topics:
Friendship
20130902_KristenStrong_window

From my spot on the gray and white front porch, I never heard them coming until the driver tapped his car horn. My eyes bounced from my laptop to the white car driving by, and I immediately recognized the two friends inside. I sprang up, hooked one arm around my laptop just in time to save it from tumbling to the ground. I pumped my other arm so hard waving I nearly took flight right off the porch.

When the car rounded the corner out of sight, my tears came out of nowhere.

What is your problem? I scolded myself. So now passing cars make you cry?

I plopped down on the wrought iron bench and shook my head. I knew exactly what my problem was. Once again, I found myself in a season of changing friendships, and it took a mad wave at friends in a passing car to make me realize just how long I’ve gone without solid, in-person girlfriend time.

When we moved to Colorado Springs in the summer of 2010, we reveled in a family first: built-in community. From the moment our feet hit the high desert ground, we delighted in military friends and other family friends who hitched their horses here, too. Unlike our usual circumstances where we began friendships from scratch, we found ourselves knee-deep in quality relationships that all but fell from the sky onto our doorstep.

But a few months ago, one of those friends went back to work full time in a demanding job. Soon after, two other friends moved away. Other changes came as well. And just like that, my built-in community up and left the building, and it feels like our family moved again even though we haven’t gone anywhere.

Now, when it comes to goodbyes and making new friends, this ain’t my first rodeo. I am adjusting to the change faster than in the old days, but that doesn’t mean the season of without or waiting isn’t hard.

I mull this over as I peck keys at my favorite café when two girls my age sit down at the table next to me. They are laughing and sharing in equal amounts, painting a picture of friendship worthy of an art gallery. The one closest to me has a kind face, and when she mentions having an 8th grader, I smile and say to myself,

Me too! Me too! 

I would love to ask her where she lives, where her kids go to school, and oh, by the way, could she use an extra friend? But it isn’t quite that easy.

On the other hand, prayer is easy. So over my blended honey vanilla chai, I whisper,

“Whomever I’m meant to be friends with, Lord, please just work it out.”

As the words of my prayer soar upwards, I trust He catches them.

You can trust He catches yours, too.

If you find yourself in a season of waiting on friends, please know this: God values your life so much, He gave it a higher priority than that of His own Son. You can rest assured that every component of your life – including your friendship needs – is tucked inside His care.

Yes, I could be in a season of waiting on friends because He wants my attention elsewhere. But God is a God of follow through and finishes, and I am learning to live in each friendship season with hope-filled contentment.

“We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!”

1 Corinthians 13:12 The Message

It would be a little dramatic and a lot of fun if I could tell you that kind woman from the coffee shop showed up at the park or the PTO and we became fast friends. She hasn’t, but He has. The view is muddled and I can’t see how this friendship season is going to work out. But in my heart, I hold undeniable signs of God’s care today woven with His faithful promises of tomorrow.

And one day it will all come together, an unimaginably beautiful picture of friendship.

Do you have a picture of friendship worthy of an art gallery or are you in a season of changing friendships (or maybe both)? What are you learning when friends seem far away?

Kristen Strong, hopes high at Chasing Blue Skies

comments:
share:

comments:

  1. 1

    Kristen,
    In my younger years, I moved around every 2-5 years so I was used to the work it took to make friends…having to step outside your comfort zone and extend the hand of friendship. I have now lived in the same place for 16 years and have made some wonderful longtime friendships. My closest friend is now considering retiring and moving elsewhere. It has made me realize that I have gotten into the rut of routine and have not taken the time to cultivate new friendships. Making new friends is a “life skill” with which I have gotten lazy. God, in his goodness, has put some opportunities in my life and I am realizing that I need to break out of my rut and cultivate the new so that when the old is gone I won’t be left brokenhearted. I am so thankful for our “cyber friendship” and thanks to your gentle reminder here will follow God’s gentle leading.
    With love and blessings friend,
    Bev

    • 2
      Roxanne Cain says:

      I love this, just last night I spent an even with 3 of my friends that I have known since my High School Days. About once a quarter we get together with a few other friends. What a blessings to know that we can still sit down together after all these years and enjoy out time with laughter and love. And the one thing that makes all the difference is that over the years we have all come to know Our Lord Jesus Christ in a personal relationship. I love it. Im so happy to have these friends.

      • 3

        Gorgeous, Roxanne! Gorgeous through and through. It is beautiful to pick up with old friends — no matter how long it’s been between visits — like you just saw them yesterday. LOVE.

    • 4

      “God, in his goodness, has put some opportunities in my life and I am realizing that I need to break out of my rut and cultivate the new so that when the old is gone I won’t be left brokenhearted.” Yes and amen, Bev. Thankful for you today and always!

    • 5

      Amen.i dont like change. Getting used to it tho

  2. 6

    Painfully stuck in the midst of a long season between friendships, very lonely, very difficult and no end in sight. Sigh. These words spoke to my aching heart.

    • 7

      I’m so sorry, Diana. Really, because I know how that feels.

      I’m praying right now that the Lord shows you a glimpse of good things to come, a hopeful light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for your honesty here, and know our arms are circling around you…

  3. 8

    We moved a few months ago and not one new friend has surfaced. Now that school has started, I am slowly meeting people and I see this now as God working in my life. Thank you for your post. The timing was perfect. Friendship takes so much time…I realized my old past relationships (that are still my friends, just not as close by) took a very long time to grow to be as good as they are now. I need to give myself time to let things evolve.

    • 9

      Yes, Meg. Yes! Sometimes I want what I want, and I don’t want to wait. Many of my good friendships – close by and far away – took time to grow.

      You give us a very good word today, Meg. Thank *you*.

