Last week I had strange dreams each night. I would wake up scared or sad or confused. I didn’t once wake up rested. I felt stale instead of refreshed, as if all of my enthusiasm for the day had already been sucked out of me before I even lifted the covers.
For a while I blamed the winter blues. I ate a juicy orange, practiced yoga, and even went to a Zumba class. But then — slowly, because my processing is a long, slow affair — I started to realize that it wasn’t just the end of January exhaustion I was feeling. It was the life-sucking death trap of comparison. Comparison commingled with relying on my own strength in lieu of God.
I didn’t mean to compare.
I didn’t mean to doubt God.
I just worried I wasn’t good enough, or right enough, or well, frankly, enough all around. I have practiced these feelings for so long that they have inevitably become habitual. Instead of life, I carried around stale comparison, which was heavy and tiring. I spent my days worrying about this and that, and looking online to see what others were doing. What I saw was good. People in the world are doing good, lovely work. But immediately I felt like what they were doing would be far better and lovelier than anything I might possibly do.
I sort of explained how I was feeling to my friend, and I sort of explained how I was feeling to God. God certainly knew I was feeling things much deeper and harsher than what I explained, but because He is the embodiment of Love, He sent me his love in tangible ways — through a stranger’s encouragement and text messages from friends.
“Don’t worry about anything,” my friend texted me, “instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your heart and mind as you live in Christ Jesus.” {see Philippians 4:6-7}
Peace is the opposite of comparison.
Life is the opposite of staleness.
God is the opposite of worry.
In his devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers said:
“Staleness is an indication that something in our lives is out of step with God. We say to ourselves, ‘I have to do this thing or it will never get done.’ That is the first sign of staleness. Do we feel fresh this very moment or are we stale, frantically searching our minds for something to do? Freshness is not the result of obedience; it comes from the Holy Spirit.”
We are not meant to compare or worry or produce based on our own strength. This only leaves us tired and unsatisfied, grasping for affirmation and begging to be enough.
We are meant for refreshment, a kind of restoration that can only come from the Holy Spirit. God is not limited to the walls we place around Him. He is greater than even our deepest need and larger than even our largest worry.
In Him, we are enough as He created us to be, with no need for comparison — a good and lovely piece of His work.
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Aliza,
I wrote a post this week about being under attack. In my years of living, I’ve learned that one of the sure signs I’m under attack by the enemy is that I find myself sucked into the comparison trap. The word “enough” is a red flag that the enemy is at work. He wants to engage our mind with a negative thought…get us to ponder it, roll it around in our mind, argue with it even. I try to filter these thoughts that I’m having and ask myself if they line up with what I KNOW to be God’s true nature and if not, it’s time to slam the door on those thoughts and kick the enemy to the curb. In God’s eyes we are more than enough simply and wonderfully because we are His workmanship and He calls us His own. Praying that you can recognize those thoughts for the garbage that they are. We ALL struggle…and the enemy is vicious, but God is always greater!
Blessings,
Bev xx
alizalatta says
It is time to slam the door on those thoughts — and I’m grateful for you and your prayers, Bev! xx
Nancy says
Thank you, Aliza. Thank you.
alizalatta says
So glad you were encouraged today, Nancy!
Casey says
I have an issue with comparing myself to others. A lot. “I’m nowhere near as skinny as her” and “I’m just not good enough” cross my mind quite frequently. This is something I am working on. Plain ol’ human nature tells us we’ve got to be stronger, faster, smarter, all-around better than the rest. God tells us He loves us the way we are.
alizalatta says
You’re not alone with those thoughts either, Casey, but you’re right — that’s such a human thing to do! And thankfully God is so much greater and lovelier and larger than all of that humanness.
Lisa-Jo Baker says
Aliza this preached straight to my weary soul today. A thousand thank yous!
alizalatta says
xoxoxoxo!
Jas says
Aliza what a timely post and makes clear sense to me right now. thank you!