Deep into the wee hours one night, spring came ferociously roaring through our small town. And it took our trampoline with it.
Once the major threat of tornadoes had passed and the agonizing should we or shouldn’t we wake the kids up to hide in the almost-just-as-scary-as-a-tornado storm shelter decision had been made, there was only one thing I really prayed about: that silly trampoline.
Lord, please spare it.
He didn’t.
We found it tangled in the woods near our house the next morning. Having cleared a fence and several trees, the thing was still in surprisingly good condition. But for this big ol’ pregnant momma with four young kids already nipping at her heels, having that trampoline (ahem: free babysitter) out of commission for any amount of time was close to devastating.
It would take some unbending and finagling and adjusting, my husband said. But it could be fixed. There was hope for it, he said. Just don’t count on it ever being perfect.
Yep, I thought. Same here, buddy.
It was following an argument he and I had several weeks ago when I realized it.
He had hurt my feelings deeply, and I considered myself pretty justified in really letting him have it. For once, he was in the wrong, I was in the right, and we both knew it. Sweet, sweet victory.
Only it wasn’t.
After days of stewing over his infraction (despite his many apologies), God had had enough of my antics. His reminder to me was gentle but firm.
Hannah, stop expecting him to be perfect. He cannot be. There is only One who is and ever will be the Perfect Spouse. Let your husband be free of that burden.
Ouch. And now I was the one having to apologize.
My victory was cut painfully (but mercifully) short.
There are several relationships in my life that have needed some untangling over the last few months. They’re bent up and wonky and require some careful adjusting. And though they’ve cleared some hurdles, there’s still more work to be done.
But God has been kind to show me in each of them just what it is I was wrongfully requiring, even demanding of those I loved: Perfection, where perfection wasn’t humanly possible.
I realized that when I expect others to fulfill me or to satisfy my needs for love or friendship or for provision, then I am holding mortal, fallible, broken humans up to a standard they never can and never will conform to.
It’s not fair to them and it strips from Christ the role only He was meant to play.
Because if Jesus calls the Church His Bride, then we already have a Perfect Spouse.
And because God calls us His beloved children, then we already know the Perfect Parent.
And when the Holy Spirit joyfully, unfailingly ministers to us, guides us, and comforts us, then we already possess the Perfect Friend.
Thankfully, that means we can release ourselves and those we love from the burden of being only what only Jesus can be.
And that’s such a good thing.
When we inevitably make mistakes in our parenting, we can point our children to their Father in heaven instead. My darlings, don’t look to Mommy to be perfect. Look to God! See how His love is never failing. See how lovely His grace is.
When we let down friends or feel let down by others, we can run to Christ. Look how Jesus loved others. Look how He loves me!
When our marriages feel mangled, we can forgive our spouses (and ask them for their forgiveness) as our precious Savior has forgiven us. Look how kind He is! Look how He gave Himself up in our place.
So while we may still be a little broken, our relationships a little bent, our sin nature in need of some serious adjustment, Jesus has taken the burden of perfection from us and from those we love.
Praise God, we are free from that role.
For His grace is sufficient for us. His power made perfect in our weakness.
Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
Smiling over the “pathetic garden” in your bio — I’ve got one of those as well, and reading your words about letting go of perfect and taking grace remind me that these are lessons we can learn in our gardens and apply to our family.
I appreciate your emphasis on the freedom we gain when we throw away our warped yardstick and let God keep track of performance.
Hannah Hall says
Thank you, Michele. And yay! I love that I’m not the only one with a not-so-perfect garden in my life. 🙂 Thanks for being able to relate!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Hannah,
I lived in tornado country for 5 years. We had kind of an opposite thing happen. When we woke up and came out of our basement, my kids beheld a wonderful new toy that had landed smack dab in the middle of our back yard. A pup tent that, we later tracked down, had blown in from about a block away and landed perfectly in our backyard. My kids were so disappointed that it wasn’t theirs to keep – a miraculous gift from above. Anyway, your post reminds me of God talking to me in much the same way. I remember reading “Great Expectations” in English Lit and God has had remind me on many occasions that my “expectations” of others to be perfect and fulfill my every need, just aren’t going to be met by earthly creatures. For so long I expected perfection from myself, and also expected perfection from others. What a spot on post to remind me, yet again, that my “Great Expectations” can only be fulfilled by One person and that is Jesus Christ. Only He can love me with a love that truly fulfills. Only His patience is never ending. Only His grace is sufficient. Thanks for a much needed reminder!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Hannah Hall says
Ha! Bless their little hearts. Why wouldn’t God miraculously send a new toy overnight?? 😉 He is awfully kind like that.
I’m reminded of that more and more everyday. I will complain that don’t understand why He lets sin go on in this world, and then I remember what a sinner I am and how patient he was (is!) with me- and I am so grateful that He waits.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Bev!
