Every January 1st, I become an idealist.
Rarely do I want to be like the rest of the world, so this year I signed up for the gym on December 30th. This will be the year! I told myself as I paid for a gym membership at the front counter. This will be the year I suddenly transform into one of those shiny, athletic women with the high bouncy ponytails.
I felt like a fraud walking into the gym. My hair was not high or bouncy, but falling further and further out of the messy bun I had half-haphazardly pushed it in. I had never stepped foot inside a gym before. My level of confidence fell below zero. I watched the muscular lady at the front counter hand me my pass.
“Here you go,” she said smiling. “You’re now a VIP member.”
“Oh,” I said, accepting the key card. “Thank you.” I think they call you VIP so you feel more important. It wasn’t quite working for me.
She pointed toward the large staircase behind her. “All of the equipment is up there. Don’t worry, there are diagrams on each machine that explains how it works.”
“Right.” Could she tell I’m the least athletic person in Canada?
I took my plastic water bottle — which was glaringly un-eco-friendly — and my running shoes, putting my coat and boots in a locker. I forced myself to walk up the giant staircase toward the machines.
Three thoughts before we move on:
- In gyms, why are there mirrors everywhere? Do I want to constantly be looking at my sweaty self? Short answer: no.
- I now understand why people go to the gym with friends. For an extroverted person, it’s a lonely experience on your own.
- I think my body missed the “endorphins” memo. I have yet to feel these release. Everyone talks about these magical endorphins that make you want to work out. What do they feel like? So far I feel only tired. I’m hoping these endorphins eventually get the memo and kick in.
I plugged in my earbuds and began listening to one of my favorite podcasts, looking at the people around me. Everyone was different. I had a picture of what the gym was supposed to look like in my head: consisting of tall, confident, beautiful people. Those people were there, of course, but there were so many more.
You’re on Day One of your journey, I told myself. Don’t compare your beginning.
Two seconds later, I almost fell off the machine I was on. I stopped looking at the people and focused harder on what I was doing — some sort of leg workout, I think. (My legs felt like Jello afterward, so I’m assuming I did something right. Don’t worry, I’ll check in with my actual athletic friends and find out.)
Each January I’m hit with the afresh recognition of how utterly human I am.
I become an idealist, I set a goal (or ten), and then I fail. I become disappointed and bitter, and then I give up. Rinse and repeat. Take bullet journaling, for example. I lasted approximately ten minutes doing that before writing it off forever.
It’s true that January can act as a clean slate. That’s what we love about it, isn’t it?
We’re all longing to be made new. But Jesus is teaching me that, with Him, each day — eachΒ moment — is a clean slate. We don’t have to force ourselves into a rigid routine, but instead start to recognize the unforced rhythms of grace.
I am certain that over these next few weeks I won’t suddenly become an incredible gym person. (I don’t even know what those people are called.) One of my goals, not only for 2017, but for my whole life, is to become a more devoted, a more in-love, follower or apprentice of Jesus Christ. I’m working on carving the entirety of my life around who He is.
There is not a 5-step process to falling more in love with Jesus. This is a life long journey.
Recognizing that my life doesn’t need to be a structured, rigid routine (although there is a time and place for that) but instead a rhythmic journey set to the tune of grace, provides me freedom.
I set a goal. There is grace.
I fail. There is grace.
I try again. There is grace.
Tomorrow I’ll wake up and my goal will be to go back to the gym. Eventually, I’ll become more confident. (Maybe the endorphins will wake up and kick in.) Eventually, I won’t trip when getting off the treadmill. Eventually, prayer will be words I find myself whispering, and Jesus will be the first person I think of in the morning.
But these are all eventual. Here’s to failing a lot. Here’s to grace. Here’s to being on Day One.
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Aliza,
I chuckled my way through your description of the gym. Gyms do that to me too…and the mirrors…I could do without being reminded of my rounded self covered in sweat lol. I applaud your effort to take care of God’s temple!! I’ll be cheering you on from my recliner π
Seriously, I loved the line, “…my life….is a rhythmic journey set to the tune of grace.” Amen! On everything we set our hearts on doing, we will crash and fail at some point. We will fail weekly or we may fail hourly. The fact remains that we NEED God’s grace. Otherwise self condemnation sneaks in and, well, that’s a losing battle. Each of us will figuratively “fall off the treadmill”, but God is right there picking us up, dusting us off and gently urging us to try again. I need to realize that any goals I set are emphasizing “I” . I need to remember that it’s only in HIS strength that I will be able to accomplish anything…without him I can do nothing. Train on sister warrior!!
Blessings and Happy New Year!
Bev xx
Aliza Latta says
Absolutely, Bev. Loved this. Thank you!
