We sat across from each other at a small table surrounded by glass displays of bakery treats lining bubblegum-pink walls. Everything in the cupcake bakery screamed too sweet and too bright. To me it felt like the place where the surface level world, dressed in their Sunday best with plastered on smiles, would go to fake fine.
We were two souls who had just met, ready to share two oversized and over-frosted cupcakes. But to my surprise, and relief, we weren’t meeting merely for the cupcakes or to share superficial words.
A few days before, in a conference room full of brand new Army wives, a speaker led a discussion on how to care for a family who loses a soldier. Normally the introvert, I surprised myself when my hand shot up. I found myself voluntarily sharing my experiences on loss and the grief I was knee-deep in after having just lost my child and father within weeks of each other.
The speaker was grateful for my contribution to the discussion, but I could feel the silence and awkwardness in the room forcing me to shrink back in my seat.
When we were dismissed, I rushed to my car, thankful to hide in the darkness of the night.
Anxiety and regret ran rampant inside me, and I scolded myself for revealing my broken heart to a group of women I didn’t know.
But the act that I thought was stupidly vulnerable ended up being the switch that God used to ignite a connection and bring me a friendship I wasn’t looking for, but needed. Later that same evening, one of the wives from the meeting found me on social media and sent me a message inviting me to meet for cupcakes.
My grief-stricken, wanting-to-hide, introverted self initially felt unsure of the invite, but then a sense of relief washed over me because her message meant my story and I didn’t scare everyone away. Still, I wanted to decline, but I felt the nudge to accept.
She had welcomed my act of vulnerability and I saw her invite, her attempt to connect, as an act of vulnerability. I wanted to honor that.
Vulnerable act met vulnerable act.
So we met for cupcakes.
We scraped off our superficial surfaces like we were scraping off frosting from a cupcake and shared from our deep and broken places.
She felt a connection to what I shared in the meeting, and she wanted connection in the places most people hide or turn away from. She didn’t want sugar-coated words. She wanted authenticity.
My father had just passed away from cancer; her dad was fighting stage 4 brain cancer. I had just buried my one month old baby girl, becoming a mother without her child; she was struggling with wanting to become a mother but not being able to have children. We were both brand new Army wives, separated from everything we had ever known, trying to understand this new world by taking an Army Wife 101 class.
Now here we were, strangers, sitting at a table unveiling our hearts and compassionately listening to each other’s fragile, sacred spaces as we shared sweet cupcakes and salty tears.
I had stumbled upon a friend who offered to share in the bittersweetness of life with me. A friend who lived out Romans 12:15 as she mourned with me, her tears mirroring mine as they slid down our cheeks, and rejoiced with me, her laughter mixing with mine as we spoke stories of profound love and joy.
Until I experienced it, I wasn’t aware of how much I needed the friendship she offered. Through her friendship, God brought me healing and breathed life into me again.
When we find ourselves journeying alone, afraid, hurting, we can expect one of God’s greatest provisions to be the friend who shows up, maybe even unexpectedly, and walks beside us. This friendship is sweeter than anything else.
To receive this gift of friendship, we have to be willing to open up, invite in, go forth, and do so courageously. When we share our vulnerable places, we open ourselves up to connection and sweet friendship.
Leave a CommentA sweet friendship refreshes the soul. (Proverbs 27:9b)
Michele Morin says
Kristin, I can’t even begin to imagine the depth of your loss, and I’m thankful that you’ve been able to open up about your grief — how good of God to meet that risk with the gift of a friend!
Kristin Vanderlip says
He is good indeed! Thank you Michele.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Kristin,
Sharing in your grief. Thank you for sharing your testimony of how God was (and is) able to bring beauty from our ashes if we are willing to be brave and be vulnerable. I grew up in a household where you didn’t share your emotions and you certainly didn’t “air your dirty laundry” in front of others. The truth is, we all have “dirty laundry”. We have hearts that are torn with sadness, grief, fear, anxiety, despair, disappointment, discouragement. Another fact is that we are not alone. God gives us others to help us bear our burdens and shoulder the load with others. He made us to be in relationship with Him and with others. I have found that the boldest, bravest step is often going first in being vulnerable. God has never disappointed me in either bringing someone along to minister to me, or bringing someone along to whom I can minister. That’s how it is in God’s economy. Thanks for a brave and lovely post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
ps. God bless military wives and families – you are the backbone of our great Nation! Thank you for your sacrifices.
