I love lists. I really do. As a matter of fact, I’m itching to make a grocery list right now. Then I want to make another to-do list, because the one I wrote two days ago is missing several things – some I’ve already done, but writing them down just to cross them off makes sense to me.
So when the end of the year rolls around and every media outlet in the world begins compiling year-end and best-of lists, I am in my nerdy, happy place. Two years ago I took the opportunity of this trend to share some of my own best-of lists, sharing the best blog posts I’d read that year, the best blog posts I’d written (in my humble opinion, of course) that year, my favorite recipes from the year, and [of course] my favorite TV shows and movies from the year.
It was fun and I assumed I’d make it an annual practice. But some years don’t have much in the “best of” category.
In the past few weeks I’ve shared my thoughts about how, sometimes, the holidays aren’t the most wonderful time of the year. I’ve talked about giving up on holiday bucket lists, how to cope when the holidays make you sad, and the cure for feeling like this year just doesn’t feel like Christmas.
These thoughts have been heavy on my mind and heart not because 2013 was rough. Even though I [temporarily] felt like running away, was fairly certain I was drowning – literally at times, and faced more than one decision where the right choice didn’t feel good, all of those challenges were temporary and ended in so much gratitude and growth that I can’t possibly complain.
I could easily come up with a few “best of” lists for 2013 – and I might still do that.
But last year? Last year was hard in ways I never could have imagined and do not ever want to relive. As I crawled to the finish line last December, the only thing I was truly thankful for was the end of that season. I couldn’t look back, I didn’t feel like reflecting, and even if pressed I might not have come up with a single “best” for the entire previous 12 months.
In one year my brother-in-law had died in a motorcycle accident, my husband and I had spent months in counseling fighting for our marriage, and my daughter had exhibited horrible behavior issues that we simply didn’t know how to deal with. Looking at that little list in black and white, a year removed, it doesn’t seem all that bad. BUT OH, IT WAS.
So what do we do when our year’s best-of list comes up empty?
1. Start by keeping it in perspective. This season won’t last forever. The calendar – and the cycle of life’s ups and downs – will turn over eventually. His mercies truly ARE fresh every morning, every New Year’s Day, every time we turn to Him.
2. Count your blessings – small as they may be. Keeping a gratitude journal or listing your 1000 gifts may seem insincere or even impossible during difficult times. But I truly believe God takes our tiny offerings of gratitude and increases them until our hearts are softened and our perspectives are changed in a way we simply can’t do with closed hands.
3. Give yourself permission to grieve. Some things are really, really hard to live through. Some challenges seem never-ending or unfair or Just Too Much. It’s okay to feel that sadness. God is close to the brokenhearted – which means He knows full and well that we will have times of grief where this life is too much to bear. Lean into it for a time, and lean into Him. It’s okay to be sad for a while; He can take it better than we can when we try to hold it in and carry it alone.
4. Cling to hope and look forward to next year. Even if you can’t celebrate the holidays with the spirit you normally do . . . even if Christmas carols and trees full of ornaments and the perfect gift beautifully wrapped simply remind you of what you’re missing this year . . . even if your only resolution for next year is to have a better year because this one stunk . . . remember Hope. The world was dark when Jesus came that first Christmas – just like it may be dark this Christmas. He came to offer hope, because He IS Hope. So even when the holidays are hard, remember you have Hope.
Those are the things I wish I’d known to do a year ago. Because sure enough, this calendar year did bring a fresh outlook and a renewed heart. I know difficult years will happen again, but this most recent season has been one full of blessings both small and large. And receiving that after a time full of so much pain makes this year’s best-of list even sweeter. I’m thankful, both for the relief from last year’s challenges and the reminder that when hard times come again [because they will], they won’t last forever.
If nothing else, THAT is something to put on a best-of list!
What would you put on a Best of 2013 list?
Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says
Mary,
Great “straight to the heart of the matter” post! On my best of 2013 list would be thanks for the gift of walking. It’s been a year in the making, but I can finally walk without thinking about the mechanics of each step that I take. Recovery from complex knee surgery made me grateful for this simple everyday gift. I also started my blog because I literally was not allowed to walk for 6 weeks. Another best of. If my “best of” only had one thing on it – my salvation thanks to my Lord and Savior and a promise to live in eternal union with Him, then it would be full enough.
Blessings,
Bev
Amy says
Bev,
I’m so glad to read about your knee recovery and your gift of walking without thinking of all of the mechanics. After some difficult rehab for a serious back injury – I get how moving freely, without both having to think about it and pushing through pain – is SUCH a gift. Thankful along with you.
Mary Carver says
Bev, what a great perspective on 2013! I love that you’re focusing on the blessings that came from a complex surgery!! And YES, salvation starts and ends every one of our lists, doesn’t it? 🙂
Amy says
My 2013 has been a season that I’ll be glad to see come to an end. It has honestly been the hardest year of my life – and I’ve had some doozies. But, in starting to see some light at the end of this darkness – I do have hope that a year from now, this season of coming undone will shift what is ahead for me and for my family, and that the hours spent in counseling and in fighting for a real and intimate marriage have been labors sown in hope, yielding joy.
I started this morning unexpectedly early – couldn’t sleep, and I spent some time just in quiet looking at our lit tree and intentionally focussing on what I’m grateful for (first time in awhile) in the midst of this season of hard. And over some (extra early) morning coffee – you post was a timely word for my heart. Thanks, Mary.
Mary Carver says
Amy, I’m so thankful for your perspective here! I like how you describe it as a “season of coming undone.” When my husband and I were at our lowest, hardest points last year, I began looking at it as our old, unhealthy marriage dying so a new, healthy one could develop. We’re still working on that 🙂 but I pray, like you, that the work and time will continue to yield joy. Blessings to you!
Tricia says
Mary, thank you for this post. 2013 is one that I DO NOT WANT TO RELIVE and would prefer to not go back and ponder on. We lost our 13 year old disabled daughter in March. WE are still fighting for our marriage (have been for 12 or so years) and life is tough. I am weary, very weary. I keep looking for light in the darkness, for that spark. I know God sees, loves, heals but I have to say right now it’s quiet in my life. God has ushered quietness. He is revealing things to me that are hard..those ouch moments. So I am sitting…in HIS quietness. Thank you again!
Shelli Littleton says
Thank you for sharing that, Tricia. I am praying for you.
Mary Carver says
Tricia…I’m so sorry. There really aren’t words, I know, that can comfort you in these pains. So…praying for you. Praying for comfort and peace and renewed love in your marriage.
Beth Williams says
Tricia,
Praying for your family during this time of trial and loss. Know that your are loved by our God.
Lord,
Please surround Tricia and her family with peace. Comfort them during this year of loss and heal their marriage. Cover them with your loving, healing arms and shower them with the love they so desperately need.
AMEN!
Ruth says
Tricia, bless you, bless you. Praying you will recognize even more of Emmanuel, God quietly with you, this advent time.
With love Ruth
Dawn says
Hey, your life mirrored my life last year? Wow. Perfect post and fellow list-loving friend, this hits it right up close. Thank you. By the way, it made me smile about the felt like you were drowning comment (I will have to check that out) as I did a series for the 31 Days…on Faith Life Preservers! Because, I felt I was drowning…and the writing of those posts did keep me afloat. Thanks again, for a well timed, divinely written post.
Mary Carver says
I’ll have to check out your 31 days series! Taking hold of our life preservers of faith is HUGE – and I’d love to read your take on it!
Crystal says
I have you on my “favorite things of 2013” list – love you!
Mary Carver says
Awwwwww! Love you, too!
