Somehow the long of summer has melted fast like a bright red Popsicle abandoned in the sun. The sweet refreshing treat morphed into a sticky concrete-staining puddle.
Somehow the adventure-seeking, marshmallow-roasting days of summer have faded like smoke trails after Fourth of July fireworks. Rainbow bursts of color and light, instant image turned faint memory. The sky left muddied gray.
In seven days my boys start back to school.
And I feel like I failed summer.
I’m launching the second-born piece of my heart and can hardly believe that in one short week I’ll turn the corner from Mom-Home-with-Lots-of-Littles to Mom-of-School-Age-Kids, and the bulk of my days will be spent with just my Jude.
So this hallmark summer closing a hallmark motherhood season was suppose to be Hallmark perfect. The movie reels played in my mind with a Celtic/Taylor Swift/Jack Johnson soundtrack. (I have a vibrant imagination of what an outdoorsy/fun/laid back summer ought to sound like.)
The scenes flashed with cinematic flair from boys curled in cozy library nooks pouring over books to new swimmers stroking long and confident across a glimmering pool. I pictured productive mornings at the dining room table practicing letters followed by happy park play dates reconnecting with old friends.
I say “Hallmark perfect” in jest because, if you know me, you know I’m actually all about the real, gritty mess of life and motherhood, which is always full of beauty but rarely picturesque.
I honestly don’t think I set my expectations too high or my hopes too lofty. But I did set a few key Summer to-do’s as a guide to help make the most of these precious, time-flying days.
Nothing on that list got done.
My kids did not learn how to swim. They did not complete a summer reading program at the library. (Okay, for the sake of full disclosure, let’s go the distance and confess that we did not even step foot in a library. Not. One. Time.) We did not work on proper letter formation or reinforce the reading skills my oldest learned in kindergarten.
I don’t recall deep cleaning a single thing and that big basket full of who-knows-what on the side of my bed was not properly dealt with but rather strategically shifted week after week so as not to be tripped over or viewed when company came to visit. And there’s a long list of friends I genuinely wanted to connect with, to share hearts with over iced coffee while watching tiny tanned bodies flail through backyard sprinklers — but good intentions fell short without timely initiation.
As I look back on these fast-flying summer months I see the glare of not enough learning, cleaning, connecting, or reading, and too much glowing TV, blasting AC, yelling, rebelling, and close-quarter dwelling.
The reflection makes me feel pretty much defeated. Our whole summer withered like that sad red Popsicle. Wasted away before fulfilling its full potential.
But before I drown in a sticky pool of red dye self pity, I remember the power of perspective. I open my journal and read through hundreds of God gifts scribbled down as thanks. I scroll through my camera roll and see countless moments meaningful enough to capture in pixels.
And I remember this:
Focusing on my shortcomings crowds out memories of all the blessings.
And oh, there were so many blessings.
Not fancy or expensive. Simple blessings so ordinary I almost forgot.
Like painting rocks.
One glorious morning my three little explorers set out on a backyard expedition to uncover earthen treasure. We set up a washing station to carefully clean their stone discoveries. Once the earthen beauties were baked dry by the summer sun, we laid paper bags over cracked concrete — high-tech painting stations. And budding artists in Superman pajamas were joy-full to create.
Forgotten moments now remembered. Savored. Wouldn’t dare to trade.
I keep on memory-and-photo scrolling, determined to recall what other buried blessings made up our summer days and nights.
Soon the memories come streaming back…
Lego building extravaganzas that covered the dining room table for days. Little boys’ imaginations soaring free and wild. Plastic masterpieces zooming through space, shooting galactic bad guys. Blessing.
Back porch dinners, all five of us crowding around one tiny bistro table. Watermelon juice dripping from lips. Blessing.
Evening walks instead of early bedtimes. Savoring a soft summer breeze. Leaves catching golden light. Boyhood treasures —rubber bands and bottle caps — discovered at every turn. Blessing.
Summer storms breaking through the heat. Little ones catching raindrops on outstretched tongues. Digging race tracks in freshly made mud. Watching the parched land drink in the unexpected blessing.
And how did I discount the three mountain days of our first family-of-five tent camping adventure? S’mores around a glowing fire. Hunting for lizards with Daddy’s handmade lassos. Looking up and crouching down — God’s fingerprints at every turn. Blessings abound.
Sure, we were massacred by mosquitoes, two kids got a bloody nose, and the other puked on the windy road home. But the trip was not a failure. Not by a long shot.