  4. 10
    Andrea says:

    We just moved 3 months ago. I have a friend with a small baby. She is a blessing. I have three kids all in school so schedules are crazy so it’s hard to get together. The past couple weeks I have missed my good friends where we moved from and it has been hard. This is right on time! Thank you!

  5. 12

    God will always send the right person at the right time, for the right purpose for both.
    Perhaps the times-between are to give us chance to be a friend to ourselves…?
    …and we don’t make friends – we find them, and they us

  6. 13

    Definitely in a season of friendship changes, with all my deep friendships separated by distance. Doning my best to stay in touch with those who are far away and to be graceful and open to whoever God has in mind for my life.

  7. 15

    I moved to a new state (first time in my life) 2 years and 3 months ago. Irelate deeply to your circumstances. I know God is teaching me many things in this season, but the emptiness aches some days. Your words went straight to my heart. Thanks for your transparency. He is here for all of us and His ways are perfect!

    • 16

      Im learning that God wants to fill that space that ache, even when there’s nothing familiar around me God is preparing me for eternity with Gods family in heaven with Him. Im like it nevr really Goes away i tried to fill it with stuff and people doesnt work

    • 17

      ” I know God is teaching me many things in this season, but the emptiness aches some days.” Yes Kelly, just what you said. We hold onto hope, even as we admit to the hurts and aches. We can do both, all the while knowing and believing His ways *are* perfect.

      So thankful for you and your wisdom shared today! You are a gift.

  8. 18

    Thank you. This is very familiar to me. Yesterday I received a lesson during the service: ‘Pray, work, wait!’ Waiting for God includes not: sit down despondently. It means: trying doors. Some are closed. Some doors remain closed. It may be you have a door missed. A rather unattractive door. Someone who seems introverted and not kind. And just maybe there is a window that is open to you. A window with someone behind it, who has been praying for friendship years and years.

    God bless you ( and us all)

  9. 19

    Kristen, thank you for putting such beautiful words to how barren the land of friendship can be in new seasons. Moving churches has provided a new season of friend-finding for me, too. And, although it “ain’t my first rodeo” (love that!) either, it makes my heart feel a little extra tender all over again.

  10. 20
    Stephanie says:

    I needed this so much, thank you. 15 months ago, I transitioned from being a teacher for the past ten years to being a SAHM to my 4 & 5 year old. I have often struggled with the feeling of not having many close, safe, honest girlfriend relationships but this past year it has gone into over drive. It’s hard to find that connection sometimes, and I have my own insecurities with not fitting in and/or being unsure of how to reach out. (I would like it if someone would create an eharmony for girl friend relationships instead of romantic matches :-) The reminder to pray about Him working out my friendships in His time and His way was a good reminder for me.

    • 21

      Lol eharmoneypsalm133
      Sometimes you must b willing to look foolish at times. Especially when trying to fit in with new people. Things change so much but most things stay

      the same

    • 22

      Stephanie, not too long ago a friend and I were talking about this exact thing, how finding new friends feels in some ways like dating. Do your personalities gel well together? Do you have common interests? Do you just click as friends? So, yes…I totally get eharmony for friendships!

  11. 23

    I went through something similar to this last year. It wasn’t that all my friends moved away, most just all went back to work full time. The one homeschooling mom I had did move, and that is when life suddenly seemed pretty lonely to me for a while. For me the secret was in adjusting my schedule to fit their new ones. I meet one for coffee around once a month before her 11 am shift begins. I meet another one Saturday mornings for a run. I even sometimes meet a few extremely early (before the clock hits 6 am) to run mid week before they go to work just to catch up. Once I yielded to being the friend with the most flexible work schedule I found I wasn’t lonely any more and I have now adjusted to their new season of life in a way that allows me to be fully in my season and fully in my friends.

  12. 24

    Story of my life. When i lost my job and life made it difficult to get a new one,i had lose friends, if you are not working and have no money it puts you in an isolated position. I got tired of being a burden and realizing that God has simply allowed something different in my life. I used to covet and cry and because im single, its annoying. I feel like God if Im not married at least let me have friends. This is timely bc i love fellowship but i dont want to be a drag and always trying to keep up when i simply cannot. Illness also isolates you. I have to believe God is aware of my struggles and simply let Him handle it. I cant struggle anymore wondering why im HERE and others are THERE. I am learning to accept my HERE.

  13. 25

    Beautiful words. I needed to hear this today. Thank you!

  14. 26

    Oh, goodness! I can SO relate to this post. I’ve always had friends. My husband and I have had “couple friends” that we did life with in our early years, and those relationships are still so precious to us. But we’ve moved twice since those early years, and I’m an older (over 50) stay-at-home Mom…wife. We have an older child with a challenge that is at home with us, and 3 others who are very close to leaving our nest. It seems like when your kids are young, there are more opportunities to meet people without even trying…at school, church, McDonald’s play yard, etc. But most people my age have their kids out of the home and already have “established” friendships. Not complaining. Sometimes, we have to be the one to make more of an effort. And, like you said, God may very well “want my attention elsewhere” for this season, and I’m okay with that. I am hopeful to meet friends in our new community, but thankful that God is filling those empty places in my heart. :)

    • 27

      Sorry you are going through difficulties, will pray that the Lord encourage you and send you new friends if that His will

      • 28

        I can relate to your story. I, too, am an over 50 (slightly ; ) stay-at-home mom and have a child with a challenge (Down Syndrome) and my two oldest are on the verge of flying the coop. I find it interesting how God brings different people into my life that I hadn’t particularly looked on as friends, but that can build into my life in unexpected ways. Like, the people in our life that are part of the ‘disabled’ community – the parents of other older children with challenges. Some are believers, others are not, but our shared circumstances bring us close and I learn so much from them. They also give me a chance to bless them. It seems to me that as I get older, my ‘role’ in my friendships, most of them, is changing. I have more friendships where it is my ‘role’ to be the one who gives encouragement, love, challenge, rather than be on the receiving end most of the time. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I don’t know how else to express it. Also, I find that I too, am in a season, a long one, of having very few friendships that are ‘equal’, as it were. May God bless you, Marty, in your new circumstances, as you continue to follow Him.

