No one can make us feel quite as unsure about ourselves as another woman. And nothing can wound as much as the words that sometimes come from a friend or from inside our own head. That’s why (in)courage exists as an online community committed to making safe spaces for women to connect. Each Wednesday this month we’ve shared some of our stories of overcoming insecurity in order to choose friendship on purpose. We hope you’ve enjoyed reading along and joining us in our weekly Community Challenge geared toward kicking insecurity to the curb and connecting more deeply with our friends.
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Week 4: It’s Risky, But Do It Anyway
I’m an introvert. If I had my way, I would hide away in the safety of my house (all cozy and safe by the fire, coffee in hand). I prefer to surround myself with people I trust will only laugh with me, not at me or behind my back. But in spite of my preference to stay in the safety of my little nest, God keeps drawing me out into the risky world of connection and vulnerability.
I was bullied and taunted by mean girls in fifth and sixth grade. My best friend moved away, and I was left behind. I was a vulnerable target — a quiet girl without a strong friendship group around me.
I know in my heart that their own low self-worth, or perhaps even issues of jealousy, must have contributed to the girls’ behavior towards me. I tried to remember to offer them grace and forgiveness rather than holding bitterness, even though I don’t remember any apologies (other than perhaps through their parents once I broke down and my mom had to confront them).
I was already terrified of public attention and public speaking or anything that directed attention to me in any way, so having girls follow me home from school mocking me every step of the way was my worst fear realized.
The bullying stopped after sixth grade (gratefully) and I was (happily) finally left alone. I certainly didn’t want a repeat of that experience, so more than ever I felt it was best just to stay in the safety of the shadows as much as possible, lest any unwanted attention was drawn to myself in any way.
My story sounds pathetic and heartbreaking, so I almost didn’t share it. I mean, it would be way less frightening and more self-serving to offer the illusion that I’m one of the popular girls people follow because I’m so awesome or that I never fear or feel rejection, rather than to admit I’ve been followed by girls who simply wanted to mock me. Right? I mean, honestly, how uncool is that?
It was a hard time, yes, but I think God had more redeeming lessons for me to learn from the experience, than to take away the idea that I’m unworthy to serve because of how others saw me.
Somehow that season in my life gave me an unexplainable sense of confidence (amidst the fear) that God is with me and beside me, cheering me on, even in my weakness and even if the world is not with me. Feeling that sense of being weak, or different and rejected, yet pressing through it to reach out to a hurting world is part of being a follower of Christ.
God doesn’t call us to fit in, be popular, or be accepted by the world around us. While it’s wonderful to feel that sense of connection and love when it’s offered in return, we are called to be set apart and even glaringly different. Even when we experience being mocked or gossiped about or hurt by community, He asks us to remember who we are and why we are here, to press through that fear to love people anyway.
The vulnerability of putting ourselves out there to share life, connect, and be in relationship with others, in spite of our weakness or painful experiences, is a part of the risk we take as a Christ follower to care about and impact the world.
That risk to love others can be like asking for a giant spotlight to be pointed squarely at our insecurity and vulnerabilities, inviting the world to snicker at us or trip us up so we’ll make a fool of ourselves.
While the honest truth is I would like to just nestle quietly into my home (alone with my family) for a long winter’s nap, in being a willing follower of Christ I’ve offered myself up to serve Him in the world in whatever He asks of me. He already knows me, He knows the risk. But He still asks me to get up and out the door to show His love.
He reminds me every day to open that door (or open that computer) to invite others in to my home (being a home decor blogger is risky, and yet I know I’m called to do it anyway). He offers me that opportunity to be vulnerable and connect with the world (writing books to connect with others is horrifyingly scary at times, yet I know I’m called in this season to do it anyway). He nudges me to offer time to serve my church (even if no one else shows up to thank me or join me!). He asks me to reach out to others in friendship or even for help (even if they don’t offer kindness or encouragement in return.)
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It is hard to press through insecurities and discouragement to head out in search of community. But we are called to do it anyway. To be a fully devoted follower of Christ, we have to be willing to surrender the preoccupation with our needs, our weakness, our agenda, and our own insecurities so we can remember our purpose to show love to the world and rest in our identity found in Christ.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
(2 Corinthians 12:9)
This week let’s come together and ask ourselves the following questions as we wrap up this mini-series on facing our insecurities:
- What if you surrendered that insecurity to God this week and offered yourself fully to His service?
- What might He ask you to do? What unexpected adventures might He send you on? Will you willingly follow Him, even if it is risky?
- Who is God calling you to love and why might you be the one He has chosen for the mission?
