wet petals gentle at my feet

I’m not sure where I’m heading.

The morning has barely breathed its warmth on the grass.  Winter still blankets the hillside, with tree limbs stretching out and bare, like the arms of a child sleeping, tousled out of her grandma’s quilt.

I just know I need to keep walking.

Otherwise, I’d just stay in my bed.

I’d pull up the covers and close my eyes, even though I can’t fall asleep.

And then, when the hands on the clock tick tock towards noon, I’d get up to make myself some lunch.

I’d ready my heart and gather my strength.

To pick up the kids from school.

I’d ask how their day went, as I walk with them, arm wrapped around their shoulders.  I’d hear about Ronny and blacktop soccer, how TJ and his friends played Star Wars at second recess.  I’d make a big fuss over the cottonball snowman with crazy eyes that sweet CJ squished together with Elmer’s glue that left his little fingers sticky from preschool.

I’m present with my children, as I pull out the fridge door, count two mozzarella cheese sticks, slice some apples and place some Wheat Thins on plates for a snack.

But, as they munch and the afternoon sun starts to cast it’s rays through the window, touching my shoulder, stretching long and warm into the room, onto the wooden floors, I remember.

I remember how I spent my morning.

And how for this one day, I tried to live in the here and now.  With Jesus.

I whispered tears as I lay on the pillow –

Jesus, Savior, pilot me
Over life’s tempestuous sea
Unknown waves before me roll
Hiding rock and treacherous shoal
Chart and compass come from Thee
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.*

I play this song over and over.  They form the only prayer that feels strong and true.

Chart and compass come from Thee
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

When All You Have

Living in the moment sounds beautiful when you have the freedom to rest — when you are able to reminisce the good times and dream about the future.

But, what if God brings you to a place in life, where all you have is the here and now – when all that surrounds you are the problems of today, wounds of the past and fears of the future?

And what if the here and now is painful, disorienting and difficult?

When rest doesn’t come easy — when you are overwhelmed by life’s breakers — where does someone like me go?

I know that some of you will tell me, Be still and know that He is God.

I know this because this is what I’ve been telling myself over and again, like a magic wand whose pixie dust has somehow run out after so many shakes.

But, how can I be still when my head feels dizzy, my stomach nauseous and I can’t stop the memories?

You don’t have to suffer from post-traumatic stress like me to understand there are storms in life we can’t avoid.

This place of no man’s land is where I’ve met my Savior, crying out among the waves and the winds of what I don’t understand.

How long do I have to stay in this place of just the here and now?

I want to get back to moving forward — get back to doing — even if it’s just a work in progress.

I’ll do whatever it is you want, I plead. Just tell me what to do.

There Was No Sail

Maybe that’s how Noah felt, as he stood in the ark, lurching and chaotic, with wild animals screeching and his wife, sons and daughters’ tummies seasick and unhappy.

Maybe after so many weeks passing by, closed in by the same monotonous storming, with death and darkness wiping all signs of life outside the ark, Noah longed to see the stars twinkle again.

Maybe Noah struggled to fathom what life after the flood would look like, when life as he’d known it could never return to be.

Perhaps even though Noah knew God would not forget Him, his days still dragged on like a thousand years each morning he woke up to more rain — and still more months of waiting after it did stop, because the waters still left him stranded.

God took painstaking effort to give Noah the blueprints and details of the ark that would save him from the flood.

But, among all the minutia of measurements of timber, windows and even the door, God left out two specifications.

There was no sail.  And there was no rudder.

The ark was not designed to be navigated.

The fate of everyone who trusted God enough to walk into the hollow of the ark — and allowed the door to be closed —  was placed in the hands of God.

Maybe we were never designed to steer this life, to go the way we want.

Maybe peace isn’t instantaneous, but a conviction to run into the arms of the One who can love us in mist of our storms.

When all we have is the here and now, we can allow Jesus to pilot us where He wants us to go.

Living In The Moment By Faith

Living in the moment — when we are doing it by faith — calls us to let go of trying to steer the ark.

Living in the moment — means surrendering to –

– the realities God wants us to live into,

– the things God wants to do in us,

– the people, dreams and places He wants us to let go of,

– the friendships He wants us to enter into,

– the beauty He wants to soothe our hearts with,

– the words of love and deep acceptance He whispers for us to receive.

Maybe you might be tempted to feel as I do, that feeling sad, fearful, or anxious is dangerous territory we shouldn’t travel through.

But, for some of us, these are the very waters God has safely charted us to enter into.

Because with Jesus, we are being rescued from all that needs to be let go.

With Jesus, He can take us through the flood and all that it’s washing away.

