I watched as the orangish-red liquid dripped into the tube, and eventually into my veins. I wondered how long it be until I was sick. Until my hair fell out. This is not where I thought I’d be at 35 years of age. I thought by now I would be a mom, and maybe a homeowner. But I was nowhere near that.
My husband and I had already been through so much already. A miscarriage and infertility. Drug addiction. An affair. The death of his brother to the war in Afghanistan. All of that in our first five years of marriage. The next few years were great, and by great I mean they were uneventful.
Life had finally begun to feel normal.
But in December of 2013, I went for a routine check-up with my OBGYN. At last year’s appointment she had asked me to track my ovulation. I went in hopeful as the next step was to place me on a medication to aid in ovulation. During the exam she found something. A palpable lump in my left breast. She sent me to have a mammogram, which due to dense tissue was inconclusive, so from there an ultrasound. The mass was two centimeters in size and showed some calcifications. A needle core biopsy was ordered for New Year’s Eve, and on January 3, 2014, I was diagnosed with stage II triple hormone positive invasive ductal carcinoma — an aggressive form of breast cancer.
Most of the next several weeks were a blur. Multiple doctor appointments, tests, scans, consultations, and then a surgery to remove the tumor and to place a catheter port just below my collar bone to administer the medications I would need. Our talks about the future that were once about buying a home and having children were replaced with questions that had no answers.
How did this happen? What do we do? What if?
Late one night while leafing through an old study Bible, I saw a verse I had written in the front cover.
Jesus said, “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” {John 16:33 NIV}
Although I had read it a thousand times over, the exclamation point in that verse stood out to me for the first time. Although our lives will most certainly not be easy, Jesus meant what He was saying! And He was saying it to me.
Take heart!
Over the next several months, I endured 20 chemotherapy treatments, 33 radiation treatments, 25 Herceptin infusions, and an eventual radical hysterectomy.
God granted me peace in whatever the outcome, and He gave me the courage to fight.
I had read where people would choose a “life verse” to cling to in difficult situations. I chose 1 Peter 5:10 (ESV):
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
During all of this, the support my husband and I received was overwhelming. Friends brought meals and sent money, gift cards, and greeting cards. They made quilts and prayer shawls they had spent hours sewing, knitting, and praying over.
Friends prayed with us, encouraged us, and cried with us. They were the hands and feet of Christ.
My last treatment was in April 2015 and my last surgery was in July of the same year. I am now officially cancer free.
This past fall I was able to take a Bible study and art class in one called “Out of the Darkness and Into the Light.” One of the verses we studied was 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV):
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”
It became evident. God delivered me. After I had suffered a little while, He restored, confirmed, strengthened, and established me. He had brought me out of the darkness and into the light.
He wants to deliver us all. We just have to take heart!
[linebreak]
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Ashlee,
Wow, what a testimony of God’s grace, strength, and peace working in your life. I often wonder why some people seem to suffer more than others? I do know that He calls those who have suffered, but have come out of the darkness and into the light to proclaim His faithfulness to the world, and you are doing that. Exclamation points are not often used in the Bible, so when one is, I believe God really wants us to take note…Take heart! TAKE HEART! Christ has overcome this world. In this world filled with pain and suffering, Jesus has the last word. Thank you for sharing that so bravely here this morning…
Blessings,
Bev
Ashlee White says
I have a blog post on exclamation points in the bible! So funny. Thank you for your kind words.
Joanna @ Modern Ruth Project says
Wow!! This is so powerful! Praise God that you are cancer free! When I first clicked on the post, the opening picture brought to mind a struggle that I’ve been going through – and then I quickly realized what a greater struggle that you have gone through. If God can be faithful and help you through that, He can help us through anything. Thank you for sharing!!
Ashlee White says
Indeed! Thank you for the encouragement. And please know that I’m adding you and your struggle to my prayer journal!
Joanna @ Modern Ruth Project says
Thank you!!