  15. 29

    Oh boy. 6 months ago we left flight school, Fort Rucker, and so many amazing and beautiful friendships. We settled in a new community closer to my husband’s national guard unit, and it has been tough. It took a long time for me to stop crying over my lost friendships, missing out on baby showers and birthday parties 1500+ miles away. I prayed for connection, for fellowship, and God connected me to so many amazing women through #FMFParty and Lisa-Jo :) I now have good friends all over the country, and it’s amazing. I do miss that in-person, girlfriend time, but I trust that right now, in my here and now, these are the friendships I need. Love this post, Kristen… and by the way – we aren’t too far away from you :)

  16. 30
    Lynn D says:

    We moved to Colorado 10 years ago. I have made lots of acquaintances, but miss the deep friendships we left behind. I am praying for the person I can be a friend to, because I know someone needs me like I need her. And when we visit back home, we’ve been gone so long it’s hard to jump in. So, I’ll meet you in Monument, and we can talk over chai, okay?

  17. 31

    Kristen: I needed this, especially the scripture (one my Grandma used to comfort me when something happened that just didn’t make sense over 50 years ago).
    We, too, moved every 2 or 3 years, and my husband didn’t want to “do church” and didn’t like any of my friends’ (from work) husbands.
    I’m presently living alone (still married but living in different states due to jobs). I’m old enough to retire, but not financially independent to do so. Most of my friends at work have retired and they do their socializing during the days, so we’ve drifted apart. My best friend is home bound with a terminal illness. I don’t know how I will handle that loss.
    I have a wonderful church, but that doesn’t seem to fill that longing – it sounds selfish, but I seem to just be volunteered for more there.
    I guess I’m just sitting here feeling sorry for myself, and after all my studying and praying, I have no answers or courage.
    Your post at least reminds me that I’m not alone in feeling alone. Thank you for that…..

  18. 32

    I SO needed to read this today. I live abroad in France and have just returned after 3 weeks’ vacation at home in the UK. It was wonderful catching up with friends, but at the same time it has been very hard coming back to knowing pretty much no-one, as they have all moved away over the summer. Your words are very reassuring and I’m going to cling to them as I take steps to meet people and wait on God to bring friendships into my life here.

  19. 33

    I’m not into changing friends like they are not worth a dime. I think people are worth life long relationships. Not short term.

    I have a friend since my early twenties. We Skype. Our friendship is stronger than ever and we know everything about each other. Important things and non – important things. Our families as well.

    Friends are meant to last for life. This is my opinion.

  20. 34

    I certainly can relate to your comments today. Two years ago, a dear, wonderful friend passed away rather suddenly. She was TRULY a ‘best’ friend. We emailed daily…she from one end of the USA to me at the other! We shared the joys, sorrows, problems, questions of today’s world…..and provided comfort for each other throughout. I knew without a doubt that we would never, ever belittle one another over our problems, comments, or our weaknesses. Instead, we tried to send encouragement to each other to steady in needs, sharing our joys, and most of all…..always there for each other. I was for her, she was for me. Then it changed. She went home to the Lord. Oh, how much I miss her. Today, I am very active in my church, with my family, and numerous dear friends. But, not even one of my present friendships is the same as I shared with her. I bless God for providing that unique friendship for us through the years, and recognize that the old saying, “If you have one or two ‘real’ friends in life, you HAVE been blessed.” So, I’m leaving the future to God. I will enjoy what is mine now to enjoy, and treasure my memories of the past. My motto is “God ALWAYS provides!”

  21. 35

    Oh friend, I know how you feel! I know we’re at slightly different life stages, but you call me up anytime and I’ll meet you at that fabulous cafe! Of course I’ll have two crazy kiddos in tow, but I’d love to help fill your friend void. Love you friend!

  22. 37

    “Whomever I am meant to be friends with, Lord, please just work it out.”
    Thank you for this very simple prayer, I will say it many times in a day, starting today.
    I have no girlfriends, sure I know people, but no one I have a close relationship with to share hope and dreams, triumphs and set backs, joy and sorrow. I have felt so isolated. Thank you for your words, they have struck a cord in me and have encouraged me. God is great.

  23. 38
    Darlean Tipke-Kane says:

    Very beautifully said-exactly what I needed to hear today.
    Thank you Kristen Strong-for making me a little stronger.
    Blessings, D

  24. 39

    Kristen-

    I loved this! I see you are in Colorado Springs and I live in Parker – a bit away! Like you, I moved here knowing no one many years ago. One day I walked outside on my deck and asked a neighbor up for coffee. We became fast friends and have now been friends for 25 years! SHE is my soul sister – we definitely have CHRIST in the middle of our friendship and HE has blessed us so much I cannot put into words here. The interesting thing is that she moved away 5 years ago, but comes to visit now and then. We just pick up where we left off and it is like she never left. GOD made sure that the distance between us was only miles.
    Since then, GOD has brought new friends into my life and oh how quickly we have become close! I think HE knows truly what is on your heart with needing friends! HE will supply all you need Kristen – just look for it, continue to pray and know that HE has you safely in HIS arms!