With His arms of compassion, heart heavy with our pain, Jesus is strong and gentle enough to carry us safe through the water.

Even though the waters may run wide — and life as we know it is being all washed away.

Pilot Thee

Jesus will guide us to safe shores — even as we lean weary and unable — onto His chest.

Jesus whispers to us,

I know you are weary.  I know you are worn.

Come.

You can be sad.

You can feel lost.

Don’t wait until you’re no longer fearful.

Come now as you are.

I will pilot thee.

These are the words that follow me, like the first petals of spring wafting through the air.

As they drift into my heart, I drive to the mountains where I begin my steps along a dirt path.

Today, I’ve decided that I will get up from my bed and go walking.

Even as my thoughts tell me all my cares are still with me, I look down and I notice.

Petals have just scattered so softly, the morning rain hasn’t drowned them into the asphalt.

I look up and see the wind blowing cherry blossoms from the stem — and I see beauty staring at me.

In this moment, my here and now lies in these petals.

Because I know Jesus just brushed them to my feet.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder

One day, our days of trusting will bring us to Mount Ararat.

We will remember it wasn’t sin that kept us in the ark.  

It was our faith in Jesus that gave us courage to stay pressed into His embrace.

Even as the storms swelled and swept.

We will remember the few and faithful who kept company with us in the ark, as they spoke as friends, pitching in the dark.

On the days that are hard, remember a time will come – when tomorrow will be kinder.

Then, you will be able to shed tears as I have, a little less silent, more held and beloved.

You don’t need to know where it’s all heading.

The One who loves us — who calls us His Beloved and carries your tears in a bottle — does.

And He’s with you.

Here and now.

 

“You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.”
Ps56:8

~~~~~

How is God calling you to live in the moment — in the here and now — with Him?

Pull up a chair.  Take a moment to speak from your heart.  
Click to comment and read each other’s thoughts here.

~~~~~

* Lyrics taken from “Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me” by Robbie Seay Band. Click to listen.

By Bonnie Gray, the Faith Barista, serving up shots of faith in everyday life.

Join Bonnie and faith friends on her blog, as they travel the journey of faith together, swapping stories one moment at a time.

 

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  1. 2

    Dear Bonnie,
    I can’t even begin to tell you how much this message speaks to my heart right now in my life! Did I ever need to read this! I too have felt so often and feel now that it’s so hard to live in the moment when there’s such uncertainty and confusion in the present…wow, do I ever get that! “problems of today, wounds of the past, and fears about the future”–I love that! But what you’ve said here is so true, that the point is to let Jesus guide us through our present moments, even when they are confusing and challenging. I love your analogy with the Ark! God always carries us, no matter what! Thank you for this beautiful and very timely post–I really appreciate it deeply! Blessings to you! I think about and pray for you often during this journey of healing that you’re on, and I truly applaud your courage and perseverance–you’re an inspiration! Thank you for keeping on writing, in spite of the challenges which it presents–you truly are amazing!

  2. 3

    “One day, our days of trusting will bring us to Mount Ararat.” what a perfectly hopeful thought. and the reminder that sometimes he puts us in that ark with absolutely no way out and no direction to choose but to trust him.
    so my tears well up and break free but they are the kind that soften parts of me hardened by wanting to steer my way free of some of the here and now. thank you my dear. –kris

  3. 4

    Oh Bonnie – I knew it was you before I even got to the end. NO other author here touches my heart like your writing does – you are so honest and so real, no pretences and so much depth. I was in tears and praying for you before getting anywhere near the bottom of the piece! Bless you. Keep holding on. God will bring you clear, when His purposes are accomplished. Be brave, you can do it. Praying for you. And thank you for sharing so much of yourself that helps so many people, including me, who has also been through PTSD, but not to this level. <3

  4. 5

    Thank you for the beautiful and inspiring words. Here and now I fell I can move through my day with better ease. Knowing we are not alone and the reminder of that.

    Thank you

  5. 6

    The trust factor- no matter where this leads, my steps are directed. It’s hard to trust. But I think God understands that. He is still faithful, even when I waiver. Thanks, Bonnie! Keep walking through. You are an inspiration.

  6. 7

    Thank you, Bonnie. I am walking the same path but also feel the same conviction: that the thorns and darkness aren’t meant to harm but to gently strip away all the unnecessary “fluff”, to make us who we really are, to bring us to the fullness of God’s purpose for our lives, to put His hand on us and bring us to the point where we lose dependence on ourselves and gain dependence on Him. He works with those of us whose minds and hearts are trapped in fear, anxiety, and depression with such gentleness as I wouldn’t have known unless I’d fallen into all of it too… but He is constantly at work because He is not only shaping us all over again, but giving us a beautiful new song to sing — a unique perspective of just how compassionate and loving He is. His words over us are Redeemed and Renewed, Bonnie! We will make it. You will make it.

