Over the past year, I have spent a whole lot of extra time with my dear friend, Gayla, and her family. This may not strike you as odd, except for the fact that her husband, Steve, was diagnosed with cancer almost two years ago. Their family is young. Neither of them are 40 yet and their three kids are all under ten. I have been friends with them for more than a decade. But this season has been different.
When Gayla’s husband was first diagnosed, everyone came rushing in with offers of help and support, as they should. But through the years, the help hasn’t stopped, which has shocked me in all the best ways. Homemade dishes still appear at their house, offers to pay to have their laundry done are still coming in, and there are continuous offers to help with the kids in any way. Personally, I babysit for them to enjoy a date night. I clean their house and fold their laundry and even help her grade papers until the wee hours of the morning.
Can I tell you a secret? These have been some of the sweetest times I have had in a friendship recently. My friendship with them has gone to the next level. We have had conversations about light and hard things. We laugh and cry. We pray and speak truth. We break bread together and share dessert. There has been a new depth of authenticity and vulnerability that has taken place due to the reality of his cancer.
Their kids have even changed my last name to include me in the family. My heart melts! I love this family as if they were my own.
I recently came across Galatians 6 and was impressed by how much instruction is packed in ten short verses. A few of them stood out when it comes to faithfulness in friendship:
We are designed to be carriers of each other’s burdens in friendship.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
In order to carry something heavy in the spiritual, we need to be strong, mentally, physically and spiritually. We stay prayed up and open to the Spirit’s leading. That is no easy task. I, along with countless other friends, could have offered Gayla and Steve one-time help. We could have felt good about ourselves because we had done our “Christian duty.” We would have gotten pats on the back and a jewel in our crown. But, that is not carrying. That is not walking with someone through a hardship. Carrying could last a couple of steps or it could last for miles. Christ meant for us to be one with each other. We weep with those who weep. We comfort those who need to be comforted. When one hurts, we all hurt.
We are designed to be patient in friendship.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Galatians 6:9)
We are designed to do good in friendship.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. (Galatians 6:10)
We are called by God to love everyone, to encourage everyone, and to serve everyone, but there is something special about loving on those you are doing life with. I do tons of outreach through my local church. It feels good to meet the needs of the community and to provide tangible acts of God’s love. There is a joy that comes from meeting the needs of those closest to you.
There are few words to describe how satisfied I feel knowing that the Lord did a work through me to bless and encourage my brother and sister in Christ. It is literally a joy that brings tears to my eyes when I think about being a small part of the great story God is writing in their lives.
Steve’s family and friends have rallied around him in prayer and support. We are believing for supernatural healing. As long as the Lord tarries, we are here and we will continue to be here. I don’t always do friendship well, but one thing I can never be accused of is being unfaithful. I am the loyal type. Even so, I can fail. I think many of us want to be loyal and consistent, but life gets in the way. We are so busy doing that we can often neglect those right in our sphere of influence. I have committed to a “Whatever You Need” attitude when it comes to this sweet family. No task is too great or too small. I will arrange and re-arrange my schedule in order to show up. I am in this friendship for the long haul. The road can bend and twist and turn, but I won’t be shaken.
Are there people in your life who need a commitment from you to friendship for the long haul?
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Karina,
How fortunate your friends are to have you – someone who is in it for the long haul. What a blessing! As I recuperate from surgery for the 4th time, I have seen the usual flurry of activity at the beginning, which don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for. But the loyal friends become fewer in number as the recuperation wears on. It’s made me examine my own friendship perseverance. Am I good in the short sprint, but come up short in the long distance races? I think, like you said, that there is a deeper level of friendship in which God can provide a special joy when we really dig in deep and come alongside for the long haul. You have me thinking long and hard as to what kind of friend and servant I want to be when I come through this (hopefully last for awhile) surgery.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Karina Allen says
Bev! I’ll be praying for some quick healing sister! Yeah, this friendship has truly changed how I persevere in friendship. I am loyal in nature, but this has upped my game. I pray that you will last long in friendships. It is such a joy on this side.
Blessings!