Carla says
Your touched me this morning, and as always the gently worded reminders of God’s word. Why do we as humans expect perfection when He is the only one who is? Give me peace my Father in my struggle to abide in your word.
Hannah Hall says
Thank you, Carla. And, yes, I’m praying for peace too. Always.
Thanks so much for reading. 🙂
Melody says
I don’t often take the time to read this blog every day, but so glad I followed the prompting to click through the link and read your post. As usual, just the nudge (and it was filled with grace) I needed. There’s been tornado winds through this family and the tangles have been overwhelming for so long so this reminder of releasing myself and others from perfection challenges my thinking. How dare I even think I know what the restoration is to look like?! Oh, to release my grip! thanks again for being prayerful in your writing to inspire others.
Hannah Hall says
Praise God. It always amazes me how He can use the struggles I face and the lessons I learn to encourage others (and vice versa). He is brilliant in His efficiency! Thanks so much for commenting, Melody. I’m praying right now for restoration and peace in your family.
Abby Stewart says
So grateful for your honesty here, Hannah. Thank you.
Hannah Hall says
Thank YOU, Abby. 🙂
Natalie Hixson says
We have lost two trampolines to wind. We finally got these huge ground screws and tied the trampoline down with that. Worked great!
Anyway, loved this “..stop expecting him to be perfect…There will only who is and ever will be the perfect spouse.”
Gold. Love it. So so so true. Thank you for your post and beautiful writing!
Hannah Hall says
Hi Natalie!
Ironically (or maybe I should say, providentially) our trampoline blew away AGAIN last night. And, once again, my husband worked his magic and the thing will live for another day. Large screws will be coming soon, I think. 🙂
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, my fellow trampoline-er. We’re in this thing together. 😉
Liz says
Thank you. This was such a helpful reminder that our God is everything we need. Praise Him
Hannah Hall says
Yes, praise Him!
Rebecca L Jones says
I have been through tornadoes,was at the dentist when one went down my street. My white Cottontail was safe. Then I was at home when my dentist’s office was demolished, his papers were in another state. My mother drove through the end of one as I prayed hail would not break the windshield, I asked her to stop under a church awning , she said no. Later, we found out awnings, metal buildings and pole barns had been blown away. It’s safe to say angels watch me. If you get a real babysitter, hope she doesn’t float away like Marry Poppins. Revenge isn’t sweet is it? I have been right lots of times and still feel horrible.
Hannah Hall says
Goodness! You and tornadoes have quite a history, Rebecca! Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
Nancy Ruegg says
Every bride-to-be needs to be told: Don’t expect your husband to be perfect. He cannot be. There is only One who is and ever will be the Perfect Spouse. Let your husband be free of that burden. (The husbands need to told the same about their wives!) If GRACE is a pervasive attitude in our homes, our familial relationships will be more supportive, more intimate, and more joy-filled. Thank you, Hannah, for your honesty and wisdom!
Hannah Hall says
Thank you for reading, Nancy. And, yes! If only I had understood as a young bride what I’m finally starting to understand now. My poor husband would have been spared some very high expectations.
Beth Williams says
Hannah,
Couples and families should set boundaries. They should also offer grace to each other. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. My husband and I are constantly forgiving each other. God forgives me over and over so then I should do the same to others. Do not try to fix your spouse-just love them the way they are. I know this world is full of sin and hatred-thus I offer grace to everyone.
Blessings 🙂
Hannah Hall says
I agree, Beth. We will never be sorry that we have forgiven someone. If only I were better at remembering that when it’s time to do so! Alas, I will always be in needs of lots of grace.
Lisa G. says
God has been working on me in this area of my life so your words were in tune with my heart. I realize that I have expected myself and others to be perfect then resented the fact that none of us are! I placed other people on a pedestal and looked up to them only to realize that they too struggle with sin in their lives. These words resonated with me: “I realized that when I expect others to fulfill me or to satisfy my needs for love or friendship or for provision, then I am holding mortal, fallible, broken humans up to a standard they never can and never will conform to. It’s not fair to them and it strips from Christ the role only He was meant to play.”
Above all, I feel like I need God to fulfill my needs. But secondly, can I be to others what I wish someone was for me (with the help of the Holy Spirit and the fruits of salvation) and pray for those relationships in my life? If I need encouragement? Learn to encourage others. If I feel lonely and need friendship? Can I offer hospitality to someone? In other words, start with myself (the log) instead of looking at the lack in others (the speck) but never forget that only Christ is our righteous standard. Log & Speck Parable from Matthew 7:3-5
Kaila says
This is just what I needed! I could feel the burden lifting from my shoulders as I was reading. And God, please forgive me for putting this burden on everyone around me as well. I will strive to give myself and others more grace. Thank you for these deep seeded and timely words!