  7. 8
    Christina Baker says:

    Oh Bonnie Gray,
    I don’t know you and you don’t know but oh how I love you and your writings sweet sister. Saying a prayer for you right now.
    Hugs & Prayers :)

  8. 9

    Beautiful. Touching. True. Thank You.

  9. 10

    A much-better-written journal of what I came to realize during our first prolonged military separation. Thanks for the reminder, these things are easy to forget when life is going smoothly.

  10. 11

    I love that hymn…I learned it as a child, and the imagery is so powerful. Praying that you continue to know His presence and strength as you press on toward the goal. Thank you for your words.

  11. 12

    Bonnie, I don’t think I have ever read anything more beautiful and perfect to describe my journey with our precious Lord. Thank you so much for this encouraging affirmation.

  12. 13

    What an awesome post. I woke up this morning and did my writing and realized that I have been paralyzed with fear. I know I need to move ahead and I know I can because He is forever with me but somehow the motivation is not coming. I so related to the beginning of the story where you would just stay in bed, get up, have lunch and pick up the kids from school. So often at this time of year that is my pattern. I am looking forward to the spring when I will come back to life again. I need to live in the here and now and get thru the problems of today so I can move into the joys of tomorrow. (although I suppose that doesn’t sound enough live living in the here and now…hmmmmm)

  13. 14

    Your post made me cry – but don’t worry that’s a good thing! I feel so much of what you have written here deep within my soul. In reality my town and country are living a real live devastating flood right now. It breaks my heart. It’s enough to feel like this from the usual day to day living, but everywhere I look right now I see it played out before me. I can’t escape. But…

    ‘This place of no man’s land is where I’ve met my Savior, crying out among the waves and the winds of what I don’t understand.’

    Thank you for sharing. I really needed to read this right here and now.

    • 15

      My time is still tumultuous, but one sweet memory during some of the hardest time is this: I would wake up and the tears would begin, continue and prolong while I plodded through the routine prep for work and drive to the hospital. When I arrived I asked God to stop my tears and and fill my cup with enough to share for that day as charge nurse In our Infusion Center. When I walked through the sliding doors the tears would stop….. And begin again when I walked out that night. My patients….. The reaching out…. Listening…. Encouraging…. This was my blessing!

  14. 16

    Thank you so much for this post. I think you wrote it just for me! I was just thinking on my way in to work today how I have to get out of this funk. I have to trust God and to focus on him. I feel I have sunk in a deep depression and can’t figure my way out, but this truly helped me. I don’t feel so alone. Thank you.

  15. 17

    Wow Bonnie. Wow. I love everything about this. Your honesty. Your descriptive writing and your analogy with the Ark. This blows my mind: “There was no sail. And there was no rudder.

    The ark was not designed to be navigated.

    The fate of everyone who trusted God enough to walk into the hollow of the ark — and allowed the door to be closed — was placed in the hands of God.

    Maybe we were never designed to steer this life, to go the way we want.” I never looked at it that way.

    I have dealt with anxiety, panic attacks depression for a lot of my life. I have learned over the last few years to trust in the one who is steering the boat- but I always need a reminder.

    Thanks for your words and may God continue to pilot you through . :)

  16. 18

    Bonnie, your words are touching and true. I can relate to your struggle to find purpose in each day, no matter the events of the past. Thank you for reaching out to all of us with such beautiful words.

  17. 19

    I feel like He is calling me to redesign my life…to become a different person. I’ve reached a new season of my life, and I’m not sure who I am anymore. I am leaning close to His words while I listen for who I am to become.

  18. 20

    I don’t know you but I do know the One who loves you and gives you the strength to get up and to keep walking through each day. I do know that the healing balm comes only from Him and that time does bring new levels of courage and resolve. Sometimes we are forced to walk through things so terrible that our minds cannot deal with them and our spirits feel like crumbled paper used and cast aside. Be strong and courageous- you are not alone. Jesus is in the hard places .He is the Redeemer the Counselor- the Lifter of your head.
    May you walk in the truth of how very loved you are

  19. 21

    Thank you so much for sharing in the now and not of the healed past. My husband died 2 years ago and got saved just before he died. I was a stay at home mom and now I am 61, moving, concerned for my future and this boat has no sail or rudder. On a good day that is exciting and much more exciting than it was 2 years ago. Jesus gave me the word “restore” for 2013, for 2012 it was “cling to the vine”. Seems life is full of new beginnings and the good news is we become more of who we were created to be in the journey, but that is often seen looking in the rear view mirror not the one in the bathroom. Blessings to you.

