One of my regrets from my time as a college student was never joining a sorority.
I know sometimes sororities get a bad rap for being too focused on looks or emphasizing conformity. But something about the systematic approach to relationship building, the clearly defined roles, and even the matching t-shirts totally appeals to my people-loving heart.
At the southern university I attended, the process of initiation into the Greek system takes place in the summer before school begins. When I moved into the dorms the week before classes started my freshman year, sororities had already welcomed their new pledges. At that point in my young life, I didn’t even know what a sorority was, and I certainly had never considered moving away to college early to join one. I missed my opportunity before I even knew it existed.
There was a second chance a year later when sophomores could pursue the initiation process. But by the time my sophomore year rolled around, my calendar was full with other commitments. Plus, I worried that I’d be the odd-ball, joining a class of girls younger than me.
Still, in the nearly 15 years since graduation, I’ve often wondered how my college experience would have been different if I’d had the chance to join one of those storied sisterhoods. It’s a small sadness that surfaces whenever the word “sorority” pops up in conversation.
Until recently.
Last year after attending a local Bible study group for some time, I was asked to join the leadership team.
If I’m honest, I said yes in part because I love helping women study the Bible and in (somewhat larger) part because the leadership team offers free childcare, which meant extra time in the week for me to be with adults while my kids were well cared for somewhere else. But as our team meetings began last fall, I began to see that this group of women I’d been invited to serve with were more than just givers of extra babysitting hours.
Each week before we studied our lesson or made plans for an outreach event, we shared a meal together. Sitting around the table, we told stories and checked in on the big and small happenings in our lives. As I got to know this vibrant group of ladies, I connected first with the women closest to my age, those raising young kids. But soon I found myself forming friendships with those facing an empty nest for the first time and even a woman welcoming great-grandchildren to her family.
Our friendships deepened as each week we spent time in prayer for each other, sharing joys and struggles.
I knew these women were the real thing when I started getting cards and emails following up on my prayer requests, offering words of encouragement and blessing. They showed up with meals in the weeks after an unexpected miscarriage. They offered to watch my children so I could attend a needed doctor’s appointment. These ladies welcomed me into their ranks, loving me and showing me what faithful friendship looks like as we planned baby showers and held hands at funerals.
A couple months ago, we held our final meeting for the year. As I looked around the room, the Lord reminded me of my secret longing to have been in a sorority. It was almost like a whisper in my heart, “Look at the sisters I have given you.”
And that is what we are.
Though our seasons and stages of life are varied, we share a love for Jesus, a love that stretches beyond the confines of our responsibilities on the leadership team. It is that shared love that makes us more than a group of people leading a Bible study, it’s made us a family.
It’s not the sorority I expected, but it’s such a sweet gift to find a place in this sisterhood, God’s family.
Leave a CommentSee what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! {1 John 3:1}
Quanny says
I totally loved this. It hit home for me because I too have similar desires for sisterhood. Would ya’ll pray that God would send me a loving group of sisters to be that for me. Thank you and God continue to bless you all.
Amy says
I will pray right alongside you as my heart craves the same thing my sister:)
Joy says
Quanny and Amy I’m praying you both find a loving sisterhood with whom you can share life and grow together. We, as women, are expecially wired for connecting in relationship. It makes all our lther relationships better. As one who has moved a fair amount in life, I know what it’s like to be lonely and longing for close friendships. It can take a while to meet others who have room in their lives for you. Then, if you relocate into another area the dynamic of the friendship changes simply because there is a geographical distance. I have several long distance soul sisters who’s friendship withstands the test of time. And I am extremely grateful for them. However, having friends physically close by adds a whole other dimension of richness otherwise lost. I am blessed right now with 3 women friends who gather together weekly, and ask one another , “how’s your heart?”. Over the last 2 years of connecting with them, I have grown enormously. The growth shows up in my relationship with God, others, and even myself. God has stretched me through these ladies, and this one question, to the point where I’m actually hosting a conference on the topic this fall whichs includes how to create your own sisterhood group. Let me know if you want to learn more.
Beth Williams says
Quanny,
Prayers that God will send some good covenant friends to do life with! May He shower you with the love & friendship you so desire.
Father,
Please send Quanny a loving group of women to share life with. Help her to make friends she can love, encourage, & do life.
Blessings 🙂
Erica Goehring says
This wasn’t what I expected when I opened the e-mail, but I’m so glad that I did take a moment to read. I was also very drawn to the idea of a sorority, and I was surprised and pleased to have the opportunity to join one as an alumna initiate AFTER college. Not many people even know that is possible! I have truly enjoyed that experience, but I agree wholeheartedly with the essence of your post. Sisterhood takes many forms and can be found in a variety of places. When we open ourselves to deeper relationships and greater vulnerability, amazing things can happen.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Lindsey,
I was part of a sorority at a Christian college (double bonus). We developed deep bonds during college, but even more so after we got out in the “real world”. My sisters in Christ have helped to see me through some pretty dark times, and they have rallied around me in the victories. God never meant for us to be islands unto ourselves…we ALL need community of some sort whether it’s a mom’s group, quilting circle, Bible study, etc. The enemy loves to isolate us because it’s in the separated place that he can do the most damage to our souls. So thankful for the fellowship I have found here at (in)courage!! Thank you for the ladies who have prayed for me and encouraged me. I am truly grateful. Lindsey…so glad you have found your “sisterhood”…never too late 🙂
Blessings,
Bev
Jen says
“The enemy loves to isolate us because it’s in the separated place that he can do the most damage to our souls.”
