This last week we had our first incident of an accidental, inappropriate Internet click with one of our girls.
Accidental, but then, of course, as all humankind is, she was curious.
I was in my bathroom getting ready to leave to go somewhere when she walked around the corner and, with eyes down, confessed what had happened.
“I’m so sorry, Mama.”
“Baby,” I told her, “it’s okay.” My heart was sad, at first, but I knew that this kind of thing is inevitable in 2014.
And as we sat down on the floor of my bathroom and she was embarrassed and cried a little and I cried a little, I realized the mistake had opened a door.
We had already talked all about all the important things you talk about at this age, about sex and purity and marriage and what God has designed for all of us. We have talked about the Internet (Oh, how we’ve talked about the Internet) and about why we don’t go places on the Internet alone (It’s like walking through a war zone without any armor, in a sense.).
But still, we make mistakes. We accidentally click and then it’s a little too late for innocence.
This misstep, however, opened a deeper conversation for us, mother and daughter. We talked leaning up against the shower and the door, and then we talked again out in the yard. We held hands and I held her. And I prayed for the cleansing of her little mind and then we talked about what new boundaries we would place going forward.
Do I wish she hadn’t made the mistake? Naturally.
But there is always beauty from ashes and beauty from the dust.
Such rich conversation came from this accident. Such deep heart and spirit passing through between my daughter and myself. And this day, this was a day that I’m pinning to our hearts as perhaps a moving toward adulthood for her, but also a day that has breathed a little more life into each of us.
And we all do this.
Maybe we don’t make this exact mistake, but we fail and we fall. We shouldn’t do so on purpose to exhaust His grace, but we all make bad choices and decisions once in awhile. When we do, can we see the beauty in the dust? Can we look for that? Or do we hate our mistakes so much that the beauty that He is longing to show us in the ashes is lost?
He is longing to show us the beauty.
It’s so easy to loathe ourselves. We pile hatred onto our fragile souls. We fail and make mistakes and we hate what we’ve done. Even failures can open doors but sometimes we are too blind to notice.
My daughter and I? We will keep talking and we will keep seeking Jesus together and we will keep the boundaries close and the conversation open. We will find the gems in what was meant for wrong.
What is He longing to show us? That even in our sins, even in our mistakes and misjudgments, He is still there. He is always there. And He is close and good and He hasn’t changed. He is brushing His fingers in the dirty ashes, trying to show us the beauty there.
{Flower photo by Wesley Alcoforado}
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Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says
Sarah,
What a beautiful relationship you have carved out with your daughter. The fact that she felt comfortable confessing her mistake to you shows that you are modeling Christ to her. I encourage you to keep the dialogue open. And, how true, we are so quick to heap condemnation on ourselves and on others for their mistakes, when, if we would sit a moment with our eyes open and our mouth shut, God will show us how He can bring beauty from those very ashes. Loved this post this morning…
Blessings,
Bev
Sarah Markley says
thank you so much Bev!!! =)
Cherise Castille says
This is such a rich post! I love that you had this talk with your precious daughter–it reminded me of similar talks I had with my mom as a teen. I also love how you apply it to the guilt and accusation that the enemy tries to saddle us with after every fall, even thought all past, present and future sins are covered in Jesus if we are his. One wise thing I am so thankful my mom told me during my self-loathing of that time is this: the Godly sorrow of conviction brings us closer to Jesus for healing, but there is a different kind of sorrow that is only condemnation and should have no place in the life of a believer.
Sarah Markley says
yes, this is so true!! thank you so much for your comment!! =)
Southern Gal says
Of all the things I’ve read that you’ve ever written, this one has touched me more deeply than all the others. Through the piling on of hatred, guilt and shame I tend to forget the big picture, God’s plan for me in all the falls and scrapes. Thank you for reminding me again that He’s working in it. No matter what it is, He’s working.
Sarah Markley says
oh wow!! thank you so much. What a great comment in my inbox on a Saturday morning. and yes, He is working =)
Danelle says
“. . . . Brushing His fingers in the dirty ashes, trying to show us the beauty there.”
Thankful that He tries to show me. I can feel covered in ashes and He whispers the beauty there in so many ways. So that I *see*. And these words really were a vessel to me…thank you!
Sarah Markley says
i love it danelle. thank you!
Laura says
As the mom of two daughters your words resonate with me on several levels. It’s so easy for me to give them grace, especially in a situation such as this. And we breathe and grow and we talk. But how often do I see Jesus through my own mistakes. I don’t look to the cross…I hide from it, buried in my unworthiness and shame. And I forget that there is beauty in the middle of my ashes and He wants to scoop it all up and remind me that He’s working it for good.
His fingers in my dirty ashes. What a great, good God!
Sarah Markley says
yes, what a good God. =) thank you Laura!
Marty says
“But there is always beauty from ashes and beauty from the dust.”
Sin, confession, repentance, forgiveness, restoration…what a perfect picture of how our lives should look like with Christ. We sin, confess and repent…and HE forgives and restores.
Thank you for this reminder today. 🙂
Sarah Markley says
yes He does. thank you Marty =)
Sarita says
YES!
Sarah Markley says
=)
Michele says
What a wonderful share in today’s internet and social media world. Am sharing with my daughter for my 4 yo granddaughter. Thank you and blessings to you!
Sarah Markley says
thank you so much Michele!