  20. 22

    Bonnie, you know I live the next town over from you, right? But it doesn’t take familiar surroundings to recognize the path of these tough journeys of the heart. Thank you for the blessing of your sharing the pain and the hope. I love your words about Noah’s ark and the faith it required of Noah knowing that God was the navigator through the tumultuous waters, not him. And I heard from our friend Diane–how much you blessed her when she ran into you last week. Thank you for showing what it can look like to cling to the only One who needs to be strong.

  21. 23

    Thank you for sharing and words of refreshment. Your thoughts speak mine, this season in my life, in so many ways. And, thank you for saying it’s okay to shed tears, to struggle, to feel pain. So often in our walk we focus on the ‘joy’ we are ‘suppose’ to have despite our circumstances; I sometimes feel I’m sinning when I cry, have angst, or my heart is heavy. So, I am waiting. Leaning heavy upon Him and waiting. Reminding myself of His unfailing love, His unending mercies, and His bigger purpose and plan. May He give us the strength and equipping to endure and to embrace what better things He has in store for us on the other side of the storm…

  22. 24

    I just came over to register for (rl). Wondering how in the world will I relate
    with anyone here, when my emotional struggles are causing havoc and walking
    with the Lord seems far way. Then I started reading your post. I immediately felt at home and understood, by the honesty of your sharing. Thank you! I think I can continue
    on today with hope of taking it one step at a time with God. I don’t have to anxiously try to make a sail, when I am not supposed to have one now. Resting in the struggle and allowing the Lord to lead the way through when there is no end in sight.

  23. 25

    I can relate to your post. PTS is something I had to fight and God miraculously showed me how to overcome. Not an easy task but in hind sight I realize how much He lead me. The experience has helped me overcome the fear now. When I get a trigger of a “feeling”, I can immediatly recognize it and dismiss it. Otherwise it consumed me! Amazing grace….was blind but now I see! Much love to you!

  24. 26
    Dare to Dream says:

    Thanks AGAIN Bonnie for speaking exactly what I need to hear today! I pray you will have a wonderful walk and time with Jesus today :) .

  25. 27
    Rebecca says:

    “It wasn’t sin that kept us in the ark.” I grew up believing pain = God’s displeasure with us, or the result of disobedience. Having a child who has been in pain everyday for the past 30 years, and now deaping with my own health issues, I am learning to believe that it is all NOT a result of God’s punishment or that God is just trying to teach me a lesson. To learn and trust in His love for me and that, even though my life doesn’t look like everyone else’s ( just like Noah in the ark) I am still in the loving care and providence of God. My heart feels your pain of wondering where you are and where you are headed. My prayers are with you, that you and I both will have “…courage to to stay pressed into His embrace.” And believe that we are His Beloved.

  26. 28
    Christine says:

    Hi, Bonnie,
    Sometimes it is hard to live in the moment. I have a page from an old calendar framed over my computer with Psalm 55:6 on the picture of the side of a mountain as the sun is setting and it says: “And I said, Oh that I had the wings like a dove! For then would I fly away and be at rest!” You have no idea how much or how many times I’ve wanted to just fly away! Or can I just take my brain out, because I’m so sick of my thoughts, and put another brain in that thinks only good things and has great ideas or something better than all this? But that’s not the lot assigned to us, so be thankful for those wonderful flower petals at your feet. How sweet is that?! Sometimes it is the very small things like those flower petals that are enough to get us through just this day. Praying for your healing.

  27. 29

    There are enough worries for the day and tomorrow brings yet another set of worries. Why must we worry so, when if we are suppose to be in Christ, we continually have this emotional baggage to deal with? Aren’t we who are in Christ suppose to feel better about ourselves knowing that Christ did it all for us on the cross?

  28. 30

    I feel so bad for you Thankyou for sharing! I’m going through same thing just wondering will this will end!! I do not handle things well at all sorry I’m not very encouraging right I just want to know why I keep praying for God to heal me but silence it is sooo deafening at times!!! What have I done to journey this path if only God would give me a reason then I would except it. One my concerns was it hurting my witness well sure has done that because I’m at a very lonely place in my life but sometimes I do feel Him holding my hand but still silence!!!

  29. 31

    “One day, our days of trusting will bring us to Mount Ararat.” Such a powerful phrase–such a powerful truth. Grateful for your willingness to share your pain.

  30. 32
    Stephanie says:

    Hi, Bonnie – thank you for these words today! This is so helpful – I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years. Some days, in spite of medication and coping tools learned in therapy, every step, every task is an ordeal. Thank you for reminding me that all I have to do during these times is to just let go and let God take over. His plan for me is more than I can comprehend, and all I have to do is let Him lead the way.

