“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you;
I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
When Your Heart Needs to Soften
Recently my husband and I experienced a ripple on the surface of our relatively smooth relationship. It came down to words — small ones, really — but feelings were bruised on both sides.
He offered a simple apology but I wouldn’t take it; I didn’t want to brush the matter aside. I needed my point to be known and understood, so I slowly stewed in the juices of my righteous indignation.
It shames me to say, but for a moment I found the anger exhilarating. I’m a peacemaker by nature; other than that sublime frustration known by mothers of children everywhere, I’m not easily provoked.
You’d have to know me and my husband to understand what an unusual situation we found ourselves in. We aren’t fighters — we were together for two years before we disagreed on anything that mattered. This wasn’t a disagreement, just an unwillingness to see things from the other’s point of view, a lack of empathy.
I held onto my hurt and frustration for the better part of 24 hours, in which time I barely spoke to my husband. Unfortunately, the coldness in my heart permeated every aspect of my life. Even when I left home and went to the grocery store alone, I couldn’t summon a smile or a happy thought.
I existed in an Eeyore-esque gloom.
Maintaining a hard heart is both mentally and physically exhausting.
And believe me, it wasn’t lost on me that I have a book on marriage releasing next month — The Heart of Marriage. Oh, the irony.
What a relief when we talked it out one last time and placed it firmly behind us! Although the day of emotional distance made me appreciate our renewed closeness all the more, it’s not a lesson I want to repeat.
And all this happened on a vacation day when my husband was home from work. What a waste of precious time.
Ezekiel 36:26 speaks of the Lord doing a great work in His children, replacing hearts of stone with hearts of flesh. But sisters, our hearts can also harden in a less spiritual and more human — more sinful — way.
We can harden our hearts against our friends. Our neighbors. Our children. Our husbands. Sometimes even our God.
Let’s not waste precious time holding grudges or withholding friendship or affection from the people in our lives.
In this season of new beginnings, do you need to soften your heart towards someone?
Leave a Comment
Pearl Allard says
Dawn, thank you for sharing this. Apart from the book (congrats!), you could have described me. Isn’t it always when the sweetest is at stake that we face the craziest attacks? Or when we’ve had a victory. May we stick together unleashing God’s power in prayer and — like my wise mama says–leave both our successes and failures behind to start each day fresh. So thankful for His fresh mercies! Love that Ezekiel verse!
Dawn Camp says
Yes, this is so much worse when a lot is at stake. A friend’s husband passed away unexpectedly this week right after I wrote this and it’s magnified the message for me even more.
Charlene S. says
Wow! This post is exactly what I needed this morning. I actually woke up at 3 am this morning praying for people who wounded me in the past. Last year, I was still walking in unforgiveness, bitterness and strife. My heavenly father, God took me on a spiritual journey this year. He wooed me with His agape love, grace, mercy and patience for a flawed individual as myself. If God can love and have mercy on me through my “period of rebellion” , surely I should have mercy on others. I finally realized, on this journey, that unforgiveness is not an option. It took me a long time to get to this point because the flesh prefers to indulge in: self-pity, play the victim, retaliate, keep records of offences, gossip and hold grudges. When our flesh decreases, the Holy Spirit can then increase in us. Its a daily battle to forgive others but Jesus is our help through all of our struggles. Thanks Dawn for this great post to encourage and inspire God’s children on their journeys of spiritual growth .
Dawn Camp says
Charlene, it sounds like you’ve had an amazing heart change. You are so right—when we recognize all that God forgives in us, how can we justify not forgiving others? Thank you for sharing your journey in this area.
Priscilla Randle says
Thank you for your transparency. This will speak to many.
Dawn Camp says
Thank you, Priscilla. I hope so!
Angela says
Thank you for sharing this. Right now, at this exact moment I am harboring bitterness in my heart toward my husband. This has motivated me to speak to him and let him know exactly why I am upset.
Dawn Camp says
Angela, did you talk to him today? Were you able to let go of the bitterness?
shelly says
I’m a little scared to admit, because I don’t like admitting it about myself, but I think I’ve become a bit of a “score keeper” lately. Talk about holding onto a grudge! I’ve literally kept track of perceived hurts or disrespects from my partner, and taken action to “even the score.” How sad!
I need to remember, we are all given each and every single moment as a gift, not to be squandered or taken for granted. Living in a world where I tally up a score and set out to gain points back is a shameful and ungrateful way to live.