Our weakness is the very thing God wants to use to show His love in powerful ways to someone else. It’s risky to be vulnerable, but do it anyway!
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Missed some of the other posts in this series? You can find them here!
Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says
Melissa,
I really like the part where you say that in order to be a fully devoted follower of Christ, we have to be willing to surrender our preoccupation with our needs, our weakness, our agenda, and our own insecurities…that’s step one if we want to be able to love and serve others. Finding our identity in Christ is the key. I know I get so caught up in feeling unqualified, inept, etc. that I make excuses for not getting out there and serving, loving others and building God’s kingdom. Thanks for the swift, gentle, kick in the rear end that I needed this morning!
Blessings,
Bev
melissa @ the inspired room says
You are welcome, Bev. I’m glad it was a help, it was to me too! 🙂 It is easy to make excuses, isn’t it?
Blessings to you!
Zee says
Ok Ms. Melissa your blog eat at me. Not in a weird or uncomfortable feeling but it confirmed what I need to do as a woman of Christ and sisterhood in Christ. I’m also an introvert, I love being to myself (listening to Afrobeat and old jazz, with my Samsung notebook in hand, and my thoughts) with no problem!! But there is a woman I thought would be a great asset in my life. When we first met, I was thrown off by her because she was not shy or hesitant to pronoun she wanted to ‘get to know me’. Fast forward, we would chat, text each other (more me than her), talk out our children, and have deep conversations, and hangout…I thought she was cool. But then, my feelings changed and I smelled jealous from her and I became confused…then mad. Why??? I deleted her number from my phone and cut back on communication and visits. I reached to other women (I trust) and they suggested I not stay away but know we are in two different places. I took what was said….and prayed about it. I still cut back on our talks/visits but my prayer increased and gotten serious about her. Now, I think about her and it makes me uncomfortable. But your blog blessed me….. because I’m not alone being put under fire to be friends with other women who are nasty!!! I guess…(like Jesus), they need us because its something in us they need. Deliverance! Healing! Proverbs 31 model! Or whatever it is they need us. Thank you for your humility, I know you wasn’t easy being as Paul says…weakness. But know your ability to be weak gave me strength and confidence to do this friendship thing with her again.
By the way…I write blogs too if you ever like to read one. Let me know.
BrownGirl Just Wants to Write!!
Zee
Ruth Rouchard says
So this spoke volumes to my heart today. I needed every word. Thank you.
Courtney says
Such a perfect way to wrap up this series. Your words have simply been confirmation of what God and I have been discussing these past few weeks. How awesome is our God?
melissa @ the inspired room says
That is AWESOME. Glad to hear it!
Kathy Morrissy says
You beautifully put words to what was in my heart and nudged me forward. Thank you.
Michelle V says
What a wonderful post! I can relate to so much of it. The bullying and teasing didn’t stop for me. It lasted all the way through school. And I have not yet beaten my fear of putting myself out there. I know it’s an act of faith. I know it in my head, but can’t seem to make my feet go. Thank you for such a lovely word of encouragement this morning!
melissa @ the inspired room says
It is hard, but you know? I think once the feet GO it gets a little more comfortable with each step. Take care! Thanks for your encouraging comment!
Tristi says
I so relate to this: “That risk to love others can be like asking for a giant spotlight to be pointed squarely at our insecurity and vulnerabilities, inviting the world to snicker at us or trip us up so we’ll make a fool of ourselves.” I identified a few years ago, that while I’m not a risk-taker, this is the one area where I risk it big: for relationships… and it’s not easy… but it’s what I’m called to do. Thank God for always being my shelter.
Veronica says
Melissa, thank you for the courage to tell others this part of your story. So appreciated and a gentle reminder of God’s unfailing love. God is with us, even when the world is not. He is always kind and gracious. Thank you kind Sister for the reminder.
Jenny says
Melissa…This was so powerful! Thank you!
To be a fully devoted follower of Christ, we have to be willing to surrender the preoccupation with our needs, our weakness, our agenda, and our own insecurities so we can remember our purpose to show love to the world and rest in our identity found in Christ.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
(2 Corinthians 12:9)
THIS IS MY PRAYER!
God bless you and your willingness to be transparent.
Jenny
melissa @ the inspired room says
AMEN! And thanks for your kind comment! 🙂
Tina says
Thank you for having the courage to be vulnerable and write this story. This is exactly how I feel, and is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I too am an Introvert. I too was bullied as a child and keep crossing paths with people who feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better. While I know there’s a reason for this, and a lesson to be learned, it can be so exhausting and hurtful. So thank you for this – I will keep pushing myself and putting myself out there 🙂
Trudy says
Melissa, I’m so sorry you were bullied as a child, but so grateful that God taught you redeeming lessons because of it. I’m glad you shared your story. It makes those of us who were also bullied feel less alone and also find hope in your redeeming story through it all. This was especially encouraging to me – “Our weakness is the very thing God wants to use to show His love in powerful ways to someone else. It’s risky to be vulnerable, but do it anyway!”
