I drive down the road enjoying a rare moment when I control the radio in spite of a car full of kids. My taste runs toward 80s, jazz, and the Avett Brothers, while my kids’ tastes veer (sadly) in other directions. Control of the radio dial involves a battle of reflexes and wills.

A catchy song comes on, an old favorite, and I join in with the singer as he laments a love that’s falling apart, a lack of common ground, two people who’ve misplaced each other in the day-to-day like a set of lost keys.

{When it comes to music, I’m a word-person: I need to turn the lyrics over in my mind and try to figure out what the songwriter wants to tell me before I can really appreciate the song. My mother, a voice major who held private recitals, was not a word-person. Are you?}

The singer eventually repeats the chorus five times: a hopeful plea, a fragile foothold, a tentative lifeline connecting a passion grown cold to the warm memory of what once was.

And I said what about Breakfast at Tiffany’s?
She said I think I remember the film
And as I recall I think, we both kind o’ liked it
And I said well that’s, the one thing we’ve got

He gropes for common ground in a strained relationship and finally settles on a favorite movie. If nothing more than a shared love of Breakfast at Tiffany’s — merely a distant memory, a forced recollection — breaches the gap between them, then so be it. For him it’s enough. It has to be enough.

I’ve been married now for over half my life, and I can testify that there’s an ebb and flow to the marital connection, both physical and emotional. While maintaining that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling of new love on a day-to-day basis is unrealistic, remaining connected is a must.

I read once that every couple should have an indoor activity, an outdoor activity, and a board game they enjoy doing together, and I believe it’s sound advice.

Do you share a love of DIY projects, live baseball games, or Monopoly? List your three things.

What did you like to do while dating or before you became parents? If you delighted in leisurely walks; movie dates; or sitting across a table staring into each other’s eyes, learning all there was to know about each other, then intentionally make time for those things again.

Bryan and I met at the end of high school, but we still have fun comparing notes on what music we listened to and things our families liked to do before we met. (We played in the same piano recital in elementary school and attended the same concert at the civic center when we were in high school.)

It’s easy to lose touch with each other in either the chaos or the routine of the day-to-day.

Sometimes you need to stop and recall your own Breakfast at Tiffany’s. What’s yours?

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