Being in debt is a lot like being in the dark. You grope around, reaching and praying for a way out. You can’t quite seem to find anything stable to grab onto and steady your feet. You don’t know if anyone else is out there struggling in the ways you are . . .
not knowing if you have enough money to make it to the end of the month.
consumed with guilt from financial mistakes of the past.
fearful someone else will find out.
You feel hopeless and alone and stuck . . . in the dark.
I struggled for years, knowing we were in way over our heads. I sat in the silence of empty church pews, begging for a word of hope. I wished away our mess, all $127K of it. I felt defeated, realizing I should have better managed our money. We weren’t stupid people. How in the world did we end up in this place?
We should have known better. Shame and guilt like to play in the dark. They tackle our souls and leave us lifeless on the ground, exhausted with an inability to move on.
Certainly the darkness fears the light. How quickly the darkness flees from the presence of light! Light strips darkness of its power. Bringing our embarrassing failings into the light is an incredibly vulnerable and potentially painful act, and yet it was the way we found peace and a way out.
Our decision to dive into the journey of paying off our debt was perhaps the second craziest thing we’ve ever done. Dragging our darkness out into the light and sharing it online through my blog was hands down the craziest. It amped the fear to a whole new level.
What would people think? Would they be disappointed? Shocked? Would they laugh? Take delight in our poor choices?
Surprisingly, if there was judgment or dismay, I never caught wind of it. Instead, I quickly began to hear the voices of others who disclosed a common fight. With their whispers of “me too,” we gained strength in our battle against debt. The light brought with it an amazing community who cheered when we succeeded, encouraged when we faltered, and perhaps gained something from our story too.
Our souls, flooded with the light of Jesus, realized there was true Hope and a way to true Freedom. We were far from alone. Gradually, we were becoming unstuck. The Light revealed we had wasted much time looking inward when we could have been spurring others forward toward Freedom. They had also been deceived by the dark into thinking they were alone.
Four years later we stood on the other side of the darkness. The debt – all $127,482.30 of it – was gone. We marveled in the feat (that we believed would take us well over a decade) being accomplished in such rapid time. It turns out God is much better at math than we ever were. Simple obedience over time yielded a great reward.
The darkness once convinced me that the journey to freedom would be bleak and joyless. The darkness is a liar. Our days, while marked by sacrifice, were far from miserable. The Light had unearthed simple pleasures and the meaningful stuff of life that the darkness cloaks with jealousy, envy, and deceit.
I would be a fool to convince myself that the darkness no longer has any power over me. Daily, I still pray to be delivered from debt – from my own desires to buy more, have more, or live beyond my means.
Have you found yourself in a place of darkness? Perhaps depression fills your days or your heart deeply grieves a lost child. The divorce, the diagnosis, the deep division in your family – darkness takes on all sorts of forms. No matter how the darkness has slowly crept into your soul, friends, there is always Hope. And that hope multiplies when you expose the darkness to the Light.
I am not alone. You are not alone. Cast out the darkness and share your story. Walk in the Light as He is in the Light.
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5 ESV
Leave a Comment
Sarah says
The Lord, my God lights up my darkness. Psalm 18:28
Darkness is real and personal, but so is the Light.
Amen to your words, Cherie.
Keep shining.
Cherie Lowe says
Thank you, sweet friend! You are so astute in proclaiming the personal nature of both the darkness and the light. He is a Light unto our path in even the darkest of days.
Katie says
Love this post! That’s the same verse I used in my post about there seeming to be no light at the end of the tunnel! It’s a powerful verse for sure. =)
Cherie Lowe says
I’m always clinging to the light, even when it seems just a trickle. <3 Thanks for your kind words!
Joanne says
Cheri
Amen and amen.
What a truly encouraging post! I can say I wish I had this when I was struggling in debt and experiencing every thing you have described in your post. Your described it so well. I’m learning a lot about darkness. I did not know what I faced back then was darkness. All I knew is that it consumed me that I thought I would die. I kept calling upon God the best I knew then. He has taken me to another level with my relationship with Him. I’m loving it. All praise to Almighty God!
