I sat in my counselor’s office with silent tears sliding down my face, feeling flattened by the pressures of life. The expectations placed on me by myself and others were more than I could bear. My counselor handed me a blank sheet of paper and a cup full of markers.
“Draw it,” she said.
I’m no artist, but I tried my best. I drew a stick figure lying at the bottom of the page, with harsh arrows pointing down at the distraught figure. (That is, the stick figure who would have looked distraught if I had known how to draw that.)
The arrows represented the pressure I felt:
- to be an attentive mom who gets all the mom stuff right.
- to be a loving wife who gets all the wife stuff right.
- to be a wise and compassionate friend who makes everyone happy.
- to be a perfect homemaker who serves nutritious, savory meals from her spotless kitchen.
- to be a healthy, thin woman who looks effortlessly put-together, but not in a snobbish or intimidating way.
- to be all of the above while juggling a million other responsibilities with ease.
The impossible standards of those arrows were a heavy weight on my shoulders, reminding me of my daily shortcomings.
I felt trapped, laid out on the floor, just like the defeated, joyless stick figure in my drawing. Then my counselor asked me to draw how it could feel better.
So I drew a path with a happy stick figure woman walking along it. (Happy is easy to draw!) Beside the path were signposts, representing the tasks God gives. The much-relieved stick figure walks along the path, saying yes to the tasks on the God-given signs, saying no to other requests, and joyfully completing the work the Lord has for her to do.
The next morning, I opened my devotional and read these words in Ephesians:
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” {2:10}.
I realized this verse described the path I’d drawn the day before: walking in the good works God has prepared for me to do in Christ Jesus. This path brings freedom and joy.
The source of my freedom is spelled out in the preceding two verses:
“For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing, it is a gift of God, not by works, so that no one may boast.” {Ephesians 2:8-9}
We have been saved by grace through faith, not because of our ability to meet the world’s demands (or our ability to meet God’s demands). God sent His Son to meet those demands on our behalf. Christ set us free from the pressure of living up to the world’s expectations.
Finding my worth in what Christ has accomplished, rather than what I have accomplished, acts as a shield from those harsh arrows beating down on the defeated stick figure.
Because Christ was perfect for me, I can walk in freedom. I can shrug off the world’s expectations and focus on the good work God has prepared just for me.
In freedom, I can humbly walk through a messy life, knowing I won’t have it all together.
In freedom, I can peacefully walk through parenting, knowing I will make mistakes.
In freedom, I can confidently tell people “no” sometimes, trusting God will meet their needs.
In freedom, I can joyfully walk through my day, doing the next task God has given me.
How has Christ set you free from joyless juggling? How could walking in freedom change your life this week?
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Marissa,
This is beautiful…I will go along pretty well knowing that my worth is in Christ and what HE did for me, but usually when I am tired and run down the enemy slings those arrows that say that I have to be perfect…that I’m not being good enough. That’s when I need to remind myself (and read perfect reminders like what you’ve written here) that I will never be good enough on my own and I certainly won’t be perfect. If I could, then what use would I have for a Savior. “Because Christ was perfect for me, I can walk in freedom.” Amen!!
With blessings and thanks,
Bev
Marissa Henley says
Thank you, Bev! Yes – I’m always shocked by how quickly I forget the gospel and need frequent reminders of my need for Christ!
Joanna @ Modern Ruth Project says
Hi! Thanks for sharing! I am of course reminded of Martha and Mary – we often think that we have so many tasks that we need to perform, but really God is asking us to do only one thing – follow His will. Why do we get so caught up in what others want that we forget to do that one thing? As Jesus says, His yoke is easy and His burden is light.
Marissa Henley says
Hi Joanna! What a wonderful connection! It can be such a struggle to stop running around like Martha, but only one thing is needed. Thank you for sharing that!
JeanneTakenaka says
Marissa, I have been that defeated stick figure, feeling pressed down by the arrows of expectation. Over the last number of years, God has been teaching me that it’s not up to me to accomplish everything. It’s not up to me to forge my identity as some kind of super woman. What is up to me is to lean hard into Him, trusting that He will make me able to do what HE’S called me to. And He will give me my identity as one of His girls. Thank you for your beautiful, spot-on post.
Marissa Henley says
Thank you, Jeanne! What a beautiful picture you’ve painted of depending on the Lord. I’m so happy to hear how He’s been growing your trust in Him! One of His girls – I love it!
Missy Robinson says
This is so, so good and a much needed reminder for me. Thank you!
Marissa Henley says
Thank you, Missy!
An says
Marissa, I praise the Lord for this much needed post-thank you for these gracious words of relief. How I need these reminders of how Christ is our everything, how much I need Him. I have been so busy doing lately when I am longing for time with my Savior. How gracious He has been to meet me there, asking me to receive His grace and loving arms to be held. Thank you for this humbling admonishment that I can’t earn His love, that gift already given. He graces us with all we need for a godly life 2 Pet 1:3, setting before us what He needs for us and empowering us just for that. Its what you said in “Because Christ was perfect for me, I can walk in freedom. I can shrug off the world’s expectations and focus on the good work God has prepared just for me.” So grateful for this 🙂 May all of us be held in His arms today, knowing that He calls us His beloved children loved as we are in this moment but not leaving us the same by touching us with His love 🙂
Marissa Henley says
Thank you for sharing this with us – I love hearing how God is working in the lives of others! He is so gracious, isn’t He? He’s so good to keep coming after us with his love. I love how you put it, that He doesn’t leave us the same by touching us with His love. So beautiful.
Rebecca Jones says
Today’s word must be freedom. I posted it to on my blog, Pinterest, spoke to a friend in ministry about it as she plans to leave her job. And then I read this. He wants us free from all the cares of the world. He wants to be our freedom and focus. I don’t think anyone put undue expectations on me, I put them on myself. I did let the negativity and criticism of others in, however. That is a tap we must avoid, or we’ll all be at the bottom of the page. New picture, Jesus with us, an a big shield.
Marissa Henley says
Freedom is a wonderful word! So thankful that Jesus is our shield. Thank you for sharing, Rebecca!
Beth Williams says
Marissa,
Loved the stick figure analogy! We women feel the pressure to perform and be perfect always. When mistakes happen the devil is quick to remind you of all your failures-past, and present. So often I will embody those lies and walk in a downcast mood. Then I remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect or even close. Christ is perfect and He is living in me. Because of Christ I will walk in freedom that I am enough!
Blessings 🙂
Marissa Henley says
Hi Beth! Isn’t it wonderful to know we are enough in Him? Thank you for sharing how you are relating to this truth!
Nancy Wolfe @ livingcenter.me says
This was just for me “… I can confidently tell people “no” sometimes, trusting God will meet their needs.” Jeepers it’s hard not to save the day – every single time! Praying we all ignore those persistent “shoulds”…xoxox
Marissa Henley says
Nancy, the struggle is so real . . . I want to fix everything for everyone! But then it’s me who is the hero, not the Lord, right? I love your attitude of taking it to the Lord in prayer and asking for His help with this!