On the outskirts of Pasadena a little café is known for its chicken potpies. The plaid-covered booths are faded and the rest of the décor looks like it’s straight out of a 1970s movie. But the kitchen is clean, the atmosphere warm, and the chicken potpies are out of this world. My husband, Jeff, first took me there when we were dating, and we’ve been going back ever since.
Every time we go there for dinner, we’re usually the youngest patrons in the restaurant by at least two or three decades. We love it. We feel like we’re in a time warp, and we’ve come to think of it as a picture of what we want to be doing years from now — sitting in an old booth at a much-loved café, enjoying our meal and each other’s company.
We love watching the other folks in the restaurant too. There’s always a couple or two, sitting side by side rather than across from each other, and they’re eating off each other’s plates. They’ve known each other so long that they don’t even need to ask anymore. He knows she doesn’t want her peas, so he scoops them up, while she knows he can’t have salt on his mashed potatoes, so she slides the salt shaker to the far end of the table.
Their meal together is like a well-choreographed dance . . . a sweet picture of enduring love.
While sharing a chicken potpie, Jeff and I capture real-life scenes of enduring love that are better than anything Hollywood could ever dream up. Most romantic movies depict the courtship, the young-and-in-love couple overcoming all odds to be together. Once they’re together, though, the movie ends. But in real life, that’s when real love begins.
Real love is more than a deep feeling between two people. That can be part of it, for sure, but real love is committed to knowing all they can about the other person, and staying together through good times and bad.
In the same way, real love is also exemplified between friends and neighbors and strangers who are committed to listening to each other’s story and supporting one another. Heaven knows we need more of God’s love in this world. When Paul prayed for the Philippians, he didn’t pray their love would grow deeper in feeling; he prayed their love would grow in knowledge and discernment.
I pray this: that your love will keep on growing in knowledge and every kind of discernment. {Philippians 1:9}
Today, we don’t hear the words love, knowledge, and discernment used much in the same sentence. The world would tell us love is blind. But real love isn’t blind. Real love doesn’t hide from truth.
When others are hurting, real love says, “I see you, I want to know your story, and I’m here for you.”
Friends, our world is hurting. Our sisters and brothers are hurting. In recent weeks we’ve beheld heartbreaking pictures of strife and enmity. Our hearts have been broken over the brokenness splayed on streets and screens.
I may not fully understand the hurt others have experienced, but I can’t say I love you if I’m not willing to see you and know your struggle. Real love enters into the struggle of another human being and says, “Tell me your story. I want to hear, I want to help, and I want you to know you’re not alone.”
This is how Jesus loved us. He entered into our struggle when He came to earth wrapped in flesh. He sat at a well and listened to the heart of a woman scorned. He sat at a table and silenced those who tried to shame a woman washing His feet with her tears. He knelt in a garden and prayed for His friends as well as His enemies. Ultimately, He hung on a cross and forgave the very people who crucified Him. And His forgiveness extends to you and me today.
Jesus is the truest picture of real love.
He came. He listened. And He gave of Himself so we could be free from all the brokenness that binds us.
The more I think about it, the more Paul’s prayer make sense, for when we grow in true knowledge and discernment, we also grow in love. Real love for one another. For God’s heart is known best when His people dwell in unity.
My husband and I like to share our stories over chicken potpies. But it’s equally important that I sit around tables and in living rooms, listening to the stories of others, entering into their struggles.
A Prayer: LORD, open my eyes that I may see as You see. Open my ears that I may hear the stories of those who are hurting. Open my heart to better understand the suffering that others have endured. Open my hands that I may serve my sisters and brothers with the beauty of Your grace. Amen.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Denise,
This is beautiful. We all walk around with painted smiles at times. We pull our cars into our garages and close the doors. When I go for walks I look at people’s front doors and know that behind every single door their is a story. Most of them are not happily ever after tales either. Just on my street there are doors that hide the wife that committed suicide, the family struggling with a severely autistic child who also has mental illness, the family recently broken by divorce, the one whose daughter is addicted to drugs….I could go on. Not that I make it my business to know people’s “dirt” and secrets, but we need to make it our business to ask, and listen, and read faces with discernment of what might be hiding behind a forced smile. This takes time and effort – something a lot of us don’t want to sacrifice. I pray that I will never be too busy to stop, like Christ did, and truly listen and weep with those who weep. Our world IS hurting and we need to be places where real love and acceptance can be found.
