“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” {Hebrews 4:16}
She wiggles her toes into the “comfiest place on earth” (between my knees) and we cozy up to each other to talk about the day.
We giggle and chat and I ask her questions. I feel a prodding in my spirit, so I ask, “Is there anything you need to tell me?”
She hesitates.
“No, Mommy.”
But I can tell there is something. So I dig gently.
“Baby, you know Mama is on your team, right? Nothing you could ever say will make me love you any less. You are safe with me.”
She looks at me with large eyes, unsure if what I’m saying is true.
“There is something, but I’m afraid to tell you.”
“Darling, I will never discipline you for confessing to me or telling me something you need to be free of. I want you to trust me. I’m here for you, okay? You can tell me.”
I can see it. Shame. She sits up, covers her face, and just keeps repeating, “I’m so scared you’re going to be mad at me.”
She’s six, and my comforting words barely break through her fear. Her unfounded fear. I am wide open to be arms of grace, but she balls up and covers her nervousness between giggles and sad eyes.
I take her hand and tell her again that I’m on her side.
She speaks into the pillow that is over her face. She tells me her secret. And then,
she cries.
And I hold her and I tell her how much I love her. I tell her that I did the same thing when I was her age, and she uncovers her face and looks at me with surprise. “You did?!” “Yep. And I didn’t like it either.”
Confession is good for the spirit because it frees us. The enemy wants to keep us locked up, but God is all about setting the captives free.
My girl and me, we smile and hold each other in grace. We pray. We kick shame out the door.
I’m her Mama, and He’s our Father, and shame is not invited into our family.
We cozy up again to giggle and chat some more.
We are unveiled, and we are free.
“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” {2 Corinthians 3:18}
Love, Sarah Mae
Feeling locked up yourself? This might help.
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Thank you for these words of encouragement. I fled God as a child because I started believing the lie that we are called to be “good” as Christians, partly because I idolized my parents, who struggled to discipline one of my outwardly rebellious but inwardly hurting siblings in love. Of course I soon discovered I couldn’t be “good”, only outwardly so and the feeling of hypocrisy I carried in me pushed me out of the church. I basically accepted I couldn’t live up to what was expected and that God was only for those I believed could live up to these expectations. I genuinely believed I was unreedemable. I lived in fear of God’s wrath every single day.
God has drawn me back in His Love, showing me that we are all undeserving, that we all fail, but that His Grace is Big enough to cover ALL our shame. I now make it a practice in my home to confess my failings before both God and my husband and children. I want my girls growing into His Love, a Love that is safe and not full of condemnation. Your words are a timely reminder of my need to use gracious words when my kids test boundaries and to keep reminding them that it is safe to confess and be freed from their guilt and shame.
Anna,
What a beautiful legacy you are building in your home by leading by example in confessing your failings. Such acts say, “Condemnation is not welcome here.” Thanks for sharing your heart…it helps mine… xx
Thank you for your encouraging words. Your words are always such a balm to my soul. I am so thankful to God for blessing you through what I shared. xx
Thank you for these beautiful words and the reminder. We’ve been trying to get daily one-on-one time with our boys right now, and it has produced such sweet fruit in our relationships, in part because we have had more margin to just be with them and listen.
Sarah Mae,
For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Why do we think that we are the only ones who sin and fall short? Oh how the enemy does a snow job of shame on us. What a beautiful story/real life example of how we can teach our children that God is a safe place…that He will accept our repentance….and set us free with His grace! Thank you for sharing and for reminding us big children of God’s that He forgives and loves us too! Together we can kick shame to the curb!!
Blessings,
Bev
Sarah, this is such a sweet story not just of your unconditional love for your precious baby, but for our Father’s unfathomable love for you both. In that moment, you were a tangible picture of God’s love for her–a love that forgives and embraces (and I daresay cozies up to us as we giggle with gladness over joy for His unbounding love). Thank you so much for writing this–and your lovely book, Longing for Paris. I’m really enjoying it. I had the pleasure of hearing you speak at Allume, and I am excited to see what God is doing through your ministry!
Blessings,
Lynn Morrissey
Sarah Mae, what a beautiful story. And I love how you are your daughter’s safe place. Creating a place where she can share without shame is giving her an amazing gift, and beautiful opportunities for relationship. You’ve got me thinking about how I can better do this with our boys. They’re older than your girl, but they still enjoy those cuddle times. I’d best take advantage while they still like me. 🙂 And I’d be be diligent about pointing them to Jesus and reminding them He is their safe place, free from shame too. Thanks for sharing this!