Could I dare say the same thing about summer?
Dare I not forget the gazillion grains of sand dug and molded into castles, the 487 rounds of Candy Land played, and 98 hours of VBS songs sung. Dare I not minimize the countless stories read, three brothers crowded on one bed. Or family movie nights and french toast dinners. Brothers battling in bedroom soccer (stuffed penguin as the ball), Daddy-Ref with the scoreboard app teaching sons to be good losers and winners.
Could I have done summer better? Absolutely.
But if I were reading this recap on your Instagram or blog, or listening to you retell it in a coffee shop corner on a sacred friend date, I would never say you failed.
I would say you showed up, lived real, loved well, did your best or at least good enough.
And that is good. That is enough.
So I’ll muster the courage to whisper the same words to myself.
I’ll take stock of each blessing. Count every gift. Not to convince myself that I measure up as a mom, but to remember that God was with us. In us.
Remember that summer doesn’t come with a pass/fail grade. It isn’t judged on a rubric of productivity or graded on a bell curve of comparison to all the Facebook Jones’s.
Summer is a season. A time to break. To breathe.
To let little boys jump like ninjas through backyard sprinklers.
And that’s exactly what we did.
Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
Oh, my goodness, this post is like a trip down memory lane for me, the mum of four boys. Spending summer days with tiny tornadoes, I always made such elaborate plans, but came to the end of the summer with very few check marks. Now, with the youngest in high school and everyone else a towering man, they reminisce about crazy fun, and it’s always the spontaneous and creative self-made stuff that they laugh about. I loved sharing in your summer memories this morning, Becky.
Becky Keife says
Thank you, Michele! (I always feel the desire to give an extra tight squeeze to fellow moms with lots of boys. You get it!) 🙂
Lynne says
Love this! My oldest starts high school next week and spent 3 weeks of her summer away from us (2 weeks at camps and 1 week with a friend who lives in another state). As a teacher, I used to see summer as a time to complete tasks on my to do list that I dont have time for during the school year. But as my kids get older, I am realizing soon they won’t be around and I should savor our “lazy” crazy days of summer. Thanks for sharing and enjoy your years as a mom of elementary age kids. Fun times
Becky Keife says
“Lazy crazy”–that sums up summer with kids well, Lynne!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Becky,
Reading about what you DID do, I’d say you aced summer!! Oh how our “great expectations” can be our own undoing. So thankful for a God who is able to fill in the gaps. I know I’ve shared this before, but my 24 year old little boy’s favorite childhood memory is when we’d both take our lawn chairs (mine large, his pint-sized) out to the end of the driveway and simply sit and “watch the world go by.” We’d look for cloud formations, tell silly stories, make faces at each other, and wave at passers by. No one would make a Hallmark movie about that….but that was OUR Hallmark movie and, in my son’s mind, definitely memory worthy. Sometimes simple, like painting rocks, makes the best memories! Loved this!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Becky Keife says
Bev, I LOVE that! Just sitting side by side, watching the world go by. When we slow long enough to enter into the imaginative worlds of children, it’s one of the sweetest gifts. Thanks for your encouragement.
Bethany says
Love this!!!! Big time!!!!
Becky Keife says
Thanks, Bethany!
Ada says
“I’ll take stock of each blessing. Count every gift. Not to convince myself that I measure up…” Great reminder to count our blessing in whatever form it is.
Becky Keife says
Ada, it’s like preaching to my own heart every time I re-read that, too. Thanks for being here, Ada.
Kathy W says
Amen and amen. As a teacher I had summers off. At the end of the summer I could only see the unfinished projects. One summer I decided to record what I did each day, not the every day chores but the extras I fit in. At the end of the summer I still had the “undone” list but the list of what had gotten done was huge. Cured the woeful self castigation about my supposedly unproductive summer. So glad you had a summer in review in your camera!
Becky Keife says
I love that idea, Kathy. It’s so easy to cling to our perceived shortcomings instead of celebrating our triumphs. And yes, I’m thankful for captured moments, too! Blessings.
Christine says
Becky, you certainly have a way with words. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. You made me feel as if I was right there among your tribe and left me with a heartwarming reminder to appreciate the smaller moments. Thank you for being transparent. What a gift you are to your boys.
Becky Keife says
Christine, I’m grateful for your kind words this morning. Thank you. <3
Angela says
Doesn’t sound like failure to me! Making special memories, capturing them on camera — a wonderful summer….and there’s always next year for the other “to-do’s”!
