As the sun slides behind the front range mountains of our Colorado town, my family of five slides into our seats for a late dinner at home. Over tasty Change Your Life Chicken, Ethan asks me to retell a story from his when-he-was-little years.
I set my fork down, run my paper napkin across my mouth before placing it next to my dinner plate.
“Let’s see,” I say, tapping my chin and looking at my twin sons. “Oh yes, I remember when you were both three-years-old and attended Mother’s Day Out.”
I glance right at Ethan.
“I would pick you up and cringe when the teacher beamed her laser eyes at me and said, ‘Mrs. Strong, we need to have a talk about Ethan’s behavior today.’”
I tell them how I would walk over to their teacher like a dog with its tail between its legs.
“She would then relay to me all the ways your orneriness showed up. For example, during story time you preferred rolling around on the ground with your friends and making up your own tale to sitting crisscross applesauce listening to hers.”
We all laugh because knowing Ethan, this isn’t hard to believe.
I swallow a drink of water then look at my other son.
“And do you remember that time, James, when I gave you a stern talkin’ to for not doing something you were supposed to do? That time when you, tired of being ‘bossed’ by your mama, bolted out the front door and sprinted like a jackrabbit down the street?”
We all cackle at this image.
“Yes,” I say as I pick up my fork, waving it in his direction. “When I finally caught up with you halfway down the street, I particularly enjoyed dragging you — barefoot and belligerent — all the way home. And then, then, I thought I’d die a hundred deaths when I realized your visiting grandparents saw the whole embarrassing event from our front porch.”
We break into fits of laughter once again. It’s a sign of redemption that as horrifying as those events were at the time, laughter shows up in the long run.
Those younger years of parenting littles were a hodgepodge of wearisome and wonderful, smooth and rocky. But with those two boys graduating high school in a month, I have a wider-angle view of their lives thus far. I can look back and see how so many of the challenges — the pull-my-hair-out moments — were ruts in the road that needed time and taming. They were materials necessary for paving their futures.
We still have rough times, of course, but it’s interesting to see how the trying parts of their personalities during the little years served a purpose beyond keeping me humble before Jesus and the neighborhood. I didn’t realize it at the time, but God used them to unfold peeks into my kids’ futures.
The kid that had a hard time listening patiently in Mother’s Day Out is putting that active, creative mind toward an arts degree. The kid with an iron will that would make Mother Theresa cuss and cry is on track to become an officer — a leader — in the United States Air Force.
So, I just want to encourage your dear heart, mamas in the trenches of parenting young children, those struggling to shape that wild will of iron or that unbox-able spirit. I believe God asks us to unfold our kids more than mold them, and in the process He asks us parents to unfold as well. We unfold our hands (and our own iron wills) to exchange our big ideas for His. Just as importantly, we unfold new layers of joy because we know that God will bring those embarrassing, horrifying encounters full circle to redemption.
Last Sunday at church, my pastor said something I haven’t been able to get out of my head: “If we’re decreasing in joy, then we’re finding honor in the wrong things.” It seems that the older we get, the less joyful we become. So I asked myself, Kristen, what are you honoring these days?
I think of this as I leave space for the bittersweet components of having two — two! — kids graduating high school while not giving up my joy in this celebratory event. I will honor God’s good work in them, careful not to take too much credit for their accomplishments or too much blame for their shortcomings. I will honor God’s good plans for them, knowing His ways are smarter than mine.
How we laughed and sang for joy. And the other nations said, “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.” Yes, glorious things! What wonder! What joy!
(Psalm 126:2-3 TLB)
Just hold on, mama, and see what amazing things the Lord will do through your children. May we hold onto joy even as we acknowledge the hard in this season. The hard stuff just might offer encouraging peeks into our kids’ futures today. And tomorrow, well, it may very well make us laugh.
Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
Agreeing and amen-ing! (And I’m going to check out that link on chicken–is it a recipe??)
While I’m here, I’ll also share my “I’m gonna die” moment with a son that has turned out okay in the end: One of my guys “welcomed” a new pastor to our church by dousing him with water balloons–thrown from the church steeple. Ouch. Then, what seems like just a few years later, he was asked to serve as a deacon…alongside that same pastor. I’m absolutely certain that God has a sense of humor.
Kristen Strong says
It is, Michele! It’s a recipe of Kendra Adachi’s, and my whole family is wild for it!
Love that story, too. xo
Michele Morin says
Definitely going to try this chicken! YUM!
Jessica says
Thank you, Krysten! As a Mom of 9 & 8 year old girls plus a 5 year old boy, I really needed to hear your words of encouragement! one question- do the boys ever start liking and wearing underwear!? I can’t seem to convince my 5 yr old son that underwear is good.
Niki says
Jessica ~
I have two boys. One has worn underwear since he was potty trained. Won’t go without them. Ever. My other boy who is almost 12 prefers to be free! Always has! He is my sensory kid. Things like textures and tags bug him. I just let him go no chonz! The only time we’ve made underwear mandatory is when he is playing sports. Also, as they get older, they become more aware of modesty. Your lil guy might wear underwear at some point or he might not. 😉
Kristen Strong says
I’m so glad it encouraged you, Jessica! xo
Shelly says
Oh Kristen, you could not know how close these words hit to my heart this morning. I am in a season of trying. Every. Single. Day. With my 16 year old son. No drugs, no alcohol, so I know I’m blessed in many ways, but mercy! I am feelin’ it! Today is another day. To look at this time as you say above. To remember it’s all part of God’s plan and I do not have to sweat the “small” stuff, even when the small stuff seems overwhelming. Thank you.
