A red-winged blackbird voiced its chime-like chortle from atop a towering white pine, and I sat with my head in my hands — a broken woman. I went to the woods because I’ve always found healing among conifers and cattails. Even as the beige fringes of winter taunted me with reminders of our very painful circumstances, the song of the blackbird seemed to speak of hope.
Our past season was the kind no one wants to endure. Storms came from every side, and just when we found our footing in the aftermath of one trial, another slammed us from an unexpected direction. I sat mulling it over as the blackbird looked for love.
In the course of five months, we endured financial difficulty, a medical scare left us trembling, both of our young, healthy dogs died, and a personal health crisis literally knocked me off my feet. We endured deep losses, the kinds that prompt friends to bring meals and send cards, the kinds that knock a woman to her knees and leave her weeping behind locked bathroom doors.
When I could no longer take the pounding of little fists on the other side of the bathroom door, I went to the woods with my broken heart, and I asked Jesus to show me His presence in the middle of my mess.
As the blackbird called, I claimed the promise Jesus made before He ascended into heaven: “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20 NASB). I recited the words of King David: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me” (Psalm 23:4 NASB).
I tried to make myself believe that God really would fulfill the promise to use all of my pain for good. I tried to believe that being conformed to the likeness of Jesus through my suffering would be worth it, but in the middle of my broken place, I sensed mostly darkness and despair.
As I retraced the events that led us to the valley of suffering, my reaction was simple: I wanted to fix what was broken. I wanted to make a plan that would get us through the valley as quickly as possible. I found myself looking for temporal answers like new dogs, more part-time writing work, and changes in our family dynamics that might combat our feelings of despair.
I wanted to put my hope in a brighter future or the prospect of making decisions that would correct everything that had gone so wrong over the past months. Sadly, hope that is built on worldly circumstances, even good ones, is hope that’s built on an unstable foundation.
In the midst of my planning, the words of a familiar verse streamed through my mind: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26 NASB).
These words are a reminder that in the midst of my darkest valleys and biggest messes, Jesus is my portion and my hope. My hope does not rest on my own ability to “make things right” or hurry to the other side of the valley. My hope does not rest in the expectation that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
Instead, my hope rests in the promise that Jesus is with me in the darkest place. He is with me in the middle of the mess, when I’m crying behind the locked bathroom door, and when the doctor says the words I’ve been praying against for months. Jesus has promised that He will never leave my side, and His presence with me is my hope.
I let this truth sink in for a long while as the blackbird kept calling to the sky. As I stood to make the long walk home, I made my own quiet harkening to the sky and thanked the One who willingly walks with me through every difficult time. He is my portion in the middle of the mess.
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Michele Morin says
Stacey, I’m a do-er and a fix-er by nature as well, and the first thought that comes to my mind when my life goes off the rails is, “What can we DO about this?” I’m so thankful that you found the better path out there among the cattails.
Trusting along with you for grace to lean into the hope of God that does not disappoint even in the midst of the mess.
Stacey Pardoe says
It’s so easy to slip into “fix-it” mode, Michele. Among the greatest lessons I’ve learned in this season is the lesson of resting in Christ instead of rushing to my own conclusions. What sweet rest it is, even in the storms. Thanks for connecting with me here today!
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Stacey,
So good to be reading your post here this am. I am so sorry for all the trials your family has been through. I know that pain of crying out, “How long, O Lord?” Unfortunately if we are only in the crucible momentarily, not much character building comes of it. I know for me, that, even though I wanted the season to be over already, my faith and trust in the Lord needed that time in the wilderness in order to grow. The only way to break our self sufficiency is to come to the end of ourselves so that we HAVE to depend utterly on the Lord. Usually that happens during trials. But, God does not leave us alone there. He comes to us with love, comfort, presence, peace if we will only lean into Him. He promises to walk with us THROUGH the valley and not leave us stuck there. Each and every trial I have come through with him builds my character and my confidence in Him. Our God loves us enough to be more concerned about our character than our comfort. Praying for you as you walk WITH Him THROUGH the valley. Terrific post.
Blessings,
Bev xx
Melanie S. Chitwood says
Needed this so much. What beautiful writing. Thank you for your honesty.
Stacey Pardoe says
Thanks, Melanie. God bless you!
Stacey Pardoe says
Hi Bev,
What a blessing your words always are to me. It’s so true that the Lord uses the wilderness to promote our greatest growth! As our family continues to embrace the new season of springtime and move forward, I’m beyond blessed to look at this journey and see that some of the greatest heart-work of my life took place this winter. God is so faithful!
Kimberly says
Beautiful post and much needed comfort for many of us in the valley right now. Thank you.
Stacey Pardoe says
Thank you, Kimberly! God bless!
Kerry says
Loved this, it mirrors the winter I’ve just walked through. Wishing you more and more light as you continue to walk hand in hand with Jesus.
Stacey Pardoe says
I pray the same for you, Kerry. May more and more light shine down upon you as you step into the next season, and may you find comfort as he holds your hand through whatever comes next!