Penny says
Ashlee,
Thank-you for having the courage to speak of your battle and how with God’s grace you were able to overcome it.
Blessings ,
Penny
Ashlee White says
Courage isn’t tough for me as He has made me a little brazen! But I know that is all Him and none of me. Thank you for the kind words!
R. Wood says
I too was diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer in June 2015. I have my last Herceptin infusion coming next month and am amazed by God’s grace and mercy. The verse I’ve clung to throughout my journey has been Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will FIGHT for you, you need only BE STILL”. He has surrounded me with praying family, friends, and medical staff who have helped me through and celebrated every victory of this journey. To God be the glory!
Thank you Ashlee for sharing and thank you (en)courage for this timely devotion.
Krystal says
What an inspiration! I just lifted you up in prayer.
Penny says
Prayers that you will too overcome your battle.
Penny
Ashlee White says
I will be praying for your recovery and please contact me if you have any questions during that process or just want to chat with someone who knows what you’re going through. The Lord is fighting for you!
Corena Hall says
Dear sister in Jesus! He is glorified in your life. How amazing the Peace that passes all understanding He has given you. The complete surrender which He showed us on His brief sojourn on this earth is where your young life has brought you to. He will reign!
“He will not allow anything you have experienced to be lost.” “He who has started a good work in you will complete it.” These are His promises.
Thank you for confirming what He has been showing me for about a week now. The much deeper meaning of His Name “I AM!” How merciful is my Lord and Savior Jesus. Amen!
Ashlee White says
“I AM!” and He is! He is everything! Thank you for the encouragement.
JeanneTakenaka says
Ashlee, your story made me cry. So often life doesn’t turn out the way we expect or plan. When the really hard things come in, we can turn inward or focus upward. I love how God gave you verses to cling to and meditate on as you walked through your hard season. His faithfulness is truly amazing.
Years ago they found a lump on one of my ovaries. We weren’t sure if it was cancer, but in the waiting time, God gave me a passage to hold onto. I love how His word is so powerful to bring us through those times. It turned out not to be cancer, thankfully. That season taught me so much about the peace that comes from leaning on and trusting in Jesus.
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story.
Ashlee White says
Awww, I didn’t mean to make you cry! But I’m glad it spoke to you. Thank you for sharing with me.
Carey Christian says
Thank you for your bravery to share God’s story in your life! He is mighty. When we are in the darkness, it is easy to feel like the light will never return, but He is the light! Hallelujah! Thank you for this reminder!
Ashlee White says
Yes, hallelujah! Thank you for the encouragement!
Michele Morin says
So thankful for this good outcome after a story of incredible perseverance and faith!
Ashlee White says
You and me both, sister! Thank you for reading a piece of my story and for your encouraging words.
Rachel B says
Girl! You have been through it!! It makes my heart physically hurt for you & your hubby.
But as a fellow sister in Christ, let me just say that I am so proud of you. You did it! By the grace & mercy of God, you did it! You have survived so many things!! So therfore, I declare that YOU are the champion.
And if you, by the strength of God Almighty, can survive & thrive through all of this, then how much more can I?
May the devil give back everything he’s stolen from you 7 fold. May you never see another bad day. Ever.
Big Time Blessings to you,
-Rach
Ashlee White says
Goodness, Miss Rachel. You made me cry! Thank you so much for that declaration. And yes, may the devil give me what we owes me then get behind me! But it is truly amazing what we can get through when God goes before us. Thank you!
Rachel B says
I definitely will!!
And if it’s sharable, I will share it in a group I manage…
There are many who need to hear your story!!
Ashlee White says
For sure. It has a password because it’s on my church’s Vimeo page, but you can share the link to my blog’s main page. It has the video link and password. 🙂
Kathy ... aka Nana says
Oh my, this brought tears to my eyes as I am currently undergoing chemotherapy for stage IV ovarian cancer. God knew that this message is just what I needed just when I needed it. And I now have another verse to add to the lifelines to which I cling.