  31. 33
    Grammarox says:

    Thank you for sharing from your heart, Bonnie. God keeps reminding me to focused on Him. Even in the ark, I believe their focus was on God, not the storm. When Peter focused on Jesus, he walked on the water, but when his attention wavered to the waves he began to sink. Jesus pulled him up. The eyes – expect to see God – look for God to speak to you – as with the cherry blossoms. He’s right there with you! My son-in-law is a military pilot and with all their sophisticated head gear, they MUST stay focused on their target otherwise their plane or helicopter will veer to where they are looking. I think it is the same with us and God – we get to choose – focus on the storm or on God.

  32. 34

    Learning to live moment to moment longing to be Spirit led through seconds that fly by and mi nutes that seem like days. Being present though He is healing the past, and church planting has me wondering about the future. Telling myself…..He’s an on time God–just breathe.

  33. 35

    Reading your blog is one way God is calling me to live in the moment. I too have stopped the frenzied doing to fall into the gentle beauty of God swirling all around me. Your words so full of color and warmth take me on a prayerful journey to feel His gentle, healing embrace. There are others you bless also…the silent ones who do not comment…but drink in your prayers to soothe their wounds. Your gift is one that blesses so many. Rest and continue on your journey knowing prayers surround you as does the comforting presence of the one who loves us all. Peace. :D

  34. 36

    Learning to live moment to moment longing to be Spirit led through seconds that fly by and mi nutes that seem like days. Being present though He is healing the past, and church planting has me wondering about the future. Telling myself, “He’s an on time God; just breathe.”

  35. 37

    I absolutely love this post…thank you for your beautiful vulnerability, for the work you are doing in your own life, and for sharing with us. I don’t know you…but I am praying for you. And for me. And for all these commenters and the silent readers, too.

    “You can feel lost. Don’t wait until you’re no longer fearful. Come now as you are.”

  36. 38
    Gisella says:

    Thanks for this lovely message. I really blessed…. thank you :)

  37. 39
    Charlotte says:

    Thank you so much for this encouraging post!
    I really needed this today! Thanks! :)

  38. 40

    So many times I’ve put myself at the helm and attempted to “navigate” my life only to see it continue to lurch and pitch into the deep. No matter how we try to change our course, God is still in control and put us in the boat for a reason. I think you may have found your destiny. This message touched my heart, as it obviously has others who’ve read it. Please, continue writing even though it hurts. Others need to know it’s okay to hurt openly and still trust God.

  39. 41

    Dear Bonnie,

    I didn’t want to read this. Too close. Too painful. Too word-for-word accurate!

    But…

    Thank you!!!!!!!!!! :-)

  40. 42
    Susanne says:

    I fear every moment. The one that just past, the one I am currently in and the one ahead of me. The years in front ahead of me cause such anxiety and panic that I must shout at myself , “STOP”! Just when I think that there cannot be another tear left to shed, they stream. My wail is unrecognizable to my own ears, it is the sound of a wounded animal. I never knew that I could feel such intense hatred as I do toward myself. I can find no way to forgive the choices, the mistakes. I pray, I beg and yet I have to somehow continue. I’m drowning, but attempting to reach the lifeline. I know what the lifeline is in my own life, but I need it thrown. I hear you Bonnie. I am listening. Thank you and know that you are my prayers.

    • 43

      Dear Susanne,
      I’m so sorry for the awful experiences which you are having and for all the fear and deep distress, and I hope that God will bring healing to you and to any and all areas of your life that need it. Dear Lord, please wrap Susanne up in Your healing arms and help her to truly feel Your forgiveness and Your overwhelming love for her…please show her how much You love her and how unconditional that love is, and how much You long to bring restoration to every area of her life. Please help her to grab onto the lifelines that she needs in her life, and be her lifeline always. Help her to navigate everything that she is going through, and let her know that You are always with her, no matter what, and that You’ll never let her go. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

  41. 44

    Once again, sweet Bonnie, your words weave a beautiful story of hope and life. I love that you share your broken places so freely and honestly, allowing us to enter into your storms…to see that God is there, right in the eye of the storm. I love that picture of God navigating the ark. I never thought about the fact that it didn’t have a sail or rudder, because God alone was directing its journey. Wow. Just wow. THAT is grace. I love this piece so very much. Thank you, dear sister in Christ, for sharing this beautiful picture of grace today and for allowing us to journey with you.

  42. 45

    Oh Bonnie – I say come here. Soon. Come soak and sit. Be fussed over. Let me mother you. Pray over you.