Peggy says
You don’t have to be a gym newbie to feel a little discouraged. I am a grizzled veteran and feeling pretty down after yesterday. My clean eating plan derailed even though I control what I put in my face. My other non-fittness related goals feel stalled in 2nd gear. So I sat in the quiet and decided to begin again. Grace for the day, grace for the way. Pray through everything.
Aliza Latta says
“Grace for the day, Grace for the way.” Love that, Peggy.
Mary Hood says
Oh, I have been there many times! And I have a treadmill at home, given to me by a relative wwho, unfortunately, lost his house and has no place to keep it. Great for me? Well, it sits in a back room with no heat in the winter, so at 6:30 am in bathrobe and mittens I am there for 15 min. Better than nothing. And iin the summer I literally went flying off of it while in motion, yes, doing something totally stupid! Jesus is the beginning of all things and every moment we can start in a new place. Keep our eyes on the grace of God. Beautiful, encouraging words. Thank you.
Aliza Latta says
Haha, Mary that is too funny. I’m picturing the mittens & bathrobe! “Jesus is the beginning of all things…” those words are so, so true.
Michele Morin says
Ha! Least athletic person in the U.S. here! Glad to meet my Canadian counterpart!
Thanks for this clear-eyed invitation into a new year of trusting God for grace to step into the hard things without quitting and to take his mercy each day, one measured and beloved inhale and exhale at a time.
Aliza Latta says
Ha! Nice to meet you, Michele. I love how you say… “one measured and beloved inhale and exhale at a time”… so beautiful, thank you.
Linda says
I felt like you wrote this for me.
New year’s day, I did o.k. Yesterday I ate two pieces of candy and felt like I had failed for the year. Thank you for reminding me that every moment we can begin again.
Blessings to you in the new year.
Aliza Latta says
So glad it encouraged you today, Linda!
Gail says
Amen! His mercies are new every morning! Lamentations 3:23
Aliza Latta says
Yes!
Nicki Schroeder says
A thousand times this: “I set a goal. There is grace. I fail. There is grace. I try again. There is grace.”
I have to chuckle though because I think every woman on the planet has had that gym experience. So thankful Jesus loves me, regardless of the size of my gym pants. π
Aliza Latta says
Me too, Nicki!
Jamie S. Harper says
We need this motto everyday- in the beginning and in the tried and true. “Set a goal. There is grace. I fail. There is grace. I try again. There is grace.” I am SO thankful there is grace. For all the things and especially where I am doing something and people are watching (like everything I do). π loved this message.
Aliza Latta says
I am so thankful too!!
bethany mcilrath says
This would be me if I made a gym resolution this year, haha! So familiar. I have long tended the opposite way- not setting a goal because I knew I’d fail. The Lord is teaching me about bravery lately- and this year’s word I’m focusing on is courage! Thanks for bringing grace to the table alongside courage and commitment π I hope those endorphins kick in and the Lord’s grace astounds you in this lifelong thing we’re doing!
Aliza Latta says
Ohhh Bethany, courage is one of my favourite words! I hope the endorphins kick in too π
Ann V. @rekindledsigns says
Day one is THE hardest. Heck, walking in in day one is the hardest! It gets easier! And then there’s grace. You are not alone!
Aliza Latta says
So true. Thanks Ann!
Kathleen says
So enjoyed your post. I wasn’t even sure how to turn on the treadmill and then what do I do I to get off? As for the other equipment in the gym….even less of a clue. Lol
I really liked
“Recognizing that my life doesnβt need to be a structured, rigid routine (although there is a time and place for that) but instead a rhythmic journey set to the tune of grace, provides me freedom.
I set a goal. There is grace.
I fail. There is grace.
I try again. There is grace.”
Thank you.
From another Canadian girl begin grace.
Aliza Latta says
It took me awhile to figure out how to get off the treadmill too, haha. Thanks so much, Kathleen!
Beth says
Absolutely (just like everyone else that read it, it seems) what I needed to hear today! I’ve spent so much time planning my goals, setting up all the reasons how and why I will do each of these things, that I’ve overwhelmed myself into a frozen state of inactivity~ and I sigh. Then I read the “there is grace” and I felt like I can do it after all, just need to give myself a little grace….
Thank you!
Aliza Latta says
So grateful this encouraged you, Beth. Thanks so much.
Kathy Cheek says
I have learned that not all endorphins are created equal, I experienced the same thing where they just don’t do much for me, back in the 80’s when I took an aerobics class for 12 weeks, leg warmers and all and that whole endorphin hype never happened. They still haven’t kicked in, but I sure enjoy a good long walk in the wide open spaces of a walking trail close to my home.