B says
Bev
May the God of all comfort be near you as you persevere through this next surgery. Praying for healing, peace and that the joy of our Lord be your strength. My husband was hospitalized a few weeks with complications of pneumonia & then a stroke. Diagnosed with GPA an autoimmune disease. He’s getting a chemo treatment for the next few weeks. It’s been difficult walking through this journey as I’ve had fibromyalgia for 27 yrs and he’s been strong to work as I homeschool our boys. I know we’re in a different season now and have had to choose peace and trust that God’s ways are not our way and His purposes are beyond what we can see or understand. It’s a blessing to read your posts as the past two years we’ve transitioned from full time ministry on the east coast back to Texas to be near family. Our home never sold and after 2 years now face foreclosure during my husbands illness. But as I’ve been in the Word the Lord reminds me that He is my portion and He is faithful. I’m exhausted but peace is a gift from the Lord. I pray you have the courage to ask your friends for help if you need them… People who are healthy really don’t understand but if you let them know what you need you’ll be surprised that they will be there!
The song by Chris Tomlin ” All the Way my Savior Leads Me.” Ministered to my family these past few years & May be helpful to you as well! Blessings, Bren
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Bren,
I am so sorry for what all you’ve been through. It just strikes me sometimes that it seems like some people endure so many trials, while others kind of get off easily. I was reading 1 Corinthians chapter 4, and I have to say I kind of identify with feeling like the crud on the bottom of one’s sandals right now. I know there will be a great reward for those who persevere and don’t lose hope. I cling to that through times like these. I pray that hope for you as well. Thank you for taking the time to encourage me. My foot is healing well, though I have 3 more weeks of non weight bearing before graduating to a boot. I had a bad fall in the garage and now have a case of shingles. It just seems like it’s never ending. I will have to check out the Chris Tomlin song/video – love him!!
Blessings and thanks sweet sister,
Bev xoxo
B says
Thanks for your prayers!
You are in mine too! I’ve read your posts before and somehow thought to get you my cell# so we could encourage each other. You may have plenty of support right now, but
Should you need a friend feel free to email me your contact info at:brendasbhive5@yahoo.com
I appreciate your heart for the Lord!
Bren
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Bren,
I tried emailing you, but it wouldn’t accept your email address. Is that a colon after “at” or just a period?
Bev
B says
brendasbhive5@yahoo.com
Hope you have blessed Lord’s Day!
Beth Williams says
B,
Praying hard for you and your family. Like Bev said some families/people seem to have more trials than others. May God bring hope & healing to your hurting souls. I know how much music can help in trials. It soothes the soul and brings peace. Remember God is Always with you and will NEVER Leave you! We love you!
(((((Hugs)))))
B says
Thanks really appreciate Sooo much the prayers B
Ingrid says
Beautiful testimony. I was blessed to be a part of my friend’s journey for three years, now almost 12 years ago. Her children were 3 and 13 months when she died. I still think back on the meals, laundry and babysitting…and her bizzare attack cat! He remarried, and I’ve glimpsed their new family over the years. Thank you for your story, and may God strengthen you, and all those helping, for the journey ahead.
Karina Allen says
Amen Ingrid! I love your story!
It is a process and life changing thing to be a part of someone’s pain and healing for an extended amount of time.
Thank you for the prayers!
Jas says
You are a wonderful friend and a valuable servant of God. May God bless you and I will pray for your friend to be healed. Thank you for the example you set to me of what good friendship looks like.
Much love
Jas
Karina Allen says
Thank you Jas!
Agreeing with you in prayer! I pray that God brings someone into your life that needs a friend like you.
Michele Morin says
Thank you, Karina, for this challenge. I’m hearing you say that we need to lean into the strength of our faithful God in order to be the kind of friend who stays faithful and attentive when the newness of crisis has worn off and the days of chronic need show up.
I love how you have been enveloped in the love of this family even as you pour your life into theirs.
Karina Allen says
Michele, that’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
Be blessed!
Linda Kinsman says
Karina,
What a beautiful way to honor your friendship with this family. I saw the beauty of a long standing friendship a few months ago when my mother in law was dying. Her friend never stopped caring, never stopped visiting, or shopping, or calling family… she was, like you, a loyal friend who was never afraid to do whatever her friend needed at the time. She is a Christian woman I admire and hope to emulate. As I go about my day, I’m going to look for hints in my friends conversations to see if I need to change my viewpoint on how “fine” they really are. Thank you!
Karina Allen says
That’s so good Linda!
What a blessing that must have been for your MIL.
“Fine” usually is only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes it takes a while for that person to ask or accept help. I pray you see beneath the surface to figure out how you can meet a need.
