As I turn my face toward the glow of the digital alarm clock, I can almost hear the seconds ticking away. I will myself not to look at the time, not wanting to know the limited hours until I must wake my son for school.
Instead of counting sheep, I talk to the Shepherd who keeps watch over them, but my thoughts are too many, too pressing, too jumbled to make sense in the unnamed hours. I silently mouth the words, “Oh, God…” and after more tossing, am finally able to slip into the abyss of sleep.
The perfectionist in me exhausts until my tank is far past empty. It is bone dry.
I wake the next morning and try to concoct a blog post, but the cursor blinks at me mockingly, flashing the seconds away as I sit without words. Why is it so hard to put text on a page?
I remember the thoughts from a recent book about how time can be our sanctuary if we let ourselves get lost in the moment, to be still in the weight of it, but right now the only thing I’m lost in is my inability to meet expectations. Mostly my own.
The laundry sits piled in the basket untouched and a list of uncompleted projects accumulates. Why can’t this mamma of two pull it together? Christ came so that I could have freedom, but I’m not free. I’m trapped in an unending chaos of motherhood, an aspiring writer trying to find balance between the pursuit of a dream and the reality of responsibility.
I abandon the computer, let the cursor win, and in the stillness of the morning I find a space to breathe. I hear the faint whisper of the Spirit calling ever so gently, “Come to me. Rest with me.” I reluctantly oblige.
Truth collides with my guilt when I open my Bible.
It falls open to the verses I so desperately need to hear, penetrating this stubborn vat of idealism which always leaves me hollow.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I’m struck with the simplicity of it. He never intended for me to be perfect. His power rests on me when I say, “God, I am worn out. I am a mess. Please give me the strength I lack.”
Freedom in Christ comes when I relinquish my need for perfection and rest in Him.
By holding myself to a standard only Christ can attain, I am simply fooling myself. When I let Him fill the spaces and the shortcomings with the glory that is His, and only His, I find rest. Sweet, soul-quenching rest.
So today, I’m making a promise to myself, which I may need to make again tomorrow. To not let myself be burdened any longer to the yoke of perfection. If I could attain this lofty standard, Christ would never have come.
For the sake of weary perfectionists everywhere, I’m so glad He did.
Leave a Comment
Bola and Deborah Osikoya says
We wonder, if there could be more encouragement than these, from your personal encounter, otherwise, we have nailed ourselves on another cross as failures. But, now, that we are reminded that ‘The Glory’ belongs to Him, only Him! we will allow Him, as He wills. Thank you for setting us at liberty at the original CROSS, The Old Rugged Cross!!!
Abby McDonald says
I so glad to hear you were encouraged by it, Bola, and I agree. I’m so grateful for His grace. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Beth says
So beautifully written, Abby. I loved how you acknowledge that the promise you make to yourself may be one you need to make again tomorrow. It reminds me of how His mercies are new every morning. It’s wonderful to see you sharing here.
Much love,
Beth
Abby McDonald says
Yes, it is definitely something I have to remind myself often. 😉 I love that verse and it’s one I go back to often. Thank you, Beth.
Marty says
This: “By holding myself to a standard only Christ can attain, I am simply fooling myself.”
And this: “If I could attain this lofty standard, Christ would never have come.”
That’s all. 🙂
Thank you for sharing! These words ministered to me this morning!
Abby McDonald says
That is so encouraging to hear, Marty. It’s funny how we fool ourselves sometimes. It’s only by his Spirit that we can truly live. Thank you for sharing your comments.
Melanie says
Such encouraging words for me this morning. Beautifully written. I see myself in your words. I am also finding I experience so much peace, when I just rest in Him and turn off everything else around me.
Abby McDonald says
Yes, turn everything else off. Exactly. So much easier said than done but when I can find that space of quiet, I experience his peace. Thank you for YOUR encouraging words, Melanie.
