I used to dream about being the perfect mom. Certainly, it didn’t seem too unattainable…just raising a few kids…keeping life in order… everything running smoothly…and wonderful…and happy…and clean.
Except this one thing happened. I became a Mom.
And suddenly the expectations seemed really steep. The dream of the perfect mom crashed amidst my own imperfections. Hard reality stared me right in the face.
Life is messy.
You may relate. Some days, parenting is just hard. It doesn’t always go as planned. You get tired. And when you’re finally figuring out one stage, another begins.
We often look for validation from everyone around us of whether or not we’re doing a good enough job. We even measure ourselves against other moms, striving to feel better about the job we’re doing.
We listen to the accusing lies that we know are not from God, but play over and over in our minds, “a good mom would never do that, why can’t you get it together, why can’t you be more like…” We begin to swallow them down, accepting, believing it all to be truth, applying one big “fail” directly to our most valued role in life – motherhood.
The days go by, some seem especially long. The ones when you’ve had more than enough of playing constant referee between kids, or logging miles as taxi cab driver, or hearing “mom” every 4.3 seconds through the day. The feelings of “there’s too much to do” overwhelm you, the awareness that you can’t keep up with it all. You start to feel bothered that no one seems to care how their clothes get cleaned and back in their drawers, or how the food ends up in the pantry or a good meal on the table. And just when you find yourself thinking that the remote island you saw on Priceline this morning is looking really good about now, and wondering how much a one way ticket would be…
You stop.
And take a deep breath, looking around at your mess.
At the full laundry basket calling your name.
And the dishes from last night’s dinner still lingering in the sink.
And you realize that maybe the dream was wrong.
That dream of being a perfect mom.
Because when you look into the eyes of these treasures who call you Mom…who you love more than life itself…you suddenly realize how very blessed you are.
And you notice that not only the days have gone by, but some years have passed too.
And suddenly you long for it to slow down.
The “Aha” moment happens.
And you realize that maybe you are doing it…maybe you are living a dream…the dream that is the right one for you.
And you breathe in His grace… Again. Today.
Because life was never meant to be perfect. Life was just meant to be lived. Really lived. Hope rises.
You look at those high expectations…the ones still buried deep within your clenched fists…or in the secret crevices of your heart…the ones that lead you to think there’s perfect bliss somewhere else.
And you let them go.
Life words were found in the mess one day, amidst the toys on the floor and fingerprints on the wall. Words quickly scribbled across a plain, white board in the playroom upstairs. Words of grace, straight from the heart of a sweet, joy-filled 6-year-old soul who knows what it is to live and to love.
Love God, love your family, love yourself. So simple. So true.
“Were ever you go God is wheth you.”
He is. In our mess, in our imperfections, in our day to day, in the ordinary, in the times when no one else sees, or knows, or cares. He’s there. With us.
Perfect doesn’t matter. It never did. And all the other stuff we stress and worry about, it doesn’t really matter either. But love, it matters.
He whispers over you today, His words of life and love, “Good job Mom, I am with you.”
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
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Z. says
Thank you for this reminder- you message and the scriptureTRULY encouraged my spirit this morning.
Debbie McDaniel says
Thank you so much for reading, much grace to you today my friend. 🙂
Marty says
Expectations in life can be real buzz killers…in many ways. From wanting the perfect marriage, to being the perfect mom, to HAVING THE PERFECT KIDS…who of us can ever measure up?
Our 4 kids are older…only one still left in school, and 2 of the others are married. Some of our days are slower, but still the years fly by. The expectations are still there, the challenges are different, and we still wish for MORE TIME.
Thank you for this reminder today…to stop and breathe in His grace.
Debbie McDaniel says
So true Marty, about the expectations thing and just feeling like the years are flying by, I’m with you in that desire to stop and breathe in His grace. every.single.day. Learning to let go of what doesn’t matter so much, work in progress for me, but pressing on…blessings to you.
Kristin Hanley says
As said, there’s only One perfect parent, and I ain’t Him. Thankfully, He knows we are dust and doesn’t expect us to be the Pinterest-perfect mom. Why do we think we’ll be that?