  25. 40

    I am so thankful for my friends, but, yes, sometimes we all go through seasons of change. My best friend here in our small town recently started working again and it’s been hard because I’ve needed her lately because of some hard days in my own life. The good news is – God has provided the support I need in other ways, even though I’m missing her.

    Again, I love your words, Kristen. You’re such a sweet storyteller who speaks such truth into my life.

  26. 41

    How I feel this in my own life. I’m working on my Master’s in Counseling when everyone else is having babies and are knee deep in babydom. I felt God saying No to me going back to our mom’s bible study, but I know it’s the right time. It’s hard being on a different part of the journey and not in the fog of mommyness. I miss my friends especially one I lost on 9/11. I had a similar coffee house experience but just let the tears stream down my face in a bathroom stall.

    • 42

      Tracey, I’m so sorry for all the loss you’ve endured. And to keep it real, I’ll tell you I’ve been in that bathroom stall, too {weak smile}. I’m praying now that the hard parts of all our journeys are used for His glorious good…

  27. 43
    anita roth says:

    I so enjoyed your post today.I have learned through many friendships that they change. And for me it has been hard.These past few years has brought change in some friendships that I thought were strong but were not.I blamed myself thinking that there was something with me but my sweet husband kept telling me that it was not me.I had to accept the fact these friendships were but a season in my life and I had to move on. So I decide to with gods help to concentrate on the friends in my life that were inportant and make some ones which I did.But it was not easy I had to do some forgiving to move on not a easy thing to do but it was inportant to do for me.It has helped me so much to move ,it still is not easy but its getting better!!!!!

  28. 44

    Just posted a tongue in cheek conversation with God today about this very thing. I lived 64 years in a 20 mile radius in a small town and THEN my life took a HUGE turn. I am now 300 miles from my home town in a large city WITHOUT friends. PERHAPS—these seasons are to remind of us who HE is and teach us once again to rely upon Him and be comfortable in His presence alone.

  29. 45

    You just described my summer. I called it the summer of goodbye and hello, as we said goodbye to five chaplains and families, and welcomed four chaplains and families.

  30. 46

    Wow! This spoke directly to my heart. I find myself in a constant season of flux when it comes to friends. Yet, to find a heart friend that I can share the depths of my heart with is my heart’s desire. We live in a constant changing community due to military and climate. I have seen a handful of military wives off as their seasons transition, as well. I have found that I journal more as I find my life full of acquaintances and still waiting for that in-person kindred spirit friend. Thank you for the encouragement. Meanwhile, I learn to become a better mother and better wife.
    Malie
    Texas

  31. 47

    I can tell you with certainty that He knows our hearts and what we need. He hears our prayers and feels our tears. Not one little tear drops without His loving compassion. He is merciful and true.

    I, too, have had in days gone by the yearning you are now feeling. I prayed and asked for a new friend. My life-long friend was busy with work and her own family and church. Other friends had come and gone in season.; Out of thin air appeared a new neighbor who had curly hair like me, who had a son my son’s age (another prayer), a daughter near my daughter’s age, who homeschooled (as we do), and who was so delightful to be around. I thought, “Lord, thank you for hearing my prayers and granting me the desire of my heart.” This friendship, thou prospering now, was then short-lived. One day, just months into the relationship, without warning, she would no longer take my calls. She refused to tell me what, if anything, I had done wrong.

    I was heartbroken.

    As time went on, the Lord revealed that I had been an answer to her prayers, not the other way around. It was fair time when the “break up” occurred. My children and I enter the pumpkin decorating contest and different specialty food competitions every year. We love the challenge, the camaraderie in sharing recipes, and evenings of fun-fair-delight. There I was with the kids at the Ghirardelli Chocolate Recipe Contest when a beautiful woman with her chocolate entry appeared beside me. As she placed it on the table next to me, I opened conversation with, “That looks amazing!” She responded, “Do you want t try it?” (Woman to woman – duh! lol)

    As we shared our morsels, we began to chat about other entries and soon learned that we both homeschooled our children and had girls right around the same age. I fell in love. As the competition ended, I thought, “Lord, I really like her. Should I ask for her number,” but, alas, I let her leave believing that if the Lord desired the relationship, He would make a way. I got into the van sharing with the children my regrets in not being more bold. (Strange how adult female relationships remind of younger days in search of a husband. lol)

    A week or so later, we walked into a homeschool yard sale. I had been speaking over the computer with another mom who had organized the event. Can you guess who it was? Your right! There she was standing before me – the friend I had prayed in earnest seeking. As it turns out, in conversations we have had years since, she felt the same way that starry fall night as fragrances of manure mixed with hay filled our nostrils leaving the fair with high hopes of a promise yet fulfilled.

    Six fairs have come and gone since that fateful night. In that time, the Lord has brought other encouraging women into my life, has allowed my friendship with my life-long friend to grow richer in fertile soil, and the friendship with that homeschool beauty to root deeply and flourish.
    The Becoming Conference allowed me to see so very clearly that we are not alone in this walk of life, love, laughter, and fulfillment in sisterhood. In God’s Grace we walk. As maturity slips into my very nature, I see that I am not alone – ever. He is with me, as He is with you. If there were not another soul on earth, His grace alone would be and is sufficient. And yet, God’s grace extends from within to all of those around who need courage to go from day to day. I invite you to offer up yourselves that you may (in)courage the women the Lord brings into your life. If you feel lonely, know that comfort is only a prayer away.

    I ask the Father to reveal to you His truth and purpose in this season of life and to grant each one of you the Mercy of a good friend, ability to forgive unconditionally indiscretions, and that the women He brings into your life be fruitful, meat for the Master’s Table. May you each go forth with gladness, peace, and joy knowing He is with you and His mercy endures forever. <3 <3 <3 In the precious name of Yeshua (Jesus.)