Thank you for these words. They hit home.
Dawn Camp says
Shelly, I encourage you to tear up the tally sheet and start with a clean slate. Your words—”I need to remember, we are all given each and every single moment as a gift, not to be squandered or taken for granted”—amen, sister!
Carol says
Oh what a tangled web we weave when we choose to harden our hearts. Allowing ourselves to
let go of all that tension and bitterness is the most freeing experience. It is then that we can feel the beautiful closeness to a forgiving God and become the person He wants us to be. This morning I am reminded, once again, to stay in that peace.
Dawn Camp says
You are so right, Carol. I found the tension and bitterness to be absolutely exhausting. I wanted a nap to rest and escape my own mind!
Melissa Henderson says
Yes, my heart needs to soften to a certain person. I have prayed for my heart to soften and God heard my prayers. I am learning. 🙂
Dawn Camp says
Melissa, I’m praying for you now that you’ll be able to soften your heart towards this person. I can tell it’s important to you.
Rebecca L Jones says
What a great post, it is exhausting to hold onto anger, and really all negative emotions. I agree with Charlene’s comment entirely.
Dawn Camp says
Yep, holding onto anger is as exhausting as lugging around real baggage!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Dawn,
This post is very timely as I struggle with the fact that we/I will be angry, but are called not to sin in our anger. I wrestle with having a softened heart of flesh, but to not let my heart be tromped on. It’s a delicate balance and I have been seeking God’s wisdom. Your post has helped by weighing in today and giving me food for thought…
Thanks and blessings,
Bev
Dawn Camp says
You’re welcome, Bev. Maybe it’s our job to soften our hearts and to trust the Lord to strengthen us.
Leah says
Sharing this!
I tell my kids that just because they start down a wrong path doesn’t mean they have to stay on that life path.
But…..
Man is that hard to live out with the people who live in my house sometimes! I can get cranky and entitled myself and then have to go back and say that I am the one who is sorry.
Living it out isn’t always fun…especially when I’m right. (That last part was a joke. Kind of. )
Elisa K. says
Dawn,
Amen^^*
I’ve been on along journey of healing, refining and freedom.
Bitterness is the core issue, among others.
Still working on overcoming the fear of been hurt again.
Praying for healing. Because I want to forgive and be gracious as Jesus is to me.
I’m tired of it turning into self loathing, for I do want to do God’s will.
But it’s hard to break emotional habits I was no aware I had. Like suppressing, isolating and escapism.
I had other names for them before, and they seem like my shields.
Sadly, this things developed since my baby years, back then parents didn’t know what they know now.
It’s funny how neglect can affect someone as sensitive emotionally as I am.
I was often accused of been over sensitive by lack of understanding.
I didn’t understand why others didn’t care as much as I did.
Learning that humans can grieve the Holy Spirit made me realize,
I only know a smaller version. But I still felt like I could relate.
It’s been a long and hard journey since 2001.
So many heavy issues, that only God’s Holy Spirit in Christ Jesus can reach me fully.
But I have the hope, that like when I was born again in 1994.
That wonderful year and half of knowing, feeling, hungering for His Word, been able to dwell and meditate.
Feeling the closeness, peace and joy of the Lord.
Though it’s taking time, I hold on to this simple but eternal truths.
God loves me, I am His child, and He created me for His good purpose.
Thankfully I finally met two wonderful ministry ladies who God knew were the right people,
who could help me. Also, have a christian counselor.
She is my third. I reached a plateau with the others, also felt that knowing my issues was a heavy burden.
And they needed me to find someone else to help me.
His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.
I love this lyrics. Jesus is the reason I was able to overcome suicide for good many years ago.
I look forward to becoming who I am in Him.
Jesus is victor!
– Corrie Ten Boom.
And I look forward to that ultimate day of freedom from all my issues, for eternity with Him forever^^*
Yvonne says
Oh my word, this post was so meant for me today……I really struggle with softening my heart, only to be taken advantage of and hurt again but this has reminded me that avoiding the hurt is not my job. My job is to be forgiving….just as the Lord forgives us.
Beth Williams says
Dawn,
I pray daily that my husband can e a forgiving person-and myself as well. We all have disagreements, but God said ““In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Ephesians 4:26. Every night we have a “tiff” I/we try to work it out before saying good night. I have never held a grudge or stayed made at anyone for a long time.
Blessings 🙂