April says
Thank you for sharing your story. The Spirit spoke to my heart throughout this post. I kept reading the line, “Feeling that sense of being weak, or different and rejected, yet pressing through it to reach out to a hurting world is part of being a follower of Christ.” Wow. I just really needed this encouragement. I love that the Lord uses the writers of incourage as tools to encourage His followers, and speak through them. Thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable my fellow introvert!
melissa @ the inspired room says
#introvertsunite 🙂
Deena says
Wow, that was my childhood experience in 5th and 6th grade, down to the friend moving away and Mom intervention.
I’m in a transition period, a new job interview tomorrow in a different field. A giant leap of faith. Thank you.
ditto to April.
Kath says
Thanks you so much for your message of courage to face our fears. I have been struggling with what God wants me to do with my life, and your message hit home. I have also been afraid to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to others. I realize how important it is to focus on what God thinks of me, and not what others think of me. I appreciate your candidness as well. Thank you!
Ceil says
Hi Melissa! I have just been thinking about what things in my past have too much of a hold on me. Being picked on in grade school made it pretty high on that list.
I think many people have been through an experience like this, it seems there are less ‘mean girls’ and more ‘picked on girls’. The fact that it made you so strong is so wonderful, and I rejoice in your being able to move forward and encourage others. I hope to do the same. But first, I have to make peace with those experiences, and see them as part of the reason that I feel compelled to make others comfortable. I’m sure it was part of my becoming a nurse.
These damaging times can be cobbled together to make one strong, effective person for God. I think you are there already! I hope to be soon.
Blessings,
Ceil
melissa @ the inspired room says
I love that God used your experience to make you who you are, even as you still feel like you are making peace with those experiences (as I’m sure we all are, all in process!) He has made you a caring person who is using her life to make others comfortable as a nurse. I love that. Blessings!
Tanya says
This spoke straight to my heart from God through you with perfect timing! Thank you, I don’t feel so alone now.
melissa @ the inspired room says
Take care Tanya, I’m glad you are here. You are not alone!
Brooke Burger says
God called me to love a group of performers. I became a part of the group, a performer, to do so. Me with the fear of rejection, me who had been told by someone I cared for that I can’t act. I am performing before thousands of people by the end of the fair. And I get to work hard to let others now I care about them, to encourage them when they are down. God is so good, and He has such a since of humor.
Jen says
This is so wonderful. Thank you for the reminder to step out when I would much rather stay in where I feel safe. That’s not what we were made for. I just needed a reminder 🙂 Blessings and prayers for you all.
Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg says
Hi there. I felt as if I were reading about my own past…bullied for most of the 7th grade and so much an introvert through high school and beyond. I have changed, and it’s because the Lord pushed me, over and over again, to step out of my comfort zone. I love your blog and your decorating ideas. I think as Christian women it is important to make our homes beautiful (God loves beauty), creative (God is THE creator), and hospitable (we are evangelizers and our homes are the safest place to reach out to others). I loved this post!
Kristen says
Thank you. This post was a blessing. 🙂
Beth Williams says
Melissa
I grew up with busted tympanic membranes (punctured ear drums). I couldn’t hear good and did not speak much. I was shy and had few friends.
My biggest fear was getting in front of people and doing solos or public speaking. It still scares me some. My first “solo” speaking part was in a church musical. It was super hard for me. Then I had to take public speaking in college. That meant getting in front of the class for 5 or so speeches. Over the years God has helped me over come that fear a bit. Now I get in front of my church and do sign language to music.
We must ask God to help us with our fears. Through Him we can become overcomers and do great work for His kingdom!
Blessings :_)
Kim Fitzsimons says
I can definitely identify with the bullying, name-calling, and being made fun of. It is not fun, but God uses it to toughen us and make us look to Him instead of depending on people. People have hurt me, disappointed me, gossiped about me, and even my own husband has done things to hurt me, but God has helped me learn not to depend on people, but give all my expectations to Him. He has NEVER let me down, disappointed me, or humiliated me ever. He is my best friend!!! Even though it would be nice to have a godly, best friend (lady) with “skin on” here on earth, I know God knows what is best for me and will give me one when or if I ever need one. Thanks for these devotionals!!! They are so encouraging!!!!!! <3