She sometimes thinks of herself as Mary, Mary quite contrary, but her heart is to live for Jesus fully, joyfully, wholly. Mary DeMuth is the author of over a dozen books, her most recent, Everything: What You Give and What You Gain to Become Like Jesus. She speaks to audiences around the world about living an uncaged, freedom-infused life.
Her own story is a great tale of God’s releasing her from shackles and cages aplenty. A victim of childhood sexual abuse, multiple divorces, death of her father and an unsafe home, Mary met Jesus at fifteen, hoping He’d make everything better. Joy didn’t come instantly, but Mary has experienced a compelling journey of slow, but steady healing. She now lives a life of impossible joy as a mom to three nearly-adult kids, a wife to a terrific husband, and a discipler of high school girls. Find out more at her website marydemuth.com.
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Stuff happened in my past. Hard stuff. Scary stuff. Painful stuff. Stuff folks don’t like talking about. If you’re curious, you can pick up my memoir, Thin Places. Or watch this video where I choose to forgive the boys who stole my innocence:
For a long time, I was defined by sexual abuse, neglect, my parents’ divorces, the drug abuse, my father’s death. These traumas = me. For a while, this equation worked. Me talking about and processing these painful bits of my story was part of my healing journey. But eventually, I realized the retelling and reliving the past was keeping me caged. Every time I shared, the chain that held me to that time in my life tightened.
And to be honest, sometimes I shared the story so others would feel sorry for me. Oh poor Mary, look at what she endured.
Something changed in me a few years ago. Something I can’t quantify or explain other than to say I got sick of being chained to my past. I grew tired of Mary-the-Abused-Girl persona. Why? Well, she didn’t grow beyond it, for one. And she certainly wasn’t joyful or experiencing the abundant life Jesus promised and she longed for. Have you ever felt that way?
God opened my eyes to a new way of thinking about the icky stuff. Because He exists in the cosmic, relentless present tense (He is the Great I Am after all), He encouraged me to live in that same present tense, to shed my past tense tendencies.
Here’s how I put it in Everything: What You Give and What You Gain to Become Like Jesus:
I no longer need to be defined by the trials in the past. I am not Mary who suffered (though it is part of my story). I am Mary who has been set free. Uncaged. Because of Jesus’ radical, freeing act on the cross and His mind-boggling resurrection, I don’t need to wallow back there; I can rejoice here, now. Yet we crawl back there, don’t we? We camp in the “I was-es” rather than the “I am” statements.
I was molested.
I was overlooked.
I was a ragamuffin.
Truth you need to know today: God wants to present-tense our lives.
Do me a quick favor. Grab a pen right now and a slip of paper. Write down three statements from the past that define you today, or that you’ve struggled to let go of.
Now, write a sentence next to each “was” statement, proclaiming something true about you in the present tense. Something like this:
I was molested. I am cherished and nourished and blessed by Jesus who died for me.
I was overlooked. I am chosen by Jesus before the foundation of the world to be a joyful child of His.
I was a ragamuffin. I am beautified by Jesus, precious in His sight, wholly capable of being loved.
Place this piece of paper somewhere you’ll find it often–a journal, your mirror, in your Bible. When the voices of the past come to haunt you and press you into the “was,” whip out your “am” statements. Say them out loud. Memorize them. Retrain your mind to live in the beautiful present tense.
Doing this has changed my life. I’m no longer Mary caged by her past. I’m Mary set gloriously free, soaring on new, surprising heights. You can taste a bit of the transformation on this video from 100 Huntley Street:
This is one of the cool things I’ve discovered as I wrote Everything: What You Give and What You Gain to Become Like Jesus. Along with living in the present tense, I help you experience the freedom that comes from letting go of white-knuckled living. I help you so elevate your view of God that trials fade back into their proper place. I even talk about the role money plays in our relationship with Jesus. I tackle worry, fearing people, being mean to ourselves, and our faulty view of the gospel.
Intrigued? I have a free ebook based on the book. 12 Steps to Impossible Joy. Click here to receive it.
I’d love for you to experience the everything life alongside me. That’s why we’re giving away five copies of the book to those who comment on Monday’s post.
Question: In the comments section, write 1-3 I was statements, followed by the corresponding I am statements.
Amy Hunt says
So glad to see you here, Mary . . . declaring His mercies anew every day and His purposes in all. Amen, friend!
I was paralyzed by fear. Now I trust my Father’s Hand.
I was a murderer. Now I am entrusted with growing lives toward Him.
I was angry. Now I understand how we’re all broken, and all accepted.
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
Beautiful I am statements, Amy.
Lisa says
What an inspiration you are! Bad things happen, and I think Satan doesn’t want us to let go and live up to our potential. I suppose it is easier said than done, but with Christ all things are possible.
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
Yes, He makes all things new!
Shauna Rahm says
Love your article! You’ve put into words exactly what I’ve been trying to do lately. Thank you for saying it so beautifully!
I was misunderstood. Now I am praying about everything and God always understands me.