Katie @ Pick Any Two says
These words have really touched me this morning, too, Abby. I also struggle with perfectionism and holding myself to impossibly high standards, and yet now I’m realizing that by doing that, I am 1) failing to acknowledge that Jesus is the only one who can meet those standards, and 2) robbing myself of the glorious rest he offers me each day. Today I will take a moment to let that sweet reality sink in.
Abby McDonald says
It’s true that it does rob us of joy, Katie. My prayer for us both today is that we will rest in Him and know that his grace is sufficient! There is sweet freedom found there.
Kelly Blackwell says
Such a beautiful post, Abby. My heart has so often sat in this place of trying to measure not just up but far beyond what God’s plan is for me in this moment. He is pleased and I am perfect in his sight. Seeing myself as the Lord sees me and loving myself in that way is what I strive for now. Thank you for your post. What a gift it is.
Abby McDonald says
I have been there oh so many times when I have done the same, Kelly, and it’s only in Him that I find truth and rest. Thank you for your kind words today.
Ali says
I was on the same wavelength this morning, thinking and writing on my blog about the way we compare ourselves to others to try to be perfect like them. I love the truth of Hebrews 12:1-2 where we are told to look to Jesus, not to everyone else as we perform.
Abby McDonald says
Oh yes, comparison is another one I struggle with often. Thank you for sharing, Ali, and I look forward to reading your post. I love those verses from Hebrews, too.
kimmie says
I see myself in this post. We went on a family vacation where I didn’t have to think about that list of things that makes me so tired day after day. I’ve been trying to stop and really think about the things I stress about since we got back. The stress that gets me everyday over the tiniest things that probably don’t deserve that piece of me.
Abby McDonald says
It’s amazing how a vacation can really let us clear our minds, isn’t it? I love that you are reflecting on the things that make you stress so you can leave it in God’s hands. Thank you for sharing.
Kasey Hanson says
Beautiful, Abby. I am so glad you ended with the reminder that we will have to choose rest again tomorrow. So simple, but not always easy. Thank you for your honest encouragement!
Abby McDonald says
Yes, it was important for me to add that it is a daily decision. 😉 I must lay the burden down before him each and every day. Sometimes every hour… Thanks so much for your encouragement today, Kasey. You are a blessing.
Holley Gerth says
Such wise and beautiful words, Abby. I needed this reminder today. Thank you!
Abby McDonald says
Thank you, Holley! I need it often and am grateful for the truth his Word provides. 🙂
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
Beautifully put, Abby!
Abby McDonald says
Thank you, Suzie! This message is close to my heart.
Dennyse Breter says
Hi Abby, I will try to remember some of what I said. This is a message we all need to hear. It is difficult to do. I saw a church sign recently that I like. It said, “God wants to reign on your parade.” I usually have an agenda to follow and I dislike disruptions or interruptions that pull me away from my schedule. I just try to remember that God may have sent the interruption and try to see what He has in it for me. We can only have peace when submit to Him and let Him guide our day. I know that your days are not easy, but I pray that God will allow you to achieve your dream of writing. You definitely have something to say that’s worth hearing. Love, Mom
Abby McDonald says
That’s a great sign. I will have to remember it. It isn’t easy for me either but I’m a work in progress. 😉 Love you and looking forward to seeing you all in a couple of weeks.
Carmen says
Oh so helpful for the perfectionist in me! I saw my struggle in your words. Wonderfully written.
Abby McDonald says
Thank you, Carmen. This lesson is one I have to go back to often, as I mentioned, because it’s so ingrained in me. I’m so grateful for the true rest I DO find when I trust in Him.
mommashopper says
GREAT stuff..thankyou..true,many of us Christian woman struggle with being perfect and it comes out totally bad..we snap at others and are a mess ourselves and don’t reflect one bit of who Christ is..gentle with grace and strong to handle our messy lives.My very dear friend is always on the go..having to be perfect can really fill up ones day..perfect house,organizing this and that..perfect lives and yet no time for Christ and no time to maintain her friendships.and sadly friends are falling away because we should be more important then an organized basement ..I pray for those still trapped in the chains of perfection and that freedom falls on them ! God has given SO much so we can be free..lets make the choice to live it out.(labelled organized cubes for toys can wait )
Abby McDonald says
Oh, yes! I gave up trying to keep my boys’ bins organized. 😉 They don’t stay that way! Thank you for sharing your kind words and thoughts today.