This statement has pierced my heart. I have never had this stated this way. I have been in that “separated place” for so very long. I’m sure I am responsible for isolating myself initially…..never understanding the damage that would be done. Years have passed and now, even though I long to be a part of life and “sisterhood”, I can’t find my way back. I honestly have felt like I lost my opportunity and I am destined to stay in that isolated place…..now I’m not so sure! I pray our Lord and Savior will help all of us find a way out of those isolated places and into the beauty of belonging.
Donna says
Jen, I hear you! Your very words could be mine also. I, too, have been in that “separated place” for a long time. Suffering with seasons/cycles of depression has isolated me and several friends now stand at a distance in silence. No blame to them at all, but it’s a hard and lonely place. However, the Lord has brought Bev and the lovely, Godly ladies of (In)Courage into my life and I am so very thankful! Also, it has driven me closer to the Lord, for He truly is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. I also pray for you and with you that the Lord will help us all find His way out of the isolated places and into the hearts of close and beautiful sister friends…….we belong to Him and may He guide us to that special place where we belong with one another, where we fit together like a beautiful puzzle, each piece different, but fitting beautifully together.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
See my comment below…
Bev xx
Julia says
Jen,
I really relate to this. Isolating is so easy especially when you initially do it out of fear, but deep in your heart you realize you want deep connection but you are afraid of yourself and the people you went to be close with. I’ve been praying God will help me in seeing I don’t have to be afraid of Him or who He sends. May He show you the same and show He is mighty to save out of the isolation.
Joy says
Jen, Donna, and Julia my heart goes out to you. Wish I could give each of you a hug, or a smile — if a hug is too much. I will pray that God will open doors for each of you to have sweet sister fellowship. I am truly passionate about women making authentic safe friendships with one another. I will be praying you each receive blessings to you as you continue to seek sisterhood. If you’re at all interested I will be hosting a conference on the topic of how to let go of negative self-talk and create live-giving relationships with one another. http://heartworkingwomen.com/
Julia says
Joy,
Thank you so much for the prayer. I’m interested in learning more about the conference. Is there anyway I could email you?
Joy says
Julia sure. You can email me at restoredjoy@yahoo.com. Looking forward to connecting with you.
Joy says
Quanny and Amy I’m praying you both find a loving sisterhood with whom you can share life and grow together. We, as women, are expecially wired for connecting in relationship. It makes all our lther relationships better. As one who has moved a fair amount in life, I know what it’s like to be lonely and longing for close friendships. It can take a while to meet others who have room in their lives for you. Then, if you relocate into another area the dynamic of the friendship changes simply because there is a geographical distance. I have several long distance soul sisters who’s friendship withstands the test of time. And I am extremely grateful for them. However, having friends physically close by adds a whole other dimension of richness otherwise lost. I am blessed right now with 3 women friends who gather together weekly, and ask one another , “how’s your heart?”. Over the last 2 years of connecting with them, I have grown enormously. The growth shows up in my relationship with God, others, and even myself. God has stretched me through these ladies, and this one question, to the point where I’m actually hosting a conference on the topic this fall whichs includes how to create your own sisterhood group. Let me know if you want to learn more.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
I love how God is working here to stretch out hands of sisterhood. Thank you ladies for reaching out and loving on Jen. Jen, it’s never ever too late to re-connect. Since I have struggled with anxiety and depression it is easy to get isolated. Often I’ve had to push myself to stay connected. It’s crucial that I do this so that I’m not a sitting duck for the enemy. Praying for you Jen and all the ladies here…
Love, Bev
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Jen,
We’re here for you…you are not alone! See my comment below…
Praying for you sweet sister…
Bev xx
Tammie McDonald says
Jen,
Those exact words hit me also! So lonely and praying for our place to sell. We live in a very small community and I’ve been an outsider from the time we moved here 8 years ago. I long to sell and move closer to my daughter, new churches and more opportunities to find friends. I long for community so much that some times I ache.
Donna says
I have one friend who’s 10 years older than me. She is a servant to us, the older singles of the church. No one works harder to love our motley crew than this sweet lady. I have a friend who is married but we talk on the phone and pray most weeks together. Being different and relating with different hearts is so meaningful and teaches us so much.
Sue Neal says
Thank you for sharing this. I am at a stage where I very much need friendship, sisterhood, snd pray for such an opportunity.