    Matthew 21:22
    21And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen. 22"And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."

  32. 48

    Ah, yes. I can relate all too well!

    I spent 18 years in a “real friend” desert – superficiality ruled. Not a kindred spirit to be found. Then a sudden job change moved us from that desert place to a spot lush and green with effortless friendships and ministry opportunities in Kentucky! But 3 years later, and just as sudden as it appeared, we were moved again, and in this new place I again was barren from girlfriends. NOW – just a week ago, we’ve been moved back to KY and all the friendships it has to hold!

    Thankfully, the friendships survived the moves (3 major ones in 4 years!) although I barely have. Before we moved back here, a new friend who had also just moved there (and was flourishing where I was floundering) had commented on how rich her friendships were there; she couldn’t believe I hadn’t found friends. All I could say was that “AR was her KY”. :)

    Sometimes I think God leaves us alone with Him for a purpose… though I obviously haven’t learned why completely yet.

    I DO know that I’m thankful for prayer partners and OLD friendships that have spanned the years, and the miles, and will drink deep from these wells when I need some girlfriend time and prayer. No, it’s not as good as face to face, but if I can sip tea with her over a webcam call – I’ll take it! Sometimes it’s just a phone call – but it’s got to do! I trust He gave me these lifelong friendships for a reason, and I aim to use them as often as I can.

    Hang in there friend!! Call an OLD friend and ask her to pray with you, draw near to God, and keep your eyes open for the lonely woman in church who needs a friend too.

    • 49

      “Hang in there friend!! Call an OLD friend and ask her to pray with you, draw near to God, and keep your eyes open for the lonely woman in church who needs a friend too.” Marina, that is very good!

  33. 50

    …fruitful relationships… (Yes, I always regret typing directly on a post instead of in Word with an easy copy and paste. I see typos and flaws as soon as I hit “send.”)

  34. 51

    I am painfully stuck in the middle of a season of friendless-ness with no end in sight. I ache for the comfort of connecting with other women and wonder why God hasnt answered my prayers yet. This really spoke to my heart today and i needed it so badly

    • 52

      Fran,

      I’m so sorry. I know the Lord has a purpose. Seek the blessing in the midst of it. I know the Lord’s ways are pure and believe He, in His mercy, is able and abundantly to supply your need according to His riches in Glory. He is with you and blessing you! Much Love, Elle

  35. 53

    WOW, Kristen! You have certainly scratched where we itch. So many of us who, for various reasons, are seeking additional friendships! Your sweet, trusting prayer spoke for my heart: “Whomever I’m meant to be friends with, Lord, please just work it out.” And no doubt, he may very well want my attention elsewhere, just as you said: on family, on those who may not be potential friends but who need TLC, and especially on the most important friendship–with Jesus. Thank you, Kristen, for your heartfelt post that touched out hearts.

  36. 54

    oh, kristen.. this is me. while i do have incredible friendships, they are almost ALL miles and miles away (anywhere from 6 to 14 hour drives from here), and it is definitely one of the hardest things to go through, not having that face-to-face girl time whenever i feel like i need it. but God has promised to supply all of my needs (philippians 4:19) and He knows when i NEED girl-time, and when what i really NEED is HIM. learning to truly keep Him the center of my life, making Him my ALL, trusting Him to keep me where i need to be to grow to be more like Him, and being really content with where HE has me, no matter what the situation, no matter how painful.. it makes it all worth it. He is so so faithful and so so good, ALWAYS. <3

  37. 55

    I have a few beautiful long-distance friendships, but like you, Kristin, and many of the sweet ladies commenting here, I am struggling with finding meaningful friendships locally in this season of life. Thank you for your vulnerability and words of encouragement. It gives me so much hope just to know I’m not alone in this difficult season!

  38. 56

    I’m here in town… :)

  39. 58

    Kristin, thanks for this article. I am about to enter this season. We’re actually moving to Colorado Springs in 2 weeks. It’s hard leaving what I know, but it’s nice to know that my girlfriend here are praying for my future friendships, as am I. We’ll be church shopping soon and hoping relationships will form for our family.

  40. 60

    Kristen,
    Girl, all I can say is that it is just *all wrong* that Colorado Springs and Las Vegas aren’t twin cities. I’m in the same season right now. The only thing more difficult than mommy-dating is watching my kids start from scratch in friendship. We left our home of the past 10 years and are now back into the military move cycle. From the looks of these comments, there are so many of us in the same boat. Kids are so quick to start up new friendships… I should a lesson from them! Still… The Springs and Vegas should be closer… love you! Thanks for sharing this great post.

  41. 61

    This was perfect, and hope-filled! I completely understand being in the very same season of life. I often look back at the different seasons of my friendships and see how God used them in my life for a purpose, and this time, I’ve finally found some peace with the “lonely” season. I can see God’s purpose for this quiet time, and it’s the first time in all the ebbs and flows that I get that He is using this quiet season as much as my friend filled seasons. Thank you so much for sharing this, it really encouraged me!

  42. 62
    Beth Williams says:

    Years ago I was in a season of friendship hunting of a nature. Didn’t quite fit in at the church I went to & was single. Then after much much prayer God brought me the most wonderful hubby and friend I could ever want. Add to that He gave me a cute & very friendly small country church to attend. I have felt welcomed since the day I went there and have made many many friends there.

    Prayers for everyone who is searching for that one special girlfriend to spend time with!

