“This fiftieth year is sacred—it is a time of freedom and of celebration…”

~ Leviticus 25:10a (CEV)

If how I was feeling the morning of January 1st was any indication, this was going to be an interesting year.

As I blinked my eyes open through a haze of dreams, sleepily, happily I mentally replayed the night before:  In a beautiful display of passion, persistence and sportsmanship, my college alma mater had pulled out a stunning end-of-game bowl victory to usher in the happiest of new years for their fans.

“It’s a new year….”  A cheerful thought shape-shifting like mercury; what started as a smile was quickly extinguished by the fire in my knee.  Due to an ARE-YOU-KIDDING-ME? temporarily debilitating injury, my room might as well have been at Everest’s peak.  I was alone in our guestroom, the only bedroom downstairs.

Now wide awake but resisting morning’s nudge, my good cheer was buried under Reality’s avalanche:

I was born in 1963 and 2013 is the year I turn 50.

* * *

If you’ve been reading (in)courage awhile, you might remember when I wrote about The Year of Living Dangerously. My husband had accepted a new job that would require us to live in Germany for most of 2012 and my One Word to mark the year was adventure.  We packed our bags leaving family, familiarity and comfort zone behind in exchange for living (and for my husband, working) in a new culture and traveling to places we had previously only seen in pictures or read about in books.

It was grand adventure but we never saw it coming, how it would end:

Delays in construction at the plant back home, for us, meant an additional two-year commitment abroad.  For a host of personal reasons, that wasn’t acceptable.

My husband and I concluded the best option for our family was for him to resign his position a month before Christmas, arguably the worst month of the year to job hunt.

December was a blur.

* * *

I have trudged the past several months, at times wandering in a darkness to which I’m not accustomed.

It is my nature to see bright sides and silver linings and half full glasses.

It hasn’t been just one thing, it’s been one thing after another; little things that exacerbate circumstance and compound the big things.

Never before have I been concerned about my age; aware, maybe, but not concerned.  My 40s have been the season of finding comfort in my skin, giving up my need to please others and discovering the ways God loves me in spite of myself.

Also, my mother died when she was 38 after a five-year battle with cancer.  Uncontainable is my gratitude to God for the 12 years I’ve already lived beyond her lifespan, not only because I’m thankful for life, but more so because I’ve gotten to know and love and be with my children for 12 years longer than she did!

But despite all of that, on January 1st turning 50 started messing with my head somethin’ fierce.  To add insult to injury, my doctor’s office called with news I suspected but still found shocking.

* * *

In the midst of all this, there was a prompting in my spirit to search for something in Scripture I had read before but to which I hadn’t attached personal significance:  an Old Testament passage dealing with the “Year of Jubilee”.  In it, there’s instruction to be followed every 50 years: “…when everyone will receive back their original property, and slaves will return home to their families”.  But here’s what reached out and grabbed my heart with both hands–

“This fiftieth year is sacred—it is a time of freedom and of celebration…”

I read it again and again and again, and I might’ve added a thousand exclamation points.

Sometimes God delivers an Ancient Word exactly when a 21st century girl needs to hear it.

* * *

Seeking God in the midst of despair re-calibrated my perspective.

I became Peter walking on water to Jesus, but not before first bobbing under wind and wave.

Truth I knew in my head shifted back to my heart.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 –

one of my favorite passages of scripture,

one of the wisest encouragements regarding life,

one of the most beautiful poems throughout the ages,

came alive in light of my Year of Jubilee revelation–

Now is the time to laugh!

Now is the time to dance!

Now is the time embrace!

Now is the time to seek and keep and speak!

All of life is sacred, yes, but 50…the 50th year…is set apart.  There’s freedom in this age.  There’s cause for celebration.

These past several months have been challenging and, at times, even defeating.  But I know...I believe…God is accomplishing a Kingdom work in and through them, whether for my good or his glory or both.  My experiences, especially the hard times, grow empathy and compassion in a way good times never could, better enabling me to minister to others who find themselves in similar situations down the road.

God redeems the broken into a thing of beauty.

Can anyone relate?  Has a milestone birthday ever rattled you from the inside out?  Has a challenging life season threatened spiritual, emotional or even physical defeat?  How were you reminded of God’s faithfulness–maybe in scripture, a song, sermon or ???    

* * * * *

It might be my birthday, but I’m giving YOU the gifts!!  A few of my favorite friends are providing a week of FANTASTIC giveaways (over $1,000 for readers); click over for details (plus, my blog has a new look I’d love for you to see!).

❤,

Robin Dance

 

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