M says
My husband and I have had a very emotional year. On one side, we had one of the most beautiful blessings come to us – the birth of our precious, lovely baby girl… Our first child. On the other side, we have some toxic family members who have done incredibly hurtful things to us beyond our comprehension, to the point where we have requested distance. As I type this I realize how much just those two instances alone show the beauty and brokenness in the world around us. So, no matter where we all are, I pray that all of us can see some beauty in the midst of brokenness as we reflect on 2013. He is here… Immanuel… bringing light into the darkness. Thank you for this encouraging post this morning.
Mary Carver says
He IS here…yes, even though we have the brokenness right along with the beauty. Thank YOU for your words here!
Terry says
What perfect encouragement for today. It has been a really difficult morning in a string of difficult days. We lost our home and most of our possessions in a tornado on November 17. Just trying to get the necessities of daily living together has been a struggle. In our small town alone there are over 1200 displaced families with over 250 homes totally destroyed so there is a feeling of heaviness over the entire town where Chrsitmas joy would have been. God has been and always will be faithful and good every step of the way, but every step continues to be difficult and exhausting. Thanks for this mornings encouraging words. I needed them more than you could know.
Mary Carver says
Oh Terry. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your home! Remembering hard years or struggles can always cast shadows on the holidays, but it’s especially hard when it’s happened so close to this time of year, when you haven’t even had time to recover. Praying comfort and relief for you this season – and joy despite the circumstances.
Christina says
This time last year I was ready to throw in the towel, but God in his faithfulness helped me to crawl out of that very deep, despairing pit. I am not where I was, but I am still on the journey of recovery. What keeps me going is knowing that he will use the mess of my depression for good. He already is. I wrote this poem (below) yesterday. Last year this week, the week after my birthday, my hope was the faintest it has ever been; so the fact that I could write this poem this year speaks volumes of God’s care and faithfulness.
“Broken is not my address anymore. I am moving to RESTORED.
The move may not be easy, because moves never are,
but it is one the Lord tells me I can afford.
Broken may have sheltered me for years
and I’m grateful for the lessons I learned there
but the walls are coming down and it’s time to depart
The walls of RESTORED will tell a new story
of a life trusting God
So, please mark your address books and hope to see you there.”
Christina Hernandez, December 2013
Morag says
I really like your poem Christina. I’m moving to the same destination!
Mary Carver says
“The walls are coming down.” That’s beautiful, Christina. Thank you.
Christina says
Thank you both! I read the poem in my Bible study the other night. I’m glad my poetic juices are flowing again, because they were stagnant for well over 20 years.
Lisa says
Counting your blessings will get you through every time.
karyn says
That’s terrible, the year before.
The best …… JESUS and friendship.
🙂
Mary Carver says
Two great blessings, Karyn! Thank you for sharing them with us!
Leslie says
Mary, thank you so much for this encouragement today! 2013 has been a year of loss, difficulty, questions, and darkness for me. I’ve found myself clinging to hope in a whole new way. While I’m desperate for this season to end, I’m resting in the promise that Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. He is working something beautiful through this season, even though I can’t see it at the moment. It’s hard to trust His plan when the circumstances in our lives don’t match what we think they should. That’s the beauty of faith though, looking beyond the present to things hoped for; beyond the visible to the invisible. Praying for those who have are weary this season, and claiming in faith that 2014 will be a year of victory!
Mary Carver says
Leslie, thank you. Thank you for sharing your heart – both in the hard things you’ve been facing and the beautiful faith you’re holding onto despite it all.
Shelli Littleton says
My book on surviving hardships is finally in print! Yay! And Disney World with my family!
Such a sweet post. Thank you for being REAL … sharing the hard stuff.
Mary Carver says
Woohoo!! Sounds like a great year, Shelli!
Sarah says
Thanks that my mum and friend are still here. Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer and has come through the treatment well. My friend really struggled with her health this year, but miraculously is so much better than she was! They both mean a lot to me.
Mary Carver says
What fantastic blessings, Sarah!! Thank you for sharing them with us!