    I want to say come here NOW – attend The Christ Institute next week with me – be my guest – and just be present with God – if you can get here – KNOW you are welcome – no other cost involved. (check out http://global-outfitters.org to learn more). 3 days and 48 hours of facilitating sitting at the feet of Jesus. No makeup. Real. Present. Walking a path of re-learning who He is. It will look different for each of us.

    I want to let you be a child again. Be HIS child again. Remember you ARE a child. Tuck your hair behind your ears. Push a plate of apples and crackers and sharp cheddar cheese in front of you. Sneak you a chocolate at bedtime.

    As you pull your covers up – know I do that same thing here… too often sometimes. I am up, sleepless till wee hours of the morning dark, and want to desperately make the light go away – but it’s the LIGHT that I need. His light. My thyroid meds are getting moved around again. (harumph) this doesn’t help in the process…but I pretend the new dose gives me more energy…I wake up earlier on my own – but still need to let Abbey the Wonderdog whimper to get me moving. Out. Up. On my feet.

    I know I’m not alone. You know you aren’t either. But remember, I’m here for you too.
    praying.

  43. 46
    eileen spinelli says:

    Thank you Bonnie for your beautiful words that flowed from your page to my heart. Remember that even when you are walking through your darkest days, the loving hand of Jesus is guiding you forward ever so gently. The darkness is the shadow of His healing hand. You have been blessed with an amazing gift and I am very thankful for your beautifuly written words. You inspire me. Keep the faith and I will keep you in my prayers.

  44. 47

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. Christians get PTSD. Christians get depression (I did!). Christians get anxiety. Those things happen to us, and they’re not something we can just decide not to have. They’re something we have to walk through and sometimes we just need to know God is walking with us.

  45. 48

    I am seeing a few small green shoots, the promise of more to come. I am still stroke-healing a bit at a time and learning to use what little I have, believing for more. I’m more at peace since fall than I’ve been in 30 years. Life even in fear and sadness is better than not feeling, and I am waiting to come into sunshine. For a long, long time I didn’t believe there ever would be sunshine for me. Now I’m a little bit hopeful.

  46. 49

    Thank you, Bonnie, for sharing your thoughts, writing about them so eloquently. I can relate to some of them. I’m praying for you, that God will get you through, bring you forth as gold. Sometimes He calms the storms and sometimes He calms His child as He brings her through them. God bless you in Jesus’ Name. Praise Him for His Word, His Name and His Precious Blood that covers us in Christ.

  47. 50

    Powerful as always, insightful as always. We can always always see God woven into your sentences, your daily faith journey. It blesses your readers and brings us all courage. Hugs and prayers……..

  48. 51
    Tiffany says:

    Bonnie – thankyou dear one for reassuring me as I feel like I don’t know where I am headed, as I feel so wretched & wrapped up in my stresses & worries & my wonderings about where on earth I am at!!! A timely piece, thankyou & hugs & prayers for you today , TK

  49. 52

    Thank you, Bonnie, for such a touching article. I appreciate your ability to be so open about your struggles in order to encourage yourself and others. Thanks so much also to all who have commented. I, too, have struggled with depression/anxiety for most of my adult years but since retirement it has gotten progressively worse. It is so encouraging to find a community of others who have dealt with or are dealing with some of the same issues. I helps to not feel so isolated. At the moment I feel much like the man who said to Jesus, “I believe. Lord, help thou my unbelief.” Prayers for all of us as we live from day to day.

  50. 53

    Thank you Bonnie for sharing this. I’m in the middle of a life transition right now. I recently just resigned from a job I’ve held for 4 years because it has been keeping me away from my dream of becoming a writer and living a life surrendered to God. Those 4 years have been so toxic and while I know it is a risk especially since I need to also support myself, I’m yielding to God right now and just letting Him pilot me. There are days when I feel encouraged but there are days like today when I feel that I am not going anywhere. I don’t really have a lot of people around me to rely on. Most are away or abroad. So your words have really lifted me up and filling me with assurance that I am never alone and all things work for the good. Godbless you and your journey!

  51. 54

    Bonnie, as always God is using your journey to shepherd me on mine. “The ark was never meant to be navigated…” wow. I am always trying to navigate. Maybe that’s why He is telling me to be still. I want so badly for Him to slay the other master’s in my life and pull me out of the pits I can’t get out of my own. I keep trying to navigate my own way, but these things are too big for me to take on by myself. I so need Him. Thank you for sharing.

  52. 55
    Deirdre says:

    This was such a beautiful article and so timely for me. I am suffering from PTS after Sandy; my parents home and my husbands mother’s home as well as other friends, neighbors and relatives homes were either burned to ash or destroyed in Breezy Point, NY. It still is like a war zone. Please pray for us. I was meant to find this ….it gave me some peace. Thank you.