  43. 63

    This is something I struggle with. I am single, 50, with a fulfilling job and an amazing church family. I had invested in a wonderful friendship and we were also partners in the gospel. We shared more than 10 years of wonderful friendship. Four years ago my friend decided she was gay. She is now in a commited same sex relationship. I thank God so much for the amazing friendship he gave us and I know our good God gives and takes away, blessed be His name.
    I am lonely though, so lonely. I miss having that deep human friendship. The last four years have caused me to develop a far more intimate relationship with the Lord.
    I just want a friend as well though, I just want a friend

  44. 64

    Oh goodness. This brought tears. Yeah…I’m in that season too. I’ve always been the third wheel–the one who always seems to make friends with those who are already BFFs. And I used to be okay with that. But now I’m in a strange season of wanting my own BFF. And yet the deeper the longing gets…the more I know Jesus wants to be that for me more than anything.

    Thanks for sharing your honest journey.

  45. 65
    Carol Hoffman says:

    I have lost my best friend to cancer this year and also another close friend moved away. I know the feeling well of wanting a close friend again. Thanks for writing this as it made me realize I am not alone in the waiting and struggle. I know God plan is perfect but this season has been extra hard.

    • 66

      Carol, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your faith amidst such a painful goodbye is especially remarkable and encouraging.

      Thank you for standing with us during the struggle and the waiting…you are a gift.

      May God be your peace today and always.

  46. 67
    julie craig says:

    In what seems like the. longest season of friendlessness I can remember
    Aquaintainces yes , but down and dirty doing life in the trenches friends not so.much.
    Praying that God chooses to.reveal his plan soon. Trusting that His best is better than I could.hope.for or imagine.

  47. 69
    Sandy Thomas says:

    I also am in the inbetween times of friendships. At the age of 68 in a totally new community, being retired, still driving back to our home church 25 miles away, with my husband still employed, I miss girlfriends. If you don’t raise your kids with the neighbors, or go to,the local churches, where domGrammas meet other Grammas?
    It has taken me 2 years to start to feel like I belong here. I truly think God was saying to me” I can be enough for you” read my Word some more, I am here. I am your best friend where ever you live.

  48. 70

    I like this. When you are in a season of changing friends, it is easy to think you are the only one, that there are solid and closed groups of friends to which you are unwelcome. Thank you for the reminder that what he plans for you is what will happen, no matter how hard we push or pull.

  49. 71
    Cassandra says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. Last week I spent time praying that God would work in the area of friends in my life because He has revealed to me that this is something I need. Your words were very encouraging.

  50. 72

    I so relate to this post. I have been living in a new city for the past 4 years and it’s been very lonely. I haven’t been that diligent in searching but I have put myself out there, praying, hoping that I will meet a friend. It’s been a long painful 4 years and I feel more lonely now than I ever have in my whole life.

    My husband and I are moving to a new town in 6 weeks. My heart is preparing for the change. Hopeful. Prayerful. And waiting to see what He brings.

    Thank you, Kristin. Thank you for giving me hope again and for making me feel like I’m not alone.

  51. 73
    Shefalie says:

    I have just found this link…….and what drew me to read was the word “friendship”…… Something that has not come easy to me….I feel I have been moving around all my life…..never really being able to let roots of friendships grow….Always aware that in a short time we will be moving again and getting close to people is too painful when I have to leave……many people promise to keep in touch…and mean it at the time………but it does not happen……I have had to learn what friendship means……what do I mean….and to learn about being a good friend despite how the others are……I have had to learn about boundaries……..and how to cherish different people in my life as friends…..as one friend cannot meet all the interests I may have….so have learnt that there are different friends who I embrace into my life with whom I share different paths of interest I walk….and each and every one is valuable and precious to me in their own rights…….they add so much to my life no matter how long they are walking alongside of me and me them…….and I am learning to know there is a season and time for all things and to enjoy the moment I am given with friends for it may not always last………and I have known the joy of being able to be a friend first of all, and to have people join me in being my friend………I am also learning g that when some friends move away, the roots we have grown together…..go on growing as we make the time to continue it in a different format…..at a distance and we all learn what true friendship really means……..no matter where we live. I am honoured to have someone call me friend.

  52. 74
    Marinalva Sickler says:

    This is a reflecting day, I guess! As I get ready to close down the house tasks thinking that tomorrow the new school year begins and my friend didn’t call me for the whole summer. I wonder about that friendship that seems vanished. Meanwhile, I learned to cultivate the warmth of other friends. One comes, another goes, as I pray that we all are safe and protected. God makes provisions with new and fresh feelings.

    Am I missing my longtime friend? Very much so. I believe that some day she will call for a time together. I hope it won’t take too long.

    Then I receive your message. It is like voices from the past calling me and telling me how much I’m missed as I hear myself saying how much I have longed for them. Childhood friends, young ladies of many journeys and friends of different times are answering the attendance call of the new season of my life. I am honored indeed to have so many special people in my day that I can call friends.

  53. 75

    This is rather a difficult but beautiful season of learning that I don’t have to make everyone my friend and of not diving in without using discernment first. A season of having been hurt and betrayed and of realising that I shouldn’t give my trust and my heart so easily. But also a season of cherishing those I know I can trust and who love me for who I am. My God-given friends…the ones I may not have chosen for myself but who are just exactly perfect because He has chosen them for me. And of learning what it is to be a friend: loyalty, love, offering.

  54. 76
    Shani Duncan says:

    Oh, how those words ring true for me right now! I know that God knows, yet some days I long for those friendships like I had 8 years ago.. My best friend from childhood went Home to be with Jesus.. And I moved to a new state, in a new season of life for sure. Recently, I have been reminded of just HOW special my previous friendships were.. Which makes me both EXTRA thankful, and sometimes wondering if that will ever happen again.. Prayerfully hopeful! Thank you for sharing!
    Shani

  55. 77

    Thank you for the encouraging words. I have been in a season with no close friendships for a long time now and it’s hard. I long for it again.