Some days I just stop, “Is this it? Is this what I signed up for?” But when I let go of the unrealistic expectations (mostly for myself), than I am free to respond more in-line with patience and grace. I don’t want to lose the beauty of today because I am caught in the insignificant messes of yesterday.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. It’s easy to feel alone, at times, which is just silly. But still, to read your words helps focus my perspective.
http://momentsofpeace-khanley.blogspot.com/
Debbie McDaniel says
Aww Kristin, I love reading your words. Wisdom my friend, thank you for sharing that! It is easy to feel alone in it all sometimes, but so thankful for truth that says we’re not. Such grace there.
Sue says
Several years ago ( my youngest is now 21), I had a mom melt-down. Whatever I did, it seemed like everyone needed and wanted more. I was feeling at the end of my rope. I dropped the oldest one off at school & instead of heading home, headed to the local park to have my melt down in the privacy of my mini van. As I was crying & praying, I said to God, ” I know this isn’t how you want me to feel Lord, but I am so tired and so tired of trying howard618@gmail.comto meet everyone else’s needs. What about me? What about my needs? Who is going to take care of me?” And right there, in the middle of the park, in my mini van, in the midst of my tears, God whispered, tenderly, straight into my soul, “I will. I will take of you.” All these years later, re telling this story still makes me cry & feel awe that the Maker of the Universe loves me so much!
Debbie McDaniel says
Love this story Sue, thank you for sharing those words…so very powerful. He cares that much, to meet us right where we are, in a minivan in the middle of a park, having a mommy melt down. I know many of us relate! “I will take care of you…” His daily reminder that He whispers deep into our souls. Grateful.
Sue says
Not sure how that email address ended up in above post. Is there any way to edit?
Jessica @ My Life in Harmony says
Thank you so much for sharing what so many of us feel! It IS hard and wonderful and humbling and phenomenal and terrifying all at once 🙂 I have a one year old daughter and own a business. I love my profession but stepped away from the business when I got pregnant to be a full-time mom. It’s what I have always wanted and wouldn’t trade it, but recently I’ve found myself thinking that I am not doing God’s will for my life because I don’t feel that day to day interaction with clients. I don’t SEE the lives I’m changing. He very gently reminds me that I AM doing exactly what He wants me to be doing right now. I am changing lives. He has not forgotten me in this season of early motherhood – He has me exactly where He wants me. I am EXACTLY where HE needs me, which is present in my family. Work was important for that season of my life, and this is important now. It’s a constant learning process, and your words are so encouraging. Thank you!
Debbie McDaniel says
Thank you so much Jessica for your kind words and for sharing your story. He’s so good to show us exactly where we need to be at each stage and season of the journey, enjoy this day with your sweet baby girl! You are so right, He has not forgotten you in your season of early motherhood, He never will, no matter what stage, I know He’s shining on you today, smiling over you…grace. 🙂 Zephaniah 3:17
Jodi Michaelides says
I just love that Bible verse. I made it my signature, guiding verse for the year. God laid it on my heart.
Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Debbie McDaniel says
That’s awesome Jodi! I love this verse so very much too..blessings and rest to you today.
Tracey C. says
I love this! When all is said and done, it doesn’t matter what the house looked like or if the laundry was folded. I struggle with this and find myself panicking as my oldest will be graduating from high school next year. I hope I spent enough time with him doing the “fun stuff” and not just nagging him to put his clean laundry away!
Debbie McDaniel says
Tracey, I love your heart & think many of us moms might relate to your thoughts! Huge grace to you and I’m praying that this next year ahead would be FULL of amazing, memorable, God-breathed moments with your son. Blessings friend, this is an exciting year for you and your family. 🙂
Donnalee says
What a promise we have who come and stand in His presence. Thank you Debbie love your post
Regina smith says
Debbie…this blessed me so much. LOVE you to LIFE! I learned to forgive my mom for things…. when I realized that no matter how much better of a parent I THINK I am…Ultimately my sons will need to forgive ME for parental errors. ha!! Guess who IS NOT perfect.? I started 2014 off with a bang! This is FIX ME FIRST year . My NEW Words to live by…
“When you tell your children the right things to do. LOOK IN THE MIRROR & TELL YOU!!
Thank you God !! Clarity,conformation and your beautiful vessel Debbie.