Kristin Vanderlip says
Oh thank you so much for your sweet words Bev! I’m so glad you too experienced God’s goodness in this area. And I love what you said here: “God gives us others to help us bear our burdens and shoulder the load with others. He made us to be in relationship with Him and with others. I have found that the boldest, bravest step is often going first in being vulnerable. ” Amen sister! Blessings, Kristin
Gina Grabenstatter says
Kristin, you are a great example of what I am struggling to be; Vulnerable to allow love and friendship into my life and keep my heart open to deeper relationships. I want to share and be part of this journey with others but I can’t seem to take the steps to get there. I will question everything until I don’t do anything.
Thank you for sharing your story and I pray for you to stay strong with your losses and I will continue to try to create better relationships and be more open thanks to your inspiration.
Kristin Vanderlip says
Gina thank you for sharing your honest heart with me here. I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with this now, but know you’re not alone. We all are to some degree or another at any given time. I’m so glad my own story could be inspiring to you. That’s what’s encouraging about sharing our experiences with vulnerability and friendships – when we see someone do it scared and see God at work we’re encouraged in turn . Praying for you to be filled with God’s confidence and wisdom for sharing yourself and your journey with others and praying for you to trust His timing. Lean into His promises. Blessings, Kristin
Margaret chapello says
You are a beautiful child of God. He is preparing you to be a disciple. I will pray for you as you grieve and may you feel His loving arms around you always.
Kristin Vanderlip says
Thank you so much for your kind words Margaret. Your comment touched me. I know that I am His disciple and have been investing in discipling other women this year. Discipleship and filling God’s command with discipleship have been heavy on my heart over the past couple of years. Blessings to you, Kristin.
Brenda says
((Kristin)) Good reminder to meet each other in our vulnerability. Kind of like a high-five — you don’t want to leave anyone hanging. In this way we make vulnerability a holy discomfort. The Lord’s been teaching me about comfort zones this past year, and how I’m most effective for Him outside of them. ((Hugs and prayers))
Kristin Vanderlip says
Thanks for your comment Brenda! I love what you said: “In this way we make vulnerability a holy discomfort” and “I’m most effective for Him outside of them” – Amen! Blessings, Kristin
Penny says
Kristin,
I am deeply sorry for your losses.You’re extremely brave to open up not knowing the outcome, and it’s wonderful you’ve connected with someone special.
Psalm
84:11
For the Lord God is a sun and shield.
I pray that you are surrounded by Him.
Blessings to all,
Penny
Kristin Vanderlip says
Thank you for your sweet words Penny. Blessings to you, Kristin
Maggie says
I just love this so much, because I’ve felt the same way at ladies groups. Opening my heart up so much reaching out for connection and feeling like no one reaches back. So comforting to read your story and think that maybe there was someone there who was blessed in her own quiet way.
Kristin Vanderlip says
Love this Maggie! It’s so true, we don’t always know HOW our stories touch others, but we can know that they most certainly DO. Blessings, Kristin
Kathy Cheek, Devotions from the Heart says
This is such a touching story of God bringing a blessing into the deep places of hurt and vulnerability, and you are so brave to share it with all of us, thank you. I have a feeling more blessings will come!
Kristin Vanderlip says
God is so good to bring blessings and beauty from hurt and vulnerability! Thank you for your comments Kathy! Blessings, Kristin
Denise Pass says
Kristin,
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us, too. It is refreshing when we can meet someone who is willing to go deep with you, not just be an acquaintance on the surface. Beautiful post! <3
Kristin Vanderlip says
Certainly refreshing Denise! Thank you for your kind words. Blessings, Kristin
Rebecca L Jones says
That sounds like a divine appointment. How wonderful to find an understanding soul in a time of grief, someone who understands and doesn’t just give pat answers. I pray for a lot of people, and I see very good results, but sometimes only God has the answers. I pray His peace finds you and you friend today, and I am truly sorry for your loss.
Beth Williams says
Kristen,
I pray God bless you and ALL the army wives & families. You sacrifice soo much for our country. (((hugs & blessings)))
Thank you for being open & honest about a hard time in your life. As introverts it is hard to be open & share our struggles. I have been there. There comes a time when we have to be vulnerable & open up about our struggles & trials. I go to a small church & my dad came with us some after mom died. January 2016 my aging dad’s dementia got bad & he was hospitalized. My family all lives out of state, so no help from them. I got brave & emailed a few good friends at church & asked for prayers. When the illness got really bad-they were there for me with hugs & prayers. I’m not sure I could have made it through that time without their help. God brought beauty out of ashes. He healed my dad & gave him 14 more good months before taking him home.
Blessings 🙂
Virginia says
This has the fingerprints of Jesus all over It! Thank you so much for sharing your story!!