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
Ashlee White says
Yes, ma’am. You cling to that verse and to His beautiful truths! I just lifted you up in prayer and I will continue to do so. I’m asking the Great Physician to give you strength, courage, peace, and rest during this season you’re walking through, and that He ultimately bring you healing. Thank you for sharing a bit of you with me.
An says
Ashlee, Oh how I praise the Lord for this beautiful testimony of His loving grace in your life. , How good is our God; who binds our wounds and heals our diseases, brings god out of loss. Thank you for sharing this word of hope. I’m so grateful for it, to see His redeeming work in your lives. How blessed we are to have such a tender and loving Father. May He continue His loving work and mercies in your live and each of our lives this day and all days to come 🙂
Ashlee White says
He is a good, good Father! Thank you for the kind words.
Mary says
Ashlee, Your timetable for breast cancer, treatment, surgery was almost identical to mine. I finished Chemo in April 2015, radiation in July of that year, and through it all God has been my comfort and strength. I am older than you, in fact a widow of 10 years and work with the Pastor of my church as an administrative assistant. I love how God shows us that no matter what, we are never alone! I will take heart! and hang on to Him, thanks for the reminder!
Ashlee White says
Wow, that is almost identical. And I don’t know if you noticed in the small biography line under my post, but I am an executive assistant to our church’s lead pastor and family life pastor. I love when He brings two of His daughters with similar stories into contact. I, too, will continue to take heart!
Rebecca Jones says
Sowing that Word into any situation truly helps us overcome. Healing verses are always good to be familiar with. Peace and blessings to you, may God restore your health and marriage fully.
Ashlee White says
Thank you!
Beth Williams says
Ashlee,
I loved hearing your testimony on 05/14/16 at the Tea. It struck a chord with me! You are an amazing woman!!! God has strengthened you immensely! God is being glorified in your suffering and outcomes!!! Thank you for being willing to tell your story!!!
“God, grant me peace, whatever the outcome may be.” Yes! I question why some people suffer more than others. It hit me that he wants us to draw closer to Him and abide in Him. He also wants us to have a peace that surpasses understanding. Then He uses the trials for us to help others and tell our story. It gives Him the glory!!
Blessings 🙂
Sandra Muthyala says
Thank you for sharing your story and your walk from darkness into light!! This came in my mailbox today and I cannot tell you how “appropriate” it was. I am waiting to see an OBGYN oncologist as I have a cyst (probably on an ovary that it shouldn’t be there because I had a complete hysterectomy 4 years ago.) that is causing a lot of pain and it might be cancerous. So I will take heart as I await finals tests, results and course of action. Your prayers will be very much appreciated… For God’s will, peace and that I must trust Him with the process and outcome.
Ashlee White says
Then my prayers you have!
I’m so delighted when God delivers encouragement right when we need it, not on our earthy schedules. He will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you – in His time and in His way. Take heart! He’s got you.
Julie Garmon says
Absolutely beautiful post. Thank you for your faith, your honesty, and your heart.
So much love,
Julie
Ashlee White says
Thank you for the kind words!
Julie Garmon says
You’re so welcome! Shared on FB and twitter. 🙂
Beth Williams says
I went to your blog to see who you were and clicked on the testimony! WOW!! What an intense story of God’s goodness through the storms!!
Blessings 🙂
Ashlee White says
Thank you!
AmyLu says
Ashlee, I am amazed by the depth of your faith. Faced with heartache, broken dreams, physical pain, betrayal, fear, tragedy, and loss, each one heaped on top of the other in rapid succession, I am awed at how you praise God for His faithfulness, you delight in His glory, and you find joy and good in others. I am honored to count you as my friend.
Ashlee White says
AmyLu, you’re so sweet. Thank you for the compliments, but I give Him the glory because He always takes care of me. I’m glad to have your friendship!