And for this new year, I am glad for God’s grace each new day!
Dori says
This is exactly what the Lord has been talking to me about this week… I love it when He sends me the same message through several vessels. It makes me realize how He is working in and through all of us… that it is truly His message! I hope that encourages you as well, to know the Holy Spirit is using you mightily! Thank you!
Marymargaret says
This was an interesting article. And it’s nice to know that you don’t have to have a “January, or new year, or new school year, to have a clean sleight.
As far as the gym, check out this website: nomoreexcusesgetfit.com, I’m just a high school student, but the website might encourage you.
Pearl Allard says
Aliza, your words always encourage me! Gyms terrify me. I lose the ability to think, much less read, when I’m there. (Diagram? What’s a diagram?!) I work out from the privacy of my home. (Curtains, people, curtains!) And while I’m not happy you have the same struggle, I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one to experience endorphin-ellusion. (If that’s even a thing?) Aliza, I love all the encouragement you give! Thank you so much! (From the girl that hated gym class all her life.)
Shauna Viele says
Oh, this made me smile ! Never a gym class fan myself, I took ballroom dancing the semester the gym teacher taught it so I could get gym class credit! (And yes I still have two left feet, but at least I had fun!)
Pearl Allard says
Love it, Shauna! Dancing sounds more fun. π
Shirl says
What a blessing! Thank you for that timely and familiar post! Familiar – because I, too, am the most un-athletic person I know! Timely – because I too, joined a gym January 2015. That gym was 2 miles from work – very convenient, right? Needless to say, I never went after the initial rosy glow of enthusiasm wore off…..and to top it off, I lost my job about 3 months after joining! I went by and explained my situation to the “athletic, bouncy pony-tailed girl” at the front desk….she was so sorry…would I like to freeze my membership? Freeze my membership on a gym I never used, but was having monthly deductions taken from my checking account?!!Since she would not work with me and cancel my membership (I signed a CONTRACT, she explained. We just can’t cancel a signed CONTRACT!), I said yes, let’s freeze it! 6 months later, I had a new job and “UNFROZE” the contract, continued to pay until my 12 month membership was paid off and put that in my “Lessons Learned” file! Grace! What a wonderful thing! Be blessed today!
Melissa Henderson says
I am very thankful that each day is a clean slate. π God’s mercies are new each day. π
Esther says
Just wanted to encourage you for a bit, so here I am!
In high school, I was insecure and way too selfconscious to enjoy gym or any physical activity. I enjoyed the feeling of fitness I gained afterwards, though! So I’m happy to tell you I did turn into a “gym person” in high school. Just not the gym you might expect… I discovered running, and winter or summer, rain or hail: I force myself to go for a short run outside, at least one time a week! It’s great activity, very rewarding, and, by now, very easy to commit to. I convince myself that everyone staring at me is secretly wishing they were working out too!
I hope and wish that you will find your favorite activity as well! Good luck!
Rebecca L Jones says
This Georgia peach could jazzercise with the best of them in the 80’s, I hope to get that place again. The key for me was never diet or exercise, but knowing Jesus was helping me, staying in His love, joy and peace. I went through some difficult times and that jazzy girl was gone. I had to learn to rest in Him again.
Karen says
About the gym….one way I found “success” was to schedule off days. It helped me SO much to know I wasn’t expecting myself to work out every day and that I would get a break. I would tell myself…”If I go today, then I don’t have to go tomorrow! ” π Amazing how it became my own little pep talk! π
Sarah says
From someone who’s been to a gym before, take it from me: You do get to the stage where it feels good afterwards. I don’t know how often you go, but even going twice a week like I did, give it a couple of months and I think you’ll see a result.
Lori says
Thank you so much!! I’ve read this twice today and plan to make some sticky notes of things that really helped me!! Mine isn’t about the gym (oh it should be!), but it’s about making a change that will help my heart to heal. Thank you so much for this!! Thank you!!
Brenda says
I love it that we can’t fail with Jesus because of grace! I feel like I fail at being a wife all the time, but at least Jesus doesn’t think so. That keeps me going.
Christie says
Aliza,
This was so encouraging! Thank you and many blessings to you! P.S. I am laughing and it felt good to read such truth.
Beth Williams says
Aliza,
Congratulations on joining the gym and working on God’s temple! I like the idea of January being a clean slate. Plans are made for a “wonderful” year full of doing this or that. Then life happens and you “fall off the treadmill”. Here it is January once again. A time for retrospective and restart. ‘Jesus is teaching me that, with Him, each day – each moment – is a clean slate. Halleluiah! Thankful He allows us to start over again and again! Without His mercy and grace we would all be in trouble! We wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything.
Have a blessed 2017! π