    • 56

      Dear Deirdre,
      I’m so, so sorry for the horrific destruction which you and your family and friends have experienced during Sandy!! I live in Connecticut, and I know so many people in New York who suffered terrible losses–it’s just terrible for everyone! I can completely understand why you’d be suffering from post-traumatic stress after that–anyone would! I will keep you and your family and friends in my heart and prayers! Lord, please help Deirdre and her family and friends who have been devastated by the hurricane…please help them all to rebuild somehow and help them to simply get through these miserable times! Give them a sense of Your peace and presence with them, and draw them all closer to one another and to You. Fill their hearts with Your love and healing, and please guide them every step of the way right now and in the future! Draw Deirdre to You as well, and help her to feel Your healing and to know that it’s okay to be shaken up after such a tragedy, and that You are with her no matter what! In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

      • 57
        Deirdre says:

        Katy – Thank you for your wonderful, kind words….this made my day. We will all pray for you as well. Thank you. Deirdre

  53. 58

    Maybe peace isn’t instantaneous, but a conviction to run into the arms of the One who can love us in mist of our storms……….after the moment has been dreadful, He is all i seek, these days even before such, because He is our peace.
    God bless you.

  54. 59
    Becky Hill says:

    Dear Bonnie,
    I have been where you are now. Even though it is a dark tunnel you will come out the other side lit up and assured of His love. I went through this 13 years ago; I have never lost the assurance that he brought to me as we climbed out together. My faith was nil; I relied on my husband and my God. I’ve never been the same and it is BECAUSE I went through the darkness that I am able to fully embrace the light. You are on a journey; even though you may want to forget it when you are through, the journey is part of the refining. You are feeling his love like never before, and you will know it the rest of your life.

  55. 60

    Dear Sweet Bonnie,

    Your blog, along with one other, is one that I have come back to, over and over again, in the past year as I have wrestled on a seesaw of emotions and struggled with trying to let myself feel them and pushing them away. Pushing them away quite effectively at times with throwing myself into the busyness of life and avoiding triggers that will set the cycle on “go” again. It always comes back, however, finding me where I don’t want to be found, and it is in your words that the Lord has often comforted me, assured me that I am not losing my mind and that I am not alone …….so many times, you have written the exact thoughts I have had, the same feelings I have felt and I have cried as I read them out of relief…..finding some validation in my emotions through your willingness to share.

    THANK YOU

  56. 61
    SharonF says:

    You got up and went walking! How powerful is that!!!!!! Something simple. I am amazed at the power of simplicity. Reminds me of the old saying, “Little is much, when God is in it.” May God strengthen you. I’ve been there and appreciate your words.

  57. 62
    lori lorio says:

    Bonnie Ty so much for sharing so much of urself BC I have been where u r. I wld like to share that and use it to encourage u there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If I can help in any way it wld b my pleasure to feel there was some point in what I went through’that being that i could help someone else. god will see u thru. I know. I am an intercessor and I will pray for u. god bless u. Love lori

  58. 63

    This blessed me, Bonnie. Thank you for your tender honesty.

    I became acquainted with that song in high school piano lessons when my teacher would have me sightread from a hymnal and begin to learn to fill in the arrangement a little. This contemporary setting is new to me. Thank you for that, too. Wise lyrics.

    Grace to you in Jesus. Healing grace.

  59. 64
    marilyn says:

    This was so right on time for me spoke to my heart,sitting and waiting is a very hard place while praying and crying and screaming because You dont understand and if only I could rest in His peace and let Him handle it dah!!!!!

  60. 65
    SarahJane says:

    “Jesus whispers to us: ‘Come. You can be sad. You can feel lost.’ ”

    These words make me break down in tears because I need so badly to hear them. I feel like everyone around me is screaming at me to move on, stop grieving, get a real job – but Jesus says I can just be here, right where I am, and be sad. I feel so lost, but there is no map out of here and this is all new ground. I have been struggling to take my pain to Jesus because I feel like I have to explain to Him how and why I ended up here. Like I can’t dare to expect comfort or peace from Him until I can answer those questions. The words you wrote are helping me to see another way. Thank you.

  61. 66
    Beth WIlliams says:

    Bonnie,

    You have a GOd-given gift of writing and very poeticly. Loved the post and it’s many analogies.

    I must live in the here and now in my job. It is a frustrating, go-no where position–but God has placed me here for a season, time and a purpose. One day I will learn His ways and see the whys of His decisions.

