The sky was emotional on that early July night last year. Like a mirror for my day.
The great expanse started calm and peaceful, content with its place. Visiting family back home in Montana, I started my day with a pedicure with my cousin and we caught up on life and love, teaching and moving.
Then the sky wanted to show off a bit. The sun turned more and more vibrant as it dipped over the mountains, leaving behind clouds tinged in pink against a purple-red sky. After getting my toes painted, I spent the rest of my day family hopping. My three-year-old daughter learned to play golf with her grandparents; she ran with bare feet through the grass with her cousins; we checked out the new brewery and listened to local music with our parents; and we made plans to go hiking the next day with my brother.
Inky blue replaced those colors as quickly as they came, bringing with it clouds as close to black as you can get rolling across the valley. By the end of the day, the bright emotions I felt at the beginning were tinged black with sadness that this life with these people we love can only be lived in 12-day increments when we travel back to Montana from New York City twice a year.
If you sit on my mother-in-law’s front porch, you can see the mountains wrapping themselves all the way around the town where my husband and I grew up. The mountains seem to hold our childhood memories in place. We sat on the porch that night and watched the storm roll across the valley. At one point the thunder shook the house and woke my daughter up. Instead of coaxing her back to sleep, we wrapped her in a blanket and let her stay up late watching the lightning show.
It was a perfect end to a day filled with family.
Days like this tug on my heart and make me wonder if we’re crazy to be living so far away from this place we love and these people who love us. By the end of days like this my heart can feel stormy. My contentment with living in New York bumps up next to my longing to be back in a familiar setting with familiar people. That is how lightning works too – tiny molecules bumping in to each other until they form something electric and powerful.
“I’m scared, Mom,” Norah said with sleep still in her voice as another round of thunder echoed in the valley below.
“I know you are, Norah. But I’ve got you. The storm won’t last long,” I told her as I wrapped the blanket more tightly around her small body nestled in my lap. I could feel her shoulders relax as she melted a bit more into the comfort of my arms.
The next morning the sky was clear blue as that faithful sun rose over the mountains again. I have certainly witnessed longer, more intense storms than the one from the previous night. But God was teaching me something through the one I sat and watched from a distance, my daughter snuggled on my lap and my husband at my side.
I could have left Norah in her bed to try and keep sleeping through the storm, but I think her sleep would have been fitful. She would have tried in her own power to block those loud crashes from her hearing and willed her eyes to stay shut as lightning sporadically lit her room to illuminate the shadows that night brings. Instead, I held her and reminded her she was safe.
I think sometimes God purposely keeps us awake through the hard storms – whether they are life-altering or simply times of grappling with hearts longing to be in two places at once. He invites us to be with Him, and if we let Him, He holds us tightly.
When we admit we’re scared, He says, I know you are. But I’ve got you. The storm won’t last long.
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Jodie,
I’ve always wanted to travel to Montana – big sky country. It just holds an allure for me. I guess you could say it’s on my “bucket list”. What an apt analogy of you holding your daughter close through the storm. You didn’t make the storm go away, but you let her know that she was secure in your arms. So thankful we have a Heavenly Father who holds us tight through the storms of life and is faithful to see us through until the storm passes. He whispers gently in our ear, “I’ve got this….I’ve got you.” Beautiful post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to share your encouragement, Bev. I hope you do make it to Montana some day. It’s worth the trek.
Michele Morin says
My family traveled through Montana a few years ago, and I remember how we could see storms from a great distance, watching them circle – or land! All that beautiful power is lost on us here in our hills, surrounded by tall trees, and I loved seeing the difference.
Thanks for sharing your heart for your little girl and for God.
Jodie Toresdahl says
I love that you’ve had the experience of seeing how storms just roll through the valleys in Montana. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness!
Jennifer Frisbie says
What beautiful imagery you painted here, Jodie! I so enjoyed reading your heart here this morning.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you, Jennifer!
Summer Rae says
Dearest Miss Jodie,
That little girl is so blessed to have you as her mama. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is hard sometimes when we find ourselves staring into the storm, petrified, to remember that God is right there with us… all we have to do is reach out to Him and He will pull us into His lap and remind us that He’s got us and that the storm won’t last long… I want to thank you again for your encouragement. I pray you and your family have a beautifully, blessed day.
This side of heaven,
Summer Rae
Jodie Toresdahl says
What a kind thing to say, Summer. Thank you so much for your encouragement about my writing and my mothering. I’m grateful you took the time to respond. Thank you.
