It seems like no matter what we do around here, we can’t get away from celebrating friendship in April! As we’re all praying about and planning our own Girlfriend Gatherings on the 25th (you can read more about those here), we wanted to share this post with you again. Originally from Lisa Leonard last year, we thought it might encourage and inspire you today — because adult friendships can be hard, but we’re in this together!
You can find the image in this post, and the rest of the “10 Tip to be the Friend You Wish You Had” images to share with friends on our “Share It” page!
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I’ve been blessed with four sisters and three sisters-in-law. Each if them is awesome and unique. I also have a handful of dear friends who love me, speak truth to me, and show me kindness.
My friendships have changed, though, as I’ve gotten older and as I’ve entered new life stages. When I was young, friendship was convenient. I played with the kids at school or the kids in the neighborhood. I didn’t need to coordinate or plan friendship, it just happened. In college, I started to nurture deeper friendships. In marriage, friendships became more complicated — did our husbands get along? Then, of course, when kids entered the picture, life became even busier, and there are more personalities at play.
The truth is, I work quite a bit, I have kids {one with special needs}, and it takes time to make dinners, do the dishes, and wash the clothes. On an average day, I’m probably overwhelmed. Friendships, although important to me, often take a backseat; other things demand my attention.
I have sisters and dear friends who’ve stayed up until the early hours of the morning laughing with me, crying with me, and sharing my heartbreak. Friends who’ve hopped in the car and have driven hours just to hug me, weather conflict, and talk about the truly hard stuff. And they still continue to love me.
I don’t deserve it, but I’m grateful.
Friendships don’t come as easily as they did when I was younger. With all the busyness and reality of life, friendship during this season takes work. So I try to make time for weekly coffee dates with my local girlfriends. I chat on the phone with my twin sister almost every morning. I text my friends here and there to say I love them and I’m thinking of them. I apologize when I need to and say thank you often.
Most of all, I rely on patient friends, who are willing to pick up where we left off, and forgive me when I’m imperfect.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”
{Ecclesiastes 4:9-10}
How do you nurture friendship?
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
(in)courage (Lisa),
Friendship, like marriage, takes work. In fact any relationship, including our relationship with God, takes being intentional. I’ve learned over many years that I can’t just sit back and wait for friendship to come to me. I need to be reaching out and trying to be a good friend myself. The closer my walk has grown with God, I try to listen to His nudging and His urging. It’s that little voice that says, “You haven’t heard from so and so for awhile…you need to give her a call.” When I heed His voice and come with a servant’s heart, I find that friendships continue to bloom and grow. I hear God’s urging through your post this morning 🙂
Blessings,
Bev
Marty says
LOVE this so much! I’ve found that friendship, like all relationships, takes work. Nurturing it, growing it…has to be intentional, because life is so busy. I have 4 kids (our oldest has Down Syndrome). There have been times when I just didn’t feel like I had anything left to give. It’s in those times that I’ve found if I will MAKE myself reach out to a friend…the refreshment and blessings that follow are immeasurable.
JeanneTakenaka says
You’re so right. Friendship is intentional. It doesn’t just happen like it did when we were girls. It takes purposeful spending time together, as you’re able. Some of my friends have grown children. We started the parent journey later than most, so my kids are 12 and 10. This affects the time I have to be with others.
I’m blessed to be part of a group of friends who I call my Go Through Life friends. We’re doing life together. Celebrating birthdays, praying for each other when the hard stuff comes along. Helping with meals and childcare, as each is able. It’s a unique blessing.
It can be hard to nurture friendships because it requires time. I’m learning how to place boundaries on my time, but to make time for connecting with friends. I’m not always good at it, but I’m working to become more intentional in seeing what friends are dealing with and praying about how I can come alongside them.
Great post!
Deena Marie says
I have three sisters and unfortunately due to divorce we have had 5 husbands. (I’m the only one currently married). I know how complicated the “sister act” gets with added people. I too have a special needs child who was a lot of work as my four were growing up. Now she is independent and will be 24 on Firday. Friendships have been a rough topic for the four, but they have their own friends. Now as we are adding the son-in-laws the girls are adjusting their own “sister act “.
I am blessed with some great Christian sister of a variety of ages who cheer and support me.
I don’t know what I do with out them.♡
Sandra says
I was searching the comments for one like this. These posts are so hard for me and probably why I was drawn to this blog more recently. I have no sisters and I have girlfriends who just aren’t there. Life is insanely busy, but I’m willing to give time to friendships and sisterhood. I always seem to choose people who don’t, won’t, or can’t for whatever reason. It is hard to not think it is ME. I have awesome work relationships and feel very highly thought of, but I struggle with finding a group of “Go Through LIfe” friends. My heart literally aches when I read or say that.
Sandra says
Also, just wanted to add that the more I walk with God, the more I feel compelled to address this area of my life.
Beth Williams says
Sandra,
Prayers that God will bring you 1-2 covenant friends! May God heal your heart and calm your troubled soul!! Friendship takes a lot of work, time and effort. It also requires intentionality. Some people just want friends for what they can get out of it–not to be true friends!! Try find a small group of people at church and opening up to 1-2 of them and see how God works!!!
Blessings and Prayers 🙂
Robin says
No it is not you. Women can be very mean so our job so to speak is to not be mean back. I am going through a loss of a friend at this time…it hurts very deeply and I am so lonely but…God has a good plan for me and ending this friendship must have been his will for me. I know I am loved by Him and that is enough for now. Jesus will bring more friends into our life when the time is right. Sometimes He just wants us to focus on Him and He uses this lull of loneliness to bring us closer to Him. I wish I could see the bigger picture in all of this but for now I will pray harder and try to understand what this break up was all for. Good luck to you.
Beth Williams says
Love this post by Lisa!
Yes cultivating friendships as we age gets harder and harder. Maintaining those friendships is hard also! People change, lives get busier, people move, have children, change jobs, likes, dislikes, etc. To have friends you must first be the kind of friend you want/need. You must be intentional and call them often, send encouraging notes, etc. During this trying season of my life I truly need friends to pray for me and just be there. I do my best to “be there” for them.
Beth Williams says
Julie,
It is not YOU!!! Friendships take time and intentionality. Some people are just to busy to be bothered. Prayers for God to send 1-2 covenant friends who will help you as you go through life!
One simple suggestion would be find a small group at church and open up to 1 or 2 people. You may be surprised how God works!
Blessings and Prayers! 🙂
MyInnerBeaute says
Thanks for sharing this! I find friendships to be harder as I get older but I realize that they are the most important relationships to build as you reach adulthood. They also need to be nourished like a relationship/partnership which is what I found hard to accept at first.