Karen Van Rooyen says
Stacey,
I can’t imagine the depth of the pain, loss and grief you have endured in this valley over a short span of time. However, your honesty and openers made my heart feel alongside you. I am so encouraged by the comfort and revelation Jesus provided in the woods. I pray for you today and also thank you for giving us the ‘prescription’ for truth when we walk through our own valleys. God’s blessings!
Stacey Pardoe says
Thank you for these kind words, Karen. As we move further into springtime, our hearts are healing, and the new life rising through muddy soil mirrors the new thing happening within my heart. The Lord is so faithful. Thank you for reading today!
Niki Hardy says
Stacey, I feel your pain and I’m so sorry. We are all fixers at heart and handing over our pain and heartache to Jesus is so hard.
Thank you for sharing.
Stacey Pardoe says
Thanks, Niki. Yes, the ever-present longing to fix our lives isn’t easy to kick, but I do praise Jesus that his way is always better. I’m learning a new kind of rest in this season. I appreciate your kind words so very much.
Penny says
Stacey,
I’m sorry for all that you have endured. But despite that, here you are, passing the message of hope. Thank-you for choosing to be the light.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Stacey Pardoe says
Thank you for your kind words, Penny. God is faithfully walking with our little family, and the change of seasons is ushering something that feels new and beautiful here. Bless you!
Diane Thiel says
What a gift He bestoyed on your heart and shared with mine today. Trials i toi share and cry anout too. Thank you for your words and I thank Him for His grace. Blessings through the trials as He will never forsake us. Glory to God
Stacey Pardoe says
Thank you for these kind words, Diane. May we learn to lean into him in our difficult times. Amen to the promise that he won’t forsake us! God bless you!
Teresa says
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26 NASB). ~ Thank you Stacie… I needed reminded of this truth this morning. My heart hurt with you this morning as you shared openly. Thank you for your transparency. Blessings as you walk with Him in the valley.
Stacey Pardoe says
Thank you so much, Teresa. He is ever-so-gently lifting us out of the valley as the weeks pass, and as we climb out, I can attest to his faithfulness. Thank you for your encouraging words. May you sense his richest blessings today.
Ashley says
This is like it was written just for me. Like we had a conversation. Thank you. And blessings..
Stacey Pardoe says
Rough seasons are just plain old painful. I’m sorry you’ve endured a rough one as well, Ashley. I pray you sense his healing hand and comforting arms as you walk with him in this season. More than any time in my life, I’ve recently learned that I really can trust him in the valleys.
Pearl Allard says
I used to wonder what good was a God who promised to always be with me when I’m hurting if He chooses to let me keep hurting? Why would I want to be with a God like that? If He had the power to change suffering why didn’t He already? And then God changed my perspective and I saw my comfort was not my ultimate purpose – reflecting His glory was. I can’t say I “get it” yet (not til heaven), but God’s presence now is far more comforting than it used to be. Stacey, thank you for sharing a piece of your heart and life with us. So grateful you’re finding His presence comforting. May He continue to help you through the darkness even as you reflect His light.
Stacey Pardoe says
I agree, Pearl. I don’t think I really grasped Romans 8:28-29 until this most recent season. I struggled with not understanding why he would allow me to suffer as well. And then he illuminated this truth for me, and I began to realize that he really does work all things for good by using my pain to conform me to the image of Christ. It doesn’t feel good, but it is a high calling to be conformed to the image of Christ, and it is all for his glory. We’re climbing out of the valley these days, but it’s been a slow climb. Thanks for your thoughtful words today.
Renee says
Like the Red Sea Rules, when we’re in a desert with an enemy army behind us, the sea before us and the mountains surrounding us, know that God intends for us to be right where we are. HE WILL DELIVER! Bless His Holy Name!
Stacey Pardoe says
Amen, Renee! Well said!
Denise Pass says
Amen. We always have hope when Christ is our living hope. He is ever-present, guiding us through all of life’s sorrows and joys.
Stacey Pardoe says
He sure is, Denise. I’m so thankful for his ever-present guidance and love!
Evelyn says
You are definitely not walking through the valley alone sis, I can assure you of that. Life sure gets tough and downright nasty at times, BUT GOD! He surely read my mail and had you write about it today, Thanks for your obedience!
Despite what we see, hear, or feel in our challenging and darkest moments, when nothing seems to make any sense, when we can seem to find the end in sight. We can always Rest Assured in the Truth that, He is right there With Us, right there in the middle of all our mess and pain and uncomfortableness. He has already gone Before Us, before the diagnosis, before all the trouble and heartbreak even begins. And His Promise to us is that in the midst of it all, He Will Never Leave Us or Abandon Us. Thank The Good Lord for that!!
Blessed Be 😉
Stacey Pardoe says
Beautiful words, Evelyn! He is faithful. He is faithfully lifting us from this most recent valley, and his Word has been a light unto our feet. He uses it all for his glory! Bless you!