Summer Rae says
As someone who lost her mom when she was young (but, has recently been blessed with another mama too look up to and gain wisdom from) I know just how much those moments can mean… I wanted to make sure that you knew how beautiful that is when other days I am sure are hard and less “picturesque” …I pray you and your family have a blessed day. Numbers 6: 24-26
Janine says
Jodie…what a beautiful setting you painted with the words…I agree, seeing open expanse sky and God’s handiwork can be so captivating, invigorating and safe…but when storms rage behind, above and around those “mountains that won’t move” (like the storms in our lives that sneek in and stay as uninvited guests), the murky emotions of stormy emotions threaten us.
I love how your daughter was implanted in that moment in your loving arms…and how you reasSUREd her of her safety and your love (and how blessed are you to enJOY that sacred time with your husband too)
God’s Majesty in His Creation is so Powerful…the beauty of a sunset, His daily signature on the sky.
But His Spirit in our lives is the permanent signature Christ left behind, the etchings of His Spirit alive and awake “within us”…God with us…allowing us to weather the storms of life, sense and experience His Abiding Presence that lifts us up and over mountains that won’t move. What a beautiful gift, that our Saviour is the “Eye of the storm” and He gifts us with His tender and compassionate Spirit.
Thank you for this poignant memory that has allowed me to actually savour the storms He allows in my life…for then His Gentle, pervading Voice always reKINDs me that He weathers all the storms and I can fragrantly hear him say: “I’ve got you”.
Blessings for a rich and beautiful summer to all reading this. May we experience the Majesty of His Generous Love in storms and take time to be captivated by the beatiful stillness of Creation He has given us to rejuvenate our souls and perspective.
Blessings abundant,
Janine in Toronto
Jodie Toresdahl says
What a beautiful response, Janine. Thank you for taking the time to share your reflections!
DaLee says
Thank you for sharing. I love how God teaches us through his creation. Well described reminder that our walk will not be without storms, but God will be with us and we can cuddle up in his lap through them.
Jodie Toresdahl says
I love how He teaches us through His creation, too. It’s almost like nature acts as a prop for the lessons He has for us. Thanks for your comment, DaLee.
Joan Tamburini says
This is beautiful and speaks to me on so many levels. It addresses the inner storm I feel now as we grapple with preparing to send our daughter to college. Also, for eight years, I lived hundreds of miles from familiar skies and people. Your words and images sharply spell out my own experience. Great piece.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you for letting me know how you can relate, Joan. A simple, “me too” makes those stormy feelings a little easier to grapple with. May you remain deeply connected to your daughter as she starts college soon.
Becky says
I loved the imagery you painted. My youngest daughter traveled to Montana a few years ago with friends. She loved the beauty of it. As I read a post like this, and as I read through the comments, I get a bit frustrated because I hear and read all the time that God will hold us through storms. I’ve been told several times to lean into God during a storm that has lasted over a year. The problem is I have no idea how to do that. You held your daughter, and she felt the physicality of your arms around her. When my husband holds me, I feel his arms around me. There is no physical feeling of God. I just can’t make the connection of the feel of safety wrapped in human arms to how I feel wrapped in God’s arms.
Esther says
Becky, I have to agree with you, and thank you for your honesty. I’ve been struggling through a storm now for many long years, through the shock and numbness of having two children with disabilities,through sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion, and the overwhelming pain of having to say goodbye until I see them again in Heaven. And now the difficulties of navigating mental health issues with our ‘healthy’ child. Through all this my husband and I have struggled to keep our heads above water and longed for the assurance that we are truly being carried, that God has our backs. We long for joy and happiness and being able to praise God for goodness in our lives, and as you said, the feeling of being wrapped in His arms.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Esther, thank you for sharing a bit of your story and your reflection here. I’m so sorry for the long, drawn out storm you are in, and especially sorry for the loss of your children. My heart is grieving for you as I write this.
I completely understand why reading that God holds us tightly in the midst of a storm is not comforting if you are in a storm and don’t feel held. I do believe He is holding you, and just as I said to Becky, I will pray for Him to reveal His presence to you in a new and personal way that makes sense for you. I also want to tell you that when I wrote that God tells us “the storm won’t last long”, I was imagining this from His eternal perspective, which is not always easy to see this side of Heaven. I did not mean to be flippant about the lengthy storm you are weathering now, and I hope my words didn’t cause you pain.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, Esther. Praying peace and comfort for you.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Oh Becky, thank you so much for sharing so honestly how this piece made you feel. I can understand your frustration and I would be lying if I told you it’s always easy for me to feel God holding me in the midst of a storm — particularly a long one. For me, spending time in the Word or worshiping are the two ways I feel His presence most strongly. But in the midst of a storm it can be really difficult to do either of those things. I will pray for God to reveal His presence during this storm to you in a new way that makes sense for you. And I’m sorry it’s been such a long storm. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
Beth Williams says
Jodie,
I’ve always wanted to visit or better yet live in Montana. I love the country life-filled with wide open spaces & huge mountains. Loved the imagery of you holding your daughter tightly through the storm. I know God will see us through storms. He has gotten me through many of them. I just cry out to God, pray hard & trust that He knows best.
