Going through the mounting pile of bills, I logged into my bank account to balance the checkbook. A negative sign appeared next to the words “account balance.” Staring at the blinking cursor next to the amount, I mumbled to myself: Doesn’t God care about our finances?

Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow {Matthew 6:25}.

But all I can do is worry. How will I care for the family God has entrusted to me?

That’s what I said to myself, but in my mind was where the true colors shined: God owes me more.

After all the years I have worked for the Lord, and this is what I get? I deserve better than this.

After twelve years in ministry, we had just closed the doors on what we thought was going to be a growing church plant. Decrease in attenders took a toll on us financially, mentally, and worst of all, spiritually. My mind and heart had given up on ministry, and eventually God.

Where was God when I needed Him the most?

It’s tough to hope and trust in God when life looks bleak. But in the years when service took more out of me than I had to give, I realized that hope is not a magical charm to hold onto, nor a nightlight that shines to illuminate an otherwise darkened room.

Hope is a day by day, and sometimes moment by moment, belief in the unseen.

Hope isn’t about white knuckling my way through life, struggling to remain in control of an otherwise out of control situation. Like Moses who stuck his toes in the water before the sea parted, so do we who put our hope in a God whom we’ve never seen, but know is there. For us it was the desperate prayer of “Help us, God,” I tossed up to God every week we opened the doors to our church.

Hope is the belief that God will provide, protect, and work things out for His good, even when things for me are not so good.

As we pulled out of our driveway having lost our home and having to find another church, it seemed all hope was lost. But what I didn’t know, was that hope was right around the corner. It came in the form of a pantry full of food in a home that we didn’t have to pay for, a great benefit after we lost our home. It came in the cards that filled our mailbox welcoming us to our new church. It also came in the form of new friendships and a church hungry for vision and direction.

I could have taken all that for granted if I had kept my former attitude of God owing me something. But instead I grabbed a hold of hope and held it in my hands, placing my belief in the unseen and unknown.

Hope is just around the corner. You just have to believe it’s there.

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