Yezy says
Karina,
I have experienced first hand the kind of care you are providing for your friends and after several years my heart warms up when I remember those times and those people
I want to be that kind of friend, I have a family that really needs someone to love on them but they are so independent and self-sufficient I often get discouraged (I know exactly why they act like that, and it only makes me more eager to be for them, but sometimes I feel perhaps I’m not the one who’s suppossed to do it)
Now I feel encouraged to continue to pray and be alert, when they need me, there I’ll be
(Will be praying for a miracle for your friends too. Have seen God do some pretty amazing things around here)
Karina Allen says
Yezy, that’s a great place to be in. Your heart is soft and your spirit is willing. Keep being there and eventually they will ask for and receive your help when they’ve reached the end of themselves. The Lord will guide you.
Thank you for sharing! Agreeing with you in prayer!
Yezy says
Areum Lee says
What a beautiful devotion! I believe God uses people like you to use the gifts He has given us for His glory and purpose. There is no greater gift than having a friend stand by you in hard times! God positioned you for this family, to be His hands and feet. When I pray for people, I pray for their needs but I also pray that they see God’s hand and His love through it all! And I am sure your friend and her family feel and see God through your dedicoand committed friendship!
Karina Allen says
Thank you for your encouragement Areum! I love how God positions us for service for His glory!
Britta says
Lovely Karina,
I am so glad to have found you in my inbox today! I always love to read what you have written, sweet friend. And it makes my heart glad to hear about the good that God does through you because I know it brings you so much joy. I pray that I will have a heart like yours!
Karina Allen says
Friend, thank you for your encouragement. I am sure you have a heart like mine, cuz you have a heart like His. I pray that God will give you opportunities to display His love and kindness.
I love you!
Patty says
Thank you, Karina, for reminding us all of the need to care for others in their time of need. Our lives become so busy that we often lose sight of those needs. I LOVE your powerful message in how we need to be strong and “prayed up”! I am member of the order of the Daughters of the King and monitor the prayer requests via email in our church. Until I began to help with the prayer line, I had no idea how many in our families, community, and loved ones need our intercessory prayers. I was able to send out a Thanks & Praise message this morning and that was a wonderful way to start the day. As the storms pass over us, we can lean on one another.
Karina Allen says
Amen Patty! I love how you are using your gift for intercessory prayer! There are SO many needs in our communities that go unknown because people keep silent about them. I am so glad that you can share those needs so others can provide help.
Blessings!
Penny says
Karina,
It’s miraculous how in times of turmoil the Lord works wonders.Thank-you for sharing your beautiful message with us….
Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility,gentleness, and patience
Colossians 3:12;13
My thoughts and prayers are with you, and your friends
Blessings to all,
Penny
Karina Allen says
Amen Penny! Thank you for sharing and praying!
me says
I really connected with this! With my health I’ve seen the help at the beginning but it’s dwindled down greatly. I really really appreciate the help I got. My chronic illness isn’t their journey or responsibility. But it’s so misunderstood that every time I think I’m getting on top of my way behind work load, my help stops and I’m left to flounder again. But thank God for the help He did send. And thank God for my ‘sister’ friends who share the load emotionally and through prayer although they can’t physically help. Its a blessing! I keep praying for the physical helper I also need. And praise God for all the blessings and help He sends along the way! I have some amazing friends:)
Karina Allen says
I am praying for God to bring some tangible displays of god’s love and care for you! May He carry you in this season. May He shower healing over you and peace to your heart.
Be blessed sister!
me says
Thank you! He sends blessings everyday! He is such a miracle working God! He’s what pulls me through each day:)!!!
Marymargaret says
Yes. I have a friend who has gone through a lot. She was adopted about 5 years ago, and then her parents almost got a divorce this year, but thankfully did not. She is in 9th grade like me, but we tend to have a friendship that goes in phases. Sometimes we seem to be best friends and other times in life, we barely speak a word to each other. I have been tempted several times to just give up on her, because she hasn’t always treated me like a good friend should, but she has gone through a lot, and she needs consistency. So, I guess I need to be patient with her, and still at least be there for her. So, thank you for this. I will probably call her up today:) Please pray all goes well, and all said is to build each other up and not tear each other down.
Have a great day!
Karina Allen says
Mary Margaret! You sweet girl! I love that you are here and that you are thinking the way you do! Know that God is crazy pleased with you!
Friendships are tricky and hard and messy and beautiful. Your friend sounds like she is hurting and in need of some healing from the life that she has led. Keep praying for her and for God to open doors for you to tangibly show her His love for her.
Yes, call her! I’d love to know how it goes!
I also wanna send you something. Email me…karina268@ilovejesus.net
Bless you!