Blessings for keeping it real,
Bev
Donna says
Bev,
So well said. I also pray that I will never be too busy to stop and listen and pray and love….that I will never be so wrapped up in my own pain that I will not see or hear other’s cries, but always eyes to see and ears to hear as our Lord Jesus. God bless you dear Bev, you are such a blessing!
Donna
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
The same goes for you, Donna!!
Blessings and big ((Hugs)),
Bev
Tracey L. Goldsby says
How well spoken. Healing begins when we validate others hurts, struggles, and concerns. Jesus was a great listener and friend and through that He healed!
Our country needs to hear this story…
Blessings
Tracey
Denise J. Hughes says
What you say, Tracey, is so true. And no one validates our hurts and struggles more than Jesus. He is the One we can always turn to.
Denise J. Hughes says
Bev, a walk around my cul-de-sac tells similar stories. Scripture is clear: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” I’m grateful your heart reaches out to others.
Jennifer Frisbie says
I live a rushed life. I’ve been painfully aware of this fact over the last year and have consciously tried to slow it down and learn what rest and savor truly mean. It’s not natural to me because I’m task oriented, a doer and a busy mom of four on top of those traits. Not long ago, had you passed me in the grocery store it’s certain I wouldn’t have even made eye contact. I would speed by with my cart, on a mission to check this chore of restocking the pantry off my list. Lately, however, there’s been a change. I’m finding that when I slow my cart down and make eye contact with people…smile and say things like “excuse me,” and “have a wonderful day,” and “oh, have you tried preparing your plantains THIS way…” that it sparks something between myself and this unknown person. We soften, chat a moment, exchange smiles and gestures showing our good nature that might often go buried or unnoticed. It’s a small thing, really, but slowing down has been the single most important thing for me to truly be a better light in my community. Taking the time to notice people and give a warm smile draws us closer. I might not know their stories – yet – but just like Bev said in the comment above, there are stories behind those doors. Stopping to smile and take the time to notice is our opportunity to start knocking.
As always, just loving your words, Denise!
Steffanie Russ says
I loved this post…we do live in a rushed world and often the most important things, things that will make a difference and last for eternity get pushed to the back burner. Thanks for sharing your idea of slowing down. I’m there too it seems. Blessings~
Denise J. Hughes says
Thanks, Steffanie. Your kind words mean so much.
Denise J. Hughes says
Jennifer, I so appreciate your heart. You are a beautiful soul.
And…I would LOVE for you to explain to me to how to make plantains! xoxo
Kelli mcknight says
Love the story you share today! I totally believe that love is expressed when we provide a safe place for the give and take of stories. Beautiful!
Denise J. Hughes says
Kelli, I love the way you put that… “love is expressed when we provide a safe place for the give and take of stories.”
Yes!
Steffanie Russ says
Thank you so much for sharing this post. It especially touched my heart seeing as how I just finished preparing a chicken pot pie for a special friend. Talk about connection! 🙂 Thanks for the encouraging us to share our stories with each other. Long gone are the days of sitting on the front porch chatting or leaning over the back fence for a spell. Maybe we need to get back to the basics. Blessings~
Denise J. Hughes says
Steffanie, how fun you had just made a chicken potpie for a friend! I love that! (I confess I’ve never made one; I just know where to go to buy one!) LOL
An says
Denise, may the Lord be ever praised for these beautiful words of love. Our faith is so simple-Love the Lord and each other. We are all so busy that we become invisible to each other, to ourselves, and to the Lord that we can become divided, brushed aside, and another “face in the crowd/pew.” I love your God graced words “For God’s heart is known best when His people dwell in unity.”-what encouragement 🙂 Learning what it is to be still and patience, listening for His yes and no can bring stillness and His peace that passes all understand so we are available to be present in His love, getting out of our self-centered focus (thank you for your wonderful replies Bev and Jennifer F). I struggle with this a lot of days, but the Lord is so kind and gracious. May we all be open and present to the Lord today so that we can be present to each other in His love 🙂
Denise J. Hughes says
An, I love what you said… “May we all be open and present to the Lord today so that we can be present to each other in His love.”
Amen!
Amelinda says
Beautiful story with beautiful words of Jesus Christ. It serves as a reminder that God demonstrates real love , perfect love to us as one perfect man who walked on earth to a being who resurrected so that we may spend eternity with in Him in His divine presence.
To find that love where one could love and accept every part of you including your heart that has been broken and mended .
Denise J. Hughes says
Thank you, Amelinda. God is so good!
