I have been writing these words in my heart for so long now. I never believed that they were mine to share, but now I feel a tug. As I finally sit down to write, I feel so anxious to get it all out. I am trying to slow my mind, pace it with my heart.
My Faith journey…
When I was a child we went to church every week. But, through a whole host of reasons, it was always a source of stress and resentment for me. As an adult, I stopped going. Twice, early in our marriage my husband and I went to a church, but it never felt right.
We moved to a new state, a new home and then I was pregnant with my first daughter. I asked my husband to start going to church. That was 12 years ago. We are now very active members of our church community. I teach religion to children, I run a committee, we attend most of the social events.
But even with that, something always was a little off for me.
When I first started teaching first grade religion I became very nervous, what if they asked a question and I didn’t know the answer? I went through several years of childhood religious teaching, but I felt like I knew nothing. So, I started attending bible studies, learning more about the bible. Learning how to read the bible.
But still something was missing.
2 years ago, I discovered the world of blogs. At first, I was drawn to the decorating blogs. I still do enjoy them, but I found myself more and more being drawn to bloggers who spoke about their Faith. In this crazy world of blogging, I found women who spoke openly about their Faith. About their love for God and their love for Jesus. Speaking this way was natural to them and part of their everyday.
I was envious. In the past, anyone I had ever spoken about religious topics with made me feel very uncomfortable. That was personal and it wasn’t shared. Now, I wanted to be able to speak like these women. But I did not know the path to follow.
Last January our church started a 7 week program called Discovery Christ. Not only did I want to participate but my husband did too. It was life changing. I went through a roller coaster of emotions after completing that program. Anger – now that I knew so much more, how could I possibly be all that? Fear – what if He tested me to prove my Faith?
But then my heart let peace start to set in.
Understanding started to take hold.
Now, here I am today wanting to be the one to speak His Truth. To share my journey.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day: “God speaks: are you listening?” Now I understand that this whole time I wasn’t listening. Now, I try so hard to hear Him. And He speaks to me. Some days he whispers. Some days He shouts. Some days I close my ears. I am still learning.
I am realizing that I started this blogging journey with the goal of Finding Home, but what I really needed was to be on the path to finding Him. My journey has just begun, but now I realize that I am worthy of his love and maybe even to be a voice for Him.
I am so thankful that my heart is now open to hear Him.
By Laura Putnam, Finding Home