“I miss Daddy. I wish he was here.” My 11-year-old daughter, LG, says this a few times a day. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
“Me, too.” I say, and we hug and breathe deep for a minute or ten and move on with our day.
And so it goes, this business of loss and grief. Sometimes it surprises me just how much I miss my husband. It shouldn’t, he was the one person on earth I promised to share my life with. And one morning, I woke up and he was gone.
On June 10, 2011, my beloved husband went to be with Jesus. Not in some tragic or dramatic way, he was sitting on the couch watching the news early that Friday morning, and his heart just stopped beating.
One minute he was here, the next he was with God.
Like LG, I often find myself breathing out, “I miss you.” Many times, it’s not even a conscious thought, only as my ears hear it do I become aware I am saying it. It feels like a groaning of my soul, a sigh from somewhere deep where love and loss reside.
The missing is like a person you meet and really don’t click with that ends up being one of your best friends years later. I never expected to make friends with this sense of loss. But, I did. It was the only way I knew to deal with the deep, bone weary sadness I felt.
I didn’t want to push memories or thoughts of my husband to the side, and at the same time, I did not want to dwell on the fact that he was gone. What formed as a habit over time, was acknowledging the longing for him in my heart. I guess my daughter learned from example and began doing the same.
I am grateful both LG and I feel the freedom to grieve and heal in this way. To let the missing become of part of us and our new normal. That we feel no need to rush past the pain or to try to “get over it.”
There is great peace in allowing the longing to become a part of us.
In some way, it connects the temporal to the eternal. Maybe one day it won’t be there, maybe it always will, I don’t know. But, I do know that with God’s help, I can miss my husband like crazy and still fully live the life God has created for me.
And even this is a part of that life. On the day their father passed away, I told my then 7- and 23-year-old daughters that we were now uniquely equipped to do something we were not just the day before. We were changed and there was purpose in it. As absurd as that sounded at the time as blood pounded in my ears, and my heart raced wildly, I knew deep in my soul it was true.
There has been beauty in the pain and profit in the process.
The missing reminds me this world is not my home and that life is precious and short. Whether I live fifty more days or fifty more years, this life will be over sooner than I think. Our relationships are all we can take with us and are all that will have any value when we are gone.
Knowing this reminds me to slow down, to live generously, to forgive often, and to love deeply.
So for now, I will embrace the longing, grateful for its presence. And daily, as I am being changed, breathe in His grace and maybe breathe out, “I miss Daddy.”
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” {Psalm 90:12}
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Related: Savor the the thoughts and feelings that come through the healing process by writing them down in these special journals.
Leave a Comment
Stacey Patrick says
This post offers freedom. Grace and freedom. Connecting temporary pains -of this life- to eternity and to staying focusing on our Savior. Thank you.
Ginger J Armstrong says
Thanks Stacey! XO
Stephanie says
Ginger, I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you and your beautiful children with strength, comfort, and faith always. Your in my prayers. Thank you for sharing. Sending love your way. Xo
Ginger J Armstrong says
Thanks Stephanie! I so appreciate your prayers! XO
Sherrie St. Hilaire says
Wow! What a treasure you have uncovered and revealed so artfully. I’m very sorry for your loss and at the same time very grateful for “…beauty in the pain and profit in the process.” May you find yourself ravaged by Grace today!
Ginger J Armstrong says
Thanks Sherrie!!! HIs grace is so lavish in my life!
I am so grateful as well… I would not choose it, but I am grateful all the same! XO
Cherie Collister says
Ginger thanks so much for sharing and writing this! You have expressed so well what I have found my experience to be.
Ginger J Armstrong says
Cherie! My lovely friend! You are such a blessing! I am blessed to give voice to those of us who grieve. Love you!!
Callie Stratton Farrar says
What beautifully written words. You are such an amazing woman who is using her emotion and process of grief to support and encourage others. I am blessed to call you friend. Love you!
Ginger J Armstrong says
Callie!! Miss you friend! Oklahoma is so blessed to have you! Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have doubted myself so much in writing and sharing my story. I have decided life is short and I am just going to do it! It is up to God where it goes! love you!
Erin Schechter Kelly says
Amazingly well said Ginger! You are a wonderful example and mother to LG. Thank you for sharing.
Ginger J Armstrong says
Thanks Erin! I appreciate your sweet words! XO
karen says
BEAUTIFUL….and Hard!!! Wise words you gifted to yourself and your daughters! Praying for you all right now!
Ginger J Armstrong says
Thanks Karen! XO
Holly says
What a beautiful way you’ve expressed life, love, and loss. Thank you for sharing this vulnerable and honest story of how you have dealt with the loss of your husband, dear friend.
Ginger J Armstrong says
Holly! Thank you sweet friend! There is so much I haven’t shared. I hope that in sharing these things, it will people can find a way forward and draw closer to God. XO
Marty says
Beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your heart in this post. All of us have experienced loss, but not all of us have experienced the loss of a spouse. Thank you for giving us an insight into your grieving process, and for the reminder that this world is NOT our home.
Ginger J Armstrong says
You are most welcome Marty! I don’t know about you, but I need regular reminders that this is not our home. Loss of any kind is hard. I pray our knee jerk reaction in times of grieving would be to draw close to Him. XO
Beth Williams says
Ginger,
So sorry for the loss of your beloved husband and father. It is only through God that we can get through some trials. I believe that God allows us to go through trials so we can be there and encourage others. May God give you the strength, courage and contentment to get through each day. You are an encouragement to others here and especially myself.
Blessings 🙂
Ginger J Armstrong says
Thanks Beth! Absolutely! I take to heart the verse that talks about us comforting those with the comfort we have received from THE Comforter! Our pastor often says – “God doesn’t waste pain…” Thanks for the encouragement friend! XO