Joey Rudder says
Amen. This touched my heart deeply today. Thank you, Stacey. Praying for you as Jesus walks by your side.
Stacey Pardoe says
Thanks, Joey. I pray you sense his loving presence carrying you through your days as well. Bless you!
Kallie @ The Enkourager says
Thanks for having the courage to share how your experiences have shaped your faith.
It’s incredibly encouraging to know that we are not alone in our moments of despair and that even in the darkest moments that our God will provide.
Stacey Pardoe says
Thanks, Kellie. He is faithful to carry us through even the darkest valleys.
Lindsey Anderson says
Wow! Thank you for this message! It speaks everything that is in my heart but can not say! Amazing writing – love it! Again thank you so much for sharing this message!
Stacey Pardoe says
Thanks so much, Lindsey! Blessings to you as you continue to seek his face!
Connie Rowland says
Hi Stacey, Thank you for sharing your story of hope and your beautiful light with us. It is so uplifting to remember just how faithful and good God is in our hard times. Praying for you and your family as you endure the valley. Many blessings!
Stacey Pardoe says
Thank you, Connie! He is pulling us out of the dark valley, and we are so grateful for the journey. Your prayers mean the world. Bless you.
Laura says
That’s simply beautiful. I do pray for your blessings in the land of the living also. Yet beautifully framed rendition. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Stacey Pardoe says
Thanks, Laura. He has held our hands each step of the way, and we trust he will continue. Thanks for your kind and encouraging words!
Rebecca Jones says
It appears to me that if the devil can’t shake our faith with one thing, he adds more. So glad Jesus is there, the pets, that is bad enough in difficult times it’s worse.
Stacey Pardoe says
So true, Rebecca. It felt like one difficult thing after another this winter, and there were moments of asking, “Oh Lord, what’s next?” It’s easy to start fearing the worst when you know it could get much worse. But he is faithful, even then. Thank you for your words today.
Beth Williams says
Stephanie,
Praying for you in this season of trials. May God bring about healing to your family body, mind, & soul. I’ve been through several trials in my life. Each time I would cry out to God for relief. One time I asked God what must I learn from this. Turns out He was teaching me patience. He also allowed me to witness a miracle. Through those trials my faith grew stronger. Now when I face trials I tell people God’s got this! I know He can & will get me through to the other side. Romans 5:3-4 states: Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. God tests us to grow our faith & to give us a living hope.
Blessings 🙂
Stacey Pardoe says
Amen to this, Beth. I’ve never been stretched more or grown more than I did through this trial. It’s amazing what he does in us when we refuse to be offended and keep our hearts soft to learn all he has to teach us through the darkest days! Thanks for your words today!
Leslie says
Stacey, thank you for this message and the wisdom inside of it. I have a woods too and my trees are shag bark hickory and oaks. My bird is the wood thrush. I’ve been in my woods many times and the One I find there in the beauty of His creation alway brings me comfort. Your thoughts about being a fixer really hit the issue at it’s heart. It’s so very true. I’ve always knew my planning and wanting to know how everything will be laid out or fall together gets in the way of finding peace and trusting God, but today, after reading this, I’m reminded that “fixing” is also part of this issue that I often struggle with as well. I want to fix it. I want to fix it for me and I want to fix it for others who read the words I share. Your verse from Psalms is one that I have in a prominent place where I see it every day. It’s been one that I’ve held on to for several years. Today, after reading here I understand it in an even deeper way. Thank you, Stacey.
Stacey Pardoe says
Oh, the oaks, hickories, and the chime-like call of the wood thrush. You’re speaking my language, sister. Thanks for your encouraging words. I’m so glad this post resonated with you. I’d say my greatest lesson throughout this season has been the lesson of resting with the Lord – even in the pain – instead of rushing to fix things. I want to fix the pain in the lives of my friends and in my own life, and I’m often so busy trying to “make it all better” that I miss what the Lord wants to show me in the deep place of pain. May we learn to slow down and not rush through the valleys. Bless you, Leslie.
Dena Courtney says
Stacey, Thank you for this reminder! i needed this, today! i am such a “fixer” by nature! when someone in my family has a problem, my first instinct is to figure out ways to overcome of fix the problem. i mean if it is a problem and is causing someone i love pain or heartache… then you would want ti fix it, right? i am learning that, although god made me very capable and very independent, i need to back off sometimes and let him do the fixing in HIS time and in his way…as his way is better than mine and he does not need my help to make things right. God can do that better than me all on his own! thanks so much for this reminder that Jesus is my portion and that i life and my family do not rest only on my ability to fix things or make things right…i know that Jesus walks with me through the dark places and knows my needs and my family’s needs more than i do… and he can fix them.
Thank you for this!!
Stacey Pardoe says
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words, Dena. I sure do like to “fix” things and make them all better, but I’m every-so-slowly learning that resting in Jesus really is better. Sometimes the work that happens in a heart when everything is broken is the most important part of the process. God bless you!