Anyone who’d ever stayed at Bonnie’s raved about her gift for hospitality. As I set my bags down, I quickly understood why.
The guest room pulled me in like a warm hug. The bed was piled with soft pillows and blankets. A basket of beautifully wrapped toiletries rested on the nightstand. Fluffy towels were folded neatly on the chair. There was even a wrapped gift waiting for me on the bed. She had literally thought of everything.
To a young woman who’d been raised in a family that barely made ends meet, this room felt like heaven. I grew up sharing everything with my siblings: a bedroom, a closet-sized bathroom and, though I hate to admit it, even a towel. We didn’t host dinner parties or have overnight guests. And I never stayed anywhere but Grandma’s, where I shared a lumpy mattress with my sister huddled under thin blankets to stay warm.
This was my very first stay in a luxurious guest room, and as I surveyed Bonnie’s careful attention to detail, I realized I had much to learn about hospitality. So I watched her carefully and took mental notes.
Bonnie had gourmet coffee waiting for me in the morning. She fixed elaborate meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No sooner would I sit down than she’d be right there offering a magazine, snack and choice of beverage. And I couldn’t help but marvel at how there was always a coaster and place to set your drink in her immaculate, well-appointed home.
As the weekend wore on, I came to understand two things. First, hospitality was definitely a gift. And second, I would never have it.
I walked away in awe at how special I’d felt in Bonnie’s home. I was treated like royalty and was eternally grateful for her generous hospitality. But I also felt discouraged. I had a limited income, a tiny home and had never been taught to treat guests in such a genteel manner. I determined that real hospitality was best left to all the Bonnies in the world who’d been specially tapped by God to practice it.
In other words, I believed a lie.
For years I felt less than when anyone visited my home. I’d apologize to friends when all I had to offer was coffee or water. I would apologize to overnight guests that I could only offer a couch and again when the spread of food I had to offer was subpar. And almost always, I’d punctuate my apology with the statement,“I don’t have the gift of hospitality,” hoping the guest would forgive my mediocrity in light of my obvious lack of gifting in this area.
That all changed when I started really digging into what the Bible teaches about hospitality. By the examples of hospitality being shown throughout the Old and New Testaments and by the clear directives laid out to practice it, I came to a life-changing realization: Hospitality is not a spiritual gift. It is a discipline.
Sure, some people are spectacular hosts. But all believers are called to use our homes for Kingdom purposes. And weaving hospitality into the fabric of our lives doesn’t require more than what we already have to offer.
Hospitality is coffee at your kitchen counter with a friend. It is welcoming others for a simple meal. It is sleepovers for our kids and small group and inviting new faces over to get to know them. It is simply offering whatever space you call home to friends and strangers alike for encouragement, refreshment, and rest.
Learning that real hospitality isn’t for a precious few was freeing. It reframed my memory of that time at Bonnie’s and what it taught me. It wasn’t the beautiful bedroom, the fancy soaps, and the endless drinks that made me feel like royalty. It was the generous spirit of my hostess. It was that she cared enough to welcome me in and spend time with me. It was her smile and her laughter and the way she made me feel.
All Bonnie did was offer her home and time for Kingdom purposes. That is the true gift of hospitality. And it’s a gift we all can give.
Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Tammie,
Just reading the one paragraph you wrote, tells me a lot about hospitality…..”with a friend”….”welcoming others”….”new faces”….”offering refreshment and rest”. All of these put the emphasis not on us and our ability, but on others and us making ourselves available to them. I believe when we take our eyes off ourselves and focus on others, that’s when true hospitality begins. It doesn’t matter if our home is a castle or a cozy apartment, if our focus is on others and how we can welcome them and meet their needs, then we have the gift/discipline of hospitality. Great post!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Tammie @twentyshekels says
Thanks Bev! It is a lesson I wish I learned much sooner. At a minimum, it would have made the hospitality I did show much less stressful. 🙂
Michele Morin says
Tammie, thank you for this spotlight on the uniqueness of each woman in exercising that discipline of hospitality. It’s a spiritual discipline, really, and just as my prayer life and approach to Scripture is going to unfold differently from another woman’s, I need to believe that none of them are in any way Less Than. This post hits at a great time for me as I just welcomed about a dozen women into my home last evening for dinner and our monthly meeting, and it was great, but I woke up this morning with my mental checklist on full blast. And now you’ve reminded me to be thankful that I was able to extend the gift of myself to my sweet friends.
Tammie @twentyshekels says
Yeah! I hosted a Bible study at my house and when I moved an armchair to make room for more, there was a pile of dust bunnies underneath. We all laughed and laughed because if there is one thing ALL women understand, it’s that we miss the corners when cleaning sometime. Ha ha 🙂
Denise Pass says
Amen, Tammie. I love this truth – hospitality is a discipline. Hospitality is a lifestyle that draws people nearer to God. Thanks for this reminder!
Tammie @twentyshekels says
Thanks Denise! Amen!