I was disrespected. Now I am loved by Jesus and He desires for me to be close to Him.
I was neglected. Now I am completely fulfilled through my relationship with God my Father.
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
So beautifully written, Shauna. Thanks for sharing.
steph says
I was a child who made mistakes. I am forgiven as an adult on earth but a child.of.God overall. I am new.
I was fat and abuser of food. I am a beautiful creation in Christ. Everyday is new and today is the day Christ is more important than food.
I was wrongly accused. I am truth in Christ. He knows my heart and who I am and that is all that matters.
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
Amen. Really well said, and so sweet! You are beautiful!
Debi says
Wow your words were spoken just for me. The hardest thing I have ever done and still struggle with. Is to pray for a forgiving heart, to those who have hurt me do not seek to be forgiven. I am on my knees daily to God about this. It is so hard to move forward and let it go. I seek out (in)courage daily and reread them later and try to process all of the precious words I read. God is using this site to help me heal. I thank God I found this site. And May God Bless you all.
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
I agree. This is a great sight to be encouraged in your healing journey.
Beth Williams says
What wonderful profound words of wisdom–just when I needed to hear them.
I made poor job/career choices and am disrespected–God loves me and I can pray about it daily & He will take this thorn from my side eventually! 🙂
I was/am somewhat hard of hearing–I am blessed beyond meaure to do sign language to music for the church. 🙂
Such great truths to speak about oneself! 🙂
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
I love that you do sign language for church. Very cool.
Gerrie says
I was shy and retiring. I am free in Christ to witness to His Spirit working in my life.
I was powerless. I am now infused with God’s power to work through whatever He sends my way.
I was dominated by fear of what others thought. I now recognize that I am free to walk in the good works God has planned for me.
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
Amen! Those will preach, Gerrie!
angie webb says
I was anxious and panic striken, agoraphobic. Now I am free with Christ.
I was abused and neglected but now I am blessed, loved and cherished with God as my Father.
I was totally comparing myself with others but God has called me beautiful and loved.
Mary DeMuth (@MaryDeMuth) says
Amen. You ARE beautiful and loved.
Mary Beth says
I was taken advantage of and have put my scars with Jesus on the cross.
I have made bad decisions (life long) and have handed them over to our loving father.
I have terrible anger of the loss of so many loved ones and have let go….let go…let go.
Mary DeMuth says
Amen for letting go!
Sarah says
I was abandoned. I am bought with a price and adopted into God’s sanctification.
I was addicted to overeating. God is Who fills those empty places in my heart.
I was worried about what people thought of me. I am a princess of an almighty King and only need to concentrate on living my life for Him.
Jolene says
I was abandoned……….I am found by the Creator of my Soul
I was rejected……..I am accepted by Jesus
I was fearful………. I am confidant of His love and He will never leave nor forsake me!
DianeN says
I was rejected and unloved by my mother.God accepts me, as is, as His Chosen & beloved daughter.
I was dirty and ashamed so I hid. I’m washed clean and forgiven, so I live free!
I allowed abuse to continue. I’m strong enough in Christ to stand up for myself and be treated with respect.
Lindsey Bell says
Love this idea, Mary.
Here’s what I hope to be able to say someday (but I’m not there yet unfortunately):
I was broken. I am healed.
I was a babyloss wounded woman. I am a survivor.
Patricia Storms says
Mary I was molested starting at the age of 9 until 15 and had a daughter from that horrific time had to give my daughter up for adoption and when we found each other she is the one who brought me to the Lord
Michelle says
Dear Mary,
“Something changed in me a few years ago. Something I can’t quantify or explain other than to say I got sick of being chained to my past. I grew tired of Mary-the-Abused-Girl persona. Why? Well, she didn’t grow beyond it, for one. And she certainly wasn’t joyful or experiencing the abundant life Jesus promised and she longed for. Have you ever felt that way?
God opened my eyes to a new way of thinking about the icky stuff. Because He exists in the cosmic, relentless present tense (He is the Great I Am after all), He encouraged me to live in that same present tense, to shed my past tense tendencies.”
Wow, what can I say. These words are very timely for me. I am as Mary longing for freedom…to NOT be defined by my past. Staying in the present has been one key thing which has helped me slowly grow. Thank you for sharing your testimony; it’s given me great hope.
I was molested as a child – I am whole in Him and He is trustworty.
Was told numerous degrading things – I am His BELOVED.
I was fearful – I am free to live and love life abundantly in Jesus!
Again, thank you. It’s always a great encouragement to see sisters find answers how to grow from some of the tough things life throws at us. We arent’ defined by our circumstance but how we respond to it.
Becky says
Thank you Mary. I am going to get a copy of your book! I so need his. Just reading this post brought me to tears.
I was promiscuous. I AM washed clean, forgiven, and made whole.
I was impatient with and overwhelmed by my children. I AM helped and loved by The Lord. He has redeemed my life. I can do ALL things through Him.
I was fearful and controlling. I AM trusting and living in my Father’s love and care.
Blessings. Thank you for sharing your hope with us <3