Martha says
Thank you for the post. I need to go back to a simple list of things I am grateful for. The darkness & heaviness seems so thick much of the time. There are things that have no “light at the end of the tunnel”. We struggled in our marriage, my husband’s Alzheimer’s is slowly getting worse, and we are still fighting for our daughter’s life (anorexia). Add in the two other teen daughters’ struggle just being that age, and it’s a year I do not want to revisit. Yes, The Lord is here – no, I don’t always sense Him, or have time to be in His promises. I think a simple “1000 things” list will help me refocus. Thank you.
Mary Carver says
Oh Martha, I’m so sorry to hear about the struggles you’re facing. Life can seem so overwhelming and heavy at times! But yes…YES! He IS there with you, and remembering to be grateful helps all of us in times good and bad. Praying peace and healing for you this Christmas!
Heidi says
Thankful for these posts and having “Sisters in print”. I’m feeling heavy and chasing the Christmas spirit relentlessly, but it keeps slipping away. I have been so blessed this year and am seeing the light, but still dealing with challenges that have the power to bring me down. Just praying for peace, and faith in the hope that Jesus brings. Merry Christmas friends. 🙂
Mary Carver says
Praying that peace and strengthened faith for you, Heidi – and inspired by your commitment to chase Christmas spirit and the Light!
Vero says
Thank you Mary. I so needed to hear that it is ok to acknowledge the broken and the fact that 2013 was a tough year. It is hard sometimes to fully embrace the season, but God’s grace sustains me. He is walking with us in all of life’s circumstances, the good and the bad. He heals the broken hearted! Now, on to that list of 1000 blessings. Merry Christmas Everyone!
Mary Carver says
YES, some years are hard and we can’t ignore that. But we also can’t ignore God’s grace and healing. Merry Christmas to you, too!
Quiana says
Wow! Very powerful article. I would put – a renewed energy to continue pursuing my passions and a much closer relationship to God.
Mary Carver says
Those are great blessings, Quiana! Thanks for sharing!
Amanda says
I like your perspective Mary! Thank you!
Jamie says
Thank you, Mary! I needed to read this. We are soooo ready for 2013 to be over. It has been the hardest year of our lives and we just keep holding on, waiting for this season to change! Thanks for saying that it is okay to grieve through the difficult times while waiting for times to change with a hopeful heart. It’s hard not to feel guilty for grieving sometimes.
Beth Williams says
Mary,
I love making lists & spreadsheets. This has been a tough year for many in my church.
One family has been struggling for over a year. The Sunday after Thanksgiving 2012 the father had a heart trouble, stroke and we weren’t sure if he was to live. After much hospitalization & rehab he was able to go home-ended up having to move into his mother-in-laws house due to wheel chair. He was beginning to speak and walk. Fast forward a few weeks and he is back in the hospital again. This time he had some type of infection on his finger and had to have surgery. His wife, an RN, can only feed him with through a feeding tube. They have struggled both financially & emotionally.
Another family lost their father to leukemia. The daughter did survive a severe case of bladder cancer and had to have surgery in Nashville, a 6hr drive away. That was a praise God. Now the daughter-in-law has breast cancer and is not doing well.
I would put good health on the top of my 2013 gratitude list.
Kristy Byers says
Amen! I so know what you mean. I have had “years” in a row that I stopped journaling because I didn’t want to remember the “bad” stuff. I didn’t want to re-read it and I didn’t want anyone else to every read it. Some things are just not worth living through more than once.
I do, however, love the idea of the “Best Of” list. Doing that as a monthly review might be a good idea. (I never really got back into the habit of daily journaling.) I will have to add that to my list. And yes, I am a “lister” as well. I love to make list and scratch things off…what normal person wouldn’t?
Samantha says
I have just read this post, from Dec. 2013. I have had a rough 2013 and at times it just does not seem to get any better. It is because of sin in my life, changed my world, and sometimes it does not seem like I can get past it. Will God get me thru this? He can, but will He? I’m sure He will. Sometimes, I am sure He will. I am not sure all of the time. But I am grateful. He has given me healthy kids, healthy husband, and a warm home with plenty to eat. I am blessed. I know that. Most days.