In the deepest part of my soul lies a dichotomy. Scar tissue gaping from fresh wounds in the same place where beauty is emerging. Pain mixed with kindness.
Isn’t that where grace flows? Splintered wood, spilt blood, love poured out.
Years of my life have been soiled with an injured heart turning inward to a dark cloak of isolation, self-pity.
But something is shifting in the layers of pumping flesh — a metamorphosis is taking place as my cocoon of fear and shame has burst open. A flutter, as the Father gently guides me to press into discomfort, risking vulnerability in spite of heartache.
What does authentic grace-filled community look like? I’m not completely sure, but His Word and my heart’s desire unfurl this path:
Authentic community is safe.
Safe community involves guarding one another in love — each person’s story sacred, an interweaving of their life into the bigger redemptive theme of God’s story.
As iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17, Hebrews 4:12), safe community involves diving into God’s Word to edify and hone one another, calling each other to more. This also involves battling for one another against evil.
Safe relationships involve grace — forgiving one another and overlooking offenses as we hold tightly to the One and only perfect Savior (Colossians 3:13).
Often the safety net of community involves speaking truth in love, which may wound (Proverbs 27:6); however, the love for one another seeps to the root of Christ. He is the focus. Always.
There is freedom to love, repent, pray, and fight for one another because safe community believes the best about each other and builds up (Ephesians 4:25). Just as Aaron and Hur held up the arms of Moses, safe community involves holding up the arms of one another. Real community bears each other’s burdens and endures (Galatians 6:2).
Authentic community is vulnerable.
Vulnerability involves strength and a willingness to be wounded for a greater purpose — personal spiritual growth and the good of others.
The foundation of trust and safety first lies in our standing of who we are in Christ. This, along with safe community, should create a space which grants freedom to take off our masks, becoming vulnerable to share our brokenness and sin (James 5:16).
We are able to give ourselves to others because He loved us first (1 John 4:19).
Authentic community is life-giving.
A community that is life-giving leaves us with hope.
Like stepping outdoors on a gorgeous spring day, our lungs filled to capacity with fresh sun-kissed air, life-giving relationships fill our spirits with kindness, hope, and a deep longing for the Father.
I think of a lavish dinner a girlfriend recently blessed me with. Surrounded by china and the light of candles, our conversation flowed with the flavorful seasoning of laughter, sorrow, and hope.
It was glorious and worshipful. It was a night that was life-giving.
Authentic community is restful.
Restful community is equivalent to wearing your most cozy pajamas. You don’t care if you’re not wearing make-up or if there are holes in your shirt.
Rest happens with friends who love you deeply, those who truly know you and choose you. Whether you are curled up with a cup of coffee overlooking the lake on a girl’s weekend or hovering over mounds of plastic toddler toys on a playdate, you experience deep soul rest and more of the Father.
Authentic community is, in fact, a taste of heaven.
Rest also requires the willingness to give and receive — a humble reliance on the Spirit to work through others for our good and for personal spiritual growth.
The more we exercise our muscles in safe, vulnerable, life-giving, and restful community, the more we can experience the grace, love, and kindness of a Father who desires to give us good gifts (James 1:17).
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Related: For a beautiful reminder of the kind of community we want to create, hang this wall art where you’ll walk past it every day and remember To Act Justly and To Love Mercy ~ (in)mercy 16 x 20 Poster.
Leave a Comment
sheri says
how beautiful, thank u for your encouraging words. RESTFULL is something Iam learning to find through OUR FATHER, and trusting the friends HE has put in my life. what a great way to think of the times we are resting in our friends! my small group from church is my RESTFULL time and you have just made me realize it, Thank you for that and GOD BLESS YOU.
Maria Elena says
Dearest Emily:
This post is sheer genius! What you’re saying is so true and Biblical…Jesus said that the disciple is not above the Master. I understand that statement to mean that we are no better than Jesus, and if He often felt the need to go be alone, why should we think we’re above that?! Certainly Jesus knew more than anyone the great needs all around Him, and what needed to get done. But He knew the value of taking time alone with His Father and learn to choose not the good will of God, but the best will of God.
I would also like to commend you in your beautiful and effective style of writing. You go “down home” where we live. I can relate to your experience because I did the same with knitting. My Sister-in-love and her Mom were excellent at knitting and crocheting, so when I learned my husband and I were expecting our first baby, I gave knitting a try. Nine months later, i had this loooooong pastel looking “thing,” which would’ve served as a lovely scarve if I was giving birth to a baby elephant!
Melanie Singleton says
Oh yes Sheri, such a blessing to find a place to be ourselves and REST with friends. Soul rest.
TAMMY HALL says
You painted a beautiful picture of authentic community. Thanks for sharing this. Women are in desperate need for this in the world we live in today.
Melanie Singleton says
Tammy, thank you for your words. We need each other. So grateful for His grace through community.
Jessica Stinson says
Thank you for these beautiful words, Melanie!
Melanie Singleton says
Thank you Jessica!
Inspired Life says
Melanie,
I’ve always encouraged the ladies in my community to be open, transparent, vulnerable. Well it was only in 2014 that I gave myself permission to do the same. It was/is quite freeing and I’ve received some hugs filled with love, some sisters to wipe my tears, some words of encouragement and a freeing in my spirit.
Melanie Singleton says
Truly it is freeing- the vulnerable part is so hard for me- letting others and allow them to love me where I am, but what beauty when it happens.
Susan G. says
This is beautifully written. I pray the church is learning to be His Church. Love serving our women’s small group bible study…we are slowly getting there.
Thank you and may God bless you as you bless others!
Melanie Singleton says
Susan, it surely takes time getting there, which is wise. Thank you for investing in women’s lives and calling them to more.
Jen Ferguson says
Yes! I so agree with all of this and it’s my heart for the SDG community!
Melanie Singleton says
Jen, the exact reason my heart adores SDG. Freedom to share authentically. Such a special place.
Beth Williams says
Melanie,
Women need authentic, loving, caring community!! We need to be there for each other, pray and carry each one’s burdens. Life is tough enough with all the stresses. Community needs to be non judgmental and encouraging. We should point people to Christ–In the end we need to be trustful. I pray that people find this blog a safe haven to share their hurts, ups, down and good times in life. I want to be one who prays for people and doesn’t judge, but loves as Christ loves!!
Blessings 🙂
Melanie Singleton says
Amen Beth! Well said.