Beth Williams says
Tammie,
Thank you for a interesting look at hospitality. Many of us believe we have to have immaculate homes, & gourmet food to do hospitality. That is not the case. Most people wouldn’t care how big/small/clean your house looks. They just want to know you care about them. Show them some encouragement & love. Fancy things don’t impress me-your love of people & God does. We can also show hospitality by visiting others & taking food or just spending time with them. Let them see God’s love flowing from you. Let’s all take our eyes off ourselves & put the spotlight on Jesus!
Blessings 🙂
Tammie @twentyshekels says
Absolutely. I try to remember that at the end of the day, my home is the Lord’s.
Dorina Lazo Gilmore says
I loved this reminder: “It is simply offering whatever space you call home to friends and strangers alike for encouragement, refreshment, and rest.” Good perspective!
Tammie @twentyshekels says
Thank you! I have to remind myself of this far too often. 🙂
Pearl Allard says
Tammie, wow. This right here: “Weaving hospitality into the fabric of our lives doesn’t require more than what we already have to offer.” The hardest part of not believing the lie that what I have to offer isn’t good enough, is when things go wrong. I remember once going out on a limb inviting some neighbors over for dinner. (A very simple dinner!) One of the neighbors found a bug in her salad greens! The neighbors took it all in stride, but I about died fearing we’d be the laughingstock of the neighborhood! Instead, I overheard them say what a great time they’d had. Trusting God with all my not-enoughness and all His enoughness to cover me is challenging!
Tammie @twentyshekels says
I’ve decided it’s a gift to your guests when something goes wrong. Because then they realize they don’t have to be perfect, either. Ha ha 🙂
Ginny Browning says
Oh Tammie, I can identify with your feelings of being treated like royalty at your friend’s home…overwhelmed and amazed.
My mother was like your friend, only she, like you, had limited finances and the little niceties. She spent many hours cleaning & freshening the room(s) for company. Bed linens and pillows were hung outside to dry in the sunshine (oh how good they smelled). Bathrooms were scrubbed from top to bottom and our floors (and baseboards) were swept and mopped.
These are the things unseen, but so important to your guests/family…cleanliness is next to Godliness ♥️
So…whatever your style of hospitality, it will honor God and welcome your guests
Tammie @twentyshekels says
Nothing beats the smell of sheets dried in the sunshine! What a great example your mom set. 🙂
Susan Shipe says
You know what Tammie? It’s everything we can do. We have one bathroom and when I invite people to stay with us? I always ask, “Can you deal with sharing a bathroom?” Sometimes the answer is no. But God knows. xo
Tammie @twentyshekels says
I can relate! I often rush past my guests when they have to use the restroom to make sure my kids flushed. The struggle is real! 🙂
Susan Shipe says
Oh dear Lord – I’m hearing you sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brenda says
Love how you emphasize, not just the offering of home, but the offering of time as well, Tammie. It’s so easy to make excuse upon excuse regarding our time, so these words are a welcome reminder. Thank you. 🙂
Beth Werner Lee says
Thanks for your insight! I’m good at hospitality but I’m struck by the words “it’s a discipline,” because I’m not always practicing it!
Laura Thomas says
Yes, yes, and yes! I used the “hospitality is not my gift” excuse for years. To me, it was blatantly obvious who WAS gifted in this area… it brought them joy and filled them right up. It was totally their thing. Only recently have I realized that 1. hospitality is a command to all rather than a gifting for select few and 2. that I have actually been hospitable over the years without even knowing it! The more I dig into this subject, the more I love it! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Rachel says
Tammie,
Thank you for sharing your open and honest thoughts. Hospitality is messy. Growing up, I always thought that the house had to be in perfect shape (almost like no one lived there haha). But now as a young twenty something I’m intent to dig into the concept of messy hospitality. Some of the most meaningful times I’ve had in people’s homes has been when they’ve opened their home, in all it’s messiness, and their hearts. I’ve come to learn that most people crave vulnerability rather than perfection, which is both scary and encouraging. Your blog post encouraged me to continue to learn how to extend this kind of transformational hospitality to people. Thank you.
Kathy Cheek, Devotions from the Heart says
There are a lot of ways to be hospitable and we will be better at it when we don’t compare ourselves to how others do it, but just open our hearts.
Rebecca Jones says
I have a little Bonnie in me, that’s always the way I wanted to treat people and be treated in return. My house guests have included children, rambunctious boys and spur of the moment birthdays and dinners. So my decorating was unappreciated by boys who are hungry every two hours, even by some people who just come to eat. But I did the things I did for myself, for my mother, most people appreciated dinner. I even had a lady come in and just recline on my couch saying there was so much peace here. I even had Bible study and lunch for a while in my mother’s house, that was a lot of work, but I enjoyed what I did, I will just use a little more wisdom, get more rest. He says to do everything in love, not matter how much or little you have.
Maryann says
I love this so much. Thank you, Tammie. “Hospitality is not a spiritual gift. It is a discipline.” This is revelation to me and life-changing.
Gina Grabenstatter says
Thank you all for sharing. Hospitality is a work in progress. In my heart I want tonwelcome friends and neighbors into my home to share in life on a closer deeper level than just the weather.
I find myself making every excuse possible and then I never follow through. I will continue to try.