Thank you Cheri for putting your story out and congratulations on overcoming darkness. It is true…with God all things are possible and we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength.
Let us trust in the Lord at all times!
Cherie Lowe says
Thank you for your sweet encouraging words Joanne! Keep spreading that light and help others find a way out. <3
Arden Elizabeth says
Today I’m meeting with a financial planner at my church to tackle this very issue. I’ve finally admitted to a precious circle of friends my failings and have them praying around me. I echo every single thing you said. I also want to say, that I’ve told myself for years being single is my debt issue… no helps… it’s all me. I refuse to believe that anymore. This is sin and sin must be stopped!
Cherie Lowe says
WOW girl, you are well on your way to financial and spiritual health. What a brave statement to make and speak into the light. Get after it, friend. You can do this with His help.
Heidi says
I love this post. Thank you for writing it, and thank you even more for living it. I’m not sure why your words got to me so well this morning, but I’m crying reading this…”the darkness is a liar.” Even smart people, even godly people, even all of us…I have bought into those lies, too. Bless this truth, the darkness is a liar.
Cherie Lowe says
The darkness *is* a liar, wanting us to buy into the deception and ignore our own need for Truth. Let’s kick it out of our houses together through the community of Jesus. <3 Wash your face, dry those tears, soak in the Light of the day.
Dee says
Oh Cherie,
You are practicing bravery! Well done good and faithful servant! Our 32 year old son has come to live with us because he cannot wrap his hands around ever getting out of the debt he got himself into . He is so amassed in this darkness that it paralyzes him to get a job because he wants the debt to be gone in one big sum of money. To be able to pay it off little by little is too much for him to imagine. Please pray for a breakthrough such as you had! We are supporting him now as folks in our 60’s and this means taking monies from our retirement! We simply cannot continue this even though he is our son. Thank you for being so honest. God Bless you dear sister.
Cherie Lowe says
You are such a brave mama, Dee! I know it’s so difficult to see a child suffer and want to make it just all go away. I will certainly pray for your son but also for you as you guide him on a path that will truly lead to freedom. While there were days I prayed for all of it to just poof disappear and give God the glory for a miraculous escape, I am so thankful that wasn’t the plan. Because it took years to overcome, it helped our wounds heal but our scars remained so that we are not tempted to embark back down the same path again. Praying our story (and maybe the forthcoming book) might give your son a glimpse of what it’s like to battle debt and through God’s grace win. Keep fighting the good fight!
Jenni DeWitt says
It’s amazing how the darkness looses power when we bring it into the light. Thanks for your words!
Cherie Lowe says
It’s crazy and counterintuitive but you’re right, oh so powerful. 🙂 Thanks for your kindness.
Holley Gerth says
Wonderful to see you and your words here, friend! XO
Cherie Lowe says
This is a very, very good place to hang out. I was super excited and delighted to be able to guest post here.
Cathy says
I quit my job in March, hoping to find a full-time job with medical benefits. I struggled for years living pay check to paycheck. I was a single mom, raised 3 children and realized that I was really on my own now since they are older, I felt it was time to get a decent paying full-time job and stop struggling, those days should be over, it was time to move ahead, so I took a chance hoping for the better. What a mistake! I cannot find a job, I went on quite a few interviews, didn’t get hired, I put hundreds of resumes on-line, they don’t even reply. I am now in a deep depression, I am embarrassed, ashamed and broke. I am having a hard time trying to get myself together to look anymore. I’m afraid that I will loose my house that I struggled so hard for the last 22 years to keep. I made a big mistake and need help. I really need some prayers. I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason, I pray that this won’t last much longer.
Lee says
I know the Good Lord brought me to this blog today. I knew nothing of its existence. I know the pain and fear of all that everyone has written. Mine takes a different twist in that my husband knows nothing of our debt. It is my first thought every morning and last thought every night. He is so caring and loves me dearly. He has cared for me threw breast cancer and heart bypass surgery. I feel so guilty. He does not deserve this. I am drowning. I have never told this to anyone but God. Please, please, please pray for me. I too fear losing our home of 40 years. I am unable to even sort thru it all as I am consumed with my past foolishness and selfishness. Thank you for listening.