Jen says
Karina ,
What a beautiful testimony and what a jewel Steve and his family have in you ! As I myself have dealt with a life – altering illness for over 12 years now and picked up a few more illnesses along the way , I have lost so many ” friends ” . It seems very few of any at all were here for the long haul . I am blessed with an awesome husband and daughter but even family I’ve found ( other family ) are not in it for the long haul .
This makes me proud as well as wanting to examine my own look and take on friendships . May God bless you and your friends !
Karina Allen says
Jen, I am so sorry to hear that. I pray that the Lord does a supernatural work in your life. May He heal and restore your health and peace of mind. May He bring those anointed to carry your burden alongside of your family. May He bring someone into your life whose burdens you’re anointed to carry. May you willingly and joyfully comfort those with the comfort you’ve been given.
Blessings!
Gail Noe says
Thank you so much for this amazing testimony. As with Bev, I too am yielding myself to the Lord as I know I have come up short. Relationships have been the weakest & most difficult part of my life & my born again life with Jesus. I am thanking Him for restoring to me so much that was stolen in the area of relationship. God bless you abundantly as u move forward with this very special part your life.
Karina Allen says
Gail Noe, thank you for sharing. I love the new mercies God bestows on us. We get endless chances to get it right. May He bring someone in your life who needs the care and help that only you can uniquely provide. Take heart. Don’t be discouraged. May God continue to restore friendship in your life. May He grant you a hundred-fold harvest!
Blessings!
Dorothy Bradshaw says
Absolutely what I needed to hear today. My childhood friend had surgery today. I struggled with taking the day off work to be with her. Not because I don’t care, but I am just back to work after surgery (3 unpaid months) and have no days accumulated. But I trust God to take care of that. We are both cancer survivors and have been reunited in friendship after many distant years. I know that God destined for us to rekindle our friendship to strengthen and encourage each other and serve in the way he designed for us. Thank you for this word, I plan to share it with her when she wakes up. Praise God!
Karina Allen says
Dorothy, I may have tears right now! How sweet is the Lord?!
Yes! God will take care of your need! May He provide in unexpected ways and abundance of provision to meet even your deepest need. He is good and faithful!
I declare healing to every cell in both of your bodies! May y’all’s bodies function in line with how God created them. Y’all are more than conquerors. Christ dies to bring healing. May it manifest quickly! In Jesus’ Name!
Thank you for sharing!
Dorothy Bradshaw says
He is a good, good Father. We receive your blessing and extend it to all who read and share your testimony. We surrender to His good and perfect will.
Thank you.
Brenda says
Bless you, Karina. Prayers for Steve and Gayla. ((graces))
karina allen says
Thank you Brenda!
Summer Rae says
Dearest Karina,
Thank you so much for sharing your story; it is so beautiful to see GOD’s body continuously working together. As someone learning to love and serve selflessly as well set boundaries I appreciate your example and honest spirit. Your story is definitely inspiring as well as encouraging. Thank you again, I pray that you have a very blessed day!
This side of Heaven,
Summer Rae
Karina Allen says
Thank you Summer Rae for your encouragement! Keep learning! Keep following the Holy Spirit!
Kimberly says
Praying with you for Steve’s supernatural healing. I just witnessed this in my dad who was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 pancreatic cancer this past October and who is now cancer free after surgery on May 16. My family is so very thankful to God for this supernatural healing. God is good!
Karina Allen says
Amen Kimberly! Thank you for sharing!
Do it again Lord!!!!
Nancy Gladwin says
It’s encouraging to hear stories like this. I am this kind of friend and I have those kind of “long haul” friendships, more like family than friends. Thank you for your sweet and honest story telling of friendship.
Karina Allen says
I love it Nancy! What a blessing! Thank you for sharing!
Robin says
Long haul friendship is rare, and to be cherished. Thank you for a beautiful reminder of how God sees things. May he continue to bless your beautiful friendship!
Karina Allen says
Amen Robin! I receive it! Thank you for sharing!
Beth Williams says
Karina,
Thank you for being an example of how friendships should be. Like you said people rush to help in the newness of crisis. It is when that newness wears off that people still need help. I’ve tried to be that kind of friend to others also. One friend in particular was going through aging parents/health issues with 3 people & her husband. During that time I would call almost daily to check on the status. Also cooked or got meals for them 3 different times. I was always ready to listen to her problems. You see at that same time I had aging parent health issues and could relate. Thankful for long haul friendships.
Blessings 🙂