Carolyn Scott says
Thank you for this post, especially pointing out that this world is hurting, our brothers and sisters are hurting. It’s easy for many to ignore that part of your post; to ignore what they see on the daily news, in the streets, or even in their own neighborhoods. Racism still exists. It still exists while others continue on with their daily life. It’s hate and only love will conquer it. That LOVE in Philippians 1:4 where it grows in KNOWLEDGE and DISCERNMENT. As you stated real love seeks to see others, to know their story, and to let them know you are there for them. That’s our challenge. And JESUS is the perfect example.
Denise J. Hughes says
Oh, Carolyn, you are so right! Racism does still exist! And only love — God’s love — will conquer it!
Rebecca L Jones says
I have to admit I like seeing couples sit on the same side of the table, but across keeps you looking into his eyes. Jesus is the truest example, and with Him beside you and you focused on Him, you can’t miss.
Denise J. Hughes says
Amen, Rebecca! Jesus is the truest example of real love!
Beth Williams says
Denise,
This reminds me of the song “Do Something” by Matthew West. The songwriter sees a world full of turmoil and trouble and asks God to do something about it. God said “I did, I created you.” God expects us to be the eyes, ears, hands and feet for this hurting world. It’s not always easy in this hectic rushing world. We need to stop and take a good long look at people. It can be as simple as smiling and saying hi to a nursing home patient, giving someone a hug or sending a note to a friend. We all can use some encouragement and love!
Blessings 🙂
Denise J. Hughes says
Beth, I like that song too. And I completely agree… “It can be as simple as smiling and saying hi…”
Renee Swope says
So powerfully written friend, and oh how you live this truth in the most beautiful, life-giving way. Grateful for you!
Denise J. Hughes says
Thank you, Renee, I’m so grateful for your friendship. You are the real deal, sister.
Wells says
Hi, Denise!
Such a cozy description of that cafe. Thanks so much for the nudge to be more caring, more authentic. Sometimes I turn WAY inward into my little family–being a busy mother of five young ones, and home schooling and working–I just at times feel like I can’t stretch my wings to cover any more. But God can. He asks us more to sit like Mary than try to figure it all out on our own, right? Love and blessings to you!
Denise J. Hughes says
Wells, I’m the same way…I can easily turn inward, and focus on me and my own. But when we turn daily to God and His Word, we sense another turning inside of us…our hearts turn toward the hurts of others and we begin to see what He sees and we begin to hurt about the same things that hurt His heart and then we want to do something about it!
Wells says
So true!
Joanna @ Modern Ruth Project says
As someone who is approaching marriage myself, I appreciate this! I am still in the cartoon-hearts-in-my-eyes phase but I am looking forward as well to the abiding love phase. So many people have negative stories about marriage, it makes me worried, but this is a good reminder and hope!
Denise J. Hughes says
Joanna, I’m so glad you left a comment here. Because you’re right…”So many people have negative stories about marriage.” But because of Christ, we have hope. He is our anchor. In Him alone we can put our trust. God created marriage to be a beautiful picture of His love for us — Christ as the bridegroom and His church as His bride. There is a oneness in Christ that cannot be broken.
I pray your marriage will flourish with Jesus as your anchor and your husband’s anchor. I pray you both grow closer to Jesus every day, and as you grow closer to Him, you will also continue to grow closer to each other. I pray God gives you and your soon-to-be husband an inordinate passion for The Word, that you will seek Him each day. Because Christ alone is the answer. To everything.
I pray beautiful blessings over you and your marriage, friend.
Wells says
Marriage is a huge blessing! Congratulations! The devil hates unity because he can’t have any. He does try to cast between, but you are of God, little children! Be encouraged!
Nancy says
Fortunately, I live in a community where everyone knows each other & Im the manager. It’s a lovely mobile home community & we all take care of each other. I love that. When someone’s memory is getting bad, we do things to help them. If someone needs a ride to the dictor, we make sure they get there. I think we are a little unusual. But God lives in this community. I’ve been the manager here for 12 years with my husband, and as long as we are here, the Lord is welcome here also.
Denise J. Hughes says
Nancy, that sounds like a lovely community. Just beautiful.
Pearl @ Look Up Sometimes says
Real love enters into the struggle of another human being and says, “Tell me your story. I want to hear, I want to help, and I want you to know you’re not alone.” Denise, thank you for this. A dear friend recently lost her mentor – a beloved older woman. My friend’s comment was that her mentor had made such a big impact on her life not through the bible studies they’d done together but because this woman would just take time to sit and listen. Unrushed. Your words and hers echo the same message. I’m sobered yet hopeful that God can help me rush less and love more.