in this part of the country is H.A.R.D! I hope that opening up a regular event like MOPS in your church allows women to connect deeply and authentically.
I LOVE connecting with other women. It takes a lot of hard work, intentionality, and consistency to build community. But, it so worth all of the effort. Five years ago I started a women’s book club in my community. I cannot believe we are still going strong, have really nurtured relationships and have had some life changing discussions, not to mention A TON OF FUN! I hope others who read this post will be encouraged to step through that door, Melissa. Thank you for writing with such grace.
Melissa Michaels says
Yes, it is hard, isn’t it? I’m looking forward to MOPS and hope that regular time together as moms is going to really strengthen us. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement!
Joy says
I really appreciate this article and am on the board of directors for our church ministry. We’re constantly in search of new ideas to spread our “open door” hospitality to our community. I love the flower pin idea, do you happen to know if there is a pattern for that craft? Thank you for the inspiration this website provides. Blessings to you in your ministry.
Melissa Michaels says
Hi Joy,
They are so simple! We mostly just were winging it and the patterns we did have I think we just found on Pinterest 🙂
See what you like from Pinterest and click on the photos for the tutorials:
http://pinterest.com/search/?q=flower+pin+tutorial
Hope this helps!
Wendy J @ rockinwhatyagot says
Just some thoughts that I’ve been studying about community in God’s Word lately….http://www.rockinwhatyagot.com/what-does-god-say-about-community/
チャンピオン トレーナー 古着 says
メンズメガネ チャンピオン トレーナー 古着 http://chouqichu.ferragamobyhidejp.org/