Becky Keife says
Absolutely, Angela! Thank you! And you’re right…this was actually a look back on two summers ago, and this summer some of those undone things did get done! We went to the library several times and all three of my boys learned to swim. A sweet reminder to embrace each season and know that in time, the important things will come.
Birdie says
Wonderful ideas – not only with the pictures you took, but also the thanksgivings you listed everyday. How exciting to look back and see what God did all summer long!
Becky Keife says
Recording small daily gifts from the God has been one of my biggest graces! Thanks for being here, Birdie.
K Ann Guinn says
What a wonderful post! My two sons are much older now (each “adults” living at home and attending college), but I can still relate to the feeling of wondering if we’re doing it “good enough”, feeling the constant pressure of the “to-do” list trying to squeeze joy out of my days, and starting to feel like we missed summer.
Thank-you for helping me to remember to focus on the good (even if not perfect), and to enjoy our last weeks of summer to the full…..no matter how they turn out. (We in the north with college students have a few more weeks.)
Blessings as you finish summer and start another school year with your family!
Becky Keife says
Thank you so much! Yes, I suspect slowing down, savoring, and giving thanks is a challenge and necessity in every season of life. Blessing to you and your boys too.
Jennifer Forrest says
❤
Susan says
Your post is a lovely way to start my week as I sit on my deck feeling grateful for the sun, blue skies and warm temperatures. In fact it prompted me to count the blessings of my summer with family and friends. It was a busy one, with lots of entertaining, but had so many happy memories! Also, To me, a mom of boys who are long gone, your summer definitely sounds perfect. Your hours together are what memories are all about, and that’s what is important. What a great mom you are! ❤
Becky Keife says
Susan, I can just picture you there on your deck. How that must warm God’s heart too, to hear you giving thanks for His good gifts. …and you’re right, when my sons are grown I can’t imagine looking back and wishing for less time together. The small moments really do add up to a life big with blessings.
Heather Creekmore says
Oh how I loved this! Don’t we all fail to measure up to the ideals we have in our minds for. . .well . . .everything!!! Beautiful and spot on piece this morning!
Becky Keife says
Thank you, Heather! I appreciate your affirming words this morning.
Meghan says
We did not do many educational things (in that sense) either this summer. Having fun, relaxing and adventuring were our cup of tea. I really enjoyed reading this. I saw myself in so many of your words. Thank you for sharing!
Becky Keife says
Meghan, I don’t think I’ll ever regret the time I spend adventuring with my kids. I’m so glad you had some summer adventures too!
Corena Hall says
This abandoned recall is such a poignant reminder that the days of memories made together easily in comfort, messy yet wild and free do change over time. The littles grow up and summers are filled with plans to be with peers, at work, preparing to move on…be independent. Cherish every moment even in the changes because soon you return to the quiet of life as they need you less and you as a mom wish they would always need you more. Thank you for these reminders. Blessings
Becky Keife says
Corena, such wise words. I know the season you speak of will come…even if in hard moments of mothering littles it feels like an eternity away. I’m hard set on savoring each stage with my boys and soaking up every gift. Thank you!
Penny says
Becky,
Thank-you for your post, it was an absolute joy to read. It sounds like your Summer has been what it’s meant to be, filled with special memories, and not at all a fail. It’s the simplest of things that can have the most meaning…. A little neighbor brought me two rocks this Summer that he’d painted and I was deeply touched. I let him set them in the garden where he thought they belonged. The Lady Bug Tic Tac Toe the kids and I painted has lasted forever. And the rocks painted as a family over time are still tucked in the garden.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Jen says
Becky ,
Although my one and only child , ( daughter ) is in her Internship , I still often feel like I failed in many seasons throughout her childhood and still today .But , as you mention , when we think about the simple little blessings in those seasons and today , we should be amazed at our lives , what we have shared with our kids and know we are loved by God and not judged.
I was diagnosed when the a life- threatening illness when my daughter was 12 , so that makes me really judge and think of myself of a failure often , when I think back and feel I should have done more ! But then I realize when I read things like this , every little blessing and memory shows us that we did so our jobs as a Morher as best we could ( can ) . Just know that you got home on this one , you’re definitely not along with your thinking and God loves us all and knows how hard we try . Some days , just watching our kiddos and their excitement with the beauty of the nature He provides us is enough !
Much love and have a great school year.!