  56. 78

    well said…I appreciate your speaking from your heart. For alot of us change means LOSS. Of varying degrees, without a doubt..there it is. I truly appreciate the encouragement. Sincerely.

  57. 79

    These words hit home for me. I have been living in the same town for 10 years and although I have made some friendships with women in my daughters 4th grade class, I yearn for the days when I had that best friend that I could “just be me” with. So much has changed through the years, from career woman, to work-at-home isolation, from drinking with friends as a past time to not wanting to do that any longer. Not quite sure where I belong anymore. I have been thinking of starting a women’s bible study at my home but not sure where to start. Seems most women already have their core group of friends. :(

  58. 80
    Sheila says:

    Thank you for this blog- as I understand those feelings so well. I go thru seasons of friendship changes and it is so painful! I’ve learned a lot of it sometimes comes from God showing me that I have wrong expectations of friendships, or that I’m depending on them more than Him. I’m in a season of plenty. While I don’t have that one “best friend” I’ve always longed for, this is probably the first time in my life I’m OK with that. God has blessed me with an abundance of good friends who have been there for me and encouraged me in my times of need. I have different friends I can talk to about different events in my life- good and bad… Each one has a special way of encouraging or understanding. It’s a beautiful thing!

  59. 82

    I am in the dry seasons of my friendships, even though I am here I still have my friends on Facebook. But since moving to a new state a few months ago, I would love to meet new friends in my new town. And start new lasting friendships.

  60. 83
    Teresa says:

    Yes, I am also in this season of waiting. I’ve been here for a few years now, and sometimes it’s hard to believe I haven’t found anyone to connect with better. People have moved away or moved on, and no one has filled the void yet. I try to talk to people and find other moms (I’m a new mom), but it seems like everyone else is too busy. I’ve gotten tired of asking people to come visit, and it hurts that they don’t want to share in this stage of motherhood with me. I’m thankful for my husband’s listening ear, but sometimes I want to have some girl talk and spend time with someone else who understands what it’s like to be a mom. I care about other people, and I’m a good friend, so it’s hard to understand this. The friends I had before were more career oriented, and now that I stay home, it’s as though I don’t matter anymore. I do pray often about it. I will keep on praying and have faith. I’m shy, so it’s not easy for me to meet new people.

  61. 84

    I have been blessed with a wonderful best friend whom I got to spend 3 years with. She saw me through some of the hardest times in my life so far. She chose to go to college in a different state than me and adjusting to the distance was very difficult at first. It is still a learning process for me. For now I am waiting on a friend that I can connect and share deeply with again in person and I have learned to cherish the time I do get to spend with my best friend. Friendship is truly a blessing from God.

  62. 85

    Gorgeous women, I just want you to know I’ve read over every single comment and will continue to lift up each of your glorious and gifted hearts. No matter what friendship season you are in, I pray God’s peace surrounds your heart and that His very real Hope rests inside you today and always.

    I couldn’t love you more.

  63. 86

    I recently went through a season like the one you described here. My best friend left for a 9 month cruise contract just days before my first daughter was born. Then five months later, my sister left to work for the same cruise company, again for 9 months. During that time I was transitioning from sucessful hairstylist to stay at home mom. It is a blessing that I am able to be home with my daughter and I don’t take that for granted. It was a big change, not only did I not have co workers or clients to connect with, but my closest friends were gone as well. To make matters worse, my best friend was not only drifting away in distance but also in her faith. It wasn’t that we couldn’t connect through technology, we just were at completely different places in our lives and our walks with God. The work that God did on me in that time was incredible though. If I had had someone other God to turn to, I probably would have, but he planned this all out perfectly. So the struggles of a new mom and this new life, I went through them with God alone. It was though, but I can see how God has worked it all for good. Also, my sister and best friend are now home and I am loving sharing life with them and telling them all that God has been teaching me.

  64. 87

    ““Whomever I’m meant to be friends with, Lord, please just work it out.”

    Kristen, you (somewhat) know the long season I’ve endured in the In-Between of deep friendship/community. And now my life has changed (again) to push me into yet another opposite-of-comfort zone.

    Your prayer is mine; I so want it to be about what God has in mind not my own (lesser) interests….

    xo

    (#movetotheSouthplease)

  65. 88

    Kristen, I am in the craziest friendship season! My church has gone through tremendous change and upheaval over the past year. Our Senior Pastor resigned and we have lost about half of our staff. I have literally been saying goodbye to between 20-25 people since right before Summer started. I have a ton of holes in my life where these friends once were. It has been so hard. I’m kinda in overload! I’m kinda numb too. I am just trusting Jesus to be my best friend and my comfort and joy in the midst of all of this.

  66. 89
    Gillian Mackenzie says:

    I am so grateful to read this. I am going through a very lonely time just now. Sometimes it’s hard to trust that I’m in the right place! I’m a full-time mum, but all but one friend has gone back to work. I’ve also been unwell with depression and sadly lost a few friends through that.