Cynthia McGarity says
Love this Sarah. As someone with a daughter moving out of the house in 21 DAYS (AAAHHHHHH!!!!), I sometimes question how I’ve prepared her to go out and on in her life, embarking on the time when she begins making her own decisions. Thank you for this grace…and the reassurance that all of the conversations and questions and tears and love we’ve shared over the years have opened the door to a united heart. Beautiful…
Sarah Markley says
OH!! grace to you during this transition!! =)
Kathy @ In Quiet Places says
I think you painted/wrote a beautiful picture of God’s mercy that He so bountifully extends to us through our failings, yet in the ashes His mercy is new every day…
Sarah Markley says
yes it is. thank you!
Kim says
I’m so guilty of hating the mistakes, but God’s been using this year to teach me to find beauty in ashes. Right now He’s walking me through the names He has for us and letting them sink in – that I’m loved, blessed, and chosen.
My husband and I don’t have children yet (we’re late bloomers) but I still hold on to hope. I have no idea how I’ll traverse all of this technology stuff with them and honestly my inclination is to shelter them from the ugly of the world, but I know we won’t really be able to do that and they will be stronger for us teaching them how to stand firm in this world instead.
Sarah Markley says
i love that kim. he’s been teaching me that this year as well. thank you!
Debra says
Thank you, Sarah for reminding me there IS beauty among the ashes. There was a time when I really knew this, lived it and accepted God’s marvelous grace. This past year has been difficult for me, to receive and believe that “my” misgivings really have a lesson, leading me to see God’s beautiful love among the dreadful ashes. Perhaps it a transitioning thing for me – the time and space of circumstances which God has ordained. In a holding pattern, thanking God for your heart today. Blessings
Margaret Berardinelli says
Wow! Awesome. Thank You, Sarah. I Loved this entire post…
But this one line brought me to my knees (metaphorically-speaking), because it is exactly how I have lived out my life (time for a mind-makeover):
“Or do we hate our mistakes so much that the beauty that He is longing to show us in the ashes is lost?”
Melissa Camara Wilkins says
Oh Sarah, yes, beauty from ashes. I have the hardest time remembering this with my own mistakes — I keep turning them over and over in my mind, wishing things did not turn to ash in my hands. Planning how to “do better” next time, even though I know God never demands a try-harder faith from me.
With my kids, it’s so much easier to point out that this is what happens, ashes to ashes, but God will bring beauty from our mess every single time. With myself, not so easy. 😉
Lovely reminder this morning.
Polly says
very nice post..truthfully written and well said..thankyou..have children too and work so hard every day on every situation to teach them to run to the Lord first..no guilt or condemnation just love and learning and growing in God.
Dawn Yost says
Thank you for sharing this. I have been struggling a lot lately in my marriage and I can’t help wondering if it’s because I married an unsaved man. He accepted the Lord as his Savior just a year later, but he was never “discipled” shown how to be a spiritual leader, or even a Christian husband and father. We have gone to church faithfully since we’ve been married. But it’s a struggle. I feel he is holding me back from what I want to do in my Christian walk…. but this has helped me realize God can and will still use me, I need to keep pushing through and follow His voice.
Sarah says
As a mama to two young girls, I am gleaning much from what you say here. Thank you for setting such a beautiful example to those who follow in your steps. Love, honesty, and welcome feelings in your home. Beautiful!
Jennifer says
This is beautiful! Thank you!
Sherry says
It seems you knew exactly what my family is dealing with! Our family needs prayer for many things but specifically for our 19 year old daughter. We are a military family living overseas and are to return stateside in 3 months time. Our daughter has very recently started a serious (intimate) relationship with a young airman here. My heart grieves her decisions as she plans to stay here to be with him. Please pray for my daughter! She is Royalty!
Angie says
I have felt this way many times as a Christian. We should abstain and refrain from sin as much as possible. However, we are sinful creatures and we will sin everyday. This is a beautiful point of moving forward. We shouldn’t stay locked in our mistakes. We should use them as material for experience. We need to leave our burdens at the feet of Jesus. Thank you so much for writing this. It came at a time when I really needed it. God Bless You!
Carolyn says
A beautiful moment of grace- vividly showing how what man means for our harm worked for good for those who love The Lord . Bless you mumma for thinking and acting with discernment as a Godly woman- rather than reacting as a panicked mummy!! I pray for that same wisdom.
Tonight your wires taught me to be a better mumma and helped my heart too- especially “That even in our sins, even in our mistakes and misjudgments, He is still there. He is always there. And He is close and good and He hasn’t changed.”
I spoke foolishly @ work and can’t take it back and have been feeling condemned – thank you for your reminder even in my sin, my mistake- He is still there.
Carolyn says
*wires = words!! Arghh autocorrect 😉
Ginger Harrington says
What a powerful lesson to share. How amazing that God can redeem even our mistakes. Thanks for sharing this.
Donna Marie Biggerstaff says
Oh the sweet blessing in the gift of a wonderful relationship with our Lord and with our daughters, what a fantastic read and one which made me mindful of the blessings found in the beauty of the ashes ~ THANK YOU!
Sandy says
Grateful for God’s mercy than even when we fall we can be confident in His love for us and His mercy and grace…. lovely reminder of His great love. Thank you for sharing your wonderful grace filled moment/conversation with your daughter….. I am praying for grace for my teenage son these are trying times for our children with so much coming at them from many different sources but God is greater!
Ann Graham says
As one who hates making mistakes this post is such an encouragement. Thank you.
Beth Williams says
Sarah,
Your daughters are very lucky to have you for a mother! That she felt comfortable telling you the mistake knowing that you wouldn’t condemn her but talk about stuff and work it out.
This is truly a moving post! I have made many mistakes in my life and continue to do so. I am so happy that Jesus doesn’t condemn us for little or big mistakes. He forgives and extends mercy–just as you did!
Blessings 🙂
Suzie Lind says
I love the way you mother those girls. xoxo