Crystal Storms says
Lindsey, what a beautiful reminder of all the joy found in our sisters in Christ. Thank you for sharing. : )
An says
Lindsay, I am so grateful to Jesus for this beautiful grace of your words today, for every reply. As Bev said, we are not islands and need each Him and other so much in every place in our lives-it was for this that He died for us. I am so blessed by the wonderful sisters and brothers that the Lord has graced my life with, whom I can serve in His love. I pray that He will surround each person here with beautiful sisters to fellowship with, to share His life and love with, to bring to others from that place His love 🙂
Kathy Cheek says
The message of friendship is such a universal message because we always need friends, no matter our age or season of life. We need to be there for each other! From the high school and college friends to the ladies in our Bible study groups, what a treasure we have when we build friendships. Thank you for your post today, Lindsay, and may we not take the friends we have for granted.
Joy says
Lindsey, I love that you found a place in sisterhood! What a blessing it is to have others show you what faithful friendship. Thank you for sharing your refreshing story on this topic.
Michele Morin says
One of my deepest regrets is that I shunned community in college, preferring to soldier through experience with several jobs, lots of studying — and not very much personal growth. Thanks be to God that even though we can’t go back, we can go forward in wisdom!
Thanks for your words which have probed a tender spot today.
Beth Williams says
Lindsey,
You are spot on here. We all crave friendships. I am blessed to have one covenant friendship. We share everything with each other. Also have other friends from work (ex-coworkers), church, Bible study. We all do life together. It is so nice to be able to pray for them and watch God work in amazing ways!
Blessings 🙂
Linda says
Thank you, Lindsay for opening up discussion on sisterhood. In NZ, we don’t have sororities or anything like that during our education. I am an older woman now, retired, and have over the years belonged to various bible study groups or variations of them. We are generally a pretty reserved lot, which I suspect has sometimes hindered that real sisterhood that comes from sharing and loving one another authentically. I am blessed with a few close friends, some going back over many years, and usually get together along with husbands, which is a bit different again. It would be so wonderful to have that sisterhood with a group again. Meantime, I love “meeting” women through Internet blogs/websites – and so appreciate that connection with my sisters in the Lord from far away.
Roz says
I agree with wanting that sisterhood with s group. Good has given my a nucleus of five wonderful sisters. But even though they are a “group” and we all go to the same church, it’s always one at s time. Email AS. Go to the look with JK. Go to lunch with BR…
BUT sometimes I still feel a longing because we are a technology society now and everything is text, email Facebook etc. And then it can hit hard because I live alone. Last spring break I was sick and the only verbal contact was with my mom. When I get sick or pain has me confined to bed I call it house arrest. LOL. I do miss the person to person contact, where you just pluck up the phone she call just because, just to chat. Now you can send a text or email and it’s actually “okay” if the person doesn’t respond.
Just turned 50 and live alone and most of my contact is via technology so I’m always waiting expectably for a notification that someone wrote to me. Can lead to a very disappointing day. LOL
Roz says
This was the piece I was missing when I was in deep depression. Even after I had acknowledged my part in the depression by being angry with God and focusing on my circumstances, it seemed I still wasn’t going anywhere, much less “up” out of depression.
Then in January of 2012 God have me a new home church and with it real friendships with godly sisters. They jumped on the roller coaster ride, supporting me, admonishing, encouraging, but more importantly praying for me. Different ones got on the ride at different times as God saw fit, but none ever got off.
They stuck with me through the ups and downs, twist and turns. And now four years later, even though there are still the twists and turns, we can enjoy the ride together. I thank God for them and can say my relationship with God wouldn’t be where it is today if it weren’t for my sistershood.
Jolie says
My heart has been craving the same type of sisterhood. I’m a part of a big church, served in a few different ministries, i have grown close to a group of women, but over the years, a lot of them have moved across the states. We still email and do social media checks- but it was never as intimate as I would like. I didn’t go to church for three months because I was tired of going to church alone. and when i returned, no one noticed that I hadn’t attended all that time. I am also praying that God will send me godly sisters, not just friendships- but sisters.
Roz says
Oh, how I know how you feel! There were leadership issues at my church and we were basically at s long to split. It’s hard to find s home church on your own. Go by yourself. Sit by yourself. Get up and go home by yourself. I to had gotten to point of going to “Bedside Baptist”. First Baptist was z Biblically sound so I figured if I was going to be shine I could be some in my house.
Because if the church split I lost contact with some but with most of my friends, my “withdrawal” was due to health, fibromyalgia and degeneration in my back. When I couldn’t keep up I found myself alone. And all this happened while I was in deep depression.
But God gave me s nucleus of some godly and cool sisters. And I’m a very she self protecting person so that let’s you know how special they are. They’re real friends where I could be completely honest and transparent. These 5 sisters know me inside and out.
BUT sometimes I still feel it because we are a technology society now and everything is text, email Facebook etc. And then it can hit hard because I live alone. When I get sick or pain has me confined to bed I call it house arrest. LOL. I do miss the person to person contact, where you just pluck up the phone she call just because, just to chat. Now you can send a text or email and it’s actually “okay” if the person doesn’t respond.
Well if you live in out are closer to Columbia. SC… 🙂
Will be praying for you because I know how important my nucleus is to me.