  67. 90

    WOW! I am amazed at how many of us are looking for friends! Where are we??? I have moved in my later years from the southern part of US to northern part. WOW! What a culture shock! It makes my heart so sad that we are having such a hard time connecting in our church.( We all seem to be so SHUT DOWN. Not something I am used to.) And this is the second one we have attended here. LORD! Please help us all!!! I find myself wanting to nearly eat someone that even notices me! Okay, funny, but so not……

  68. 91
    Michelle Smith says:

    Oh my gosh Kristen. I literally read this two days ago and it totally brought me to tears then. I have thought of you and all these amazing women in these posts. It saddens me to see so many going through this changing season of friendships, feeling lonely and without close friends. I have recently lost a whole group of friends including in those, a best friend of over thirty years. My heart is broken and it has been a extremely difficult time for me. The friendship ended over miscommunication and things shared that weren’t true. Sadly this all came to a head while I was having major surgery, and the group chose to get together to hash out their feelings, not giving me the chance to be a part of the discussion to clear up any confusion or say I was sorry for anything I had in fact done. No way to reconcile things now as no one wishes to be near me. I have offered apologies for anything I did to cause them all any pain. I have spoken with each person individually. I have written letter, texts, and called pouring out my heart and soul to each one of them. I have also been willing to forgive them for the things they have done that hurt me. And been willing to work together at whatever needed to happen to we can all be the friends God intended us to be. But no one will talk to me. At church I am avoided. And I am not called, written to, spoken to, or spent time together with. The reason is they say it is “not healthy” to be around me. And they claim “Good friendships are ones you don’t have to work at, you just are.”
    These things hurt me to the core of my being. I watch how they still interact with each other through conflict. And I watch them accept each other for who they are. So what about me makes it impossible to do the same thing for?
    I have cried so much. And been so sad. I recently broke completely down in church and was mortified at doing so. I felt I couldn’t even concentrate on the message. So I made an appointment with my pastor and cried telling him I just felt I needed a break from all the pain and from feeling like I was being thrown out like a bag of trash. I didn’t feel like me or my friendship was valuable to them, or anyone for that matter at all.
    I told my pastor I would be visiting another church for a few weeks. That I felt my friends weren’t not given me much choice. And I have been angry at them and very hurt. My prayer is that I can somehow connect with God again on who He has made me to truly be, and feel His overwhelming love wash over me. I want to bathe in His Peace and Stand Firm in How Much I know I matter to Him…Always and Forever, No Matter What….
    Lastly, I love your prayer, and I have made it my own as well. “Whomever I’m meant to be friends with, Lord, please just work it out.”
    Thank you from my spirit to yours…I am so thankful we made a connection….
    Kristen and Ladies, feel free to add me on Facebook (Michelle Clark Smith) I welcome making new friends, especially the ones God has brought together for me. I am in Illinois and can’t help but think God never makes a mistake, so Kristen your blog here must be meant for us all and hopefully will bring us together. I know I don’t feel as alone reading how others are feeling many of the same things I am. So Thank You Again!
    Sincerely,
    Michelle Smith

  69. 92

    Hello,
    I’m reading this a few days late. Most of all people I know and love are waking up to the day I just had and I’m about to head to bed, but really felt lead to read this. Your title stuck out to me :)
    I just wanted to say that this was great timing for me as I’ve been truly morning in my heart the loss of relationships and true fellowship over the last year, after I moved to a new country and culture with my family.
    We know the truth that in change and in different seasons it takes time and waiting, but lately I have felt more weary than usual at the loneliness of knowing that God did at one time have us at a place of deep fellowship with others, serving and loving one another in community, but now I have the fear of maybe never having that again. Which could be a possibility I know, since its all a gift anyways, but lately I’m realizing how much this fear of being alone is standing in the way of really believing in how Good HE is.
    So deep down I know, working out my fear is Where He has me, not with two or more cups of tea being steeped in the afternoons (which I too, everyday at three, drink a cup of vanilla chai :)
    I’m also learning to not have expectations of any kind or compare based on the past ..it robs us of what He has for us right now.

    I just wanted to say I’m right there with you. It is worth waiting on and will be all the more sweeter I’m sure, if we give it over to Sovereign timing. And How caring He is to not abandon us in our loneliness but come alongside and minister to us in no way that another friend could ever do.

    Wonderful to be encouraged by others being worked on in the same way. (not in a misery loves company sort of way though) .
    ~josey

  70. 93
    Michelle Smith says:

    Relating also with Pam when she shares “LORD! Please help us all!!! I find myself wanting to nearly eat someone that even notices me! Okay, funny, but so not……”
    I relate to so many of the posts, and have shared this “Friendship: Here we go again” by Kristen. And Today I am still so thankful to realize in all these responses and in my prayers, that by far – I really am never alone. :)

  71. 94
    Monica says:

    This post really spoke to me. Thank you for writing it. I have been in that season for the past couple of years. First my 3 friends moved. . .then we moved 5 months ago. I am going to go to a new Bible Study on Monday night and hope to connect with some women. It is hard though. I am leaning on Him but I sure miss having a good friend to talk to. I appreciate the reminder that He cares about us in that way. The house next door is for sale too so I am praying for a good friend with that move. I’ve never had a next door neighbor good friend.

  72. 95
    Jessica White says:

    Thanks for this post…I have thought I was the only one going thru this season without a close friend. I have been praying a long time for God to help me to find that close girlfriend friendship.

  73. 96

    Wow! This post just blessed the socks right off me. I too have been going through this season in my life. Though I have “church-friends” and “work-friends” I don’t have that sit-down-and-have-coffee friend. It has been almost 20 years since my last close friendship. Because of the devastating loss of that friendship, trust does not always come easy to me. I’m praying my season will change soon and am encouraged by your post.

  74. 97
    Kristen says:

    Hi Kristen, I’m Kristen too :)
    And I too am in a season of “waiting” for friendships that aren’t seeming to come.
    …it’s so HARD, right?
    I am coming off a season of changing friendships, where three out of 4 of my closest dearest best friendships are no longer what they used to be and it’s left me feeling alone and brokenhearted and with a deep longing I can only trust that one day He will fill. I keep praying and trying to find the lesson for this season in my life while I wait. And you have no idea how much I needed to read your words tonight. Thank you so much. ((hugs))

leave a comment:

*