Marisa Slusarcyk says
Powerful and true words, friend. God keeps us on his clock, I love it!
Abby McDonald says
Yes, it’s often hard for me to understand that God is not subject to time. Oh, how I long for that sometimes! 😉 Thank you for your encouragement today, Marisa.
Meredith Bernard says
Abby, your words are always an encouragement and today you again have not disappointed. We are in this same boat together trying to keep it all balanced and from tipping over. Thank you for the reminder that it’s all about and up to Christ to see us through, but I’m happy to be in it with you! So proud of you and excited to see you in this beautiful space…xoxo, Meredith
Abby McDonald says
Thank you, Meredith! I am so glad I am not on this journey alone, and grateful for the freedom that is only found in Christ. He never fails.
Sabra Penley says
Abby, how this message speaks to my heart! A recovering perfectionist myself, I constantly need to be reminded that God wants us to rest in Him…in His ability, in His timing, in His strength. And I am so thankful that when that blinking cursor is shouting at me and my mind is blank, I can just turn to Him and say, “Speak to me, Lord.” The words may not come right away, but come they do…in His way, in His time. Great post, Abby! Thanks!
Abby McDonald says
It is comforting to know I am not the only one whose cursor shouts at me, Sabra! 😉 And yes, the words do come in His timing, which is always perfect. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouragement here. You are a blessing.
Katie Reid says
Abby! So good to see you over here. Loved your post- spoke straight to my heart. Keep writing!
Abby McDonald says
I love hearing that it spoke to your heart, Katie. That’s right where it came from. Thank you so much for your kind words!
Shauna says
Thank you for sharing this. This seems to be a recurring theme for me right now. It is difficult to find the blessing in the midst of the strife and stresss that is swirling around me. I always want to “fix it”, but am slowly realizing that may not be what God wants me to do.
Abby McDonald says
That is so true, Shauna. I also struggle with the desire to swoop in and fix things, but sometimes we just have to leave it in God’s hands. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I’m praying that we both have the wisdom to know when God wants us to stand back and leave the situation to Him.
Beth WIlliams says
Abby,
Your words are aptly put. They resonate with me. The phrase “pursuit of a dream and the reality of responsibility” fits me to a tee right now. It has been a hard, tough year for me. I have had to deal with various issues of an aging parent. For a bit I have wanted to change/quit my job. The reality of life is such that it wasn’t possible just yet. God has a different time schedule than me. To add to my stress my hubby got iffy job news that has turned out good.
I think Christ is testing my hubby and I to see how we handle all this. My solution is to pray hard, long and often about it and for others to. Once I take my focus off myself I can gain perspective. Now I am longing for rest and spiritual whitespace to be with Him!
Abby McDonald says
Beth, thank you for sharing your experience with me. Taking the focus off ourselves, as you put it so well, is key. It is my daily prayer. I’ll be praying for you as we both continue to pursue our dreams in God’s perfect timing. Finding balance is difficult, but with God’s strength, we can do it. 🙂
Doris Swift says
Abby, this is beautiful and encouraging! I have struggled with many of the things you mentioned in this post. The cursor and I have had it out a few times lately. Thank you for the transparency you shared with all of us. In Christ alone 🙂
Abby McDonald says
Doris, you are a blessing and thank you for making me smile. As I once heard Lysa TerKeurst say, “There is a reason they call it a cursor.” Amen to that! Yes, in Christ alone I can stand. The more I remember that, the better I am. 😉
Rachel Q @ TrippingOverTypeset says
So great, Abby! You are doing a great job of balancing that life of kids and writing! So proud of you!
Abby McDonald says
Thank you so much for your encouragement, Rachel! It is easier some days than others, for sure, but God is so faithful and He carries me when I am weary. I hope the rest of your weekend is wonderful.