Shelly
Kristen Strong says
You’re so right on: some days we are just “feelin’ it.” Yes and amen. May you soon get a good dose of less overwhelming days, Shelly. We all certainly need that. Sending love!
Kirsten says
Thank you.
Kristen Strong says
You’re welcome, Kirsten!
Pearl Allard says
Kristen, can hardly see to type this thank you…needed this so much…reaching for the Kleenex. Bless you.
Kristen Strong says
And bless you, Pearl, for taking the time to encourage me in return.
Penny says
Kristen,
This was a delight to read, thank-you for starting my day off right.
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
Anna says
Amen. Amen! God bless you for sharing this. I have 4 kids. 3 are adults 1 graduates from Highschool next year. I’ve gone back and forth with ” I didn’t do a good job” ” did I totally mess up my kids?” Etc. Praying, fasting that theyre saved and filled with the Holy Spirit that they’ll fulfill every purpose God put them here to do trusting God . .. thankyou so much for the encouragement sister.
Denise Pass says
Yes, laughter is good medicine and can sometimes help to give us perspective in the midst. 🙂 Lovely encouragement to mommas!
Kristen Strong says
Yes, laughter=perspective. Love that!
Dena Courtney says
Kristen,
This momma is looking looking to find the joy (not the sadness) in seeing my baby boy graduate HS next year! This is soooo right on time. my oldest son is a Junior that is about to be a senior and also plans to go into the Air Force! I look back on his life and see the kind of small child he was and i see how that plays into the kind of young man he is growing up to be. My oldest son, was always the kid that was the rule follower. he was the one who always wanted to do the right thing, always stood up straight, always “walked the straight and narrow” so to me it is very fitting that he wants to go into the Air national guard while a senior, then go to college while in AFROTC and enlist in the Air Force. His dream is to fly F-18’s! and i believe he can do it! Signing those Air National Guard papers while he is a Senior in HS… both makes me proud and scared… i fight back the tears of how proud of him i am as well as a little bit of fear. i put him in God’s hands and know that HE has a plan for him and will walk with him!
My youngest son, he is the one that is more of a Maverick (pun and reference to top gun and fighter jets intended), and i can see him going for that art degree…he IS his own special personality and i love his sweetness and his spontaneity! He has his interests and i work to nurture those as well and cant wait to see what God does with him in his life!
i can identify with the funny stories with my boys… as i have them for both! And my boys both love to hear them! they love the “when you were little” stories as well!
Thanks for your sweet post, as it was very timely for me! i loved it! 🙂
Dena 🙂
Kristen Strong says
Solidarity, Dena! #AirForceMoms And I also love being mama to kids with wildly different personalities. It’s wonderful to witness all the ways God moves through their individual selves.
Thanks for sharing here, Dena, and sending love to you!
Dena Courtney says
Yes, Kristen, I agree! Solidarity for sure! My son is would either love to go to Embry-Riddle or to the Air Force Academy… but he is afraid he will not even be looked at because it is so competitive! I think he could totally get in, as he is a good kid!
Also i wanted to let you know i found your blog and I subscribed! I love reading it already! 🙂 You have a new blog follower, for sure! 🙂
thanks so much for your reply, Sending hugs and a big thank you your way! 🙂
Dena
Becky Keife says
First, I’m totally going to try that chicken recipe you linked to because I could use some magic at my dinner table. 🙂 Second, I love the way you said this: ” I will honor God’s good work in them, careful not to take too much credit for their accomplishments or too much blame for their shortcomings.” Yes! Thank you, Kristen!
Kristen Strong says
Thank you, Becky. And you won’t be disappointed by Kendra’s chicken recipe!
Rebecca Jones says
The line about making Mother Teresa cuss is humorous. If people say they haven’t experienced this, are they truthful? I’ve seen plenty of kids and know how they can be. But you know I heard the older you get that you get closer to you personality. There was mean old lady at a nursing home I visited, so she must have always been mean. Trying hard to imitate Christ, well, we;ve got a way to but we are on track.
Deborah says
Hi Kristen
Thank you for sharing such a sweet story.
I’m right in the middle of the ‘ unfolding ‘ as my son is 13.
The years have flown by too fast. I want those toddler years back but then I watch some days as this little person is truly like a baby bird breaking out of his shell on his way to being that person he will grow up to be. Amazing. My heart bursts with such joy at what the future will hold for him.
I thank God every day for this gift.
God bless and thanks
Deborah
Beth Williams says
Kristen,
Thanks for sharing this. I know it encouraged many women. Raising children in today’s world is hard. Add raising good Godly children & it’s almost impossible. There is so much “worldly junk” out there tantalizing our children. Moms must pray hard & let God have His way with the children. He knows best. Unfold your hands let Him have them.
Blessings 🙂