Brenda says
We put so much pressure on ourselves, don’t we? Sounds like your summer was exactly what it was supposed to be. 🙂 I think that we often stamp “perfect” on what is actually contrived. We deem it perfect, so we try to force it. But, in a little boy world, they just want freedom to explore and someone to look into their eyes. May our definitions of perfect become more like those of free little ones. — My three little boys are now 22, 19, and 15 and oh for another day of painting rocks and bedtime stories. — Sounds to me like you chose the better thing. ((Hug))
Anastasia Corbin says
As a Mom of four kids, I could really relate to this post. There were so many things I wanted to do this summer with my kids but didn’t get to. I loved the reminder to focus on what we did do. Thanks for sharing!
lee says
When my boys were abut the ages yours are now, at the end of month, I would ask each of them, what was the most fun thing we did this month. I would try to guess and most of the time I was wrong. Their answers were
always the small simple things – like going for ice cream on the way home from school. Some of their answers, I had forgotten. All their answers told me what they enjoyed and reminded me that the simple and small things create the best memories.
Pearl Allard says
Becky, I just love your way with words! Thank you for not only giving us tools to show ourselves grace but showing us how to use them. Being thankful for how things really went down probably brings more glory to God than trying to fit into a box of (even realistic) expectations. Thank you so much for this!
Kim says
Oh thank you so much for this. This is my last summer before my first goes to kindergarten and I have felt failure on more occasions than I’d like. It’s also the first summer with my third and final newborn so all of those things I wanted to do with my first baby now going off to school I just didn’t manage to squeeze in. I feel like I’ve failed her more than anything. Prior summers were all go, go, go creating memories at the zoo, aquarium, library, you name it and all of that stuff took a back seat with a new baby in the house. I hope she had just as much fun being home with mom on maternity leave and creating memories at home but I really do feel like I’ve failed somehow.
Kathy Cheek, Devotions from the Heart says
My daughters are grown and when I recall our precious summertime memories or look at vacation photos, there is not one cleaning photo in there at all.
I do remember macaroni and rice art and making ice cream in a baggie. I remember bicycle rides and wet swim suits in the laundry room. I remember neighbor kids and play dough, barbie dolls and American Girl books and a million trips to the library.
I think you reminded us all what summer is really about.
Rebecca L Jones says
I may have failed summer but Jesus never fails me and I’m thankful for that. This heat us almost unbearable.
Adrienne Terrebonne says
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing and reminding us that we haven’t failed.
Beth Williams says
Becky,
People set their expectations very high. Sure doing some reading, learning to write would be good. All those guys really needed was fun time with mom & dad. There will be plenty of time to learn all that other stuff. Let summer have its fun. Don’t be hard on yourself-you all had fun & were there for the boys. Count your blessings! God will handle the rest!
Blessings 🙂
Theresa Boedeker says
“Focusing on my shortcomings crowds out the memories of all the blessings.” That phrase hit me between the eyes. And yes, it sounds like you had a great summer. And like my husband says, “Showing up is half the battle.’ And that is what you did.
Celeste says
This was SO SO good for me to read today! I’ve been feeling like I just let summer slip away – I had so many plans, and so many of them never came to pass, and the ones that did certainly didn’t live up to the plan in my mind. Such good perspective. I think I need to scroll through my photos before I go to sleep to remind me of the fun that we have had.
Beth says
As He says in Matthew 7:7: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Promise kept. You sought, and you found…the perfect summer. Blessings for an equally wonderful school year ahead. <3
Christi Domingue says
Well said! I loved every line and laughed at the images and reminder of days gone by. You chose wisely!
Jennifer says
Nope, not a failure! Remember OUR summers growing up as kids? Or, at least mine. Endless hours under the tree playing Laura Ingalls Wilder, running in for a tuna sandwich for lunch, running back and forth between my friends’ houses down the street, etc. Why, oh, why did summer become about a checklist?! And yet somehow we turned out ok. And our boys will, too. I have 3, ages 11-19. My oldest made it into UT, one of the toughest public schools to get into, in spite of not practicing his multiplication tables and completing a reading checklist every summer. (My youngest, the party animal, may go to vocational school and work the graveyard shift as a hospital orderly, but you know what? That is ok, too!) We have lots of fun memories of beach trips and movie dates and pajama days and yes, some I’m-really-tired-of-seeing-your-face-24/7 fighting days. Summer can be messy. Maybe the ones with airtight schedules and “productive” summer days end up on the therapist’s couch sooner than the rest of us! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!