Blessings 🙂
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you, Beth! I hope you do get to experience the wide open spaces & huge mountains in Montana someday. God had fun creating that place! 😉
Pearl Allard says
I love your sky analogy, Jodie! Beautifully written, powerful, and comforting. Thank you!
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you so much, Pearl!
Diane says
The storm is harsh and long. Please pray that the storm continue to show me beauty strength and His tender mercy
Becky says
Prayers ascending for you. I am also in the midst of a great storm, but I think I may be on the other side of the elephant. I pray daily, for God’s love to see me and my family through what may be the longest, hardest storm yet. My hope says a break in the clouds are coming.
May God bless and keep you.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Becky, I am so sorry for the great storm you are in, and I am joining you in praying that a break in the clouds is coming. I am grateful you have the strength and faith to continue to pray and seek God each day. That can be so difficult to do in the midst of a hard storm. Thank you for taking the time to respond. May you feel His loving presence.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Praying for you now, Diane. Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry you are having to weather such a long storm.
Brenda says
Beautifully said, Jodie. ((hug))
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you, Brenda.
Lisa says
Dear Jodie,
I love ❤️ love ❤️ love Montana and we used to go there every summer so we could really rest. The way you describe your home state is beautifully written, and so is your description of living away from your family and home. In your eloquent words, you described my situation for the last 3-1/2 years and I hadn’t been able to put it into words. Though my heart aches and I miss my family & my Colorado home, I have learned that God is with me in the desert and He is all I need, He is my family! Thank you!
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you for sharing your connection, Lisa. The greatest gift from sharing my writing is when people can read it and say, “me too”. I so appreciate you doing just that.
Stephanie says
Thank you Jodi for sharing such a beautiful message! Blessings and love to you ❤️
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you for that sweet comment, Stephanie!
Diana says
Oh, how I needed to hear this today.
Jodie Toresdahl says
I’m so grateful to know it resonated with you. To God be the glory.
Renee says
Tears are rolling down my cheeks as God whispers to my heart through this post. I, too, long to be in two places at once, and the storm around me seems so loud. But I hear His voice – “I’ve got you. The storm won’t last long.” Thank you for inviting me to hear His voice this morning.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Oh Renee. Thank you for your comment. When I connect deeply with something I’ve read, I’m a crier too. Thank you for letting me know that my words allowed you to hear God’s voice. What a blessing!
drangel1001 says
Love this piece and how it touched my heart ever so gently. Often we’re so focused on the fear that we forget about the Father. He surrounds us even when we’re unaware. Then softly He finds a way to remind us He is always by our side.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Yes! Fear can be such a bully that way — stealing our attention away from our Father. But I love how you put that — “He surrounds us even when we’re unaware”. Thank you for taking the time to respond!
Grace Cameron says
This is a beautiful story, worth reading. Thank you for writing a piece such as this. It encourages my soul. Blessings and hugs 🙂
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you Grace! I’m so happy to know it encouraged you!
Marsha says
Thank you Jodi for sharing this story! For the last twenty-five years I’ve lived very far from home (the peace I grew up); so far that it only allows me to visit once each year. After my father past away recently it made me feel guilty I did not live closer all these years. I struggle with this distance daily but I also made a home in a place that has a 15+ hour time difference from my family. Like dandelion seeds blowing in the wind maybe some of us were just meant to fly farther away than others.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you for sharing your connection, Marsha! There are a lot of hard parts that come with living far away from family, and guilt is certainly one of them. May you find peace in building a home away from home.
Dorcas Collado says
I really need reading this today. Black clouds seem so dark. Thanks for writing with tenderness and hope. It has really encouraged me!!
“When we admit we’re scared, He says, I know you are. But I’ve got you. The storm won’t last long”
Thanks to God…our life is in His Hands. Never alone!
Blessings
Jodie Toresdahl says
I’m so grateful to know this encouraged you, Dorcas! Thank you for sharing!
rebeccajones says
I think there will be times He says go to sleep, fear not. And times He holds you close. And to those ladies who think you can’t feel God. I pray the Holy Spirit gives you a hug. He will if you let Him.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Rebecca, thank you for sharing and for offering encouragement to those who have a hard time feeling God’s presence.
Cheri Johnson says
Tenderness beautifully written. Thank you, Jodie.
Jodie Toresdahl says
Thank you for your kind words, Cheri!