  62. 67

    Dear Bonnie, Thank you for your words. They are medicine for my soul. The way I identify so intensely with everything you said once again reminds my stubborn heart that I must accept that there are no accidents and that God has chosen this path for my life on purpose…down to the devotion I read. I am receiving ECT for depression–but my days in between treatments sometimes feel aimless and endless. No sail. No rudder. Trust and hope is what I must lean on…because my mom has died, my children are growing up, my husband is busy, important, & long-suffering with my illness, my dad has a new love, my sister and friends have their own life. I’m tired and seasick and feel alone. I think I’m glad I survived but it guarantees more pain–and joy–but still…
    Thank you for the song, the verse, the truth. I’m grieving the death just a week ago of someone who I chose to love, and who I would have shared my life with if he would have had me, if I had been in charge. No captain’s wheel on the ark to take over. Knowing my journey and purpose are not complete, I will seek His will in this day. I will pray for you and all The Lord touches with these words. God bless us all with petals.

  63. 68
    L. Ellen says:

    Thank you so much Bonnie for sharing so transparently, so vulnerably. My prayers were forming for you as I was reading, so touching and close to my heart were your words.
    I was having a hard time adjusting to empty nesting (especially with my children living far away). Then a year and a half ago, my married daughter was raped while her husband was on deployment. My daughter knew the man (also in armed forces) who raped her, but when she reported it, she was totally re-victimized and there was no justice. Her husband has turned from his Christian faith, my husband has not been there emotionally, and with my daughter & her husband’s wishes I have been trying to fight against the injustices within the military system to no avail. The lack of support on all fronts has left her with PTSD. I am anxious, depressed and isolated and my 37 year strong marriage is rough. And sometimes it is hardest feeling guilty that I am still so sad and anxious.
    I could so relate to your word pictures of Noah longing to see the stars twinkle again, and yourself (like me) wanting to get to the place of moving forward! Yes! You helped me realize I cannot stop believing that Mount Ararat is still there in the future!
    But for tomorrow, although I might not be able to take a walk (Wisconsin has been a little cold for my arthritis), but I got my swimsuit out to go to the pool for some exercise. One foot forward as I try to stay focused on Who is my Pilot.
    Thanks again Bonnie, for this remarkable post.

  64. 69

    Dear Bonnie,
    Thank you for writing so beautifully and honestly about such a difficult struggle. You are very brave, and you have blessed many with your words.
    I’m praying God will continue to sustain, and comfort you. The song you picked is so apt.

    God held me close as I battled PTSD after our girl was born, and I know He is holding you close.

    Hugs to you,
    Dolly

  65. 70

    Dear Bonnie

    Thank you so much for this powerful article, it finds me in the moment when i’m trying to live in the here and now, and not worry about the future. This has spoke right into my heart and i felt a light shinning again when it was dim and scary, my heart and faith is moved in a way it hasn’t been moved in the while because i was so wrapped up in my struggles and they were choking the joy of the Saviour right out of me.

    Thanks again and God bless.

  66. 71

    Bonnie, I can so relate to the pain, the tears, the depression. You are not alone. I know how it feels when God seems so far away, His promises just words that feel empty. I find that the only thing that helps is to turn away from what I feel and focus on what I know: God is in control and He has a reason for allowing me to go through this.

    It’s not easy … trust me, I know! … but as my pastor says, even when we don’t understand the Why, we have to focus on the Who.

  67. 72
    Marinalva Sickler says:

    Your message has been in my heart and I returned to it each day while I celebrated the life of my deceased husband. I’ve been thrown out of bed by the list of chores and tasks. Actually I wanted to remain covered from top to toes. However the digital calls for the day. My grandson waits for me to take him to school, to therapist, to eat, to life. I must be up. I must live the moment under the “here” and “there”.

  68. 73
    jemimah says:

    Dear Bonnie,
    I stumbled on this reading now, just when I needed it and sent it to a friend. I knew she would hear it just the way I did. We are old friends who have been separated by a storm of circumstances in each of our lives that has left us feeling betrayed by those closest to us, abandoned by the comforts of familiar routines even in worship and just generally set adrift in arks designed sovereignly (we each understand) for our furthering. It’s hard, it hurts and it is lonely. Thank you for sharing these particular thoughts and thanks be to God who led me here and then my friend. The God of all comfort.

  69. 74

    Wonderful work! This is the kind of information that are meant to be shared around the web.
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  1. [...] …To catch a “Living In The Moment When You Only Have The Here and Now” & read the rest of the story – click here to join me over at DaySpring’s (in)courage site, where today’s post is published. [...]

  2. [...] one cold dark winter night, this writing through the {in}courage website was a gift timely given to me.  Bonnie Gray, the writer, retold [...]